I rode the elevator to the ground floor and walked out into the parking garage. I rested my back against a cement pillar and pulled out my phone. There were two text messages from Julia, and a new message from an unknown number.
The first text was at 1:32: Everything's fine here. Mom said she’d keep Oliver as long as you needed. I hope everything is going all right. Luv u
I tried to smile but my lips did not move. I sighed, relieved I didn’t have to worry about my boy, but devastated at the thought of having to explain this. He loved Cassandra.
The next text was at 4:46: Just checking in. Let me know when there is any news. I’m coming back from the city now. I’m praying for her. Love u.
Taking a deep breath, I scrolled to my voice mail, and hit play.
“Hello darling, it's me. Natasha. I know last night came as a surprise, but I really needed to see you. I miss you and want to come back home. Please Logan. I love you. I'll stop by later at your house.”
Anger ripped through me. I hung up, gripping the phone in my hands. I hadn’t missed the fact that she had not even bothered to acknowledge Oliver, her own son. She was a manipulative bitch, yet I fell for her. I blamed my young age. I was in my first year of college, on spring break, when she entered my life and turned it upside down. It wasn’t love, I thought it was, wanted to believe it, but it was only lust. The only thing we did right was create our son. Something I could never regret.
Natasha was in for a real treat if she stopped by my house tonight. Julia was staying there over winter break and from the sound of it would be there soon. I finally managed a smile—Julia would tear her apart.
I slid the annoying device back in the pocket of my jeans just as it beeped. Frantically I pulled it back out. There was a new text message from Caleb.
Hilary wants to go home. We'll be back in the morning. You need anything?
It wasn’t the message I wanted. Why couldn’t someone just tell me she’d be fine. I leaned against the pillar and replied.
No
Exhausted, I rolled my head back staring up at nothing.
My legs grew heavy, pulling me down to the ground in agony. With my knees tightly against my chest, I rested my head and for once let go. Fat tears escaped for the first time in years. I wasn’t a crier, not since a child and even then only when I broke my arm falling from a tree when I was eight. When Natasha walked away, I didn’t cry a single time. I drank and made money. That’s what I do, what I did before I met Cassandra anyway, worked hard and fucked harder.
Looking up at the clock in the empty waiting room, I sighed. It was just after three in the morning and my body was fighting against my futile attempts to stay awake. I couldn’t take it any longer, my burning eyes began sliding shut, until the double doors opened and Felicia Clarke walked into the room.
I stood immediately, jumping to my feet and approached her, gauging her expression. Her posture told me everything I didn’t want to hear, but I refused to believe anything without seeing it for myself.
Cassandra was healthy and strong. She would fight with everything she had in her.
“Felicia,” I said, pulling her attention away from her feet.
“Oh hi…um… Logan.” She attempted to pull on a smile, but it didn’t stick. She frowned, barely holding herself together. Her face was pale-white surrounded by bright-red eyes. “Have you been here this whole time?” she asked, tugging her purse up her arm.
“Cassandra and I have become…really close,” I said, unsure what we were after everything that happened. “How is she?”
Felicia shook her head and looked away sniffling. Tears were bubbled up in her eyes when she finally looked back.
“She hasn't woken up yet. I…I need to go home. I need to unpack and—” Her sobs poured out as she cupped her mouth. “I'm sorry. I just can't be here right now. I don't want her to wake up and see me like this. I'm always so strong for her, but I just need…oh…I don't know what I need. I don't want her to wake up alone either but—”
I stepped closer and Felicia wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly for support. She needed comfort and I was not going to refuse her. She was Cassandra's mother and the truth was, it soothed me as well. She loved Cassandra and for that I felt instantly connected to her.
We stood silently, my hands around her back as she continued to cry. Once she settled, her breathing evening, chest relaxing after a few long minutes, I finally spoke.
“I could sit with her,” I offered, hopeful.
Felicia pulled away and took a tissue from her pocket.
I continued, more eager than ever in my life. “I'm staying all night anyway.” I sighed, wiping my hand over my forehead and through my hair, anxious. “Please, it would mean everything to me.”
“Yeah, of course.” Felicia's voice was broken. She dabbed the tissue under her eyes.
Felicia gave me an appreciative smile and walked back to the double doors. She pressed the buzzer and spoke too softly to overhear. After a brief moment she turned around and gave a single nod. The weight lifted from me. I’d see Cassandra soon. Sit with her, hold her hand, just be there for her.
“Thank you,” Felicia said softly.
I watched as Felicia waited for the elevator and then turned back to the desk.
“This way, Mr. West,” The nurse said, pulling my attention to the double doors I had anxiously waited to enter all day.
Walking through them made everything real again. My legs were heavy and my heart was ready to explode as we walked past another nurses’ station.
“Cassandra's mother said you could stay with her until she returns. Here you go.” The nurse slid the glass door open and waited for me to enter.
At the sight in front of me, my body instantly grew slack. Cassandra was still asleep, but with all the bruises, wires and tubes, I hardly recognized her.
Her beautiful glowing face was marred with deep-purple bruises, but the blood that covered it at the scene had been washed away. A long bandage covered her arm and the blankets were pulled to her chest covering her body.
