As I walked down the stairs, I heard counting.
“What’s going on?” I asked, and then I saw Danny and Kyle on my basement floor. Oh no, this couldn’t be good. As I got closer and could see better, it seemed that while I was upstairs they had decided to have a push-up match. I didn’t know which of them started it, but it wasn’t good. We all watched as this boy I so easily melted with and my new boyfriend battled for push-up champion. I felt really sorry for Kyle when Danny beat him at their game. I could tell by the look on Kyle’s face he wasn’t too happy that Danny was at the party, more so now that he just lost the challenge. I didn’t understand why boys do dumb things like that. But I guess it could have been worse and they could have done something more violent than push-ups.
The party ended late. Kyle had to leave to catch a bus home. I knew he wasn’t happy with the night’s events. I walked him outside to say goodbye, dreading the inquisition I knew was about to come.
“Why aren’t Danny and David leaving?” Kyle questioned me the second we were alone.
“David really likes Beth, and since she’s leaving the day after tomorrow, he just wants to spend some more time with her. I’m sure they’re going to leave very soon,” I answered. I was anxious to get back inside and I really didn’t want to fight with him.
“I don’t know why Danny showed up here in the first place. He does know that we’re going out, right?” Kyle asked me.
“Of course, he does. You have nothing to worry about, he has a girlfriend. We’re just friends,” I told him. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wondered if I sounded convincing.
“Well…I need to get going or my brother and I are going to miss the last bus. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He leaned over to give me a kiss goodnight, wished me a happy birthday again, and walked away.
I knew I would be questioned more the next day. Thank God, he had to catch the bus or I would’ve been forced to answer more questions. I couldn’t explain why Danny made everything else in my life seem unimportant, but that was just the way it was.
When I walked back into the room, Danny smiled at me.
I knew he was proud of himself that he was able to beat Kyle.
David and Beth were deep in conversation on the couch.
Danny called me over. He reached into his pocket and handed me a tiny box. “Happy Birthday. Brianna helped me pick this out for you.”
I truly hadn’t expected a present from him. I wasn’t happy hearing Brianna helped him either. I opened the box. Inside was a beautiful gold rose ring. I’d never seen anything so beautiful. I took it out of the box and put it on. I couldn’t stop staring at it.
“Do you like it?” Danny asked.
“Like it? I love it!” My excitement was in overdrive. I gave him a hug and a kiss. He instantly grabbed me in a tight bear hug, one that I didn’t want to end. It felt so good to be back in his arms again. My mind instantly began thinking that this was a sign that maybe he wanted to get back together. Why would he spend so much on me and come to my party if he didn’t love me?
We stayed up most of the night just talking, kissing here and there. I didn’t ask the question about getting back together. I also avoided what was going to happen about school. It didn’t look like he was going back and would start working full-time for his dad.
It was 5:30 a.m. when he finally got up to go home. “What are you and Beth doing for her last night here?” he asked me.
“My dad offered to buy us a bottle of wine,” I stated.
“Is it all right if David and I come over? I’m sure we can help you drink that,” he joked.
“Sure!” I know I shouldn’t have sounded so excited about that prospect, but knowing I would get to see him again made me so happy.
“Okay, I’ll call you later. I hope you had a nice birthday.” He pulled me into another tight hug, and gave me a kiss.
“It was the best birthday ever. Thank you so much for the ring, I love it! I will never take it off.” I meant every word.
Beth had passed out a long time ago. I couldn’t even remember when David left. When Danny was in my world, I remained in a place with only him.
I laid on my bed, staring at my ring, and praying that tomorrow would be just as wonderful as today.
~* * * *~
The next night, Danny and David did come over. We drank the whole bottle of wine that my dad got us. I tried to teach Danny to dance. We had the time of our lives. We laughed so much while watching Danny try to dance drunk. He stayed over really late again. The conversation of getting back together was avoided. We just lived in the moment. Danny and David offered to come with me to take Beth back to Port Authority the next day to catch her bus back home.
We left early to catch the train to the city, which is where the bus station is. When we got to the train station, David wanted to run to White Castle real quick. He didn’t make it back in time and missed the train. Beth looked really disappointed that she didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to him. It was really sad seeing her leave again.
I truly had the best birthday weekend I could have ever dreamed of. I got to be with Danny all weekend. Once the weekend ended, life would go back to normal. Danny and I wouldn’t get back together and I would continue to go out with Kyle. He wasn’t happy about my being friends with Danny, though. I didn’t know how I would ever explain the ring to him, but somehow I did.
The magic and color in my world disappeared again, as quickly as it had come for Danny and me.
~* * * *~
A few months later, a dozen roses arrived at my door, with a note from Danny saying that he was thinking of me. The roses reminded me of my ring, that I wore every day, and of the wonderful weekend when he gave it to me, when life was good. He was never far from my thoughts, but I also accepted that our chance encounters would not necessarily mean we were back together. We would meet, share a wonderful night together, and go back to our separate lives.
Kyle and I broke up. We decided we were better at being friends. He didn’t like that I had a lot of guy friends, and he especially didn’t like that I was friends with Danny. He lived in a different town and went to a different school, so getting together was always a problem too.
