“I’ve been having some glitches here and there.” I look toward the house, wondering why I am drawn to it. I sense there is an importance to it, but I don’t know what it might be, and that bothers me.
“You might want to get those ‘glitches,’ as you call them, worked out before you come into contact with humans. They almost saw you until I came over and helped you with the blending.” He looks back at the grave where all the mourners had been standing and watches as a backhoe pushes dirt into the hole.
“Thanks, by the way. I’m Lev Walker.”
“Don’t mention it.” He turns back to me. “I’m Roberto Moralez. So what are you doing here? It’s not like there’s a need for a sojourner right now. Not even close.”
I fold my arms across my chest, realizing there’s probably no point in hiding my purpose. This angel has more than enough years of experience to be able to ferret out the truth if he really wants, so I shrug and say, “I was looking for someone.”
He nods. “Okay. Maybe if you want to give me a little more information I can help. Got a name?”
“An angel named Jayzee.”
His eyebrows arch. “What do you want with Jayzee?”
“Just to talk. I had a few…questions… I thought she might be able to answer. Do you know her?”
“Sure. I can even take you to her if you like.”
“Yeah, I’d love that.”
Roberto nods to the sky. “It’s going to require some flying. How are things in that department?”
“Just fine,” I say, looking at a blue sky aching to be travelled in. “I’ll follow you.”
“All right. Here we go.” He leaps toward the sky, and his wings, which have been invisible until now, suddenly appear, large, white, majestic. His motions are far more careful and deliberate than mine. Just another indicator of his longevity and how far I have to go.
Still, he flies at an easy pace to keep up with, and even though It try to fathom where he might be leading us, I don’t remember enough about Jayzee to tell me. Still, the flight is short, and we end up in the back yard of a single-floor ranch house that has definitely seen better days. Although the outer structure is covered in rust-colored bricks, there is one window that is covered in cardboard, and numerous shingles have disappeared from the roof, leaving bare spots that can’t be good when it rains.
The grass we touch down in isn’t thick, but it does reach my knees, and I wonder what is going on. One of the first rules sojourners and guardians are taught is to blend in, and unless this neighborhood is really crappy, this isn’t blending on any scale. Of course, the broken mower in the corner, only half-concealed under the corner of the house, suggests it’s not been an option, really, and angels aren’t supposed to use their powers in routine situations, so miraculously fixing the mower would be frowned upon. Still, I glance at the yards that face this one with only an alley to separate them from this yard, and I see pretty much the same thing—lots of tall grass and broken mowers, not to mention wooden fences with slats broken or missing altogether. I won’t even go into all the junk around the yard, which answers my questions about fitting in.
“This way, Lev.” He gestures to the back sliding door, and I follow him, hanging a couple of steps back as he enters. Although I can’t remember the type of relationship Jayzee and I shared, I’m willing to bet it was just sour enough so she’s probably not going to be happy to see me. Still, she’s got the intel I need.
Roberto slips into the house and gestures for me to follow, but before I can even get anywhere near the door, I see Sarah suddenly appear and block my entrance. “What did you bring him for?” she snarls. “He doesn’t belong with us and you know it, Bob.”
Roberto shrugs, and that makes him look like a harmless old human despite the power tied to his being. With angels, looks are very deceiving until they demonstrate what they are truly capable of, and by that point, you would probably wish you hadn’t seen the truth because it means your life is about to change or, more likely, it’s over.
“He said he needed to see Jayzee.” He slips deeper into the room until I can’t see him anymore.
She smirks. “Yeah, I’m betting I know exactly what you want with Jayzee. You want all the facts Evan has wiped from your mind. You expect that out of the goodness of her heart, she will just fix things, right?”
I step to the door. “Something like that.”
“You’re a fool, Lev Walker. I didn’t know that when I met you, but I sure do now.” I start to enter, but Sarah plasters her hand on my chest. “You aren’t welcome here.”
“Step aside, Sarah.” I look up to find Jayzee standing there, a cold expression on her face. “Let him speak his mind, and we’ll see what comes of it.”
Sarah’s blue eyes glare at me. For just a few seconds, she remains where she stands, and I know that if it were up to her, I’d be on my way, but I sense a hierarchy here, and she’s definitely not in the power position. Jayzee, on the other hand, seems to be.
“Sarah,” Jayzee barks. It sounds almost like she’s calling down a guard dog.
“All right. Fine,” she growls and finally steps aside, giving me just enough room to slide past her. “Just don’t blame me when things go south. You can’t trust him, and you know it.”
Sarah stares at me, her lips in a hard line that tells me she’ll be anything but easy to persuade to help me, and while Sarah isn’t hiding her dislike for me, Jayzee is and yet I still feel the slightest edges of it, almost like she is wearing a mask worn thin from use.
“Well, well, Lev Walker, what brings you here?”
“I need your help.”
A brittle laugh escapes her. “My help? Really? You must be kidding.”
“Do I look like I’m kidding, Jayzee?” My tone is anything but light, and I stare at her, waiting for whatever she comes up with next.
