"I'm taking you to the beach."
"Are you just?" I scoffed playfully.
"C'mon Jessie." The way he said my name made me squirm. "We can go to the beach, hangout, have some dinner."
"I don't know…" I began, but he interrupted me.
"No expectations."
No expectations? Before I could back out, I said, "Pick me up at the hotel at three."
And just like that, I flung myself further down the rabbit hole.
It might've been forward to call Jessie like I had, but after that fizzer of a date I couldn't just leave it. Yeah, I guess we had a good time and all, but it was just hanging out. Being with her was more than hanging out for me. I had no idea how to show it without it ending the same way as every other relationship I'd had. With the 'it's me not you' speech.
Over the phone it had taken away that physical attraction and I could just talk to her without all of that getting in the way. I was glad I'd grown some balls, because I was taking her out again this afternoon.
My phone buzzed with a text and I laughed when I saw the message from Zoe.
We're going to Disneyland. Wanna come?
Zoe and Disneyland were two things that didn't seem to mesh well.
I texted back, I think I'll be right. Got stuff to do.
What stuff?
Just stuff.
Oooookkkkkkaaaayyyy. *winkwink*
When three pm rolled around, I stood outside Jessie's door staring at the number again. Get a grip, Cosgrove, I scolded myself. Knocking, the door opened a moment later.
"Hey," Jessie said brightly.
She was wearing these little denim short shorts and my eyes glued to her legs, imagining them around my waist.
"Up here," she laughed.
"Sorry." The moment she turned her back, I adjusted the front of my jeans.
"You're punctual, I'll give you that." She shoved her phone into her pocket and closed the door behind her.
"If I say I'm gunna do something. I do it."
"Wow."
"Wow, what?"
"A guy who does the stuff he says he's going to. That's a rare beast."
I grinned, pressing the button to the elevator.
"Where are we going?"
"Venice beach." I shrugged.
"Venice beach?"
"I don't know any others."
"No, sounds fun, actually. I'm sure there's lots to do."
Because I didn't have a car or wanted to subject Jessie to public transport, the doorman hailed a taxi for us out the front of the hotel. I didn't mind paying. We slid into the backseat and the driver took off at breakneck speed. Jessie didn't bat an eyelid, so I assumed this was normal for a cabbie.
"How was work today?" I asked to break the silence.
"Oh, it was okay. Pretty boring, actually."
"What do you do exactly?"
"Well, being the intern, I get to do all the exciting stuff. Like take minutes, get coffee. You know, all the important decisions fall on my shoulders."
"Without you the entire label would crumble."
"Something like that," she grinned.
Before long, the taxi pulled up at the beach and we wandered down to the sand. Jessie bent down and pulled off her boots and sunk her bare feet into the sand, curling her toes.
"Oh man," she sighed. "This feels nice."
I followed suit, yanking off my own boots and let the warm sand trickle between my toes. "Let's go down to the water."
Walking along the beach with Jessie was nice. It felt right, being here with her.
"It reminds me a little of the beaches up Queensland," I said. "Wide, long, white sand. If you can ignore the city at your back, that is."
"Do you surf?" she asked and I made a face, my toes curling in the sand.
"Not everyone from Australia surfs."
"Why not?"
"Firstly, it's a stereotype and secondly, I live in Melbourne. It's not really the center for seaside living."
"What's it like in Melbourne?" I loved the way she said Melbourne. Sounding out all the letters.
"Well, to be a Melbourne-ite you need to say it the right way. It's Mel-bin."
"But it's not spelt that way," she huffed, putting her hands on her hips.
"To be an Aussie you need to drop eighty percent of your letters and make up the rest."
"You do say some strange things," she tiptoed out into the water, her boots in her arms.
"Like what? Give me an example."
"Arvo. What's an arvo? I gather you mean the afternoon."
I laughed, following her to the edge of the water, the tips of the waves running up the shoreline covering our feet. Every time it receded, it would drag the sand out from underneath me, my feet sinking further and further under.
"And sunnies. Everything seems to end in an 'ie' or a 'o' like you can't be bothered saying the entire word."
"It's not that I can't be bothered. It's a laid back thing." I kicked some water and it splashed against her legs.
"Hey." She kicked back, splattering water and sand all over my legs and rolled up jeans.
"Hey, these are my last clean pair of jeans," I exclaimed and ran forward, picking her up around the waist and spinning her around. "I'll dump you in."
Jessie let out an excited squeal of laughter, her fingers digging into my shoulders. "You wouldn't dare."
"Oh, yeah?" I let her slip a little in my grasp and she shrieked again, but my expression fell the instant I realized her face was mere inches from mine and I had her pressed up against my chest. Perfect kiss moment, but I set her down and stepped away. Why the hell did I just do that?
She looked down at the water, tucking her hair behind an ear. I couldn't see her eyes behind her sunglasses, but that little furrow between her eyebrows said it all.
"Are you hungry?" she said after a moment.
I nodded.
