“Stop, Letty. I’m the last person you should be telling this to. In fact, I don’t want to hear any of it,” Chase shouted. He clenched his fists in impotent rage, hating the man who’d used and deceived Letty like this.
“It hurts to talk about it, but I feel I have to. I want you to know that—”
“Whatever you have to say doesn’t matter anymore.”
“But, Chase, it does, because as difficult as you may find this to believe, I’ve always loved you…as much then as I do now.”
“Why didn’t you come home when you found out you were pregnant?”
“How could I have? Pregnant and a failure, too. Everyone expected me to make a name for Red Springs. I was so ashamed, so unhappy, and there was nowhere to go.”
She turned away and Chase saw her wipe the tears from her eyes. He ached to hold and comfort her, his heart heavy with her grief, but he refused to make himself vulnerable to her again. She spoke of loving him, but she didn’t mean it. She couldn’t, not when there was someone else in her life.
“What changed your mind?” he asked. “What made you decide to come back now?”
Several minutes passed, far longer than necessary to answer a simple question. Obviously something had happened that had brought her running back to the Bar E when she’d managed to stay away all those years. Something traumatic.
“I suppose it was a matter of accepting defeat,” she finally said. “In the years after Cricket’s birth, the determination to succeed as a singer left me. I dabbled in the industry, but mainly I did temp work. As the years passed, I couldn’t feel ashamed of Cricket. She’s the joy of my life.”
“But it took you nine years, Letty. Nine years.”
She looked up at him, her eyes filled with pain, clearly revealed in the moonlight that seemed as bright as day.
The anger was still with him. The senselessness of it all—a dream that had ruined their lives. And for what? “I loved you once,” he said starkly, “but I don’t now, and I doubt I ever will again. You taught me that the only thing love brings is heartache.”
She lowered her head and he saw new tears.
“I could hate you for the things you’ve done,” he said in a low, angry voice.
“I think you do,” she whispered.
Chase hadn’t known what to expect, but it wasn’t this calm, almost humble acceptance of his resentment.
Maybe the proud, confident Letty was gone forever, but he couldn’t believe that was true. Every once in a while, he saw flashes of the old Letty. Just enough to give him hope.
“I don’t hate you, Letty,” he murmured in a tormented whisper. “I wish I could, but I can’t…I can’t.”
Chase intended to kiss her once, then release her and send her back to the house. It was late, and they both had to get up early. But their kiss sparked, then caught fire, leaping to sudden brilliance. She sighed, and the sound was so soft, so exciting, that Chase knew he was lost even before he pressed her against the cool, fragrant grass.
Lying down beside her, Chase felt helpless, caught in a maze of love and desire. He tried to slow his breathing, gain control of his senses, but it was impossible, especially when Letty raised her hand and stroked his shoulders through the fabric of his shirt, then glided her fingers around to his back.
Chase felt engulfed by his love for her, lost, drowning, and it didn’t matter, nothing did, except the warm feeling of her beside him, longing for him as desperately as he longed for her.
Again and again he kissed her, and when he paused to collect his senses, she eased her hand around his neck and gently brought his mouth back to hers.
Their need for each other was urgent. Fierce. Chase couldn’t get enough of her. He kissed her eyes, her cheeks, her forehead and tenderly nuzzled her throat.
Eventually he released her and she sagged breathlessly against him. No other woman affected him the way Letty did. Why her? Of all the women in the world, why did he have to love her? For years she’d rewarded his loyalty with nothing but pain.
But it wasn’t distress he was feeling now. The pleasure she brought him was so intense he wanted to cry out with it. He kissed her and her soft, gasping breaths mingled with his own. Chase was shaking and he couldn’t seem to stop—shaking with anticipation and desire, shaking with the resolve not to make love to her, not to claim her completely, because once he did, he’d never be able to let her go. He wanted her, but he needed her to love him as much as he loved her. A love that came from their hearts and minds—not just the passionate dictates of their bodies.
