Chaz and I ended up breaking up for good shortly after that night anyway. We continued to wind up in the same places as we shared all the same friends. It was really hard and awkward. I wanted him back, more so, I believe, because I didn’t want to be alone.
I went out with my girlfriends to clubs in hopes of finding someone new. I knew in my heart that Danny and I were just good friends. He had made it clear too many times. Yet, whenever I needed help, Danny was the first person I always thought of to call.
A night out at the Oak Beach Inn, which was a dance club, would find my friend and me stuck with no way home. The guys we went with were complete assholes and left my friend and I stranded there. We were far from home and I wasn’t about to call my parents to pick us up. I made the decision yet again, to call upon Danny to rescue me.
He drove all the way out there and brought me safely home, never questioning why he was the one I called.
~* * * *~
I still wanted to get back with Chaz, although I really didn’t know why. I believe it was because it was nice to have a boyfriend who was friends with all the same people. Since David and I hung out with the same people, he tried to help me make that happen. It didn’t work.
Time moved on and before we knew it, it was time to start making plans for prom. It became clear that there was no way that I was going with Chaz. David and I decided to go together to prom. I knew there was no way that Danny would agree to go with me and I didn’t want to go alone. David and I were really good friends, so it seemed to be the logical solution.
Prom weekend came and went quickly after all the preparation for it. David and I had a great time. After the prom, we drove to Montauk Point with all our friends to watch the sunrise. We stayed there for a while and then headed back home. After we all changed and slept for a while, we went to New Jersey to Great Adventure to end our weekend.
~* * * *~
It was summer again, but this time I needed to move into the real world. I found a job in town at a microfilming place. On my first day, I met someone. His name was George. We stared at each other most of the day. He wasn’t what I would call great-looking, but he wasn’t ugly either. He had light brown hair parted on the side with a sort of swoop, reminding me of a 50s hairstyle. He was a few inches taller than I was and had a medium build.
I also met a girl named Crystal. She started working there a few weeks before I did, so they had her help me that day. She was really easy to talk to. It was like an instant connection. I found myself telling her a lot about myself and learned a lot about her as well. I found out she had a boyfriend and she thought that I should give George a chance, should he ask me. Funny, how in a short time she was another one who thought I needed to give up on Danny.
It was near the end of the workday when just that happened. George approached me and said, “Would you like to go out to dinner tonight? I know of a really nice Italian place we can go to if you’re not busy.”
“Sure, I would love to,” I replied, trying not to seem too anxious. It was the first time I would be going out with someone in what seemed like a long time.
“What’s your address and phone number? I can pick you up about 7:00, if that gives you enough time to get ready?” he added.
“Seven will be fine.” I wrote my address and number on a piece of paper and handed it to him.
We went to a really nice restaurant I’d never been to before. Talking to him was easy. We had a wonderful dinner. I think I may have just experienced the first time in years that I didn’t think of Danny for an entire night. After dinner, we pulled up in front of my house and sat in his car for hours, talking. He told me that he lived with his brother; his family lived in Chicago. When I noticed the time and realized we both needed to get up early the next day for work, we decided it was time to say goodnight.
“Thank you so much for dinner!” I told him. “I had such a nice time tonight.”
“Will you go out with me?” he asked me in a shy voice.
“Yes!” I replied without a second thought.
He leaned over to my side of the car and gave me a quick kiss goodbye. I got out of the car and went inside. I went to my room and replayed the evening in my head. I couldn’t believe how great the night had been. George was so different from the other guys I’d met. He was secure and knew what he wanted.
I found myself falling in love and truly happy for the first time in a very long time.
Christmas came and went. George gave me a beautiful bracelet with a heart. He had our initials engraved on the back of it. He got along with everyone in my family he had met. I ignored the fact that he didn’t seem to know when it was time to stop drinking.
I found out that Danny and Kate broke up but I didn’t even think about going out with him. I did occasionally meet up with Danny as we talked and reminisced. He knew I had a new boyfriend and that I was serious about him, but it didn’t seem to bother him.
CHAPTER EIGHT
1982 – Age 19
A New Year was when new hopes and dreams began. I got to see George every day at work and we saw each other most nights. We didn’t fight like Danny and I did, so life was peaceful.
George surprised me with tickets for Air Supply. He knew how much I loved their love songs. Everything about the night was perfect in every way. I knew every song by heart and enjoyed every second of the show.
We seemed to glide through the months without drama until a day in June when a phone call changed my safe world.
“What are you doing?” a familiar voice that always melted me asked.
It’d been months since we had seen or talked to each other. Yet, those few simple words made my heart flutter instantly. “Nothing, just listening to music, why?” I was instantly curious as to why he was calling me after all this time, and calling me without even putting a letter in the box first.
