“Where are you going to stay?” she asks, throwing her phone in her bag.
“I’m going to book into the motel for now and start looking for somewhere more permanent tomorrow.”
“That’s no good,” she frowns. “You can stay at the cabin if you like? No one will know you’re there,” she offers.
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I am. We should get out of here, unless you want word getting back to Sparky you’re in town?”
I didn’t think about that.
“Come on, we’ll stop by the store and get some groceries. You can follow me up after.”
I leave cash on the table and we head out into the midday sun.
We drive for around forty-five minutes as I follow behind Alannah to the cabin. It is beautiful. I fall in love with the place instantly. She is right, there is no one else around for miles.
Completely private and perfect.
Both of us get out of the cars and begin grabbing the grocery bags.
“It will probably need a clean and airing as it’s been shut up since…”
I immediately know this is the infamous cabin my father took Alannah from.
She finds a certain key on her chain and opens the door. I follow up the steps to where she’s frozen in place.
She is looking down at the floor in the hallway. I hear her breathing rapidly then it forms into gasps, and she drops the bags to the floor and steps back.
“Hey, it’s okay. You should go, I’ll be fine from here,” I tell her, stepping into her line of focus blocking the sight in front of her.
“I’m sorry, I can’t go in. That’s where your father beat Billy…” she choked off and wiped her eyes.
I couldn’t hate my father any more than I already do watching my friend in pain because of him and his actions.
“Go on, get out of here,” I tell her again, and she listens.
She retreats back to her car and shuts the door. She looks once more at the cabin and starts the engine.
I wave lightly as she drives away. I wish there is something I could do to make it up to her but the scars he left her with are as permanent as mine.
Taking the bags into the cabin, I set about putting the shopping away. Alannah was wrong, someone has been here lately. It smells like bleach and polish throughout.
So, this is where I would have been if I made it out the night the Lost Souls blew up my father’s clubhouse? I take a tour of the place on my own and relax as I see as I have everything I need here and more importantly, there is a luxurious tub in the bathroom for me to take advantage of.
Turning on the taps and adding bubbles that are already here, my morning or rather all day sickness hits me like a bolt out of the blue and I make it to the toilet just in time to bring up the coffee I had in the diner.
Sparky...
Pulling on my cut and tying my boots up, I make a quick getaway from Jilly. She is perfect to come back to after a long run as we had just been on but I am not interested in her post sex chatter. Cas’s message was well received, we had no trouble from Lincoln or his boys.
With no work scheduled, the run done and dusted and my sexual needs tended to by the always willing Jilly, I only have one more need and that is too get wasted.
Last week I put a ban on myself thinking about Bonnie. So now I tend to drink a bit more to make sure I stick to it…getting wasted makes it easier.
A phone being thrown against the wall gets my attention and I swivel on the bar stool to see what is going on.
Cas is fuming, yelling for someone to get him another phone. One of the prospects hand him theirs and he punches in a number. Must be the same response as before because whatever is going on, he throws the prospect’s phone at the same wall and it shatters to the floor.
“What’s goin’ on Cas?” I ask, before he demands another phone to smash.
“Alannah took off earlier and now she ain’t answerin’ her phone. Slade picked up her signal at the cabin,” he said, through gritted teeth.
Oh. This is not good. She has not been back there since it all kicked off a few months ago.
“What the fuck is she doin’ there?” I ask.
“That’s what I want to know. Slade says her tracker is flashing back on its way here and she sure as shit is fuckin’ explainin’ herself,” he continues to yell.
“I’m sure she has a good reason to go there, you know how she feels about the place now,” I say, trying to calm him down before Barbie walks back into this.
“Exactly, so why has she gone there? Do me a favour brother, can you ride out and see if…”
He’s cut off by Alannah herself walking through the door. She looks completely innocent and stops mid step when she sees all of us watching her.
“What?” she asks.
“Where have you been?” Cas asks.
“I told you, I went to the store,” she replies.
Oh, her lying is not good.
“Oh yeah, what did you buy?” he asks, allowing her to dig her own hole a bit bigger.
“About that, I got all the way to the store and realised I forgot my purse,” she laughs.
I’m silently begging her to stop lying. She’s about to see a darker side to Cas and between the two of them, I will step in for Barbie.
Cas walks over to her and opens her bag, it doesn’t take long before he produces her purse and holds up in her face.
“We’re at the lying stage of our relationship already babe?” he asks, slightly louder than before. “I know you’ve been to the cabin,” he growls.
She looks to me and back to Cas.
“Let me guess, Slade?” she mutters, turning her glare to him at the bar.
He shrinks back and holds his hands up in surrender.
“I told you not to track me Cas.”
“I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t lie to me,” he argues.
Her eyes continually flick to mine and back to Cas. If she is looking to me for help, she’s on her own. I agree with Cas knowing where she is, it keeps her safe.
“I didn’t lie, I did go to the store. I…” she looks at me again. It is starting to make me uncomfortable.