“Why don’t you have a seat?” She gestures toward a sectional bent in an ‘L’ shape where two men, in addition to Roberto, now sit. There is also another woman there. As I look at them, I realize the two men have taken the forms of older teenagers, but the female is middle-aged. Interesting assortment. Right away, I get that feeling that not everything is as it should be, but then again, since waking up with no memory, I feel that pretty much all the time, so this is no different.
Of course, if Jayzee is going to help me, I’m going to have to play the game her way, no matter how I feel about it, so I force myself to go to the couch and sit between one of the males, the taller one, and the middle-aged woman with long, dark hair parted down the center.
“All right, now what?” I manage, unnerved by the fact that everyone, and I do mean everyone, is staring at me. No one is even looking at Sarah as she slinks into the room and sits by the other teenager. Without taking his eyes off me, he slips his hand atop her thigh and squeezes it.
Ever felt like you’ve walked into a viper’s nest?
“I take it you do remember everyone here, right, Lev?”
I look around the room blankly and Sarah starts to laugh, easily enjoying my misery way too much.
Jayzee arches an eyebrow. “Well, before we get down to it, why don’t I offer a few introductions and go from there?” She points to the guy holding Sarah’s hand and says, “This is Colin Gaines.”
As Colin looks at me and gives an imperceptible nod, I notice how dark his eyes are, and while I try to detect his chaos level, I can’t. It’s another indicator that despite the young human shell he has adopted, the spirit housed within is much older and definitely more powerful than I am.
Jayzee points to the tall, lanky teen next to me. “And next to you is Kane Bristow.” He too, peers at me with dark eyes and gives a slightly more obvious nod.
That leaves only one other—the woman with long, dark hair on the other side of me. Jayzee quickly turns her attention to her, but I can tell there is again a deference in order. Jayzee starts to say something, but the woman’s dark eyes silence her. “I’m Theresa Whitmore.” She reach
es out for my hand, and I shake hers.
“And are you pretending to be the house mother?” It’s only a half-serious question, but what else can I assume about all these angels in one place? How else would they keep up appearances?
She laughs, and the sound of it is like warm butter melting, totally appealing. But that laughter never quite touches her eyes. “In a manner of speaking, yes, that is correct, Lev. Would you like to move in as well?”
I start to open my mouth, but Sarah beats me to it. “No, he’s here for something else. Something that dear old Evan has taken, locked up, and thrown away the key to.” She nods at Colin, who quickly lifts his arm so that she can snuggle by him. “Poor, poor, Lev.”
“And what might that be?” Theresa asks, leaning back, her gaze still resting on my face.
“His memory,” Jayzee replies, grabbing a glass from the counter before she sits beside Sarah, across the room from me.
“Your memory?” she repeats, her eyebrows lowering as she tries to read my expression. She’s also probably trying to detect my chaos level as well, and if she’s half as old and powerful as I think she is, she’ll be able to tell there’s a lot of confusion within me. There’s really no point in trying to hide it.
“Yeah, it appears I was involved in some kind of incident that didn’t go well here in the Lower Realm. I don’t have many memories besides recent ones, which is why I don’t recognize any of you. Sorry.”
Jayzee takes a sip and shakes her head. “Did he even give you any hints what caused him to blot out your memory?” She lifts the glass and swirls the ice cubes, watching them spin in the green, clear plastic.
“No. He won’t tell me anything.” I swallow hard, suddenly wondering if I have made the right decision in coming here. What if Evan has really done the right thing?
“What about Celia?” Sarah asks.
“Celia always sides with Evan,” Colin says, giving her a knowing look, and he is right. While angels aren’t born into families like humans, Celia might as well have been born Evan’s daughter. She is completely loyal to him, just like a blood daughter is to her human father.
“Have you not been able to infer anything?” Kane asks, leaning forward. He is suddenly every interested in this conversation.
“Just that there is a human girl involved.” The words are out of my mouth before I even second-guess whether I should have spoken them.
“A human?” The way Jayzee says the word, it comes out as an unholy oath which troubles me all the more.
“Yes.” Even thinking about it causes a memory of Elizabeth Moon to stir, and I shut my eyes, trying to shove it back, but it refuses to go.
“How could that be a source of something bad enough for Evan to wipe your memory?” Kane asks, staring intently at me. “You didn’t….” He frowns and leans closer, which definitely feels…uncomfortable.
“No, I didn’t!” I snap. While the response is an automatic no-brainer, I’m also positive whatever I might have felt toward Elizabeth, the physical side of things didn’t come into play. There are lines that can’t be crossed. Period.
“Then why?” Sarah asks, an amused twinkle lighting her eyes as they all continue to fixate on me.
“I don’t know. I wish I did.” My response is weak, even by my standards.
“Perhaps you should tell us more about this mortal and we can help you figure out what is going on,” Bob suggests, glancing at the faces of the angels assembled around me, all waiting for something I am not sure I want to give.
“Her name is Elizabeth Moon.” I try to lean against the back of the couch, but my back feels too stiff and rigid, like I can’t relax. Perhaps it had more to do with being so near to strangers, I console myself. Of course, the other option is talking about Elizabeth to angels who do not know her.