His jaw tight with restraint, he closed his hands around hers and gently lifted her away from him.
“Chase?” she whispered, perplexed.
If she was confused, it was nothing compared to the emotions churning inside him. He’d always loved her, still did, yet he was turning her away again, and it was agonizing. She wanted him, and she’d let him know that. But he wouldn’t make love to her. Not now.
“Letty…no.”
She bowed her head. “You…don’t want to make love to me?” she whispered tremulously. “Just one time…”
“No,” he told her bluntly. “It wouldn’t be enough.”
He stroked her hair and kissed her gently. Then he realized the true significance of what she’d said. She only wanted him to love her one time. “You’re going away, aren’t you, Letty?” He felt her tense in his arms before her startled gaze found his.
“Who told you?”
Without responding, he pushed her away from him and stood.
“Chase?”
“No one told me,” he said, the love and tenderness he felt evaporating in the heat of her betrayal. “I guessed.”
Nine
“W hat happened with you and Letty last night?” Lonny asked Chase early the next morning. They’d planned on repairing the fence that separated their property lines.
“What’s between Letty and me is none of your business.”
Lonny paused to consider this while rubbing the side of his jaw. “Normally I’d agree with you, but my sister looked really bad this morning. To be honest, I haven’t been particularly pleased with her myself lately.”
Lonny followed him to the pile of split cedar fence posts. “When Cricket mentioned Letty meeting some man in Red Springs,” he continued, “I was madder ’n anything. But after all the fuss I made about her interfering in my life, I didn’t think I had the right to ask her a whole lot of questions.”
“Then why start with me now?” After that, Chase ignored his friend and loaded the posts into the back of his pickup. His mood hadn’t improved since he’d left Letty only a few hours ago.
“I’m sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong because you’re the best friend I’ve got.”
“Then let’s keep it that way.” Chase wiped the perspiration from his brow, then went back to heaving posts, still trying to pretend Lonny hadn’t introduced the subject of his sister.
“You’re as bad as she is,” Lonny shouted.
“Maybe I am.”
Lonny jerked on his gloves and walked toward the pile of wood. He pulled one long piece free, balanced it on his shoulder and headed toward the truck.
“I don’t think she slept all night,” Lonny muttered.
It was difficult for Chase to feel any sympathy when he hadn’t, either.
“I got downstairs this morning and she was sitting in the kitchen, staring into space. I swear there were enough damp tissues on that table to insulate the attic.”
“What makes you think I had anything to do with Letty crying?”
“Because she more or less told me so—well, less rather than more,” Lonny muttered, shaking his head. “She wouldn’t say a word at first, mind you—she’s as tight-lipped as you are, but harder to reason with, Letty being a woman and all.”
“Listen, if your sister wants to shed a few tears, that’s her concern. Not mine. Not yours. Understand?”
Lonny tipped back the rim of his hat. “Can??
?t say I do. Look, Chase, I know you’re furious at me for butting in, and I don’t blame you. But the least you can do is hear me out.”
“I’m a busy man, Lonny, and I’d appreciate it if you kept your thoughts to yourself.”
Lonny disregarded his suggestion. “Like I said, I don’t know what happened between you, but—”
“How many times do I have to tell you? It’s none of your business.”
“It is if it’s hurting my sister,” Lonny said darkly. “And she’s hurting plenty.”
“That’s her problem.” Chase had to take care of himself, protect his own heart; he couldn’t worry about hers, or so he told himself.
“Why don’t you talk to her?” Lonny was saying.
“What do you expect me to say? Are you going to tell me that, too? I respect you, Lonny, but I’m telling you right now to butt out. What’s between Letty and me doesn’t have anything to do with you.” It would be a shame to ruin a lifetime friendship because of Letty, but Chase wasn’t about to let Lonny Ellison direct his actions toward her.
They worked together for the next few hours without exchanging another word. Neither seemed willing to break the icy silence. They were repairing the fence, replacing the rotting posts with new ones. Normally, a day like that was an opportunity to joke and have a little fun. Today, it seemed, they could barely tolerate each other.
