A beam of weak sunlight coasted through the grimy window pane above his head. The boat rocked and creaked like a large sick animal limping along uneven ground. He stared at me. “If I say it now, the element of surprise has sort of been screwed.”
“Forget it. Everything is a joke to you. I’m obviously a big part of that joke.” I spun around and stomped out to the living room. My dress was cold and damp and smelled like dirty sea water. I threw it back on the ground. “Fucking shit,” I sobbed.
The floor planks creaked behind me. He’d pulled on a pair of jeans but hadn’t taken the time to button them. “What about the other guy?”
His question confused me at first but then I remembered my little white lie. “There’s no one else. I left here with a lead-filled heart, too heavy to hand to someone else.”
There was a glimmer of relief in his expression. “My mom spent years with a man who kept her from living a real life. I know she always wanted to become a teacher, but it never happened because of my dad. I never wanted you to go, Cassie. But I don’t want to stop you from reaching your dream. I don’t want to be that guy who made you regret that you chose him over the life you dreamt of.”
I lifted my finger and shook my head. “No, you don’t get to use your dad as an excuse for this. If you really wanted me to stay, you would have asked.”
He leaned against the back to the couch and crossed his arms. He always kept his temper in check around me. It was something that he made sure of. I’d seen him lose it with a guy who’d put his hands on me once. He’d nearly knocked the guy clear across the room in a fit of rage that had scared the crap out of me, but he never lost it with me. Never. He kept it in control no matter how angry he was feeling, but, today, for once, I think I would have preferred to see it. I needed some emotion even if it was fury, something to let me know that this was eating him up as much as it was destroying me.
He looked over at me, and, for a second, I was sure I’d caught a flicker of emotion. It was more pain than anger but it was there. “Stay then, Cassie. If you think you can stay and never have any regrets about it, then stay. But whatever you do, don’t keep coming back and then leaving because I can’t fucking take that, Cass. I can’t fucking take it.”
A heavy sick feeling pressed against my chest as he stared at me across the room. I pulled off his t-shirt. Then I picked up my dress and pulled it over my head. The fabric felt as cold and clammy as my heart. My boots were soaked but I slid them on. Dray sat as still and grim as a statue in a park as he watched me dress. I was sobbing by the time I reached the cabin door, but he made no move to stop me. His weak plea to have me stay was almost worse than no plea at all. The word regrets played over and over again in my head as I ran awkwardly down the dock in wet boots. I needed to stop fooling myself and get on with my life.
Chapter 10
Dray
The wraps I had for fighting had a convenient thumb loop that made the job easy. Wrapping your own hand tightly without the loop was impossible, and after the third try I balled up the long bandage and tossed it onto the deck chair.
The tide was calm and the breeze was so light it barely had the strength to move the flag standing at the end of the pier. I’d woken up the day after Cassie left feeling as if someone had filled my body with sand. I’d let her walk away. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done. She had wanted me to beg. The irony of that was that inside my head, inside my chest I was begging. I just didn’t want to be the one to stop her from going. I knew the decision would come with layers of regret on her part, and I would have to live with myself knowing that I’d caused it. We’d spent a short, passionate afternoon in each other’s arms, and everything about it had seemed the way it should be. But it had been so fleeting and unexpected, I had a hard time convincing myself it had actually happened.
The distinctive rumble of Clutch’s Chevelle rolled up from the marina parking lot. Even though street fairs weren’t really my thing, I was looking forward to spending time with my friends. Loneliness had a tendency to seep deep into my bones when I spent too much time thinking about things. I’d spent two endless days with my mom helping her pack up stuff she wanted to ship back to Florida. Each day was a long gripe session about her life with Dad as if I hadn’t actually been there to experience every fucked up minute. After the second day of lifting boxes and moving shit, my hand hurt worse than ever, and it occurred to me that while everyone else had noticed my broken hand, my mom had never noticed it or if she had she’d been too busy feeling sorry for herself to say anything.
