Evan nods grimly. “She’s right. Wherever it is they have been hiding, they won’t return, and while we can track them, it won’t be fast.”
How could I have ever fallen for this? How could I have been so foolish? “We have to do something.”
Evan nods. “I’m going to talk to Turnoc and the other members of the Triune. I don’t know what they will tell me, but I can’t pretend we have what we don’t anymore. I’ve thought about that, and I won’t deceive them.”
My shoulders sink. “Then I will come with you when you face them. It’s my fault the dagger is missing.”
Evan shakes his head. “No. It won’t do any good. It will only make things worse for you, and right now, things are bad enough.”
As I start to argue, I feel the lure of a sojourn call beckoning me, and I gasp, wondering how I’m going to do it. I haven’t been able up to this point, so how will this time will be different? It won’t.
Evan stands and walks to me to set his hand on my shoulder. He knows me so well. He just hadn’t anticipated my desperation and what it would lead me to do.
“I can’t do this,” I whisper.
He feels the call. I know he does. Perhaps he will take it for me.
Evan’s fingers squeeze in gentle reassurance. “You have to, Lev. A human is dying, and he or she is confused. You above all angels finally understand that pain. Don’t let it go on. Do as you are bidden.”
I want to argue with him, but I know better. There is no point. So I finally nod, walk to the mouth of the cave, and dive into the ocean to fly to the Lower Realm. As I break through the clouds, I see the brilliance of the sun dappling the clouds in a pink and blue palette. Even angels are awed by the beauty of sunrises and sunsets. Still, I have a job to do, a job I’m still not sure I can do, even though Evan has every confidence in me, which I really don’t understand. So I focus on blending, and heed the urgent call I can no longer ignore.
That call leads me to a run-down house and into the small bedroom of an elderly woman. Her open eyes are filmed with age, and her body trembles from the effects of a raging fever. As I step toward the bedside, her gaze turns toward me. At first, I can see she is frightened. She has mistaken me for a human stranger. The chaos builds, and I do the only thing I know to try to ease it. I let my wings show so she understands me for what I am, not what she thinks.
Upon sight of the brilliant white feathers, her eyes soften, and she reaches for my hand, trembling violently, and I feel the chaos within her easing back, almost like waters parting for me to walk through. I offer a gentle smile and take her hand in both of mine. In that instant, I see a flash of her life in all its wonder and glory. I feel all the love she has known, and all the pain from losing loved ones along the way until she is here and alone.
“I’ve been waiting for you,” she whispers. “Won’t you sit with me? My name is Mary, but you probably already knew that.”
Her voice is timid, and I wonder how long she has been in this tiny, forgotten room, in a tiny, forgotten house, alone and waiting to die.
“My name is Lev, and I’d be glad to,” I whisper and take the chair beside her bed while I still hold her feeble hand. The images of her life are still coming, and in them, I see one man who flashes so much more than any others, and part of me knows him. I don’t know how. I don’t even know why. So for a few seconds, I concentrate on him, reaching deep for any pockets of memory that seem to be hidden. He’s in there. I know he is.
As her memories keep flooding through me, I see him aging, and it clicks into place. I was with him, too, when he died a mortal decade ago. She sat beside him as he died, not knowing I was with them, holding his hand as I now held hers. He spoke to me, begging me to watch out for her, and while I could not, for I am a sojourner, I had made his request known to the guardians, and shifting back toward the other end of the room, I look hard, and the faintest outline of one of them is present—an angel by the name of Dakar. We nod to each other, and then I turn back, grateful that she has not been alone, that I have not failed her as well.
“I know you have to take me,” she whispers. “And I’m okay with that.” Tears pool in her eyes and start down her face. “But could you take me to my husband? I’ve missed him so much, and I’ve waited so long.”
I gently smile and touch my fingers to her face, wiping the warm tears from her face. “I can do that.”
She squeezes my hand. “Then I’m ready.”