The weekend that Danny’s brother was getting married arrived. Danny was in the groom’s party. Since our families were so close, even though Danny and I weren’t together, we were all invited to attend.
Before the wedding, Danny was in one of his bad moods, bragging to me about how Brianna would be there and he would be spending a lot of time with her. We got into a huge fight. I had figured he would be past it and in a good mood since it was his brother’s wedding. But when I saw him at the wedding, I wasn’t prepared for what followed. He was so drunk he could barely stand.
I was standing with my dad when Danny’s words slapped me in the face.
“Your daughter is a slut,” he said in a slurred voice.
I stood there with tear-filled eyes, not believing what I just heard him say.
His dad was close by and grabbed him by the arm.
I didn’t know how my father restrained himself and didn’t deck Danny right there. Then my father grabbed Danny’s other arm and they pulled him into the elevator and disappeared.
Did he really feel that way about me? Why would he say something so horrible to me and to my dad?
My mom quickly came over to me and took me into the bathroom. We didn’t speak—nothing could change the words I’d heard, and I don’t think my mom knew what she could possibly say that could make what just happened better.
My dad didn’t come back to the table for a while. When he did return, he told me that he and Danny’s dad took Danny and got him sobered up. This was after Danny had barfed everywhere. It seemed they all were drinking in the limo, and no one was paying attention to just how much he was taking in.
Nothing mattered to me by then, except getting out of that place and getting as far away from Danny as I possibly could. I wouldn’t even look a
t him. For the first time in our two years of knowing each other, I was so humiliated, infuriated, and confused. My mind was filled with thoughts that kept racing by, like…Why did he do this to me? How could he do this to me? I was beyond embarrassed. I didn’t know how I would ever get past it. That night, I cried myself to sleep.
The next day, a ring of the phone led me to find a letter in my mailbox. I knew it was him. I really didn’t want to read it. I did not want to hear how sorry he was.
Cassidy,
I am really sorry for yesterday. I know you are not going to believe me. I couldn’t sleep last night. I do not even remember all that happened but my brother told me what I said to your dad. I don’t know why I would say something that horrible. You know I don’t think that! I am going to come over later and apologize to your dad and you in person. I hope you will forgive me. I love you always and forever!
Danny
I made the decision right then and there that I wouldn’t be home when he arrived. I called Leslie and made plans to hang out with her that night.
I found out later when I got back home, that Danny did stop over and talked to my parents. They also told me he seemed upset that I wasn’t there, so he could apologize to me in person. Sorry just didn’t erase the words that were said, not by someone who claimed to love me. Someone I had given my heart and soul to over and over. I made up my mind right then— I was done.
~* * * *~
David and a bunch of my friends all got tickets to go see Charlie Daniels at the Nassau Coliseum. We had to rely on his parents to drive us there and my parents were the ride home. Probably a good thing because they wouldn’t freak if they realized we were a little buzzed. One of my friends snuck a wine sack in and we all drank some.
Halfway into the second song, I was looking around at all the people; the place was so crowded. Then my eyes stopped. No! It couldn’t be! A couple rows ahead of me was Danny and right by his side, hanging on him, was Kate. I knew I shouldn’t care, yet I could feel my temperature starting to boil. I wondered if he acted moody and nasty to her. The music kept playing but my eyes wouldn’t stop staring at them. The next thing I knew, he was facing my way. Does he see me? That’s a dumb question. You know damn well, he sees you. He smiled, waved to me, and turned back around. I tried really hard to concentrate on the concert and enjoy the show. My friend Liz tapped me on my shoulder, which brought me out of the trance I must have been in.
“Check out the new guy, his name is Chaz!” She was giddy from the wine and would have liked nothing more than to hear me stop complaining to her about Danny every day.
“I met him at school the other day,” I replied. He wasn’t bad looking but I wasn’t sure I wanted to go out with anyone just yet. He had a dark complexion, dark brown hair, and charcoal eyes. Between Kyle and Danny, I was done with dealing with boys.
“Well, I just heard him tell Christopher that he likes you and wants to ask you out,” she babbled to me. “You really should go out with him. You truly need to get over Danny once and for all.”
I didn’t want to get over Danny, deep down. No matter how hard I tried, thoughts of him constantly filled my mind. I didn’t go out with the new boy. We did hang out with the same people, and I did see him a lot, but I needed the time to myself.
Time moved on and the holidays arrived and left as quickly as they always do. I did agree to meet Danny one night. We didn’t talk about the past. In no time at all, it seemed like nothing bad ever happened between us. I didn’t understand how I could still love him. On weekends, we would occasionally wind up together late at night.
I thought I had finally realized that life with Danny was like an impending hurricane. One minute, things could be good and happy and then in a fleeting moment, it would be gone.
