There isn’t anywhere to drive to in this small town apart from a diner, the grocery store and a bar on the outskirts of town.
If I go to the diner again they’ll think I’m moving in and have nowhere else to go. If I go to the bar, it means walking in on my own and God knows who could be in there. Shut up Bonnie, you can do this. Park up, walk in, have a drink and leave. People do this all the time. Enter bars, drink and leave.
Nobody knows who I am. To them I could have all the confidence in the world, they simply don’t care.
I suck it up and get out of the car and walk into the bar. Okay, this isn’t so bad. There are four men scattered around at different tables and one guy sitting at the end of the bar. I walk to the empty end and sit on a stool, keeping my eyes firmly on the woman behind the bar.
“What can I get ya hun?” she drools.
I want to order shots and shots of tequila and be as reckless as I am feeling right now, but the test back in the motel bathroom remind me that might not be a good idea.
“A soda please.”
She flounces to the other end of the bar to fill my drink and I dig my cell out of my bag.
‘How you doing? Miss you! Please come back. A x’
I might be back sooner than you think I whisper to myself. Alannah messages me every day without fail. It’s been nice not having to hide my cell to reply.
‘I’m okay, stop worrying! I can’t come back. Love & miss you. B x’
I quickly type out my reply and pay the bar woman for my drink. I purposely left the possibility I may be pregnant.
While my attention was on my cell, I didn’t notice the guy moving up the bar.
“Hi, I’m Ryan,” he introduces himself.
I look at Ryan. I didn’t see how he is about my age and frankly, quite good looking in a cowboy kind of way. Definitely the opposite of a biker.
“I’m Bonnie,” I smile.
“Passing through?”
“I don’t know yet, I might stick around.”
“You don’t want to do that. Buy a house here and you’ll be stuck here till the day you die,” he teased.
“It’s quiet around here. Might not be a bad thing to settle here,” I say.
I mean it too, I want quiet, peace and normal. Don’t forget you don’t know the result yet Bon, the little voice reminds me.
“Hope you do stay, you definitely make the place prettier,” he flirts.
“Thank you. I really don’t know what I’m doing yet. I’m sure I’ll see you again if I do stay,” I say, hoping this is enough for him.
I suppose it is time to find out if I am any good at flirting. I might not be good around men but I know for sure he has his eye on me and I am not sure if I like it yet.
“You have real pretty eyes Bonnie,” he says.
Thank god my cell rings. Alannah is a life saver.
“Hello,” I answer.
“Hey, you know if you miss me then you should come and see me. Or tell me where you are so I can come to you,” she says.
“You know I can’t come see you yet, I’m not ready,” I tell her.
“I thought I’d try. I got used to you being here and now I’m surrounded by men,” she moans.
“You love them really. How’s Sparky?”
I can’t help asking, I should move on and not care but I do.
“He’s out on business with Cas and the guys.”
I am sure she is telling the truth but I get the feeling she isn’t telling me all of it. I don’t push her.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asks.
Ryan has begun feeding the jukebox and the music makes it hard to hear her. “Are you in a bar Bonnie Hamilton?” she asks, in disbelief at the possibility.
“I am actually,” I snap, feeling the sting that she thinks it is so outrageous I could be in one.
“I better go. I’ll call you when I am settled somewhere and maybe you can come see me,” I offer.
“Okay, make sure you do. Take care of yourself.”
“I will, you too. Bye.”
“Bye.”
I hang up and return to my stool. Ryan is back at the bar and smiles.
“Boyfriend?” he asks.
I go to say no, but thinking and asking about Sparky leaves me with the usual sick feeling and I have no energy to keep this charade up with a stranger, so I lie.
“Yes, he’s wondering where I am. It was nice meeting you but I’ve got to go.” I shove my cell and change into my bag and pull out my keys.
“You too Bonnie, you have yourself a nice day.”
I smile once more and head out back to the car. Speaking to Alannah and hearing her speak of the club makes me feel homesick which is ludicrous. Willows Peak has never been my home.
The drive back to the motel is less than five minutes and for a second time today, I am face to face with the bathroom door.
Taking a deep breath, I push it open and pick up the test off the side.
Positive!
Instead of grimacing, I am smiling. I rub my stomach slowly, I have a baby growing inside me and it isn’t the end of the world.
Sparky...
Swallowing the black coffee down in two gulps hit the spot. It has been over a month since Bonnie left and it hasn’t been pretty. Not knowing where she is or how she is doing is like an itch I can’t get rid of, no matter how many bottles of liquor I sink. Barbie is in contact with her but she tells me Bonnie won’t tell her where she is. She promises she is okay but not much else. It has crossed my mind and my brothers that maybe she has gone back to her brother. Then conversations we have had spring to mind and I refuse to believe that. She wouldn’t. Clocking up hours in the garage or the three runs I have been on, none of them can take my mind off of her and it is slowly driving me crazy.
“Makes a change for you to be drinkin’ coffee at this time of day,” Cas says, slumping down on the other end of the couch.
I shrug and say nothing.
