"When the doctor leaves, she goes to a place where a small plane waits for her and takes her quickly to where she wants to be and brings her back. She doesn't go very often."
I looked around. Perhaps microphones really were secretly placed everywhere. Would Natani tell them whatever I asked him or said? Was he someone to trust? Did he fool us by helping us? I had to know as much as I could. I had to risk asking him questions. Teal sounded so determined. What if I did decide to go with her? Would it be madness?
"Do you like working for Dr. Foreman?"
"I don't work for Dr. Foreman." he replied.
"What do you mean you don't?"
"I work for what grows. I work for the animals. I work for the sun and the moon and the stars. My people were here long before Dr Foreman or anyone else. Signs, houses, papers, don't change the way things grow, the sun's rising and falling. I do what I have always done."
"She doesn't pay you?"
"The earth pays me."
Maybe he's just crazy. I thought. Maybe the sun fried his brain,
"What if someone ran off. Natani? Just left one night and walked away in the right direction? People can walk for days and days, right?"
He smiled. "Once, a vulture picked up a squirrel at the edge of the desert and flew off with him. The squirrel awoke and screamed. 'I am not dead. How dare you take me?' The vulture, shocked himself that the squirrel wasn't dead, opened his mouth and the squirrel fell to the desert floor. The squirrel brushed himself off. He was insulted. Imagine, he thought, being thought to be dead. He started to strut in one direction and then stopped, scratched his head, and started in the opposite direction. Once again. he stopped and scratched his head. Where were the trees. the rivers he knew? What sort of place was this with ground so dry even rocks looked unhappy?
"Nervous and worried now, he walked faster, again stopped, and turned to go in another direction. Each time, he walked faster. He grew very tired, very thirsty. Nothing made any sense to him. He could not understand the way and he saw no creatures who could give him any information. The lizards and the snakes were afraid of him. He didn't belong there so they did not trust him enough to wait to hear his questions.
"Night came and he didn't like where he had to sleep. Something crawled over him and made him jump and he was awake so long, he barely had any rest before the sun came up. He scurried up a small hill and looked around. As far as he could see, there were no trees, no streams, no place to gather food and no one he knew.
"He walked on, desperate now. He tried to keep himself in one direction, but every once in a while he leaned too far to one side or another, and soon he realized he had been walking in a great circle. Everything looked the same. Very thirsty, very weak, he finally stopped and fell to the dry earth. His eyes closed and opened, closed and opened, and then closed.
"And lo and behold, the same vulture appeared and strutted up to him. He opened his eyes and looked at the vulture, who seemed to be smiling.
"'I thought you said you weren't dead.' the vulture said.
The squirrel tried to move, but couldn't and did die. The vulture picked him up and carried him off again.
The vulture knows. He or she who doesn't belong out there will soon belong to him. Patience rewards him. He will wait, and to those who scream back at him, 'I am not dead,' he will say, 'You are dead. You just don't know it yet.'"
Natani turned back to pour some feed in the trough,
"But people cross the desert. You do, I bet, or did, didn't you?" I insisted,
"People who know how to speak with the desert can live with it, but there is little forgiveness there. A mistake, a misunderstanding, and soon, the patient vulture, the desert's undertaker. appears."
"If we had food and water..."
"You cannot carry enough. You must know how to get the desert to give it to you."
"You could show someone how to do that, couldn't you. Natani?"
He didn't reply,
"You could show someone enough to help her get across the desert to where people live, couldn't you?"
"When it comes time. I will teach you what I know"
"When is that?"
"When it comes time. It's not for me to decide. It's the doctor who decides."
"What do you mean? She lets us try to escape?"
"It's her way. I do not understand all her ways. but it's her way. She is a very wise woman."
What was he talking about? How did he know how wise she was and wasn't? Where did she find him? Was he just here when she arrived as he said? He couldn't like what he saw happening to the girls. He must despise the buddies. I saw the way he just looked at them when they spoke to us or even to him. It was as if he could look through them or put himself in a different place when he wanted to, but why did he bother? Why did he stay here? Surely there was another farm, another place unlike this where he could be happy.