“What do you keep lookin’ at him for?” Cas asks.
“Don’t talk to me like this, I’m not lying. I drove to the cabin out of habit, I got there, sat in the car then turned round and came home. That’s it,” she shouts.
Habit? What fucking habit?
She storms across the bar and heads up the stairs, leaving Cas watching her ass disappear. It is taking everything in him not to follow and carry on arguing. He may love her to the point of insanity but not knowing where she was brings back the painful memories he wants dead and buried.
“Want me to go check it out?” I ask him.
I don’t mind, it will waste a couple of hours and I want to know myself what is going on with Barbie.
“Yea. Something’s goin’ on with her and I’m hardly gonna get the truth out of her now,” he groans, disappearing up to their room.
I’m about to leave when I run in to Kitty. I haven’t seen her since before Michael got taken out. When Cas told her Michael had been killed she didn’t take it well. Barbie hasn’t dwelled on it because she knows Kitty is grieving but this is the first I know of that she has left the house and she still blames us for Michael’s death.
“Vice President huh” she snorts.
“How you doin’ Kitty?” I ask, ignoring her disrespect at my patch.
“How do you think I’m doing asshole” she snipes.
I’m about to tell her to fuck off but she carries on, “Tell Cas I no longer need the house. I’m going to my sisters and I’ll send for my things when I’m settled.”
“Aren’t you gonna say goodbye to Alannah?” I ask, quickly wishing I hadn’t.
Her face contorts into something evil.
“No I am not.”
She doesn’t say anything else and heads off. Even from behind I can tell she has lost weight and h
er blazing red hair has lost its flame.
I’ll leave Cas to sort this shit out while I get on with seeing what Barbie was up to at the cabin earlier.
Arriving at the cabin, everything looks the same as normal. I climb off my bike and kick the stand in place. Barbie isn’t the only one affected coming here. Images of Billy dragging himself across the front gravel springs to mind and his blood everywhere. It’s all gone now thanks to the newly recruited prospects. They spent days here, scrubbing, painting and laying new carpets. You would never know anything happened here to look at the place. We all have spare keys to the new door here. It’s a place we can come if we need to.
I let myself in quietly, gently closing the door behind me. The first thing I notice is cases at the bottom of the stairs. The silence is deafening, like no one is here. I check all the rooms downstairs before coming full circle to the cases in the hall again.
Climbing the stairs two at a time, I check the bedrooms and still no one. The last room to check is the bathroom. I lean against the door and can’t hear a damn thing. I turn the knob to find it locked, so someone is here after all. Taking a second to think this through, I think fuck it, there is nothing polite about me. I could knock but whoever is on the other side is not welcome on Lost Souls property.
I give the door one, hard kick and the frame cracks open….fuck it’s Bonnie.
I was wrong, she is welcome here.
I am so taken aback, I can’t find anything to say. She flies out of the bath tub and wraps herself in a towel.
“What the hell are you doing?” she screams, holding her hand to her heart.
That brings me back.
“What am I doin? What the fuck are you doin? How long have you been here?” I demand.
Is this where she’s been all this time? Right under my fucking nose.
“I was trying to take a bath,” she mutters sarcastically.
“What are you doin’ here Bonnie,” I repeat.
“Get out,” she yells, pushing me out of the door.
I step back and she closes the door as best she can with the broken frame. I lean against the wall waiting. She is out within a minute, dried and dressed. She stands there staring. I can see it her in her eyes, she is speed thinking what to do.
I wait for her to speak, she knows what I want to know.
“I was going to come and see you soon,” she begins.
I didn’t realise how much I have missed her soft voice until she spoke. Before I could stop myself, I was pressing her against the wall and kissing her. She fell into my arms and for a few blissful moments, everything felt right again. But like everything else it didn’t last long, she pushed into my chest and shoved me away.
“I need to tell you something. Firstly, I need you to know I’m not expecting anything from you, it is completely your choice…”
“Spit it out Bon,” I interrupt her.
I can’t hold out much longer. Whatever she is trying to say must be important to lead her back here.
“I’m pregnant.”
“What you tellin’ me for?” I stupidly ask.
“Don’t be a jerk. You’re the father Sparky. When I found out, I came back to give you the choice to be a part of your baby’s life,” she says.
All these years I have been so careful, and it is Bonnie who I fucking knock up. No, she has to have been with someone else, it can’t be mine.
“I’m not asking for anything from you. I’m not trapping you into taking me on. I’m going to do this on my own. You can come see the baby whenever you want, I’m not going to stop you,” she finishes.
I look at her standing before me and I see a different woman. She now stands tall when she speaks and she isn’t afraid to say exactly what she wants. I like that she’s stronger but it doesn’t mean I like what I’m hearing.
“Let’s get this straight. You rock up here, tell me you’re havin’ my fuckin’ kid. I can see the kid but you don’t want me?” I ask.
“Yes,” she answers, without any fucking hesitation.