Who was I kidding? This me doesn’t know her, either, so what harm can there be in just talking, right?
“What else can you tell us about the mortal?” Colin asks. “Any details might be important so be as thorough as you can.”
I draw her image closer. In some respects, it’s like adjusting a camera lens to focus on certain details—her full lips, her almond-shaped eyes, her flat cheekbones. All the hints of her are there, but it still isn’t enough to link us in any way, and those missing pieces are driving me crazy.
“Lev?” Theresa leans close to me and sets one hand atop mine. I struggle with the urge to pull away and finally just let her hand sit there, figuring it’s best to ignore her.
I shrug. “I don’t remember much, really, just the strange connection between the two of us, and Evan hasn’t really said anything else, which is why I’m here.” I keep telling myself omission isn’t the same as lying even if the two feel similar, and I try to master the chaos whirling within, but it seems stronger than ever. I stiffen, wondering if they can sense it.
“Yes, I guess that is why you are here,” Colin says, his tone more dismissive than sympathetic. “The question is, what do you think we can do about it?”
Theresa frowns. “Colin, let’s not be hasty. I think perhaps if we look into this…situation…we might be able to find out more about Elizabeth Moon and your connection to her.” She squeezes my hand, and I pretend my other arm itches and pull my hand from beneath hers to scratch just above my elbow.
“All right, Theresa. Why don’t you look into it, then?” He gives her a hard glance and rises. “I’m going to get something to eat.”
Part of me wants to laugh. After all, it’s really a joke because while we might appear human, our bodies don’t work that way. The last thing we ever need is human food, so for Colin to say that and get up, acting the part of a human, which he isn’t, is either a really bad joke or an insult. Either way, it’s not good. That much I’m sure of.
“So is that it, then?” I ask, trying to ignore the chaos swirling inside me so rapidly it threatens to overtake me.
“What exactly are you thinking we can do?” Kane asks, setting his elbows on his thighs so he can rest his head in his hands.
“I figured you might know something about my past.”
“We know lots about your past, Lev, but most of it is ancient history.” Sarah glares at me.
“And it won’t help anyone if we go back over it. Trust me on that score.” Jayzee also stands, probably heading into the kitchen with Colin.
“Great,” I mutter, gritting my teeth.
Theresa takes a deep breath. “Don’t worry, Lev. I’m sure we’ll find something we can use. It’s just going to take time.”
I stand and bite my tongue to keep from saying that’s probably the one thing I don’t have. I mean, I can’t even seem to complete sojourns without falling apart, and I really need answers to make it all make sense.
“Yeah, whatever.” I turn and head for the door. On the way, Bob rises and grasps my arms.
“Look, son, I know this wasn’t what you wanted, but that doesn’t mean we won’t find what you are looking for. It’s just not going to be as quick as you would like. Give us some time.”
“All right.” I slowly walk out of the room, still feeling them watching me, and it’s only when I’m outside the house and staring at the other angels through the sliding glass door that I wonder if I’ve made a horrible mistake. Colin stands there, a drink in hand, and Kane is right beside him. They are all talking but are still mindful of me out here.
What am I doing?
That is a good question, but I don’t dwell on something I can’t answer as I lift into the sky. It’s late afternoon, and the sun has crossed, heading for its final descent. I used to love this time of day, but anymore, I’m so twisted and turned, I don’t know what’s part of the me I am now and the me I used to be. It’s all jumbled, and I don’t know how it’s ever going to right itself while I’m stumbling around in the dark.
By the time I’ve reached the Upper Realm, the chaos consumes me. I stand in front of the ocean, staring at the perfect reflection of the mountain.
“Lev
, what are you doing?”
I turn and find Celia standing there, her hair spilling around her face in loose corkscrew curls that refuse to be tamed.
“I don’t know what you mean?”
“Don’t you?” Her voice is soft, and that alarms me. With most people, they only get louder when they get upset. She’s the exact opposite, which should trouble me because her voice can’t get much softer. She steps towards me, and stops, setting her hand on my chest, her fingers splayed wide. “I can feel the chaos, and nothing good will come from that, Lev. Nothing. You must let it go.”
I step back, ashamed she feels my being spinning so far out of control. “What am I supposed to let go of, Celia? You want to explain that to me?” I fold my arms across my chest.
“I think you know that, Lev. You might not know all the details, but you know enough that you realize in not letting it go, you’ll only drift farther off course.”
“What course, Celia? I don’t see one.”
Throwing up my hands, I fly off without waiting her answer. Somehow I already know what she is going to say because I feel it humming below the chaos. I’m just not willing to listen.
Chapter Eight
I don’t know if it’s minutes or hours after Celia finally leaves that I feel the slight tug of a sojourn call. It’s often that way in the beginning, and the feeling only grows stronger as the time gets closer for the soul to be carried. I’m not expecting it, so the initial stirring takes my breath away and makes me focus for a second or two before I even recognize what a direct calling feels like anymore. I haven’t been in any shape to escort any souls.
One way or another, I’m going to get things back on track, no matter how hard that might be.