Lonzo spotted us and frowned. “They with you, Miss Westing?” He directed the question toward Liv, but flicked his steely eyes toward the unsavory group beside him. Meeting my gaze, he frowned, like I was to blame for this mess. Just perfect.
“They’re with me! I’ll be out in a moment guys!” Liv giggled as Lonzo’s face burned with frustration. She swayed through the doorway, waving goodbye as she waited for me to reciprocate.
“You’ve got to be seriously kidding me, right?” I sank into my chair, feeling the touch of exhaustion push at my senses. My skin was tingly, numb almost, and my muscles burned from the coordination it took to dance and sing at the same time. It took effort to be a rock star. No one ever told me just how good a shape one had to be to rock it out every single night. I was constantly drenched in sweat, out of breath, and collapsed after every show from the effort. I didn’t know how Liv did it without suffering. I felt a hundred years old by the time the night was over. Wasn’t I way too young to be such a lightweight?
“Oh, come on, Sis. I have to get some air. This prison show on wheels kind of starts to suck the air out of me. Just for a couple hours.” She reached for me and caught the arms of my chair as she giggled into my face. The scent of alcohol and cigarettes made me choke.
Pathetic.
“You’re already loaded. How do I know you won’t collapse out there with these perfect strangers at any moment?” I cringed at the thought of that happening. What if they took advantage of an unconscious Liv?
“Oh, shut it. You’ve seen me drunker! I’ve seen you drunker…what was it? Sarge? Captain? Shit, I got to watch that movie again…Into the wind? Gone Wind?”
“Gone with the Wind.” I felt my voice croaking from the effort of not knocking Liv out myself. I turned away, found my reflection in the mirror, and focused my attention away from the train wreck called my sister. I didn’t want to know anything anymore. Didn’t want to be part of this stranger Liv.
“That’s da one...See you later, lover birds! Oh…and Audrey…don’t wait up. I’ll be back soon!”
The door slammed behind her in a rush of voices infiltrating the peace of our dressing room before being cut off as Lonzo herded the crowd away. I closed my eyes, trying to erase the look of exhaustion etching itself slowly across my face. I looked it, felt like utter crap. Damn, how did Liv do it? I had to admit, I was a tad bit jealous of her nonstop energies. That fucking bitch.
“Hungry?” Saul’s calm voice felt like pillar in the middle of a cave.
I found his gorgeous face with those mesmerizing eyes I could never get enough of. Their icy blue tint was a calm ocean on a windless day, and I wanted to dive in and snuggle up close to him forever. Giving him a smile, I reached for him, leaving my chair to lean on his.
“You know me too well.”
“That’s because I love you. Of course I should know you by now.”
I studied his eyes, hoping to see more than the blindness they represented. In response, he placed a warm hand on my arm, stroking his fingers up then down until the goosebumps flared, and my heart refused to stop its fluttering madness in my ribcage.
“Let me change,” I answered. “I’ll be right out and we can get some grub. I need fuel to think. It’s been months since Emilio left, but Liv isn’t the same. I still feel as uneasy as ever. Why? We have everything we’ve ever wanted, but there’s no peace.” I tapped my chest, hoping he got what my body language was saying. It was so strange to realize so much of our verbal cues were from physical motion. I wondered if he understood half of what I was trying to say.
“Get changed.” He threw me a wide, charming smile. “We’ll figure it out.”
Chapter Six
Liv
The nights turned into a blur of lights, voices, and endless alcoholic drinks. I didn’t really care to count how many I drank, who was with me, or even where I was for that matter. I wasn’t being careful, and I knew it would catch up to me eventually. Nevertheless, I partied the nights away with these strangers, fans, groupies, whatever you called them. Fame had its benefits, and it was an endless good time.
“Liv…hey, Liv!” A girl tapped me on the shoulder, causing me to spill my current beverage on the guy putting his moves on in front of me.