CHAPTER SIX
1980 – Age 17
A Burger King was built right by our school. Liz and I both applied and got jobs there. Opening day was New Year’s Day. I arrived at work very excited. I was looking forward to working there. Liz and I would hopefully have the same shifts. The manager handed me a uniform and I went downstairs to get changed. When I returned, I saw something I couldn’t believe. There, already in a uniform, was Danny! Somehow, neither of us told the other that we were going to work there. Why did our paths always seem to cross? Did fate have to keep putting us in the same place? The day went so fast, it was so busy, there wasn’t time to worry about Danny. As soon as my shift ended, I left. I didn’t look around for Danny. My mom was there to pick me up and drive me home.
A couple of days later, Danny bought his first car and went to my house to show me. He called it the Arabian. I didn’t know cars, so I had no idea what kind of car it was. All I knew was now he had the freedom to go places. I couldn’t wait until I got my license and my first car. It would be a great feeling to be able to go where I wanted.
“Feel like taking a ride?” he asked me.
“Sure! Where do you want to go?” Not that I really cared. I was just happy to be going for a ride.
“Let’s go to Jack in the Box, then we can just drive around the harbor,” he replied.
“Okay, let me grab my jacket and tell my parents I’m going out.” I headed to the door. I didn’t give my parents a chance to question me too much.
We went to Jack in the Box and I ordered a hamburger. Afterward, we drove around and pulled over in a deserted area. It was barely a minute before we began making out. It’d been a really long time since we had kissed. There was a sense of urgency between us that wasn’t there before. Nothing had changed for us, though. We had a wonderful evening together, but it was just another memory and reminder that it was something I didn’t really have.
~* * * *~
Time moved swiftly for me. The boy from the Charlie Daniels concert asked me to go out with him. I decided to say yes. It was nice to have a boyfriend again. He was friends with all the same people I was, something Danny and I didn’t share. There wasn’t a worry that he would lose friends by hanging out with me all the time.
Right by our high school was a pizza parlor that we visited daily, right next door to Burger King. Those places would get overcrowded during lunchtime. The businesses shared a huge parking lot, which was also the designated hang out spot for nights.
I don’t know who brought the bottles of wine, but we were all drinking it. The couples in the group came up with an idea to put their names on the wall that was right by the pizza parlor. That way, everyone would see it. I decided to put my and Chaz’ names on the wall in a heart. I knew Danny would see it. Then he would see that I had moved on.
The next day, I was anxious to see the artwork that we all created the night before. I walked up to the wall, but I might as well have been punched in the stomach when I saw “Danny and Kate, Always and Forever,” right next to Chaz’ and my names. He had used our phrase! That started a war of words on the wall between Kate and me. I saw her at school with the rest of her snooty friends, but we managed to stay out of each other’s face. I wasn’t sure what she knew about me, but I guessed she knew I was Danny’s ex.
The war had begun. For the next few weeks, each day, new hearts with names and dates appeared on the wall. Before long, the wall was filled. I’m sure the pizza parlor knew who was filling the wall. We were in there enough, and they knew all of our names. They never said a word to us, though. When the wall could hold no more, the war of words was over, but our feelings towards each other lingered.
I knew I shouldn’t have cared about Kate being with Danny. He was free to be with whomever he pleased, and I was with Chaz, but as much as we weren’t together, I did not like the idea of him with someone else.
My phone rang once and soon Danny was sitting in my living room with me. Chaz and Kate were only briefly discussed. I think we both enjoyed the jealousy that our other relationships spiked in us. It was known by now that we were not getting back together. I worked really hard to keep the thoughts of us going out again, as far away as I possibly could. When he walk
ed out the door hours later, a piece of me sneaked out beside him, undetected. His heart might have been with Kate, and mine with Chaz, but my soul always went with Danny. There was a deep yearning in my heart, that no matter what I did, no matter what I said, all I needed to do was see his face or hear his voice and I would be drawn right back into the world that I loved. Yet, it was a world filled with uncertainty and tears.
CHAPTER SEVEN
1981 – Age 18
Days blended together, and our lives had taken us separate ways. That didn’t stop us from occasionally meeting up late at night some weekends. When we did, we always wound up staying up half the night talking, and sometimes making out, but things didn’t change. We still continued to be with other people.
When Danny’s car broke down on a trip to see his friends in college, he had to take a bus home to get money and go back. He asked me to go on the trip with him. I don’t recall how or where I told my parents I was going, but I went for the ride. We had to take a Greyhound bus to get there. We sat in the back of the bus, flirting and making out the whole way there. We went to his sister’s college and stayed the night with her. In the morning, we went to a small diner, had breakfast, and then started the journey back home. Wherever he got the car fixed, they didn’t fix it right, and before long, the car started to really act up. We had to drive really slowly the rest of the way home.
When we got back, life continued the way it had been. We didn’t get back together and we continued our separate, yet occasionally together lives.
On a night when I was with Chaz, we had a fight and I wanted to leave. In an instant, I called Danny to rescue me. He didn’t hesitate and told me he was on his way. In the meantime, Chaz and I worked things out, and he begged me to stay. There was no way to reach Danny to tell him not to come. I made the decision to pick a fight with Danny rather than tell him the truth that I wanted to stay. He got so mad, he punched a street sign and split his knuckles open. I felt horrible as I watched him drive away. I never told him the real reason I picked a fight, since with us fighting was common.