That is just wonderful. Something terrible did die last night. We buried it together. We have so much more to bury before we're through, but I know we're going to succeed. Now. Teal, what do you think we should bury next?"
Teal looked up, terrified.
Dr. Foreman laughed. "Oh. I don't mean in the coffin. Hopefully, neither of you will sleep there again." Teal's face immediately softened with relief. "But we have other ways to bury bad things. I'm hoping now that the two of you, the three of you, all of you, in fact, will be doing it yourselves. So, let's get back to where we left off the first time we all met here. What is one thing you did that you know contributed to your being brought here? Teal? Why don't you be first."
Teal tilted her head, her eyes full of defeat. "I vandalized the girl's bathroom in my public school. I broke the mirrors and clogged up the toilets and turned on all the faucets to flood the place. My father had to pay for the damages."
"And how do you feel about that now?"
"I wish I hadn't done it." she said readily.
"Why?"
"It upset my parents."
"Is that the only reason?" Dr. Foreman pursued.
Teal looked at me frantically. I could see it in her eyes: What was the right answer? What was the answer Dr. Foreman wanted, the answer that would free her, get her out of the limelight and danger?
"No," Teal said. "It was wrong. It made it impossible for anyone to use the bathroom for a while and it was a juvenile thing to do."
"Yes, that's true. Why did you do it?"
"I was angry,"
"At whom. Teal? At whom were you angry?" Dr. Foreman leaned toward her with excitement in her face. "Well?"
"I don't know, Everyone, I guess."
"No, not everyone. Someone. Who, Teal? Whom were you trying to hurt the most? Tell me."
"My father." Teal cried back at her, the tears streaming from her eyes. "My father!" she shouted,
Dr. Foreman smiled and sat back. "That's good. Teal. That's a wonderful start. I know you're hungry and you need something in your stomach before you go to your chores. so I'm excusing you now. Go to the dining room and have some breakfast and then report to Natani in the field. Go on."
Teal looked at me and lowered her eyes with some shame before leaving the office. I watched her and then turned back to Dr. Foreman.
She had her fingers pressed together at the tips and sat there staring at me.
"We're going to become good friends, you and I," she said. "You're going to help me with the others, and someday. I believe, you will serve a tour of duty as a buddy here." She smiled. "I know you she said with cold confidence, so cold it put a chill in my heart and washed ice water over my resistance. I tried to swallow, but couldn't. Her eyes were burning into me. "I am good at predicting that sort of thing, Phoebe. You'll see."
"What do you want from me?" I asked, barely holding on to my dwindling pride.
"I want your loyalty. Phoebe. I want your complete and utter loyalty." She leaned forward. I thought she was going to reach out to touch my hand, but she didn't. She just continued to stare a moment, then said. "And I'm sure you will give it to me eventually. The faster you realize that, the better it will be for everyone."
She sat back again. My heart wasn't racing now. It was more like it had actually stopped. I couldn't feel my pulse. My blood seemed to have frozen in place.
"Now tell me," she said. "which one of you, all of you, has spoken about running away?"
I raised my eyebrows.
She smiled, "I know it wasn't you, Phoebe. I know my girls. You're too realistic to contemplate such a thing. You're street savvy. You know what it means to survive out there. There are all sorts of jungles and deserts in the world. You don't have to came here to know that, not you. So who was it? Someone is trying to get the rest of you, or the three of you, to try it. I know. It's typical. Is it Robin or is it Teal, or has one of my other two been clever enough to lie to me? Did Mindy or Gia propose the idea?"
"It's not right to tell on someone," I said.
"Of course it is if telling on them will help them. What if this person actually attempts to run away? She'll die. Phoebe, and you"-- she stabbed the air between us with her long, thin right forefinger-- "will be very, very responsible for that death. I will hold you fully accountable and that will mean a very long, long time here as a student. Maybe you'd never leave."
Student? I thought. How could she get away with calling any of us that? Teal was right, of course. We were victims, prisoners.