None of it made any sense to me. I felt like I was spinning in a nightmare.
"Why are you here? Why don't you work on a happier place without all this?" I asked, waving my arms, "Are you really part owner or something?"
He smiled and shook his head. "No, nothing but what I have made myself belongs to me.'
"Then why are you here? Of all places. Natani. why Dr. Foreman's School?"
He looked like he wasn't going to answer anymore. and I thought I was probably wasting my breath, but suddenly, he looked at the hacienda and then at me.
"The doctor helped my daughter's daughter, and I have made her promises that are as strong as the sun. I do not understand all her ways, but she does not understand mine. The birds do not understand the lizards but they live side by side. Each has its own way. This is how it is." he added, and returned to his work.
I left the barn and returned to the barracks. Teal still had her back to Gia and Mindy and me.
Gia looked up. "You shouldn't have let her sleep." She's exhausted. We're both exhausted."
"You've got to start your work. show Dr. Foreman you're making an effort."
"I don't understand that math. I couldn't even begin to do it."
"You can do it," Gia insisted. "Let me see what she gave you as your first math assignment."
I brought the book and the assignment sheet to her and she nodded. "It's the same one we had to do. Okay, sit." She patted her cot.
I sat and she started to read and explain it to me. Mindy glanced at us every once in a while, but said nothing. Before we were summoned to dinner. I did understand the first lesson.
"Thanks," I said.
"You can show Teal how to do it now." Gia told me.
I woke Teal up but she was too groggy and cranky to listen to anything. She still mumbled about running off as soon as it was dark enough to escape. Dr. Foreman's words returned to me. I'd be
responsible if Teal went off and died out there. and Dr. Foreman would be displeased with me. Who knew what that meant?
M'Lady Two came to our door and summoned us to dinner. I was hoping we would fund Robin at the house when we got there, but she was nowhere in sight. We took off our shots, washed our hands, and went in to have our dinner. Just a simple thing like having our awn bowl and plate had now become a wonderful thing. We went through our ritual of thanking each other and begging each other for forgiveness, then ate what seemed to be a more tasty food that Mindy described as palenta, a mush of cornmeal, black beans, and a beef in some sort of sweet sauce.
Dr. Foreman arrived and declared she was rewarding all of us for putting in a decent day's work. We were given a plate of cookies for dessert. Mindy, Gia, and Teal were assigned to washing dishes and silverware, and I was told to clean the dining room afterward, While I worked. Dr. Foreman reappeared. She watched me for a few moments. I had the sense she was waiting for me to say something.
I stopped working, thought about Natani's tale of the squirrel, and then turned to her.
"What is it, Phoebe?"
"I'm afraid for Teal."
"Tonight?"
&nb
sp; "Maybe."
"You've done a very good thing. Phoebe." Dr. Foreman stepped up to me and took my hands, turning them to look at my palms.
"Follow me." She led me out of the dining room, down the corridor, to a bedroom. It was surprisingly bland and unfeminine. There were no pictures on the walls, no pretty curtains or rugs, nor any photographs of family or friends. What kind of a family did she have? I wondered, Had she ever been married? Did she have a boyfriend, children of her own, parents still alive?
The king-size, four-poster bed looked so comfortable and luscious with its oversize creamcolored, fluffy pillows and comforter. I longed to crawl into it and sleep for a week.
She smiled at the covetous expression on my face. "All good things will come to those who earn them. Phoebe. Reality checks. remember?"
I nodded and she took me into her bathroom, opened a medicine cabinet, and plucked out a jar of some skin cream. She rubbed it into my hands.
"Natani isn't the only one with miracle medicines here." she said. smiling. "You don't want your skin to get too soft when you work a ranch, but you don't want to irritate anything and get infections either."
"Thank you."
She put her hands on my shoulders and looked into my face. "You're going to be one of my girls. I'm confident of that. Now return to your barracks and do your schoolwork."