“We’re startin’ to worry about you brother, you ain’t been the same since Bonnie left. I don’t get it. You weren’t gonna make her your old lady so what’s with the brooding?” he asks.
I know they have been talking about me. I have noticed the change myself. Everything I thought I didn’t want in life was suddenly in reach, and with a woman who asked nothing from me. Unlike the woman around the club who are just after your status in the club and your money.
“I couldn’t think straight when she was here and since she left, I’ve done nothin’ but fuckin’ think. She didn’t deserve what I did to her. Has Barbie heard from her today?” I ask.
“I don’t know. If you really want to, I can ask Slade to find her. Then you can sort it out and get back to ya normal self, ‘cos this pussy ass fucker sittin’ beside me is freakin’ me out,” he laughs.
“Oh I’m sorry. You forgettin’ who was there for you not so long ago?” I mutter sarcastically. “And, no I don’t want her found. After everything she’s been through, if she finds happiness then I’m happy for her,” I say.
I want to believe that, but I don’t. It doesn’t mean I am going to go all romantic and track her down declaring my love for her.
“Least you’re fuckin’ sober for today’s meet.”
“Yeah, fuckin’ great ain’t it. So, when do you wanna leave?” I ask.
“I knew you weren’t listening yesterday,” he moans. “Get ready to leave in the next ten minutes,” he tells me, getting up to his feet when he sees Barbie enter the clubhouse.
I remain seated and watch him walk over and pull her into his arms. Is that what I want with Bonnie? I want to fucking scream. Fuck if I know anything anymore.
Jumping to my feet, I leave the clubhouse and prepare my bike to leave.
Concentrate on today’s meet with the Devils Bastards. Behind our backs Michael had cut their payments for their part in the runs, and because none of us knew until a couple of weeks after Michael was killed, they feel no loyalty from us.
 
; I’m the first one ready to go and within ten minutes, Cas, Pope, Slade, Oak, Ricky and myself are riding out of Willows Peak and heading to rebuild relations with what used to be our supporting MC.
Riding undeniably soothes me. The road beneath my wheels and my brothers around me in formation. By the time we pull up in an old abandoned car lot, the Devils Bastards are already here and I am feeling more like my old self.
Cas isn’t happy about being dragged here today and to be honest neither am I.
The Devils Bastards have always been a small club. They make just enough money to get them by and they love to party.
Their president Lincoln doesn’t look pleased to be here either, standing with his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face.
Harvey, his VP, stands beside him and a few others he has brought along. I know Harvey well, we would drink and party together whenever our clubs came together for celebrations. I nod my greeting and see there are a few new faces. Young, fresh faced guys and by the looks of it, they want to prove themselves in some way. Cas notices this too and subtly loops his thumb on his back pocket, close to his gun.
Thank fuck I’m sober. If this turns into a fight, I am going to need my wits about me.
“Finally, you grace us with your presence Cas. It’s ‘bout fuckin’ time,” Lincoln grumbles.
“In case it has escaped your fuckin’ attention we’ve had a lot of fuckin’ shit to sort out and you’re moaning over a few dollar. It hasn’t been on top of my list of priorities. Now, tell me why you couldn’t deal with Oak last time?” Cas asks, getting close enough to Lincoln to remind him who is in fact in charge here.
Lincoln isn’t a small guy and has over fifty years of experience in handling himself but Cas has youth on his side and Lincoln knows this.
“It was disrespectful, after Michael fucked us over. The least you could do was show ya fuckin’ face. Our clubs have looked out for each other for over twenty years Cas, a little loyalty from the new president shouldn’t be too much to fuckin’ ask for,” he says, and spits to the ground near his boots.
“Whoever I send is loyalty. I trust my brothers with any deal to make in my place. I’m sure you’ve heard I run things a little differently to Michael. Our business together is important to me and I intend to uphold our arrangement and raise your cut back to the normal fee,” Cas tells him, exactly like Oak told him a couple of weeks ago.
“We’ve heard you’re goin’ soft, preachin’ you don’t want violence since your girl got taken,” one of the new faces said.
Lincoln shot him a glare but it was too late, his opinion was spoken.
Cas turned to him and sized him up.
“Who’s this fuckin’ idiot Linc?” he asked.
“Newbie, just made the cut last week.”
As Cas stepped up to him, newbie stood tall and braced himself.
“Where did you hear I’m goin’ soft? In fact, where did you hear you could speak to me?” Cas sneered.
From this angle my brothers and I could see Cas flexing his hand. In the next moment, he landed a solid right to newbie’s jaw and he was on the floor. One sharp kick to his stomach and Cas was satisfied. He turned back to Lincoln and asked, “That soft enough for you Linc?”
“You’ve made your point, let’s get on with it,” Linc grunted, nodding for his boys to get newbie up off the ground.
“I’m not here to waste my fuckin’ time, I respect you and I want our business together to return to normal. If you keep fuckin’ us around, I’ll bang up a new charter in your town and squash your club into the ground,” Cas said, loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Let’s not be hasty about this Cas, I’m here to sort this too. The money we used to make with you puts food on our fuckin’ tables. Recently the money don’t go too fuckin’ far.”