“The buzzer is right here if you need anything.”
The nurse’s voice faded to a murmur as I sat in the chair next to Cassandra and reached out to hold her hand.
“I'll leave you alone then.” The door shut behind me, but my attention was focused solely on the woman lying helpless in front of me.
Unsure where it was safe to touch her without causing her pain, I caressed my fingertips up and down her arm. I needed the connection, to feel her close to me. She had been in my arms, her body nearly one with me, lips demanding mine. And now here she lay. With one hand holding hers, I brought the other up and gently brushed across her cheek.
“Oh, sweetheart.” I sighed heavily. “What have I done?” I leaned forward and lowered my lips to her cheek, but pulled back. I didn't deserve to kiss her.
Once she awoke, she would throw me out of her room and never want to see me again. Tears stung at my eyes as I rested my head on the bed beside her.
“Forgive me, Cassandra. Please. I never meant any of those things I said. I was upset and confused. I’m worthless without you. Please, sweetheart. You have to fight. You have to come back to me.” Tears streamed down my face, emotions taking over and leading the way for the first time in my life.
I continued with heavy sobs. “Please, Cassandra. Wake up, sweetheart. I'll do anything. I need you. You're all I've ever needed. All I've ever wanted.”
I pulled away and stroked my finger across her chin. She was everything, and for the first time in my life, I knew I would never want anyone else.
I caved and placed a small kiss on her forehead. My lips needed to feel her just once more. I didn’t deserve it but I wasn’t ready to be a gentleman now. Pulling back, I looked down at her, my heart swelling in my chest.
“I love you,” I murmured, my head resting next to her ear.
The words surprised me at first. I knew I cared for her, and that I was falling in love with her, but it was fo
reign on my tongue to speak it aloud. I once thought I loved Natasha, but it held nothing to what I felt Cassandra. There was a bond, something straight to my soul that I’d never felt with anyone before.
This was love. Unconditional, all-consuming, mind-blowing love.
The thought of the future terrified me, but I would never give up, no matter how much she fought against her feelings or how angry she was when she woke, I’d never give up on us.
I relaxed my head next to hers; our hands intertwined and closed my eyes. She would wake up, I repeated, finally peaceful beside her, I allowed sleep to claim me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
—Logan—
Wide Awake
I woke to the feeling of someone squeezing my hand. My head jerked up, quickly shooting awake remembering where I was. A part of me had hoped it had all been a bad dream.
“Cassandra?” I squeezed her hand, sitting up in my chair.
“Mmmm,” she moaned groggily, her eyes still closed but lids fluttering. She was coming back to me.
“Sweetheart. It's all right, I'm here.”
Cassandra's eyes slowly flickered open. My entire body flooded with relief.
“Cassandra.” I sighed. Without releasing her hand, my other reached for the buzzer.
“Logan?” Cassandra murmured. Her voice was low, and shaky.
“Shh, don't talk, sweetheart. The nurse will be here any second.” I smiled, thankful to see her bright-clear eyes and hear her beautiful, sweet voice.
Cassandra looked confused as her gaze shifted from me to her room and finally landed down on her own body. I watched painfully, as her eyes grew wider, color draining from her face. She tried to sit up but winced when she could barely move.
A loud yelp slipped out of her throat as she stared up at the ceiling, tears springing from her eyes. I ran my hands through her hair, wanting to soothe her.
“Relax, sweetheart. Everything is going to be all right. Try to stay still.”
Her head tipped toward me, her eyebrows lowering.
“Logan?” she murmured.
I smiled wider and nodded once. “Yes, I’m here.”
I waited for her to say something, but she just continued to stare at me as if she didn’t understand or recognize me.
“Why?” She breathed after a long pause.
“Why?” I repeated, not understanding.
“Why are you here?” Her voice was so low I could barely hear her, but the hurt behind it cut through me.
I stuttered unsure where to start, how to explain just how sorry I was.
“You didn’t want me then, you can’t expect me to…” She coughed, clearing her throat. Her tongue slipped out moistening her dry lips. “…to believe you want me now, like this.”
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” I sighed, my body slumping forward. I gently lifted her hand desperate for more contact, and brought it to my lips.
I felt her attempt to pull away, but she was so weak.
“Please, forgive me. I didn’t—” I began.
She let out a ragged breath, her head fell weakly to the other side, out of my view.
“I was wrong,” she whispered, voice broken. “I thought…I thought we were…” She sighed. “I can never be what you want. Just leave, please.”
The sniffle that came from her broke my heart. I released her hand and brushed my fingers down her cheeks, desperate to see her face.
“Cassandra, you’ve always been I wanted. I was angry when I saw Natasha was back. She has always made me doubt everything, everyone.”
Her hand slowly moved to her face, wiping across her cheek. I considered walking around the bed to see her, but I’d done enough. If she didn’t want me to see her right now, I’d give her that. I’d give her everything I have.
I leaned forward, placing a gently chaste kiss to the nape of her neck. “I’ll never forgive myself for the things I said to you. I was terrified. Afraid of falling for you and having you leave me like she did. But you’re nothing like her and I’m ashamed I ever thought it.”