We both froze before I eyed him up and down, studying the large red stain seeping through his H&M shirt and light slacks. That was never going to come out.
“Um… sorry ‘bout that.” I gave him a cheeky grin before turning to glare at the culprit. “What’s going on now?” The bargirl held out a cordless phone in my face, looking as frustrated as she could to have to mingle in the mob of bodies stinking of pheromones and cheap alcohol. Believe me, I barely tolerated it myself.
“Phone call for you.”
“Thanks.”
The girl rolled her eyes, turning to walk back to the bar while shaking her head of tight blond curls.
Bitch.
“Hey wait!” I called out to her, “Can you point me to a quieter place to talk?” I curled my fingers over the sleeve of her white bartender’s long sleeve uniform. It was dreadful and plain but tight over her breasts, and with the black vest they made them wear to work here, it accentuated what little she did have. I gave her shirt another tug before she responded to me.
“Alright! Go up the stairs and to your right is the VIP room. It’s open.” She yanked her arm away and stomped off back to her station, looking perfectly disturbed. I grinned. My work here was done. They watered down the drinks way too much here anyway. I put the phone to my ear but really couldn’t decipher anything but the pumping beat of music and voices echoing around me.
“One sec, let me get to a quieter place. Can’t hear a fucking thing,” I said, hoping whomever it was calling would wait. If they didn’t, oh well, right? I didn’t really care either way. I needed a breather, so finding the VIP room was ideal for me. Couldn’t wait to get out of the suffocating and nauseating thrum of people who kept knocking into me and stepping on my toes.
I was ready to punch someone who grabbed me from behind, but was able to shake them off into the crowd before I got a good look at them. A guy for sure. Only men tended to grab women that way, not that I never had a woman try to hang on at any of the concerts we had and at the meet and greets. It’s just something I had experience in but never wished to repeat. I could beat them with the best of them.
Finally hopping up the stairs and down the hall where the bathrooms were, I made it to a room with a subtle ‘VIP ROOM’ sign off to one side of the door. Peering around, I had to make sure no one followed me before I turned the knob and pushed the door open. The room was dim, but the flashing lights of the dancefloor below kept the room in a constant glow. I clicked the door shut behind me and put the phone to my ear. The softer thump of bass from the club music vibrated the room through the walls and floor, making its way up my legs. I continued to sway to the music as I listened hard for my caller.
“Hello?” I pressed the phone harder to my ear, hoping I hadn’t lost the caller in the madness of the club.
“Liv…It’s Emilio.”
I almost dropped the phone, but caught it before it had a chance to slide down my chest. Emilio? How did he even know where I was?
“Hi! Oh…wow! How’d you find me? I didn’t tell anyone where I was tonight.” I squeezed my eyes shut, cursing at my own stupidity. I should tell people where I’d be; less of a chance to end up in an alley dead and unidentified. Plus, it would probably make it easier to find me if Emilio wanted to get hold of me. I usually left my cell phone in the tour bus.
“It wasn’t easy, but I have my ways, love.”
“Where are you?” I pressed my hand against the glass of the room’s walls overlooking the club. The crowd looked like a glob of people canned together like sardines, and the endless momentum of their bodies was dizzying from this high up. All of it, the music, lights, and the constant buzzing of alcohol in my head made me not take notice of the door clicking closed behind me.
> “Look behind you.”
I jumped around, eyes widening as I studied the figure standing in the middle of the room. His dark hair appeared longer than before, slightly curling under his ears and over his neck in ways I wanted to reach out to touch the strands. His eyes were dark in the dim glow of the room, but I’d recognize them anywhere.
“Emilio...” I dropped the phone and ran toward him, crashing into his body with a fury. I wanted to melt into him, become one and never be parted. Here he was after months of silence, no calls, no messages, emails or letters. Nothing. He’d disappeared, became a ghost of sorts. How could he have done that to me? How could he just leave and never try to reach out to me again?
I stepped back and slapped him.