I thought I heard what sounded like someone sobbing and thought about Robin. Where could she be? Was she sent away? Wherever she was sent, it would be a blessing. I thought,
"Where's Robin?" I asked. and Dr. Foreman's smile faded.
"Robin is defeating a very bad part of herself She will be better tomorrow. Go on."
I left, went out, put on my shoes, and crossed the yard to the barracks, wondering if I had heard someone crying and if it was Robin. What horrible thing was being done to her? Could it be worse than being in one of the coffins?
As soon as I entered the barn. I stopped with surprise.
On my cot was a mattress, a pillow, and a blanket, and an the blanket was a pair of blue coveralls, the same white, short-sleeve shirt Mindy and Gia wore, and a pair of panties. I was being rewarded. I was pleased, of course, but at the same time I felt a dark sense of foreboding and guilt as I took off the coarse sack dress and the oversize diaper.
"When Teal, Mindy. and Gia returned, they stopped and looked at me sitting on my cot and reading.
"Why did you get all that?" Teal asked. I shrugged. "It was just here when I returned."
Mindy smiled coolly, her eyes small. "Sure it was. It just grew there."
"Leave her alone," Gia snapped. Mindy turned with surprise. "You're no angel. You have no right to judge her or any of us."
"I didn't say that I did."
"What does all that mean?" Teal asked. "Why are you arguing?"
"Around here, the fewer questions you ask, the better off you are," Gia told her. "Get your work done or you'll soon be where your friend Robin is."
"Where is she?" I asked quickly. "I think I heard her crying when I was with Dr. Foreman before. Is that where the Ice Room is? In that house."
"You didn't hear her crying," Gia. insisted.
"I did."
She was quiet.
"If I didn't hear her crying, who did I hear crying?"
"Forget about it. You don't want to know," Gia told me.
"Is she in the Ice Room?"
Gia didn't reply. Instead, she turned to Teal and said. "If you want to do your friend same good, just keep your mouth shut."
"She's not my friend. We only met when we were brought here. We hardly know each other. I probably know just as much about you as I do her, or you." Teal said, nodding at Mindy, -or Phoebe."
"You're better off," Mindy said dryly, and went to her books. Gia did the same.
Teal walked slowly to her hard cot, her eyes on me. We were all like a bunch of alley cats, scratching and hissing at each other. I thought. It made me feel sick inside. If I followed Gia's advice. I would walk around with a head full of air. Teal looked like she was going to burst into tears again and have another tantrum. It wouldn't do anyone any good, least of all her.
"I can show you how to do the math assignment," I said. "Gia showed it to me earlier."
"I don't care. I'm not doing any of this." Teal said, and kicked her books.
Mindy and Gia looked up and then went back to their work. A deep sense of dread passed through me.
Where was Robin? I wondered, looking at the doorway. Why wouldn't Gia talk about her? What was happening to her?
What would happen to Teal? And then to me?
I worked until lights out. Teal went to sleep before, her back to me.
When I crawled under my blanket. I luxuriated in the softness of my mattress and pillow. My fatigue seemed to seep down through my legs and into the bed. I drifted into my first comfortable night's sleep in a long time, and I was so deeply asleep. I didn't hear anything around me. When I opened my eyes. I didn't resent the morning light as much as I had the day before. Mindy and Gia were just rising, too. I sat up and turned to Teal.
Cold shock began at the base of my stomach and shot up to my heart.
Her cot was empty. She was gone!
I turned to the others. 'Where's Teal?"
They both looked as if first noticing she wasn't there themselves.
"Maybe she's so eager to get to work and start on the new vegetables, she got up and left before dawn." Mindy said.
I looked at Robin's empty bunk. "Why isn't Robin back?" I muttered. "What have they done to her?"
"Didn't you hear what Gia told Teal last night? You're better off not asking questions." Mindy smirked at me. "But you've already learned how to be better off."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I shouted at her. She turned her back on me, pulled on her shoes, and started for the door.