Taylor and Scotlyn reached the boat first. Taylor had her thick copper hair braided down her back and Scotlyn’s long blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail. They could light up any dreary morning.
“The guys will be here in a second.” Taylor hopped on deck. “Clutch was showing Nix some new silver thingamajiggy he added to the engine.”
“Clutch does love his thingamajiggies.” I walked over and picked up the bandage from my chair. “Nurse Scottie, do you think you could wrap my hand?”
Scotlyn looked down at my hand and scrunched up her tiny nose. “It looks worse than ever, Dray. What happened?”
“Just a little more bruising, is all. I knocked it—” I paused. “I just haven’t been taking good care of it. But I’ll start, I promise.”
Scotlyn nodded and the expression on her face assured me she’d talked to Cassie. “How’s your head?” she asked quietly.
“The same as always, like a bowl of mashed potatoes.”
Nix arrived at the Lucy and glanced up the dock toward Clutch. “Watch out for—”
His warning was interrupted by a snarling yapping sound. Just like Bill at the shipyard, the near death experience had done nothing for the dog’s annoying personality. Clutch nearly fell over the side of the dock in his attempt to avoid the little ball of fury. “Sonavabitch,” he grumbled as he took three long strides and reached the Lucy.
Scotlyn and Taylor fell together in laughter.
Nix looked over the side at Pete who had not given up on his quest for ankle skin. “Did you hear that Pete? He called you a sonavabitch.” Nix turned back to Clutch. “Pete says, ‘yeah I am and what of it?’”
Scotlyn wiped tears from her eyes as she tried to compose herself. Barely able to catch her breath, she motioned for me to hold out my hand. She fingered the back of it. “My gosh, Dray, you should really see a doctor.”
“I’d rather have very hot Nurse Scottie tend to it.”
“I’m not a nurse yet,” she corrected.
“Just wrap it really tight. It helps keep the bones from slipping past each other. It hurts like hell when that happens.”
She bit her bottom lip as she gently tossed the fabric around my hand. “I’m scared I’m going to hurt you.”
Nix looked over my shoulder. “Don’t think you can hurt it much more than it already is. Seriously, Dude, if you need some money to see a doctor—”
“The wrap will be fine. I’ve just got to stop using the hand so much.”
The bow dipped forward slightly as Clutch sat down on the deck chair.
I glanced around. “Hey, wait a second, where’s that pretty blond you always drag along as my date.”
Clutch laughed. “That pretty blond skulked into the house just before dawn. I should have woken his ass up and made him come along, but he’s no fun when he’s a grump.”
“Just before dawn? That’s a record, isn’t it?” Nix asked.
The chair squeaked beneath Clutch’s weight. “Yeah, he usually slithers out of the girl’s bed well before the break of day.”
A small groan of annoyance bubbled out from between Scotlyn’s lips. She shook her head. “That guy” she shook her head again. “One day he’s going to make a pass at the wrong girl, and she’s going to haul off and slap him and then—”
“He’ll stop whoring around?” Clutch laughed. “I don’t think that’ll stop him.”
Scotlyn sighed. “You didn’t let me finish.”
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“And then he’ll fall in love with her,” Taylor quipped.
“Exactly,” Scotlyn said. “Girls throw themselves at Rett. If they would just wise up and act uninterested, he’d be hooked.”
“Nice theory, Scottie,” Clutch said, “but I doubt it. I’m just glad he landed a job with the construction company that’s rebuilding my garage. It means he’ll be out of my shop soon.”
“How’d he land that?” Nix asked.
“He’s been out there working on the garage in his spare time,” Clutch sighed, “which he has a lot of, and the guy thought he had some real potential. Which means he’ll be out of my shop soon.”
“You already said that,” I said.
“Did I?”
I winced along with Scotlyn as she pulled the cloth tighter. “Now, I’m moving to fifth wheel status. I hate fifth wheel status. At least with Barrett along, I’m one of two fifth wheels. Maybe I’ll just get something to eat and then head over to the gym. I need a workout.”