“As you wish.” I look in the corner and find Dakar has gone to fulfill the last duty for her. I stand and lean over to kiss her aged forehead, knowing that before I had loved Elizabeth, I would never have done this. It wouldn’t have mattered how the last moments played out in mortal lives because death was inevitable. But this need to be kind and erase the hurt, this is Elizabeth’s gift to me.
I sweep my arms beneath her form and lift the soul from her body, carrying it in my arms towards the sky, watching as her eyes widen in our flight. For her, it probably seems to last forever. Not knowing the future has that effect. For me, it’s over in an instant as I touch down in the Central Gathering Area.
The instant her feet touch the invisible floor above the ocean, her form quickly reverses the aging process, revealing a beautiful woman in her twenties with dark hair and blue eyes. Those eyes speak of all the fears she’s still holding onto. “I don’t understand. Where is he? Where is James?” Her hands take mine, imploring me.
A movement ahead catches my eye, and I see not only Dakar, but also a young man staring at her patiently, waiting for her to turn. I smile and nod toward him. “Take a look.”
“I’m scared,” she confesses. “It’s been years.”
I pat her trembling hand. “Time doesn’t diminish love, Mary. He’s waiting for you.” She finally nods and turns. A surprised cry escapes her lips before she rushes toward him, and he reaches, waiting to catch her. Then the two souls entwine, and I can’t stop watching them, finally made as whole as I can be by their joy.
Dakar, a tall, dark-headed angel, ambles over and smiles at me. “For a moment I was wondering if you were going to have trouble.”
I look at the ground. “No, Mary made it easy.”
The two of us watch them embrace, stunned by the beauty of a love death defied. “She’s been waiting to be with him so long. It was hard watching her heart break over and over. There were days I didn’t think I could keep doing this because her body was breaking down, and her heart was already torn apart, but this--” he points to the two of them, “--this made all of those painful moments worth it.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it did.” As I stare at them, I see myself and Elizabeth as we will never be, and a deep ache resonates within me because I know what it is like to wait lifetimes for someone you love. Except I wasn’t rewarded for waiting, and I will never have Elizabeth again. I keep trying to reconcile myself to that, but it hurts too badly to believe.
Dakar wanders off, probably for a bit of rest before his new guardian assignment, and that is when Evan finds me. He looks at Mary and her husband and nods.
“Well done, Lev.”
I shrug. “At least I managed to fulfill a sojourn and did something to make two people happy, even if they weren’t the people I was aiming for.” I glance from the couple to Evan. “Did you talk to Turnoc?”
The smile disappears by small degrees. “Yes, I did.” Even though I’m expecting him to say something else, he doesn’t; he’s still watching Mary, and he’s completely distracted, as though he’d rather be doing something else besides having this conversation.
“What did he say?”
Evan slowly turns to me. “Well, he wasn’t happy at all about the dagger winding up in Kane’s possession.” Again, I’m waiting for more, especially because of how it did.
“Did you tell him how Kane got it?” I fold my arms across my chest, bracing for what comes next.
Shaking his head, Evan says, “Not in specific details like what you are thinking. I told him you were st
ill weak from your earlier sacrifice on behalf of a mortal, a sacrifice that was a part of your character development that you willingly underwent to save a human according to divine desire.”
I grit my teeth. I mean it’s all good and well that Evan is willing to bat for me, I think, watching as Mary and her husband walk away together for the first time in a decade. Yes, their souls will be returned to human bodies, but that won’t be for a while. At least somebody got a happy ending out of the deal, if you want the truth. It sure isn’t Elizabeth or me.
“Evan, you don’t have to cover for me. I know this is all my fault, and I should take the heat for it, not you.”