"Well? Am I wrong about you? Will you be loyal to me and become one of my girls or not?" Her voice was full of dark threats.
"She just said it because she's frustrated and afraid and tired." I said.
"Who?"
She didn't mean it. You can't punish her any more."
I took a deep breath. I was tired and hungry and afraid. I felt lower than the low.
Any one of them would turn me in. I told myself. Any one of them would make a deal with the devil to avoid any more punishment, and maybe Dr. Foreman was right about it: I would be helping her, saving her. Maybe she would try to rim away now. I would be responsible in a sense. wouldn't I?
"Teal," I muttered.
"Who?" She wanted me to say it loudly and clearly and firmly. She wasn't going to accept a little bit of victory. She wanted a fall, complete, and unquestionable victory.
"Teal," I said louder.
She nodded. "I knew it was Teal. Phoebe. You did the right thing in being honest with me. I'm proud of you. You're going to succeed here. You're going to become something. I want you to come to me or to one of the buddies if she continues to talk about this. If she does and you don't, I won't appreciate it and you will be hurting her more. Do you understand? Do you?"
I nodded.
"Good. Now go have yourself some breakfast. We'll talk again soon," she said. standing.
I rose. My head lowered itself with shame as I walked to the door.
"It's always hard to do the right things after doing the wrong things for so long." Dr. Foreman called after me as I left her office.
You're the one who doesn't know the difference. I thought. But that was a sentence I would not utter aloud, even to the others.
I had something worse to keep locked in my heart now. Rationalize all that I might, make any excuse that I could think of. it was still the same thing, a betrayal. That was what I had committed in there. under Dr. Foreman's threatening eyes. I was afraid. more afraid than I had ever remembered being. Even the rats hadn't frightened me as much. Now nothing was clearer to me than this secret pain I had to carry and not show-- none of us could be trusted. Not if I was the one who betrayed one of us so easily. I had thought I was stronger than the others. What a laugh. I thought. I might be the weakest of us all.
The cloud of depression darkened and fell over me as I walked on. We were all running down a street that would eventually become a dead end. The result of all this was never clearer to me.
She will win. I thought. Eventually. Dr. Foreman will get everything from us that she wants, and the most horrible thing of all will be that we will willingly give it to her.
5
Catfight
.
Even though I knew no ant, especially not
Robin or Teal, would suspect I was a snitch. I had difficulty looking either of them in the eye. Rabin was intrigued about everything that had happened to us. It frustrated her that while we worked in the field this time, the buddies hung around seemingly just to make sure we didn't speak to each other. Finally, they grew bored and left. Robin nearly leaped out of her clodhoppers to get at us.
"What happened to you guys? Why didn't you come back to the barn to sleep?"
"We had to bury our evil," Teal said dryly.
"Huh?" Robin looked to me for a more sensible reply. Was there one? I wondered.
They put us in these coffins they keep for a little extra persuasion," I told her, then described it. She paled, even through
her darkening tan. as I spoke. Even her lips turned pale white. While I spoke. Teal kept her head down and leaned on her shovel.
"They can't do these terrible things to us." Robin exclaimed, Mindy, who had been working on the other side and had been listening. laughed.
"They can't! It's illegal for sure," Robin insisted,
"So call the cops," Mindy taunted,
"I can't stand her." Robin muttered, glaring at Mindy. Her eyes suddenly grew smaller with a new suspicion. "You want to know something? I don't think she did anything wrong."
"What are you talking about?" Teal asked, looking up quickly.
"I think Mindy is here just to aggravate and annoy us to death. She's like one of these plants. She works for Dr. Foreman. She's a spy or something. I'm going to make her admit it." Robin said, throwing her shovel to the ground.
"Don't do anything stupid." I warned, and looked around. "They hear everything we say. I think. Even when they're not around."
"What do you mean they hear everything we say?" Robin asked. Teal looked at me with new fears in her face.