Scotlyn’s lower lip dropped open. “With this hand?”
“Sure. There’s a lot of stuff I can do without using this hand.” I thought about what I’d just said. “Sort of.”
Nix put a hand on my shoulder. “If Clutch and I have to go then—”
Scotlyn’s face popped up. “Oh, did you hear that Taylor? They have to go.”
Taylor leaned up against the railing and crossed her arms. “We could just leave them here to fight off all the big, mean doggies and then we could shop around for some new, better guys.” She looked pointedly at Clutch.
Clutch leaned back and crossed his massive arms over his chest. “All right. Just be sure to bring me back one of those pies.”
“Oh yeah, the pie, I forgot about the pie.” I held up my hand to check out Scotlyn’s handiwork. “I think you’ll be a pretty awesome nurse, Scottie.”
“Well, thank you, Dray.”
We walked along the cement path that would eventually lead right through the center of the street fair. People were already dragging their loads of chairs and ice chests down to the water to stake a claim on the sand for the last Saturday of August. Voices and music hummed in the distance.
Scotlyn had fallen back with me. She wrapped her arms around mine. “How are you doing, Sweetie?” she asked.
I sighed. “I don’t know, Scottie.” I stared out at the beach. “If I had let her know how I really felt about her leaving then she might have stayed, and then she would always wonder if she’d missed out on something. I couldn’t be a part of that.”
Scotlyn squeezed my arm. “If it makes you feel any better, I think you did the right thing. As much as I want to see you two back together again, she needed to go and at least see what the world has to offer.” She leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Cassie is crazy about you though. You should know that.”
“It sounds crowded,” Clutch called back to us.
“Last fair of summer,” Scotlyn said. “It’s always extra crowded.”
“I think the twelve food trucks might have something to do with it,” Nix said.
A small stage had been constructed in the center of the fair, and a semi-decent band was playing old rock and roll tunes. There were only a few people standing around listening to them. The girls parted from us almost immediately to check out the crafts. The three of us headed toward the smell of bacon and kettle corn and everything that was right about the world.
“They insist we come with them,” Clutch commented, “and then they run off as soon as we get here.”
Nix smiled up at him. “Worried she might really find a new and improved guy?”
Clutch laughed. Taylor had been in crazy pursuit of Clutch since she was sixteen. And Clutch had used all his willpower to stay clear of her. Once she’d turned eighteen, the years of restraining himself had been too much. It didn’t take him long to realize that he was just as nuts about her. For Cassie and me, I’d never allowed myself to believe I was good enough for her. I’d known for a long time that she liked me, but I’d kept up my cool wall of indifference to keep her at a distance. And once I’d let down my guard, it had not taken long to prove that I should always listen to my gut.
I scanned the line of food trucks. “Which end should we start from?”
“You start wherever you want,” Nix said. “It’s too early for tacos and pork egg rolls. I’m trying the donut truck.”
I looked over at him. “O.K. first of all, it is never too early for tacos and pork egg rolls. You’re a food wuss. And, secondly, if I don’t start from one end or the other I might miss something in between. Right Clutch?”
Clutch patted his stomach. “You know, this time I’m with Nix. A couple of donuts sound pretty good right about now. The tacos can wait.”
“Whatever. Rett would have gone for the tacos.”
I followed them to the donut truck, and we got in line. The first band had ended their set, and the noise of the crowd seemed to grow to fill in the silent air space left behind by the lack of music. I squinted up to the sign. “Does that say basil and lemon? Who the hell would eat a basil and lemon donut?”
Nix smiled back at me. “It says that it is one of their bestsellers, but I’m going for maple bacon.”
“Now you’re talking,” I said.
“Nana mentioned you came by,” Nix said.
“Really? Did she remember my visit? Cool.”
Nix’s face dropped like it usually did when he talked about his grandmother’s memory loss. “She wrote it down so she could remember to tell me.” He looked at me. “Was that the day your dad died?”