“Can I come over?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I answered, probably too quickly. “I’m upstairs in my room, listening to music.” It’s a good thing that George was going out with his brother that night. I wouldn’t have wanted to have to lie to him to find a way to see Danny.
Was it moments, seconds, minutes or an eternity since he called? Time seemed to have decided not to move. I couldn’t imagine why he wanted to come over after all this time. I heard my front door open and close. I heard his voice talking to my parents. My heart wouldn’t stop pounding in my chest, anticipating why he wanted to come over.
I tried to find something to keep me busy, so I started going through my record pile, finding a song to put on my stereo. I was deep in thought when his voice snapped me back to reality.
“I got this for you,” he told me as he handed me a cute teddy bear that had the words, I Miss You on it.
Sad Eyes was once again playing in the background. My mind couldn’t seem to think straight or even come out with words to respond. “You miss me?” This was all I could come up with to respond. After all this time and all these months, when I had finally moved on and was happy, now he missed me?
“Yes,” he whispered. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you lately. I really miss you. I want you back!” He hesitated for a moment and then said, “I love you.”
All those feelings I had put behind me came crashing down on me. I think I just left my body and was watching from above like in a dream. He wasn’t really here telling me this, right? I hadn’t heard him say that he loved me in so long. Nope, he was still there and I didn’t know what to do.
He pulled me closer and began to hug me really tight. A soft kiss lingered on my lips. I still couldn’t even speak. We started to make out and I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t know if I wanted to stop. Being with him after being apart for so long, reminded me just how much I loved being wrapped in his arms and how much I loved his lips against mine. The hickey that resulted from our night of passion would be a serious problem, though. I didn’t know how on earth I was going to explain that one to George. It wasn’t like I coul
d avoid him—we did work together.
I told Danny that I needed time to think it all through, because I was afraid to go back with him and wind up breaking up again. After he left, I tried to work it out in my mind, until my mind felt ready to explode and just shut off.
I managed to cover the hickey and faced George at work. I felt like shit. I knew I had to make a decision and it was one I didn’t want to have to make. I told him that I wasn’t feeling good to avoid too many questions. I figured if he thought I was sick he wouldn’t ask me what was wrong. It also got me out of having to see him that night.
As soon as I got home from work, I put in an SOS call to Liz. She would help me figure this mess out. She understood my relationship with Danny and knew that as much as I said I had moved on and thought I had, the love Danny and I shared went way too deep.
She arrived at my door with a box of tissues in hand. The girl knew the rain was going to come. I told her calmly all the events of the last 24 hours. She didn’t interrupt, but did what I needed her to do—just listen and not judge.
“I think you need to be fair to George,” Liz advised. “Are you sure Danny really wants to get back together and are you sure that is what you want to do? You have been so happy lately, do you want to risk that again by going back to Danny?” She handed me a tissue.
I knew all her words were true. “I know—it’s just so hard.” My tears began to fall quite freely now. “I think I love George, but my love for Danny is just—just so different. My feelings for Danny are just—you know what I am saying, right?” I could barely talk at that point, so I was praying she got it.
She was my best friend so of course, she understood as she handed me another tissue. “I do understand, but I just don’t want to see you get hurt again,” Liz stated in her best-friend with-sympathy voice. “I know how badly Danny ripped your heart out last time. You know whatever you decide or whatever happens, I will be there with a box of tissues. Maybe you should take some time and really think about this. Talk to Danny, be sure this is what he really wants and that he’s not just playing games with you.”
I knew she was right. Danny might have already changed his mind by then. I could ruin what I had with George and wind up without either of them. I rang Danny’s phone once and waited for him to respond. A minute later, my phone rang. We met outside.
“I spent all night and day thinking about what you told me.” My words seemed to hang in the air. “I know I love you with all my heart, but—I know our history. I would love nothing more than to be your girlfriend again. I just need to know that this is real and that this is truly what you want, too.”
“I told you last night, I miss you! We have had so many good times together. I love you and I want to be with you,” he responded.
“I want to believe you, and part of me does believe you, but I am scared of getting hurt again,” I explained. “You know I’m with someone else and I don’t want to give that up and then wind up losing you again too.”
“That’s not going to happen,” he tried to convince me. “We are older now and I really think things will be better for us now.”
Every single part of me wanted to believe this more than anything in the world, but did I?
He pulled me into his arms, our eyes met. Our eyes spoke in ways that meant no words needed to be said.
When he left, I began to devise my plan to break up with George. I knew that my heart belonged to Danny and I had to try to make it work with him. I decided that the truth was what I needed to tell George. I am an honest person and I just didn’t want to lie to George. He deserved the truth. I did care about him but I had to follow my heart and see where it took me.
George’s reaction wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. He was upset but also seemed to understand. He wanted me to be happy and if I believed that I could have that with Danny then he was willing to let me go.