Between the occasional hushed sniffled and her body quivering I knew she was crying. It broke my heart. I did this. I always fuck things up, but this was the one time I would never recover without painful scars—to both our hearts.
The nurse entered and I ran my hands down my face, wiping away tears I didn’t realize were there.
“Pl…please, just leave,” Cassandra was so quiet, so broken, I couldn’t deny her but I refused to leave her alone.
“You should go wait outside, sir,” the nurse said, staring between us, gauging the situation.
It took everything in me to agree. I nodded and then walked around the bed and bent down face-to-face with the woman I loved. Her eyes were swollen and red, tears streaming down her bruised face, but she was still as beautiful as ever.
“I’m not giving up on us, sweetheart.” I gently traced the back of my hand up her cheek, wiping away the tears. Her eyes were so soft, so scared. “I’ll never give up. You have my heart, my soul, my everything. When you’re ready, I’ll be here.” I leaned forward cupping her cheeks and placed a tender kiss to her forehead, then stood up and walked out the door.
The walk back to the waiting room was numbing. The doors closed behind me, leaving me in the small room all alone. My body rested against the window staring out at the first snowfall of the year. I found myself wondering if Oliver was outside playing in it. He loved the snow. My mind couldn’t shake the image of Cassandra and my son laughing as they stood outside surrounded by a blanket of flurries.
The hustle and bustle from the morning shift change passed around me, never once disturbing my forlorn state of despair. My forehead pressed against the cool glass, staring out into nothing.
“Logan?”
Exhausted, I lifted my heavy head and looked back, meeting Caleb’s concerned expression.
“Felicia and Hilary just went back to see her. The nurse called and said she woke up earlier,” Caleb explained.
“I know.”
“Felicia said you sat with her overnight. Were you there when she woke up?” Caleb asked, staring at me with pity. I despised it.
With a low sigh, my eyes closed, pushing away the painful memory before finding the strength to mutter. “Yeah.”
Caleb nodded as though he understood. I pushed away from the window where I had stood for what felt like hours and ran my hands through my hair. The double doors leading to Cassandra opened and I watched a nurse walk out and head toward the elevator. She looked at us and offered a small smile, but my mind was focused back in the direction she’d come from.
The double doors separating me from the woman I desperately wished to hold.
The urge to rush inside and beg her to forgive me was overwhelming. I needed to hold her, kiss her, love her. All things I would never have a chance to do now.
The thought sent a quake down my body. One that did not go unnoticed by Caleb.
“You want me to get you something to eat? Some coffee or anything?”
With one small shake of my head, I gazed blankly past Caleb. “No. I have some business to take care of.”
I strode past him, snatched my coat from one of the chairs, and stood in front of the elevators. I slipped it one and shoved my hands in the pockets searching for my keys.
“I’ll keep you posted if there’s any news,” Caleb said.
I could only nod. It took everything I had to walk away and when the steel doors of the elevator opened, I stepped inside with a sense of alarm hovering around me.
As I looked out at the waiting room, I frowned, realizing I knew every inch of it.
I forced my hand to reach out and press the button. I wouldn’t come back. Not unless she called for me. She needed time to sort through her feelings and focus on recovering. She only needed to heal right now.
Slowly the steel doors closed.
The sharp breath I inhaled ripped through me, forcing me to brace myself on the wall. I was really leavi
ng. My mind constantly reminded me it was for her own good. It was only for a short time but it didn’t stop the tear that feel when the lift stopped and opened to the parking garage.
My house was quiet when I walked through the front door minutes before eight in the morning. Relieved I headed straight to my bedroom and shut the door.
It took all my strength to remain calm.
Slipping out of my clothes for the first time in two days, I took a hot shower, finally washing away the stench of New Year’s Eve.
Once I had pulled on a clean T-shirt and pajama pants, I sat on the end of the bed holding my phone in my hands.
The next few minutes I spent calling my assistant and canceling every business meeting for the next two weeks. I explained it may be longer and that the older woman, who had worked for me for over five years, should send out emails immediately to my clients.
Next, I called Lawrence, my older brother and explained that I would be unavailable to handle any business deals and to expect any calls to be routed to him.
“Julia called last night,” Lawrence replied. “I understand. Take all the time you need.”
I tried to smile, thankful I had the support of my family to help while I sorted out what I could do to help Cassandra.
“Thanks,” was all I could mutter before hanging up and climbing into bed.
“I’ll call the police!”
I woke with a start. Muffled yells from downstairs pulling me from my blissful dreams of Cassandra wrapped around my body. Our limbs tangled together in my bed. Her sweet, familiar giggle filling my room. It’s how the new year was supposed to begin. The start of our future together.
A dream, that’s all it was.
“You’ll never see him again, you skanky bitch!”
I flung myself out of bed, recognizing Julia’s voice and raced out of the room.
Skidding to a stop, I looked downstairs and found Julia standing toe-to-toe with a smirking Natasha.
“I want to see Logan, now!” Natasha hissed, staring Julia dead in the eyes. Her hand rested on her hip, and she tossed her long dark hair over her shoulder.