“Yeah. Funny thing. The nurse at the hospital told me I’d feel better after I talked to my family. The first person I called was you. Then I went to visit Nana. My mom was sort of an afterthought. How fucked up is that?”
“Doesn’t sound fucked up to me at all,” Nix said. “By the way, Cassie landed in New York last night. She texted me when she got there.”
“I guess you’re everyone’s first choice to call with life changing events.” I tried to keep the anger out of my voice. Nix and Cassie had always been close. Freefall would never have gotten off the ground if it hadn’t been for Cassie’s help in running the shop. And there was no reason for her to call me at all. Assholes like me didn’t deserve the courtesy of a call.
“She told me that she saw you before she left.”
I shrugged. “Don’t really want to talk about it. There’s not much to say.”
“No problem.” He looked back at Clutch. “Hey, human lighthouse, can you see the girls? Do you think they want donuts?”
Clutch glanced around over the heads of the crowd. “Don’t see them but we can buy them a couple. It’s not like Dray and I can’t finish the extras.”
“Yeah, I’ve got to go easy on donuts,” I said. “I’m still planning to fight next weekend.”
Clutch looked down at my wrapped hand. “What the hell can you be thinking?”
“I need the money. I’m going to the dispatch hall early Monday, but I don’t know if I’ll get work or not.”
“Look, Dray, if you need some money,” Clutch started but I stopped him.
“I know, Clutch, but no. I’ll be fine. I’ve fought with broken knuckles before.”
Scotlyn and Taylor found us. We bought the donuts and sat on two benches along the sand to eat. People drifted back and forth over the path splitting time between the fair and the beach. It was annoyingly crowded.
All four of them were good about not being too coupleish while I was with them. In fact, I could almost feel them trying not to be. But I was definitely feeling like the odd man out, and without Barrett for entertainment, I really didn’t want to be at the fair, even with a parade of food choices. I just wasn’t in the mood for any of it.
I downed two donuts and stood from the bench. Broken hand or not, I wouldn’t be in any shape to fight next weekend if I didn’t get back into a routine. “Well, I’m going to leave y’all to your lovely day at th
e fair. I’m off to the bowels of Los Angeles for a workout at Tank’s.”
Nix peered over his donut at me. “You sure? There is still a lot of food to taste.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. And stop looking at me like that, Scottie. I’m fine. It’s been a shitty ass week, but I’m hoping things will turn around soon.”
“Later then. Wednesday is a slow day at Freefall if you still want that tattoo,” Nix said.
“Yeah, thanks.”
Chapter 11
Dray
Tank’s Gym had always been the one place where I could leave behind all the shit and turmoil in my life. It was the place where I always felt I belonged, and there had rarely been a day when I hadn’t looked forward to being there. But, like everything else in my life, even that seemed to be turning to crap. I couldn’t blame Tank for getting tired of it all and wanting to retire, but nothing was going to be the same without him.
Tank’s stepson, Josh, had taken over managing the gym so he could semi-retire. Surprisingly, Tank had taken up golf to fill his spare time. Those of us who were regulars had had some good times teasing him about his sudden old man turn in life. He, of course, took pleasure in reminding us that we’d basically paid for his membership dues at the golf club. He’d definitely done well in the past ten years, and he was a guy who deserved it. Unfortunately, his stepson, who was a few years older than me, was a complete asshole. I’d put up with him because he was Tank’s stepson, but now that he was in charge of things, he made my fists curl every time he crossed my path. And he had the same reaction whenever he saw me coming through the doors. Today was no different.
Tank’s Gym was inside a massive, cement-floored warehouse, so air conditioning had always been too expensive. Fans were set up in a few of the small windows, but they stood too high in the walls to do much except push hot bursts of air across the ceiling. On a sweltering August day like today, the inside temperature could reach a hundred plus. Sweat practically dripped down the porous gray walls as if the building itself had gone through a heavy workout.