Evan holds up his hands to silence me. “Give me a chance to finish. I didn’t lie or cover for you, per se. Turnoc is aware this is your fault. He’s also aware there are contributing factors which heavily impeded your judgment, and that blame has to be levied on me for blocking your memory. Yes, I did believe it was in your best interest, but that did not prove to be the case whatsoever, so not all of this is really your fault, in spite of what you think.”
“Were you able to discover what the dagger is capable of and if Kane can use it?”
He nods. “While Turnoc was clearly not happy about having to divulge that information, he did give me guidance as to the powers of the dagger. It is an old angelic artifact referred to as The Dagger of Light. I should be honored that it was entrusted to me because it is a powerful relic. Its purpose is quite simply to destroy rogue angels.”
Immediately, I feel chaos rise within me because while its purpose to destroy angels who are not acting in accordance to with design, part of me worries that it can destroy other angels as well.
As if reading my mind, Evan nods. “And yes, it can be dangerous to other angels, but only under certain circumstances. As I am the person to whom the blade has been bestowed, I am not affected by its power. Other angels may seek to use it, but it will only work under one proviso—the angel using it must harbor no ill will toward the other angel, and he or she must be willing to destroy himself or herself in the process; otherwise, there will be negative effects, but it probably won’t destroy other angels.”
I rub my forehead, basically taking apart his words and reassembling them in a simpler construct. “You mean in most cases the dagger won’t be dangerous because none of those who surround Kane would be willing to die in order to invoke its power.”
“Yes.”
I see Celia drifting toward us, the soul of a young boy in her arms, and the way he glances around tells me he is eagerly awaiting reunion with a loved one. Those are the ones who make this service bearable. It’s awful when the human’s soul has no one to welcome him or her, and it takes so much longer for them to adjust to this realm.
As Celia lands, the little boy spots an elderly man and almost leaps out of her arms to run to him. The old man laughs and holds out his arms, waiting for the child to launch into them, and the two of them spin around as Celia finally joins Evan and me.
“I thought you were still resting,” I accuse her.
She shrugs and smiles, still watching the boy and his grandfather. “I was until I got the sojourn call for Billy. Then I knew recovery time was at an end.”
She scans the human souls, probably searching for the one I brought back. “Did you have a sojourn, Lev?”
I nod. “Yes. She and her husband already left.”
The words barely slip from my mouth before Celia wraps her arms around me and holds me in a death embrace. “I knew you’d finally make it if you just kept trying.” For a few seconds, she lingers there, and I feel a happy sort of chaos bubbling through her with infectious joy.
When she does finally pull away from me, she turns to Evan. “What did Turnoc say?” She pushes a long, curly strand of hair behind her ear.
“He wasn’t pleased, but he’s suspected from time to time that a group of sojourners and a guardian has fallen away from their intended purpose, which is why he gave me the dagger to begin with, telling me he would instruct me on its use when he figured out where the rogue group was. It never occurred to him the rogue group might be able to figure out about the dagger and find a way to get it.”
She nods and turns to me. “So does that mean he and the Triune are going to go after Kane and his little band of followers to deal with the defiance which has only been getting worse over the years?”
Evan looks up as more angels carrying souls descend. “No, he’s not. Instead, he wants to keep this low-key because the minute Kane realizes members of the Triune are involved, there could be some serious consequences, and he wants to minimize that as much as possible.”
Celia laughs, but it hardly sounds like she’s amused. “Minimize Kane and his band of problem children? I don’t think there’s a way to do that. When Kane goes down, he’s going to take as many other angels and humans with him as he possibly can. Turnoc has to realize this.”
Evan points to a bench not far away. “Let’s sit for a moment and figure out what we are going to do to get the dagger back.”
The three of us walk over to the bench and sit before Evan finally says, “Yes, Celia, you are right. Kane will take as many angels and humans with him as he can. I don’t know if Turnoc is aware of that, but I can only abide by the commands that Turnoc, as speaker for the Triune in this case, has made. If I go outside that boundary, something very bad will happen. Even I am smart enough to realize that, though Turnoc may not.”
