I shook my head.
She heard her talking about it and she told me. When I asked you about Teal. I wanted to see if you were capable of being honest. You were and you are and you're going to do well here. So," she said, sitting back. "I've decided to make you my confidant."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you're going to be special to me, Phoebe. Would you like that?"
I was afraid to say no. so I nodded,
"I thought you might, but if I am to trust you more and more, you have to trust me more and more. That's understandable and fair, isn't it?"
"I guess so."
How unexpected all this was. I thought. I had come trembling into this office, expecting her to do something more to me, something that would send me out of here all bottled up and wounded inside just like the others. I half expected to end up in one of those Skinner boxes Gia had described, but here she was making me feel special.
"What did Mindy do before? I mean, why is she here?" I dared ask. I was anticipating the usual sort of response to this. It was none of my business. I should be concerned only with my own problems, but again, she surprised me.
"She gave birth to a baby and left it in the rear seat of a broken-down vehicle. A passerby luckily heard the infant's wail and brought the police. Someone had seen her go into the vehicle and she was arrested. It wasn't her first experience with police and courts."
"What about her parents? Didn't they know she was pregnant and wonder about the baby?"
"I am always amazed at how much parents do not know about their own children. Phoebe. What about your mother? Did she know much about you, what you were doing?"
"No. She wasn't around enough to ask or care, and my daddy was on the road too much."
"And even if they were there more, would they know everything?" she asked, tilting her head a bit..
"No."
"Exactly."
Her small smile grew softer. Then she stopped smiling and sat firmly again.
"What do you think of Gia?" she asked in a sharper tone. "She troubles me. She's very smart. I know. but I'm afraid I'm not really making enough progress with her."
"I don't know." I didn't. I had no idea how to look for progress here or even what she meant by it.
"She's still very volatile," Dir. Foreman continued as if she and I were two psychiatrists conferring about one of our patients. "Without warning, she can become a very violent person. I bet you've sensed that, haven't you. Phoebe? You come from a world full of violence. It's not a stranger to you."
"No. It isn't."
She nodded, happy at my answers, I could see.
"Gia's parents are better off financially than yours were, but they were just as much into themselves. Besides. Gia has always been good at fooling people. lying. She's one of the best I've seen, actually. And very clever. She did something no one else I've treated for similar problems ever did."
"What?" I could see she wanted me to ask, and for some reason, that set off alarm bells inside me.
"She made up a person and blamed everything she could on her. She was so good about it that many people believed the person actually existed. At one point," she said, almost laughing. "the police were looking for Gia's imaginary person, sent out one of those all-points bulletins."
She paused and looked even more serious and concerned. "I have come to the conclusion she herself now believes this person exists. I'm working very hard at curing that, and I am going to need your help with it from time to time."
"Made up a person?"
"Yes," she said. smiling, "With amazing details. too. Clever in a way, isn't it? But she is very smart. our Gia. I know from our last talk here with everyone that Mindy has mentioned Gia's imaginary person to you and the others. and I'm sure Gia's spoken about her as well since. I just don't know how much she has said and if she continues to talk about her since the group therapy session."
"About who?" I asked, my heart now pounding and reverberating through my bones like the beat of a steel drum.
Dr. Foreman smiled. "You know. Phoebe, Posy,"
I tried to swallow, but a lump in my throat felt like a small rock. "Well?" she asked.
"Well, what?"
"Is she talking about her? What did she tell you about her?" she demanded.
I shook my head. "Nothing. I mean, nothing much."
She held me in her eyes so firmly, I thought I couldn't turn my head to the right or to the left. I couldn't even lower my gaze to the floor again,
"Haven't you heard anything I've said here today, Phoebe? Didn't you hear about all the responsibility and trust I have decided to place in you? Are you going to disappoint me now, now that I have determined you are worth all my effort and energy? Are you going to have me throw you back into the water as if you were some sick fish? Well?" she said, raising her voice and widening her eyes with fury
I was frightened. I was very frightened, but I was more terrified of telling her that Gia claimed Posy was her daughter, and not only that, that her daughter might be locked up in the basement right below us. What would she do to Gia and then to the others and what would they think of me?
In the back of my mind a little voice whispered, "What if Gia was the one telling the truth?"
I gathered all my ability to slip away, an ability I had employed many times before to escape from the chains and shackles adults in authority could throw over me. Too often in my life. I'd found myself having to avoid punishments and blame. The trick was never showing I was afraid and guilty. I would go on the offense and usually that worked.
But Dr. Foreman was the expert in all this. I had no doubt she had dealt with girls as good at it as I was, if not better. Still. I chose that route.
"I don't listen to their garbage talk." I said with as much anger as
I could muster. "Sure. I heard her mention someone named Posy, but it wasn't anything I cared to hear about. I have my own troubles."
She didn't change expression. She continued to hold that gaze, fix those eyes on me. I tried not to blink, not to look shifty, but she didn't nod or smile or in any way look satisfied.