"There was a food cart back up there a bit. We can get a burger and sit outside if you want."
"Burgers again?"
"What can I say?" she shrugged. "My stomach is easily pleased."
"Sounds good."
I held her boots while she washed her sandy feet under a tap and being a typical guy, my eyes ran the entire length of her body. Her long almond toned legs, the curve of her ass, her long neck. It would be so easy to take her hand in mine, tug her to me and kiss that little spot right underneath her ear.
She tiptoed over to me and took her boots and pried mine from my unresponsive fingers. How couldn't she know the things she did to me? "Your turn."
Blinking hard, I stuck my feet under the running water and I imagined what I'd be like if she was looking at me the same way. She'd relaxed a lot since the other day, but there was still this wall of professionalism. Maybe that was what was stopping me?
Pulling my boots back on, we walked down the boardwalk and found the burger cart Jessie had seen earlier. She was definitely not like other women. No fancy restaurants or flash clothes. No pretenses. She was just real.
Burgers in hand we found a bench near the water and I straddled one end and she the other with our food and drinks in between. Cherry cola and cheeseburgers. I supposed it was another traditional American dish. As we ate, we watched the ocean as the sun set, eating our second fatty meal in as many days, laughing and swapping stories about the bands we'd seen play. It was great to talk with her about something that was so sacred to me and have her understand so completely. It was the same for her.
"You'd love New York," she was saying. "There's so much stuff going on underground. Punk, indie, trance. All kinds of stuff. It's a hard town to crack, though. It's still a very cliquey place. If you know someone who knows someone you can get in just about anywhere. Don't ask me about the ivy places though."
"Ivy places?"
"The rich hangouts. You know, like Gossip Girl on acid. Not my scene."
"Uh, not my thing, either. I'd rather hang out at a gig or a pub somewhere."
"We don't really have p
ubs in the city."
"An old man bar then."
She screwed up her nose.
"No doof doof." I waved my hands around.
"Doof doof?" Jessie laughed like I was insane.
"The David Guetta vs. Lady Gaga mega mix."
She laughed, slapping a hand over her mouth. "It's a bit like that, right?"
"Couldn't think of anything worse than being auto-tuned."
"A man after my own heart." Shit, was I ever.
It was almost over. It felt like a whirlwind summer romance, without the kissing and hot sex. Knowing she was leaving tomorrow and I still hadn't come clean about this thing that was growing inside my chest was eating me up. Really, what had we been doing? When it boiled down to it, I had feelings for her. Not the lust filled connection I'd felt on that last day of recording, which seemed so long ago already, but something deeper. Something scary and dangerous that had me wanting to hold on and not let go.
What was a guy to do? Lay it out, that's what.
"Jessie, I know you're leaving tomorrow and I don't know what I'm fucking doing, but I have to tell you. I can't not tell you." I took a deep breath. "I like you. Like, really like you and I don't know how else to say it without sounding like a crazy person."
She was looking at me, her expression unreadable and I steeled myself for the inevitable.
Downing the last of her cherry cola she said, "We better go back."
And there it was. I dumped the rubbish in the bin and we walked down the boardwalk in silence, our boots thudding against the wood, this horrible black hole opening up inside me. In the taxi on the way back to the hotel, neither of us said a word, the air heavy with what I'd said. All the way back up to her floor in the elevator was a painful kick in the gut. Knowing that this whole thing could have been so one-sided made humiliation flare like a white hot flame. Me, humiliated? Add this one to the pile of rejections and it would sit there like a cherry on top of the proverbial strawberry milkshake. I'd never be able to look at one of those in the same way ever again.
I hovered by her door as she slid the key card into the lock. The light flashed green and she turned the handle, propping the door open with a shoulder.
"Goodnight," she said with a small smile and I knew it was now or never. I just had to go for broke.
Before she could turn away, I grasped her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers. It wasn't forceful, just soft. Nice. But, when she began to kiss me back, her tongue teasing my lips, it woke all of those crazy things that I'd been feeling inside of me. I pressed her back against the door and it swung inwards into the dark room and we followed, her fingers tugging at the belt loops on my jeans. Then we were in total darkness, but nether of us stopped to turn on the light.
I pressed her against the wall, deepening our kiss, my tongue against hers and she tasted like the cherry cola I bought her at the beach. I breathed in her sent of vanilla and salt from the ocean like it was a drug and it took away everything but her. She opened her legs slightly and I pushed a thigh between hers and she rolled her hips forward, both of us letting out deep moans at the same time.
I was hard against my jeans as she pressed into me, the sensation almost unbearable. With a whimper, she turned her face from mine, tearing her lips away. I teased the soft skin of her neck instead, hands caressing her waist. God. She was un-fucking-believable. I'd dreamed about it, but I never thought it would feel like this. Like I was on fire.
"Dee." It came out strangled, breathless.
"Don't fucking say it," I murmured into her hair. "Please don't tell me to stop."