I don’t know whether to laugh, punch the wall or fucking scream at her. Life is never going to be the same again and it is all her fault.
“You don’t want me. That’s fine. I’m gone.”
Fuck her, I won’t be spending any more time bitching after her. As for the kid, I can’t handle that right now.
I brush past her and get the hell out of the cabin. I can’t start my bike fast enough. I ride away from the cabin with no intention of going back to the clubhouse.
Chapter Thirteen
Bonnie...
Alannah hasn’t been able to bring herself to come back to the cabin but she is constantly on the phone. Everything I would say to her if she were here, I say in our long, exhausting phone conversations. It has been two days since Sparky walked out of here. He never returned to the clubhouse and no one has seen him around town. Alannah has told me not to worry, he will turn up after he has had time to think things through. What with the constant morning sickness it is easy to take her advice.
Well, until now as I open the door to see Cas standing there.
“Let me in Bonnie. I could’ve came straight in but I knocked out of courtesy,” he says.
I open the door wider and he walks straight past me, heading towards the kitchen.
“Sparky isn’t here Cas,” I tell him.
That has to be why he is here. I have repeatedly told him this over the last couple of days.
“I know he ain’t. I want you to tell me exactly what happened and how he was when he left here,” he said, making himself comfortable at the table.
I take a seat on the other side and inhale deeply. I am not scared of Cas’s actions but his no bullshit attitude and not to mention his good looks are very much still intimidating to me.
“I told him I was pregnant and I gave him the choice to be a part of the baby’s life.”
“How did he take the fan-fuckin’-tastic news?”
I hate the way he says it. It is fantastic news to me.
“He was a little shocked,” I admit.
“I can imagine, what else you did you say to him? I know Sparky, he wouldn’t take off over a kid. Since you shot out of town he’s been fuckin unbearable. I actually think you’re the one he fell for. Something else must have happened?”
He can’t be serious? Sparky is a strong man. If I affected him that much he would have said something.
“I also told him I didn’t want to be with him,” I finally admit.
Cas studies me intently before replying.
“From day one I knew you would fuck my club up in one way or another. Sparky saw God knows what and took a fuckin’ chance on you. You disappear and then rock up again, tell him you’re pregnant but you don’t want him. Are you that much of a bitch you can’t see you have probably destroyed him?” he snaps.
That is it. I am not taking this anymore.
“Me destroy him?” I shout, jumping off the chair fuming with anger. “You’re wrong, men destroy me! He wanted me to be honest with him and I couldn’t, he walked away and straight to another woman. I am not going to live like that anymore. In fact, I’m offering him the best of both worlds. A child I’ll raise while he’s free to fuck anything at the club without no commitment to me. I haven’t got the time or energy to worry about him.”
“You finished?” he asks calmly.
I try to catch my breath and nod.
“Well I’m fuckin’ worried about him. I don’t know where he is, he has his phone off so I can’t fuckin’ track him. I’ve got brothers out lookin’ high and fuckin’ low for him and all because of you.”
“Don’t you dare put this on me. What he does is down to him,” I shout.
How dare he blame me for Sparky running off like a wounded child. This is not my fault!
“Yeah, that’s true but at the end of it all it’s ‘cos of you he’s gone and I want him back,” he says.
I sit there silently. Whatever I say isn’t going to
be good enough, it isn’t like I can get a hold of him if his club can’t.
“If for any reason he comes back here, call Lana immediately and do anything to keep him put until I can get here myself,” he says, getting up to his feet.
By anything I think he literally means anything.
“I was trying to do the right thing. I know you don’t want me around but I’m not here for myself, I’m here for my baby,” I tell him.
He still doesn’t trust me and I get that, I really do with everything that has happened. But I need him to believe me on this. I want my child to have everything I never had and even if Sparky wants nothing to do with the baby, I’ll still have Alannah around for support.
“I couldn’t give a shit where you are as long as it doesn’t affect my club. At this point the brothers’ minds are on findin’ Sparky, all of us worried for him. Your brother’s shitty little club might not get brotherhood but ours does. One goes down, we all do and right now, we’re all fuckin’ down.”
“I understand. If he comes here, I’ll call Alannah,” I say flatly.
We could do this all day and all we would be doing is going round in circles. We are never going to agree and I get the impression he will never trust me so there is really nothing left to say.
He doesn’t say goodbye as he leaves and slams the front door behind him.
All day my conversation/argument with Cas has been playing on my mind. If I thought for one second Sparky wanted to play happy families, be a real couple, the whole nine yards, I would not have turned him away. The day he found me here and kissed me, I would have dragged him to one of the bedrooms and let him do anything to me. But he said nothing. It is like Cas expects me to be a mind reader. They all apparently see a change in him, but to me, he is a man I met a few months ago who would rather walk away when I don’t say something he agrees with. Between puking up everything I eat, I have managed to give the cabin a once over with the bleach again and am running another bath. The splintered doorframe reminding me of Sparky, I close my eyes and try to block him out.