I quit my job. It was just too hard to face George every day after what I’d done. I would find a new one where I wouldn’t have to face someone I hurt so badly. Crystal was so upset that I quit, she said work wasn’t the same without me there. She was soon thinking of quitting and getting a different job.
I walked over to my jewelry box, gently opened it, and gazed inside. There sitting exactly where I left it was my ankle bracelet from Danny. I didn’t wear it on my ankle, but instead attached it to a chain and wore it around my neck. I wanted everyone to see it. It was now official—I was back with Danny. As I stared at myself in the mirror and looked at my ankle bracelet, I realized just how badly I wanted this. Deep down, I knew but it wasn’t until that moment, when I could put it back on that reality really hit me.
On our first official date back together, we decided to go to the drive-in and see Fast Times at Ridgemont High. It was so easy for us. We picked up right where we left off as if no time apart had occurred.
We became a couple in ways that we’d never been before. We went to his brother’s for parties. When we were asked how long we were together, we always said five years; it was as if we never were really apart. We talked about getting engaged sometime next year. Things were the way I believed they truly should be.
Four months later—everything changed for me. All of a sudden, Danny wasn’t calling me when he was supposed to. He was going out with his friends a lot and I was left to wonder what was happening. I felt so confused. I wished he would talk to me when he had a problem. If I was the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with, he should be able to talk to me about anything. I really hoped Danny and I could find a way to communicate better when things weren’t good. When I questioned him, he told me not to worry, that everything was fine and we would be married in about a year from then.
I was still worried though. Something didn’t seem right with Danny lately. He was hanging around with someone whom I believed was doing drugs. I questioned him and he told me that he wasn’t.
“Let’s go away for the weekend,” Danny said to me. “I think we could use some time alone, what do you think?”
“Where do you want to go?” I was really excited. This could be a chance for us to really have some time alone.
“Let’s go to Lake George. I think we can find a place not too expensive there and we’ll go for the weekend.”
“I love the idea! Let’s do it.” I was already thinking about what I should pack. I also wondered what my parents would say about this. I didn’t really care if they weren’t happy about it; I wasn’t a child anymore. I could go away with Danny if I wanted to.
We spent the rest of the week finding a place to stay and getting our stuff together to bring. My parents’ reaction wasn’t what I anticipated. They didn’t freak out or give me a hard time.
The day arrived, the car was all packed up, and we started our weekend journey together finally.
“Let’s stop in Rockaway, get a little pot for the trip,” he told me. “We won’t get much, just so that we can smoke a little together, okay?”
“Umm, I guess so,” I answered hesitantly. I didn’t want to argue about this and I guessed it would be all right.
“We’ll stop at the bicycle store.”
“A bicycle store sells pot?” I never heard of the place but obviously, he had and must have gone there before. I wasn’t happy about it but I just wanted to get away. I also didn’t want to ruin our trip by starting a fight with him about it.
We pulled over and he got out of the car. “I’ll be right back, just stay here in the car.” He then crossed the street to go into the store.
I was listening to music on the radio, deep in thought and dreaming about our trip, when in an instant, my car door was swung open. My heart started racing. What the hell is going on? In a split second, a knife was on my neck. Then a large hand grabbed the necklace from around my neck and snapped it off.
A firm voice told me, “Give me your pocketbook right now, and be quick!”
It was dark and I was afraid to move, afraid to think, and too scared to even l
ook at who was there. I was completely frozen in time. I quickly handed him everything I had and in a blink of an eye, he disappeared. I was afraid to even close the car door. I didn’t want to move. I was frozen in shock. What if he was watching me and decided to come back? I finally got the courage, reached over quickly to close the door, and locked it. I leaned over and began pushing the horn. I didn’t let go, just let it honk. I wasn’t even thinking about all the attention I was bringing to myself at that point. My tears began to fall and hysteria took over. I couldn’t even see because my tears were falling too quickly.
All of a sudden, there was a loud bang on the window. I didn’t want to look. What if he was back and thought I didn’t give him everything? The banging continued and I heard Danny’s voice.
“It’s me. Let me in, what happened?” His voice sounded scared.
It was hard to talk, I was so scared, and just wanted to get out of there. “I w-was—robbed,” I managed to say as my hysteria continued.
“WHAT?” He was at a complete loss for words, too. It was minutes before he spoke again, “Tell me what happened. Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
I began shaking uncontrollably. I kept reliving the knife at my throat. I could be dead right now. My necklace and all my money were gone. “How am I going to explain this to my parents? I can’t very well tell them we were in Rockaway buying pot. I need to tell them something happened.” I knew if I didn’t come up with something good, I would never get to see Danny again. Even though I wasn’t a child, I lived under their roof and life would be hell if they knew what really happened.