“What do you want from us Linc? Tell me, if it’s reasonable I’ll agree,” Cas tells him.
“We want an extra ten per cent per run to make up for loss of earnings on previous runs,” he said.
“Done. But, that only lasts for twelve months, after that your cut is back down to five per cent,” Cas warned.
It was a good deal. It was always going to hit us financially but we need their club on the runs otherwise it’s a lot more fucking around for us.
“We can live with that.”
They both shake hands and both clubs return to their bikes. Apart from newbie getting cocky, the meet went well until Cas draws his gun and aims it at the newbie.
“What the fuck Cas?” Linc yelled when he saw what was happening. Newbie, who was on his bike shot up and off in an instant.
“Just wanna make sure we all know where we stand. I ain’t fuckin’ soft. Your boy is partly right, I don’t want violence if it can be avoided but don’t fuckin’ underestimate me or my club. If needs be, we’ll take any cunt out. You get me?” Cas asks, making sure his point is delivered home loud and clear.
“We get you Cas, now put that fuckin’ thing down,” Linc roared.
“Good. Now, as planned we’ll see you next week,” Cas finished.
This time, everyone made it to their bikes without guns on them.
“Let’s go home brothers,” he said, starting his bike and pulling out in front first with everyone following respectively.
Chapter Twelve
Bonnie...
I didn’t think I would be back so soon or at all. Here I am, back in Willows Peak. For a good reason. Now that I am pregnant, I have to take responsibility over myself and my unborn child. Being on my own over the last few weeks, I feel like a different person, or maybe this is just who I am without anyone’s influence over me. I am emotionally stronger. I am in charge of my own life now and I intend for it to stay this way. Four days, with sleep breaks, it has taken me to drive back here and I am exhausted and the morning sickness I read about is kicking in.
“Hello.”
Alannah picks up on the fourth ring, sounding bored.
“Hey, how are you?” I ask her.
“Bonnie? Hi, I’m okay, a little tired but good,” she says.
“How are you?” she asks in return.
“I’m doing good. I was wondering if you wanted to get a coffee with me?”
“Huh? Where are you?” she asks in confusion.
“I’m in Hanks Diner,” I laugh.
“You’re back!” she squeals.
“Shh, keep it down. Don’t tell anyone I’m here, especially Sparky.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
A few moments later, I hear Cas ask where she is going and I hear the lie she tells him of going to the store.
“I’m leaving now, I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay.”
I hang up and order another coffee, hoping this time I will be able to drink it without bringing it back up.
Exactly twenty minutes later, my best friend walks into the diner. When she spots me, she grins and walks over.
“I like what you’ve done to your hair,” she says, sliding into the booth opposite me.
“Thanks, it’s a fuck you to my father. He never let me dye it so I thought why not now,” I smile.
During one of my exploration days I came across a little salon and decided to have a few red streaks put through it and I love the way it shimmers against my dark hair in the sun.
“It really suits you, although the ‘I’m-about-to-throw-up look’ doesn’t have the same effect,” she laughs.
“That would be the morning sickness,” I say, quietly looking around to make sure no one overhears.
“You’re pregnant!” she shouts.
“Keep it down will ya. You’re the first person I’ve told. I don’t want Sparky finding out through someone else,” I tell her.
“So you’re planning on telling him then?”
“Of course I am. It’s why I’ve come back here. I’ll give him the choice to be a father. If he wants to be involved he can be, if not I’ll do it by myself.”
> “Don’t forget you have me too,” she smiles.
“I know. Thank you. How is he?”
She looks uncomfortable, making me feel like she is keeping something from me.
“Alannah, tell me. Has anything happened?”
“Calm down, nothing has happened but Sparky hasn’t been himself since you left. He’s sober a lot more these days but he isn’t the same as he was,” she says.
“That can’t be because of me,” I say, getting angry.
Why is he moping around because I left? He was the one who stormed off to another woman and left me on my own, watching.
“It has everything to do with you. Now you’re back and pregnant with his baby, you can both sort this shit out,” she says, while waving her hand to get a waitress’ attention.
“You have it all wrong, I’m not here for Sparky. Like I said, if he wants to be a daddy, he can be in the little ones life, I won’t stop him. I don’t want him in my life though” I tell her.
Her mouth falls open and she is left speechless.
Not that I would admit it to her or anyone. In an ideal world I would love nothing more than to be a couple with Sparky, having our first baby, buy a house somewhere and be happy. But, we’re not living in an ideal world and to save myself from his world I can, and will, stay away from him.
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” she stammers.
“Yes, I’ve done nothing but think for days now and I’m not putting up with crap anymore.”
“Good for you.” Her phone rings and she presses reject, “It’s Cas, he’s probably wondering why I’m not back from the store yet.”
“You should go. I just wanted to see you. Please don’t tell Sparky, I want to tell him myself.”
“Your secret is safe with me,” she promised, as her phone rang once more. Again she rejected the call, then put it on silent. I would have got hurt if I did that when I was with the Ghost Riders. Alannah will probably get shouted out because Cas was worried about her, then they’ll make up and all will be forgotten.