"If you hadn't opened your big mouth. Robin wouldn't have gotten into trouble." I screamed.
Mindy turned slowly. "How did she get sent here if she wasn't in trouble?" she retorted, and walked out.
Gia looked at me. "Just get to work. It's the only way to get out of this place."
She left. I sat there fuming. but I wasn't sure if I was fuming at Mindy for being right about me or just fuming at myself for doing what I had done,
Had Teal run oft? Was she out there in the desert, dying like Natani's squirrel? Surely, since I had told Dr. Foreman what Teal was thinking about doing, she wouldn't have let her do it.
I hurried out, hoping to find her beside Natani, planting cucumbers and carrots in the section of land he had irrigated. I saw Mindy and Gia joining him, but no sign of Teal or Robin. MLady One, looking like she was dragging herself out and about herself, came strolling toward me. She smiled when she drew closer. "Don't you look and feel better in those clothes?"
I didn't say anything. She stopped in front of me. "You're a quick learner. Phoebe. That's good. and since you're my assignment, it helps me. too. Don't screw up and we'll both be happier people." Then she nodded at the planting. "Get to work."
"Where's Teal? Don't start with that permission to speak. Just tell me what happened to her." I demanded.
Her smile faded. "Maybe you're not so smart after all." She started to turn away and I reached out and touched her arm.
"Did she run off? Does Dr. Foreman know? Is she sending someone out there to bring her back?"
She spun on me and poked me hard with her thick, right forefinger in the chest between my breasts. It threw me off-balance and I fell back, sitting on my rear and looking up at her. My chest smarted. She might as well have poked me with a pipe. I thought.
-Don't you ever touch me again, understand? Don't you put your paws on me, girl," she fired down at me. "No one touches me. The last one who touched me was a sorry rat."
She looked insane, beyond rage, like someone who had slipped into a second personality and was capable of great violence. It occurred to me that all the buddies were former Foreman wards. which meant eac
h of them had done terrible enough things to cause them to be sent here. What were my buddy's crimes and sins? Was she really cured or was she still quite capable of whatever acts of savagery had brought her to Dr. Foreman's School for Girls?
I rose quickly and turned away from her, heading out to the field.
-Don't you dare touch me again, understand?" she screamed after me..
I kept walking, my shoulders hunched up. In my neighborhood in Atlanta. I had seen people under the influence of drugs and alcohol. I had seen hard kids practically brought up in the streets, but something in my buddy's eyes I had not seen. It was as dark as death.
I stopped next to Mindy and Gia and listened to Natani's instructions about how to plant the different vegetables, trying hard to keep my attention and concentrate. Every once in a while. I looked back at the house. but I didn't see my buddy or anyone else. Instead. I started to work and desperately worked at keeping myself from thinking about any of it.
Just after we finished our morning chores and were heading toward the house for breakfast, we saw a lot of dust down the dirt road and heard the van approaching. All three of us hesitated at the fountain and watched as the van pulled up. M'Lady Three stepped out of the van. A dark-skinned man was driving. He looked like an Indian, too. He stepped out and went to the rear. They opened the door and pulled out a stretcher. Teal was lying on it, her face looking swollen and red. I saw what looked like a large circle of red on her right calf. which also looked swollen. She was grimacing with pain and looked like she had screamed herself hoarse. She didn't open her eves.
"What happened to her?" I cried, hurrying toward them.
"Get back." M'Lady Three ordered. They carried her toward a corner of the hacienda. The three of us watched until they disappeared. Then we heard the door open and looked up to see Dr. Foreman.
For a long moment, she and I fixed our gazes on each other like two combatants locked in an unrelenting grasp. Then she smiled.
-Breakfast, girls," she sang, turned, and went inside.
Mindy and Gia were looking at me. They knew what I had done. They knew why I was so shocked.
"Don't ask about Teal." Gia warned.
"Just keep giving Dr. Foreman what she wants and get out," Mindy added.