“I’m worried about her,” Lonny said when they broke for lunch. He stared at his roast beef sandwich, then took a huge bite, quickly followed by another.
Chase sighed loudly. “Are you back to talking about Letty again?” Although she hadn’t left his mind for an instant, he didn’t want to discuss her.
“I can’t help it!” Lonny shouted as he leaped to his feet and threw the remains of his lunch on the ground with such force that bits of apple flew in several directions. “Be mad at me if you want, Chase. Knock me down if it’ll make you feel better. But I can’t let you do this to Letty. She’s been hurt enough.”
“That isn’t my fault!”
“I’ve never seen her like this—as if all the life’s gone out of her. She sits and stares into space with a look that’s so pathetic it rips your heart out. Cricket started talking to her this morning and she hardly noticed. You know that’s not like Letty.”
“She’s leaving,” Chase shouted, slamming his own lunch against the tree. “Just like she did before—she’s walking away. It nearly destroyed me the first time, and I’m not letting her do that to me again.”
“Leaving?” Lonny cried. “What do you mean? Did she tell you that herself?”
“Not exactly. I guessed.”
“Well, it’s news to me. She enrolled Cricket in kindergarten the other day. That doesn’t sound like she’s planning to move.”
“But…” Chase’s thoughts were in chaos. He’d assumed that Letty would be leaving; she’d certainly given him that impression. In fact, she’d said so—hadn’t she?
“Would it be so difficult to ask her directly?” Lonny said. “We’ve repaired all the fence we’re going to manage today. Come to the house and ask her point-blank. Letty doesn’t lie. If she’s planning to leave Red Springs, she’ll admit it.”
Chase expelled his breath forcefully. He might as well ask her, since Lonny wasn’t going to quit bugging him until he did. And yet…
“Will you do that, at least?” Lonny urged.
“I…” Indecision tore at Chase. He didn’t want any contact with Letty; he was still reeling from their last encounter. But he’d never seen Lonny behave like this. He was obviously worried about Letty. It wasn’t typical of Lonny to get involved in another man’s business and that alone was a more convincing argument than anything he’d said.
“You’re driving me back to the house, aren’t you?” Lonny asked matter-of-factly.
“What about Destiny?”
“I’ll pick him up later.”
Lonny said this casually, as if he often left his horse at Spring Valley. As far as Chase could remember, he’d never done so in all the years they’d been friends and neighbors.
“All right, I’ll ask her,” Chase agreed, but reluctantly. He’d do it, if for nothing more than to appease Lonny, although Chase wanted this issue with Letty cleared up. From what he remembered, she’d made her intentions obvious. Yet why she’d enrolled Cricket in kindergarten—which was several months away—was beyond him. It didn’t make sense.
Lonny muttered something under his breath as he climbed into the cab of the truck.
The first thing Chase noticed when he rolled into the yard at Lonny’s place was that his friend’s battered pickup was missing. He waited outside while Lonny hurried into the kitchen.
“She’s not here,” Lonny said when he returned, holding a note. “She’s gone into town to see Joy Fuller.”
Chase frowned. Now that he’d made the decision to confront Letty, he was disappointed about the delay. “I’ll ask her another time,” he said.
“No.” Lonny had apparently sensed Chase’s frustration. “I mean…I don’t think it would do any harm to drive to Joy’s. I’ve been wanting to talk to her, anyway, and this business with Letty gives me an excuse.”
“You told me it was completely over. What possible reason could you have to talk to her?”
Lonny was already in the truck. Chase couldn’t help noticing the color that tinged his face. “I might’ve been a bit…hasty. She might not have a sense of humor, but if Letty thinks she’s okay, maybe I should give her another chance.”
“Well, she is cute. But does she want to give you another chance?”