"You're making a big mistake here today. Phoebe. It will bring you even more pain than this," she said, opening the drawer, taking out the envelope that contained the letter about Mama and snapping it in the air. "You'll be out there alone. The other girls won't help you. You should hear the bad things they say about you. Gia, especially. I know she's lying, they're all lying about you, but it doesn't matter. None of them would be friends with you on the outside anyway, would they? You'll go back to your world and they'll return to theirs. right? Why protect anyone but yourself now?
"Besides, if you care about them, if you have some sensitivity and conscience about it, then assure yourself this is the best way to help them. Just like you fried to help Teal."
"But you let her run off anyway," I said as sharply as I could,
"Of course. I did. So she would learn something, but thanks to you, she was under surveillance the entire time and luckily, too.
After she was stung, she might have wandered into worse places because she can't tolerate pain. She has a very low boiling point, being spoiled so much. Na. you did a good thing then. You did save her life. Do a good thing now
"Tell me exactly, in as much detail as you can, what Gia said about Posy."
She leaned forward expectantly.
"She didn't tell me anything specifically. She was talking to everyone."
"That's what I mean. Phoebe," she snapped, her eyes flickering with heat and ill temper. "Don't play with words with me. We're not in court. Well?"
"I just heard her say something about a girl who was here before."
"Are you going to have me pull every word out of you? What did she say about the girl?"
"That she was a liar." I said. "Made up stories." "And?"
That was it. Now she's gone. I didn't think it was anything to talk about."
She snapped back as if her body were wrapped in rub
ber bands attached to the chair.
"I was mistaken about you. Phoebe. You're not ready for what I want to do for you. You need more time." She put on that cold smile again, "That's all right. Time is something we have at our disposal here. I'm going to give you time to think about today. Perhaps you'll come back to me on your own, perhaps not. It doesn't matter. In the end. Phoebe, you will return.
"You're free to resume your chores." She waved her hand at the door.
I rose quickly.
"Wait," she said when I reached the door.
I turned and saw her open the desk drawer.
"Take this with you It's all she left you, apparently, the news of her unnecessary death." "I don't want it."
It was as if I had refused a valuable gift, insulted her, and disrespected her ancestors all at once. She whipped her head back, tore the envelope in two and threw it in the black metal wastebasket beside her desk.
"Consider that your attendance at your mother's funeral." she said, and turned her back on me.
It was as if my feet were turning to balloons. I walked out, but it seemed more like I floated along. M'Lady One wasn't there waiting. No one was there. My heart was still thumping as I sat and put on my clodhopper shoes. Almost the second I put on my left shoe. I felt it, and it was like no pain I had ever felt before. I screamed and threw off the shoe.
The pink insect with its back end curled up fell out, partly crushed. I looked up in a panic. My foot seemed to be swelling up right before my eyes.
"Help!" I screamed. Where was everyone?
M'Lady One appeared in the doorway. She had to have been standing right there all the while. I thought.
"What seems to be the trouble?" she asked sweetly and calmly despite my cry.
"I've been bitten by that!" I cried, pointing to the dying insect.
M'Lady One came down the steps casually and looked at the insect. "What'dya know about that, you've been stung by a scorpion. too."
"A scorpion?"
"Big deal. Put your shoe on and get back to work."
"But shouldn't I be given some medicine?"
"No. Now get moving or I'll assign you that cesspool digging instead of permitting you to return to the horses."
I looked in the shoe and shook it out and did the same with the other. The pain started to increase in my foot. It was traveling up my ankle. I felt it rising in wave after wave, the tide of it already reaching into my stomach.
"It hurts a lot!" I moaned when I stood up.
"You'll get over it. You're tough, a girl of the streets with a big mouth. What's a mere scorpion sting to you?"
"I want to see Dr. Foreman."
"I'm warning you to get moving and get moving now."
"She should know what happened to me."
I started for the stairway and she blocked me. M'Lady Three appeared in the doorway, a bottle of Coke in her hands. She sipped from it, her cheeks going in and out as she sucked on the bottle. Then she stepped down, "What's going on?"
"She's refusing to return to her work detail." M'Lady One said.
"I was stung by a scorpion. There it is." I pointed to the ground.
M'Lady Three continued down the steps, picked up the dead scorpion, put it in her pocket, and turned back to me. "Refusing to return to her work detail after you told her to do it?"
"Yes."
"That's insubordination."
"I'm not trying to be insubordinate. I want to see Dr. Foreman. I've been stung I tell you! My foot is on fire."
M'Lady Three put the bottle of Coke down on the ground and stepped beside M'Lady One. They were like a wall now between me and the steps to the house.
"Start walking," MLady One said, pointing to my right.
"I can't walk. It hurts too much." I cried.
"Stop your whining. No one cares about your little pain. You're insubordinate, That's a ten-point demerit. You're not going back to your soft chores. You're going to the Ice Room."
"No!" I screamed,
Dr. Foreman finally appeared in the doorway.
"What's going on. girls?"
"Phoebe refuses to return to her work detail," M'Lady One said.
"I was stung by a scorpion. It was in my shoe." I looked at M'Lady One. "I bet she put it there."
Dr. Foreman didn't move. "Where is it?"
"She put it in her pocket." I pointed to M'Lady Three.
"Is that true?"
"Of course not. Dr. Foreman."