"Just that. I don't know. Maybe this place is bugged with microphones or something. I get the feeling sometimes that when Dr. Foreman asks us a question, she already knows the answer." I said.
The two of them looked at me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mindy cross the field toward us. Gia finished what she was doing and sat back on the ground, embracing her legs and lowering her head.
"What did she ask you?" Mindy fired at me, still crossing. "What?"
"What was the question that she already knew the answer to?"
"Who's talking to you?' Robin snapped at her.
"What was the question?" Mindy repeated, ignoring her.
"I didn't say there was any specific question. It's just a feeling I have about her, that's all," I said quickly, maybe too quickly.
"Yeah, well, it's a good feeling, a true feeling, so watch your mouth," Mindy advised. "And watch what you say about any of us."
"Who are you to tell any of us what to do and not to do?" Robin demanded. "Maybe you should be the one who should watch her mouth."
"What? What's that mean?"
"How come you know so damn much about this place?" Robin stepped toward her. "What did you do to be brought here anyway?"
"I don't think it's any of your business," Mindy said, and turned to walk back.
Robin shot forward and grabbed her arm, spinning her around. "That's a lot of bull. You seem to know about everyone else and everything else. We should know something about you. Unless there isn't anything to know. Is that it? Well?"
"Leave me alone." Mindy turned to walk away again, but Robin seized her arm again, this time more firmly.
Mindy tried to break free. grimaced with pain, and screamed. They both struggled in the middle of the new field of tomatoes. Natani came hurrying out from behind the barn and the buddies were crossing the yard. M'Lady Three leading the charge. Neither Mindy nor Robin appeared to notice. Robin wouldn't let go of her. She was turning and twisting her as if she were a big rag doll. They continued to wrestle until Robin threw Mindy to the ground. She fell over a few newly planted tomato plants. Robin reached down to pull her up again.
"Stop it!" M'Lady Three shouted. The three buddies ran forward and M'Lady Two wrapped her arms around Robin and lifted her up and away from the sprawling Mindy.
"It's her fault!" Robin screamed, kicking and squirming. "She's been tainting and teasing us ever since we got here."
Mindy stood up and brushed herself off. Three of the new plants were smashed. Natani knelt beside them and handled them gently,
"Nice work. stupid." M'Lady Two told Robin, "That's a capital crime at Dr. Foreman's School for Girls, destroying food, food we all need."
Robin relaxed with fear and M'Lady Two released her. "I didn't destroy food. I... she..."
"Blaming someone else for things you do is worthy of five demerits." M'Lady Two said.
"All right, both of you, march back to the house." M'Lady Three ordered. "The rest of you keep working."
We watched Robin and Mindy walk ahead of the buddies. M'Lady One looked back at Teal and me so we started to dig again. Gia returned to work and finished placing another plant. All the while I noticed how little interest she had taken in what had occurred. She hadn't came to Mindy's aid when Mindy and Robin were struggling and she offered no help afterward, didn't try to defend her. They really had no friendship. The realization that the two of them could be here so long together and not become significant to each other depressed me further. Was that how it would soon be for the three of us? We would just slide down this tunnel of anger and fear until we hit bottom and sank into some swamp of disgust?
Two of the smashed plants were too damaged to remain in the ground. Natani dug them up and carried them away. He returned with new ones and planted them himself. About a half hour later. Mindy came back to the field. She glanced at us and returned to work. Gia didn't speak to her at all,
"Where's Robin?" Teal asked nervously, looking back.
The ranch house was ominously quiet. We could hear bees buzzing at the corner of the cow barn and the pigs slushing about their pen. grunting. About midday, M'Ladies One and Three came out to tell us to report to the pottery barn.
"You're not only going to try to make your own bowl and dish again, you're going to make a new dish for Gia and you're going to stay there and do it until you do it right, even if you have to stay there all day and all night. And Dr. Foreman, remember, is giving you all your schoolwork to start today." M'Lady Three told us. "So you better not waste a second moaning and groaning about how hard your life is."