Lonny swallowed and glanced out the window. He didn’t answer Chase’s question—but then, how could he? Whether or not Joy would be willing to get involved with him again was debatable. Chase suspected Lonny was a lot more interested in Joy than he’d let on; he also suspected Joy might not feel quite the same way.
“Take a right at the next corner,” Lonny said as they entered town. “Her house is the first one on the left.”
Chase parked under the row of elms. “I’ll wait here,” he said abruptly.
Lonny got out of the truck and hesitated before he shut the door. “That might not be such a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“Well, I’m not sure if Joy’s going to talk to me. And what about Letty? Don’t you want to see her?”
Chase sighed. Now that he’d had time to think about it, running into town to find Letty wasn’t that brilliant a plan.
“Come with me, okay?” Lonny said. “That way Joy might not throw me out the second she sees me.”
Sighing loudly, Chase left the truck, none too pleased by any of this. He accompanied Lonny to Joy Fuller’s door and watched in surprise as Lonny licked his fingertips and smoothed down the sides of his hair before ringing the bell. It was all Chase could do not to comment.
Cricket answered the door. “Hi, Uncle Lonny. Hi, Chase.” She whirled around and shouted over her shoulder. “Joy, it’s my uncle Lonny and Chase! You remember Chase, don’t you? He’s my very best friend in the whole world.” Then she ran back into the house.
A minute or so passed before Joy came to the door, Cricket on her heels.
“Yes?” she said stiffly.
She wore a frilly apron tied around her waist, and traces of flour dusted her nose. She’d obviously been baking, and knowing Cricket, it was probably chocolate chip cookies.
Lonny jerked the hat from his head. “We were wondering…me and Chase, my neighbor here, if it would be convenient to take a moment of your time.”
Chase had never heard his friend more tongue-tied. Lonny made it sound as though they were old-fashioned snake oil salesmen, come to pawn their wares.
“We can’t seem to talk to each other without yelling, Mr. Ellison,” Joy returned. Her hands were neatly clasped in front of her, and her gaze was focused somewhere in the distance.
“I’d like to talk to Letty,” Chase said. The way things were going, it could be anoth
er half hour before anyone learned the reason for their visit. Not that he actually knew what his friend planned to say to Joy—or if Lonny had even figured it out himself.
“Mommy’s gone,” Cricket piped up.
“She left a few minutes ago,” Joy explained.
“Did she say where she was going?”
“No…but I’m sure you can catch her if it’s important.”
“Go, man,” Lonny said, poking his elbow into Chase’s ribs. “I’ll stay here—that is, if Miss Fuller has no objections.”
“Ms. Fuller,” Joy corrected, her eyes narrowing.
“Ms. Fuller,” Lonny echoed.
“You can stay, but only if you promise you won’t insult me in my own home. Because I’m telling you right now, Lonny Ellison, I won’t put up with it.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“That may not be good enough,” she said ominously.
“Which way did Letty go?” Chase demanded, decidedly impatient with the pair.
“Toward downtown,” Joy said, pointing west. “You shouldn’t have any trouble finding her. She’s driving that piece of junk Mr. Ellison seems so fond of.”
For a moment Lonny looked as if he’d swallowed a grapefruit. His face flamed red, he swallowed hard and it was obvious he was doing everything in his power not to let loose with a blistering response. His efforts were promptly rewarded with a smile from Joy.
“Very good, Mr. Ellison. You’ve passed the test.” She stepped aside to let him enter.
“I won’t be long,” Chase told them.
Lonny repeatedly twisted the brim of his hat. “Take your time,” he muttered. “But go!”
Chase didn’t need any more incentive and ran toward his pickup. As soon as the engine roared to life, he shifted gears and swerved out into the traffic, such as it was.
Red Springs’s main street was lined with small businesses that had diagonal parking in front. Chase could determine at a single glance that Lonny’s truck wasn’t in sight. He drove the full length of the town and down a couple of side streets, but she wasn’t there, either.
Mystified, he parked and stood outside his truck, looking down Main Street in both directions. Where could she possibly have gone?