"Make her empty her pocket," I cried.
"We don't lie to each other here." Dr. Foreman said. "My girls and I have an unbreakable chain of trust among us. If she says it's not in her pocket, it's not."
"But... it is. Wait, look at my foot." I took off the shoe and my stocking. Then I lifted my foot so she could clearly see the swelling.
"I don't see anything unusual," she said dryly,
"What?"
"I'm like you. Phoebe. I see and I hear what I want, Insubordination means a session in the Ice Room. M'ladies, do your duty."
"Yes. Dr. Foreman," M'Lady One said.
Dr. Foreman glared at me a moment. I was frozen, my foot still dangling before her. She turned and went back into the house.
"Get the shoe back on and move," M'Lady Three ordered. I shook my head.
M'Lady Two came walking across the yard. "Trouble?"
"Not much. Phoebe here was insubordinate and is to be spending a session in the Ice Room. She's continuing to be insubordinate, which means that session will be longer." M'Lady One explained calmly. She could have been reporting the weather.
I turned away. I couldn't run from them, not with the pain in my foot. I was unable to put any weight on it, and where would I run to?
"You know what one of these is?" M'Lady Two asked, bringing a small, black metal thing out of her pocket. It looked like a man's electric razor. "It's called a stun gun. Ever see one used?"
I had Willie Sturges had bought one and as a joke used it on Dennis Hampton, a fat boy in our tenth-grade class who was always the butt of jokes. I couldn't believe how fast he went down and how he writhed in pain. The sight made me sick and I ran. I really thought Willie had killed him. Afterward. I saw Dennis, still looking stunned, his pants showing where he peed on himself, stumbling along, home. Everyone but me thought it was pretty funny.
"Please," I said "I really did get stung."
"And you're about to be stung again, only this will be far worse," M'Lady Two warned,
"Move," M'Lady Three said. pointing.
"I can't walk." I cried.
"Hop," M'Lady One said. "Now."
They closed in on me. I started to my walk, but merely putting my toe to the ground increased the pain. The tears were streaming dawn my cheeks. I could feel my shortened breath straining my lungs. My stomach churned.
"I'm getting sick." I moaned.
-Poor little Phoebe bird." M'Lady One chimed, and they all laughed. "What's happening to the tough girl we all knew and loved?"
"Where are we going?" I screamed, or at least I thought I had.
When we rounded the corner, MLady Two rushed ahead and opened a door. I hesitated and looked back. Where were the other girls? Where was Natani?
The room inside looked dark. All I could think about was the way Robin had been after she had been put in the Ice Room and the things Gia had said about it. too.
"Listen to me." I pleaded. "I just found out that my mother died. I don't mean to be insubordinate. I'm upset."
M'Lady One pretended she was playing a violin,
"I'm sorry.. I'll go back to my work. I promise I won't say anything nasty to any of you."
"It's too late for promises. Phoebe." M'Lady Three said. "Weren't you told that? When you came here, you left all your promises and excuses behind you You're naked here. It's reality. You are rewarded for good and punished for bad. It's simple and it never changes."
I looked through the door. All I saw from where I was standing was the foot of a bunk. What was the room, just
a solitary confinement? I'll get through it. I thought. I'll show them.
The sting was singing louder, however, and the churning that had begun in my stomach turned into nausea. I faltered and M'Lady One came to my side and kept me from falling.
"This is going to be good,- she said. The Ice Room on top of it all. I tell you. Phoebe. I couldn't do it"
"Me neither," M'Lady Two said. "Glad it's you and not me."
"You're all a bunch of wimps," M'Lady Three said. "Phoebe's going to show you up. Aren't you. Phoebe? Girl of the streets, tough."
"I think I'm going to throw up," I said.
'Get her in there before she does. I hate the smell," M'Lady Two said stepping back.
M'Lady One twisted my arm and pushed me through the doorway. There was a bunk, but at the head of it, there was what looked like a helmet with wires attached.
"What is this?"
"We've told you before. It's your worst nightmare," M'Lady One said.
I tried to resist, but her hold was so firm. I thought her fingers would break through my skin and flesh. She turned me into the room, and together she and M'Lady Three forced me to lie down.
"I'm sick!" I screamed. "I need a doctor. medicine!"
They put the helmet over my head and strapped it on tightly. I resisted but I couldn't keep my arms from being straightened and then a strap was fixed over my chest, just under my breasts. It was just as it had been when I'd woken up in the plane that had brought me to this hell.
A visorlike part of the helmet was lowered over my face. It was dark and their voices grew more muffled because of the earphones over my ears.
"Enjoy," I heard, and heard them leave the room, closing the door behind them. Their voices drifted away and there was only silence.
What was this? A helmet over my head with a visor to keep me in the dark and in the quiet? It was stupid. The coffin was worse, I thought, This isn't so bad except I felt so sick and the pain was still as sharp as ever in my foot. I was getting hot, too, and it wasn't just from the stuffiness in the room. I knew I was developing a fever. The nausea built up until I started to vomit. but I could only turn my head a little to spit to the side. Finally, that stopped, but it left me feeling so tired, so weak.