“What was that for?” He rubbed his cheek, giving a pained expression.
“You disappeared.”
I had a feeling I’d underestimated Jonas’ control far more than I’d ever imagined. Maybe Emilio had his hands tied this entire time. Maybe he couldn’t contact me due to the risk of being discovered. So many things ran through my head that could’ve been or probably were. I didn’t care. He was here now, and I was more than relieved to touch my love, my heart, again.
“I’m sorry…”
I kissed him, all over—his lips, cheeks, neck, earlobes, all the places I could with my mouth to savor his taste and inhale his smell like an antidote to this everlasting depression and void I’d sunken into for the last few months without him. How could I survive his absence again? Would I if I had to? I didn’t want to know the answer to that, for then it would seem I’d have to ask if he was going to disappear again. Anything but that…please…
“Where have you been?” I whispered into his ear, finally able to pull away enough to speak to him, though I was out of breath. He was still devastatingly handsome in ways I could never get used to, still strong and fit. His muscles were defined under the buttoned up crimson shirt he wore paired with a sleek pair of black slacks. His shoes were polished to the shine, face smooth and shaved recently. He didn’t appear to have worn our separation badly. I, on the other hand, had let it carve its insanity into my head, my thoughts, my life, until all I could do to live from one moment to the next was intoxicate myself into some kind of high to blur the details out.
“I’ve been in Mexico, doing my brother’s bidding. You know that.” He stroked my hair with his strong fingers. Strong but soft and gentle, as if he’d been pampering them and no hard labor had touched those bones in years. Whatever he’d been up to, he was no worse for wear.
“I know. But…you never tried to call me or message. Why?”
My despair flooded my senses again as I peered at him expectantly, eyes shiny with tears. His calm demeanor made my insides suddenly jilt and boil as I realized he could’ve contacted me, somehow. If he’d really wanted to, he could’ve found a way, right? Even so, he’d found me now, beyond the reaches of his brother, down in the slums of this lonely hell I danced in, where no one knew my name but for the groupies that followed me from each venue, nameless faces, countless people who just wanted to hang out with me. Me. Liv Westing. Singer/Songwriter extraordinaire. Who wouldn’t? Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to party with a rock star?
The moments lasted forever, and I pulled away, waiting for his answers to all my eternal questions which plagued me for months.
“Why, Emilio?” I knew the answers. I knew why. I just wanted him to tell me the words himself.
“Business is business, Liv. You know that more than anyone else could. I did what I had to do. I’m back in the states, and Jonas has finally laid off my back so I chose to contact you now rather than sooner. Isn’t that enough?” He tilted his head and watched me as I started to pace the room. “Would you rather I brought him into our lives? I had to stay away, no matter how much it pained me to.”
I froze in my steps, wearing out the carpet underfoot. He had a point, I had to admit. But, man, that didn’t make the hurt of the last few months dull enough for me to feel completely appeased. I wished it would.
“I know. I get it. It’s just been so long. It really was like living in a nightmare, even on stage, even with everything I’ve ever wanted out there, under the lights, the music bleeding from my fingers, the songs I’ve written performed before thousands...It means almost nothing without you.”
He rushed toward me, pulling me into his arms. The lights flashed across his face in colors of neon purple, blue, and white. Even the strobes threw the room off balance and more into some psychedelic dance around us, like dancing in an ocean.
“I know, Liv, my love. Forgive me…” He hushed me and gently stroked my hair again, easing my frustrations away. He knew me so well. Everything anyone could do to calm my soul, he could do with just a slide of his finger, a gentle word, a sweet caress. I let him take me into him to feel his hot breath against my cheek as he pulled me closer. The music slowed outside the room into a slow dance number. I could still hear the soft lyrics, and they echoed in my head as we joined the dance, slowly turning in one spot in this dark room.
Even through the heartache the months had caused me without him, Emilio erased them with one soulful dance in the middle of a sea of chaos. There was nowhere I’d rather be, no one I’d rather spend the moments with, and no other man would do.