I lean forward, uncomfortable with the realization that Kane and the others are bright enough to get away with all the mayhem while the Triune seems to idly stand back and watch as creation falls apart. “Why does he not intervene? He could deal with Kane so quickly that—”
Evan raises his hand to cut me off. “Yes, he could dispense with Kane so quickly problems would be eliminated before we even blinked. The trouble is that Kane would leave a legacy of other angels—angels who might try to use bitterness to get other angels to join him, and we would have another uprising that would surely do much more damage than any of us want to consider.”
My shoulders slump as I realize that he’s got a point, no matter how badly I don’t want him to have one and how much I liked it before, when things were in black and white instead of all these shades of chaos I can’t seem to rid myself of. “So for now, Kane just gets away with this according to the triune? They won’t step in to help?” My whole body starts to tense.
Evan sets his hand on my shoulder. “Think about this logically, Lev. Don’t let chaos cloud your judgment. For one thing, it would hardly be wise to call attention to the dagger, especially considering its purpose. We both know there are numerous angels who are doubtlessly close to joining the ranks of the Fallen. The last thing Turnoc or the other members of the Triune wish to accomplish is to give any reasons for those angels to step toward such a fate and embrace it. We are all in a delicate place, and one wrong move could start a battle I don’t think any of us are ready to face.”
I start to argue, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that he is right, even if I don’t want him to be. Instead of responding, I start to the edge of the Upper Realm, intending on heading back to the Lower Realm. It’s been a little while since I’ve looked in on Elizabeth, and even though I haven’t been with her, she’s never been far from my thoughts. While I can’t change these affairs with the dark angels, I can spend a few moments in her company, taking peace from her proximity even if she doesn’t know it.
Evan catches my shoulder. “Lev? Where are you going?”
“To see Elizabeth.” I start to shrug away, but he maintains his position.
“There is no point in doing this to yourself, you do realize that? Your time of guarding Elizabeth is over. There is no reason for this now except to torture yourself with all the things you can’t have, and that will end badly. Look at what has happened up until now.”
I jerk harder to get away, wanting so badly to say I might not have made those same choices had my memorie
s not been scattered to the wind. But, really, it is neither here nor there. The past can’t be changed, and arguing with Evan will only strain things between us again.
Finally I turn to him. “Is it not enough that I must endure a life without her? Do you expect me not to see her again, not to whisper in her room from time to time to content myself with the knowledge she might have some small chance at a normal life? What is wrong with that?”
Evan’s frown deepens. “Because it will always remind you of what you do not have—what you will never have again—and with that knowledge will only come temptation, Lev. You will always be tempted to make yourself visible to her, and that will end badly. You should not go there anymore.”
I step back from him. “No. You can’t ask me that. I have done everything I can in accordance with a won’t my own. He asked me to learn to love humans, and I did. I did so well, I can’t stop now. Whatever you might think I should or should not do, this is none of your concern. It is my right to see Elizabeth, if only for a few moments here and there to tell me that she is safe, and that what I have sacrificed for her is right.”
I dive into the ocean, wondering if he’s planning on following. If he is, that’s fine. He can’t force me away from her, and whatever else might come out has no way to wound me as much as not seeing her would.
Anymore, knowing how to find Elizabeth is second nature. I listen for the sound of her heart beneath the rush of wind that carries me toward her. At present, she isn’t at the house. Instead, I find her at the cemetery, standing before my grave.
In one hand, she carries a bouquet of cream daisies. Griffin stands next to her, one hand resting on her shoulder, more to keep her upright than anything. The sunlight isn’t kind to her. She seems thinner. She’s lost weight, and her eyes are red from crying. Her lips open without having words to say, and she appears fragile, as though at any moment she’s going to fall apart, which is more than I can take. It should not be this way. She should not hurt so much.
“Are you going to be okay?” Griffin asks. “You look kind of…tired.”