"Permission to speak?" I asked.
"What do you want?"
"Where's Robin?"
"She's where you go if you do something Dr. Foreman considers way over the line."
"Where's that?" Teal asked. M'Lady Three glared at her. "Permission to speak?"
"That. Teal, is the Ice Room."
"Where is the Ice. Room?" she asked.
"Wherever you keep your worst nightmares," M'Lady Three replied. "Now get moving. You're wasting precious time."
"I can't imagine anything worse than what was done to us last night." Teal muttered. She is stupid. After what we told her, she goes and loses her temper. She could have gotten me into trouble again, somehow."
"I'm sure she's sorry now," I said.
Teal looked hatefully at Mindy. "I don't trust her either. I don't trust anyone." She glanced at me and I shifted my eyes away guiltily. "Anyone."
We marched back to the pottery room. Natani wasn't there, but we knew how to proceed. It took us the remainder of the day to produce five pieces of pottery our buddies approved. Just before they returned to inspect. Natani came in and without speaking helped us. Actually, he was the one who produced the finished products. He left before the inspection.
"All right," M'Lady One told us. "Return to the barracks. You have your schoolwork waiting. You have an hour to make use of before dinner. Every minute of time here is to be productive. Laziness is just as bad as anything else and is rewarded with demerits."
We found textbooks on our cats and sheets of assignments alongside them. There was work to be done in literature, science, math, and social studies. Everything had a specific deadline, the first being tomorrow.
"When do they expect we'll be able to do all this?" I moaned.
Teal shook her head. "This is crazy. She's giving us impossible things to do just so she can punish us with these sadistic things for not doing them. I don't care if I die out there. Tonight. I'm going to sneak some food away from the dinner, even if it's just a piece of chicken or something, and I'll find something to put water in. I'm leaving this place." she vowed,Ill get someplace where there is a phone and I'll call home. Once my parents find out how gruesome this is, they'll come get me. You can come with me or not." she concluded with a heavy note of definiteness,
"You can't sneak enough food out of there
, Teal. And you'll need more than a can of water. You don't know what direction to go in. At night you won't see anything. You could get terribly lost. It won't work."
She didn't reply. She sat on her cot with her back to me and then lowered herself to her side. I looked at her and thought. Was there any hope to an attempted escape? Could she be right? Should I go with her?
Mindy and Gia came in, glanced our way, then went to work on their academic assignments. I opened my math book and looked at the explanations and the problems. It might as well have been written in Greek. I thought. Maybe it was. I closed the book and walked to the doorway. Mindy glanced at me, then looked at her books. Gia never looked my way. Teal was still lying still. She had probably fallen asleep. exhausted. I didn't know what was keeping me awake and moving me.
I saw Natani come out of the cow barn carrying a pail of water that he dumped. Then he went back inside. None of the buddies were in sight. We knew that they lived in the hacienda, probably in the very rooms I had first thought would be ours. What a wishful dream that was. I thought now, and laughed at my naive optimism and innocence. We hadn't been here long, but to me at the moment, it seemed like months.
I gazed back at Teal once more, then left the barracks and crossed to the cow barn. Natani was adjusting the flow of water into the troughs. He looked up as I approached, then looked at the faucet again.
"I'm sorry my friend broke your plants," I told him.
"They are not my plants." he said. "They are yours. It is from these plants, from everything we do here, that you have what to eat and drink. Very little comes from anyplace else."
I jumped on what he said. "How far away is anyplace else, Natani? Really. How far away are we from anywhere?"
He stood up and wiped his hands on a cloth. "Many days, walking."
"But doesn't Dr. Foreman leave occasionally? There's a van, of course. The van they used to bring us here. There has to be a road that leads to places, a place to get gas, whatever. Where is this place?"
"The van comes once a month with food and other supplies. We have a big gas tank here for the van and the tractor. A truck comes and fills it once a month, and we run our electric generators on natural gas. That comes regularly, too.