I gave a tiny prayer that it would last forever. Somehow, it had to.
Chapter Seven
Audrey
“Tell me, Miss Westing, how does it feel to have two of your songs in the Billboard’s top 100?”
The lights were blinding. I couldn’t even see the audience beyond them on the soundstage. The cameras felt like eyeballs focused on me, mirroring my face in their wide lenses. Even the teleprompter for the interviewer Barbara Stratton, a well-known anchor for the Los Angeles News, looked oppressive. I shouldn’t have agreed to do this. My stomach was in knots and I had such a late night at the New Year’s Party in Las Vegas the day before. I couldn’t even be running on two hours of sleep. I was sure to say something off before the night was over.
“It’s really surreal. Like it’s not happening to me, it’s someone else going through this…” What a generic response. I couldn’t think of anything else.
“Right. I’m sure it’s been a whirlwind for you and your band. How long have you been together?”
“Well, my sister Liv and I have been singing together since I can remember. In toddlerhood?” The audience gave a chuckle, and I grinned wide and big for them. “Saul recently joined us several months ago. We’ve been pretty tight ever since.”
“Now tell me, Audrey, did you have a feeling your album would go platinum within the first three weeks of release?”
I shook my head. “Oh, hell no. I mean…who does?”
The audience’s laughs kept me relaxed. At least I had that.
“How does it feel, being a platinum selling artist?”
I let out a long drawn out breath, my eyes rounding out to focus on the glaring lights staring me down instead of the audience’s faces. I wish I could see them, their gleaming eyes and attentive faces staring right at me, but maybe it was a good thing I couldn’t.
“It’s feels like I’m living in the best dream I’ve ever had.”
The clapping encapsulated the studio even more, and I started to feel the sweat pooling under my neck and down my spine. The heat from the spotlights was intense. I didn’t know how the people on shows did it. Thank goodness the interview ended just as fast and the lights whooshed off with a pop that made me jump. My tunnel vision surrendered me to the darkening studio, and I finally could breathe again.
Why did my nerves act this way? Such a roller coaster ride… I could never really point out how I’d end up feeling, or if I’d puke my guts all over the soundstage floor. Praying I’d make it through each interview somehow was always required.
How Liv never seemed bothered by all this was so unfair. Of course, I ended up doing most of the interviews without her and Saul for some re
ason. Talk about not fair.
“Liv!” I heard my name from the back corner off the stage. Heading in that direction, I spotted Saul waving me down. He wasn’t waving at me exactly, but it was close enough. The studio hand who’d led him there nodded toward me as he spoke to Saul before he turned to head back to whatever duty they were supposed to be doing instead of leading blind men around the place.
“Hey, Babe!” I grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled him in for a deep kiss. It was as good as it got with this man. He was my everything. I never knew I could feel so much for a man as I did for him. He was more than amazing; there was nothing like when I was with him. He made the days and the nights whole for me in every step he took and every caress he gave to me.
“How’d it go? Sorry I was late. I got those tracks you wanted mixed. I think you should hear them now, see if you like the direction me and Random went with the new songs you and Liv wrote. They already want us to hit the studio recording the moment the tour ends, if not sooner on our breaks.”
I lifted an eyebrow, surprised at the rush of it all.
“Really? Man, we won’t even get any rest going at this break neck speed.”
Saul wrinkled his eyebrows together, looking concerned as he rubbed away at his goatee. “I thought you wanted all this—the record deals, the touring, interviews, playing to large crowds that absolutely adore you.”
I laughed, letting his embrace tighten again, warming my soul. “I did. I DO. The way this is all going so fast is just making me off balance. It’s beyond my dreams really.”
Saul tickled my earlobe with his lips and breath while he spoke. “I know things are still crazy, but Jonas seems pretty satisfied with the way things are going. He’s pretty much out of the picture on the road.”