She didn't say anything and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. We were in darkness and I couldn't see her eyes to know what she was feeling. Then her hands were under my t-shirt, tugging it upwards and it was all I needed to know. Reaching over my head, I grabbed the back and pulled it off, throwing it behind me. Her cool hands ran up my bare chest and I shivered, relishing the feel of her against me.
"I don't do this," she said through heavy breaths. "I'm not like that."
"Neither am I," I said huskily. "But, I still want you." It was the truth. I didn't just sleep with anyone who threw themselves at me.
I slid my hands between her and the wall, cupping her ass, pressing her into the length of my body. She moaned into my neck and I moved to kiss her again, but she pushed me back, breaking contact.
She was gone and I suddenly felt cold, but the lamp beside the bed flicked on, casting its warm glow over us. She was standing next to the bed, her eyes locked on mine and I just wanted to push her back on the mattress and show her exactly how she made me feel all night long, but when I took a step forward she shook her head.
I didn't have time to feel rejected, because she pulled off her singlet, her mousey blonde hair falling all over the place. My eyes were fixed on her hands as they slid down her stomach to the button on her shorts and it was painful to watch.
She was standing there with her tattoo and almond skin and her perfect brown eyes and I couldn't believe she wanted me. Kicking off my boots, I took three long strides and pushed her back onto the bed with a growl, my fingers between the lace of her underwear and her skin, feeling every curve. Arching her back, she unclasped her bra and I pulled it off, flinging it across the room and I took a nipple in my mouth, tugging her underwear off.
"Dee," she gasped and the sound of her saying my name with such want made me strain harder against the inside of my jeans. All this time she'd wanted me as much as I had wanted her. I wasn't sure before, but now I was positive.
"Fuck, Jessie," I murmured against the curve of her breast.
She tugged at my jeans and I pushed them off my hips, dragging my boxers with them, then it was just us. Skin on skin. I didn't want to be anywhere else but inside her. I wanted to feel her squirm, I wanted to hear her moan, and I wanted her to say my name as she came around me.
I ran a hand over her waist, down her leg and pulled her around me. I covered her mouth with mine, sucking on her bottom lip as I rolled my hips forward, pressing hard into her clit and the moan that escaped her, echoed through me. Did she understand how this made me feel? I had no idea, but I was having a good time showing her.
My other hand slid between us, my palm over her clit and my fingers found her opening.
"Fucking hell, Jessie," I groaned into the crook of her neck when I felt how wet she was.
When I slid a finger inside, she clawed my back and said, "Fuck me, Dee. Fuck me."
"I don't want to fuck you," I murmured, sliding a second finger in with the first. "I want to make love to you. I want you to feel what you do to me."
Her eyes widened, but I was too far gone to worry about what this meant to her. Pulling away, I reached for my discarded jeans, searching the pockets. When I pulled out what I was looking for, her fingers covered mine and she took the condom from me, her eyes never leaving mine. Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip as she took me in her slender hand, running up and down my hard length.
"If you keep doing that, I'm not going to last," I whispered, pressing into her fingers.
Her lips curved into a wicked smile as she let go and began rolling on the condom agonizingly slow. My breathing hitched as her hands slid back up to my tip and then they were on my face, drawing my lips back to hers.
"Fuck me," she whispered, her breath hot against my mouth and I was more than happy to comply.
I eased into her, wanting to savor everything, but her hands were on my ass, pulling me in faster. I thrusted deep and she arched her back off the mattress, letting out a strangled moan.
"Make me come," she groaned and something inside me snapped.
Pulling out to the tip, I slammed back into her, the sensation almost sending me over the edge. She felt exquisite. I'd never get enough of Jessie Ware. She made me feel raw and she wanted me to fuck her, so I did.
I lost myself as I moved inside her, each thrust of my hips meeting hers in a delicious gasp from her perfect lips. She was ho
t and trembling underneath me and the intensity hit me like a sledgehammer. No woman had ever made me feel like this. Ever.
"You feel so good," I breathed, moving faster, my orgasm building.
"Harder," she groaned, sinking her fingernails into my back.
Jessie could have asked me to do anything right then and I would have walked across fire for her.
She started to come hard and she said my name over and over as she clenched around me, coaxing my own release. I started to fall over the edge, but I kept moving, making her own orgasm go on and on. Then her lips were against my shoulder, teeth sinking into skin and I couldn't hold on any more. My orgasm was overwhelming and I grunted her name against the curve of her neck as I came and came inside her.
Finally, when we both started to come down, I slumped against her, my chest heaving, our skin sticking together. I'd never felt like this before. I was by no means inexperienced, but this was a whole new level.
Watching Jessie's big beautiful, doe eyes droop, I kissed her softly on the lips, lingering a moment. When she let out a contented sigh, I rolled off the bed and went into the bathroom. But, by the time I came back, she was fast asleep and the things I wanted to say would have to wait.
I pulled up the covers and wrapped an arm across her waist and before I flicked the lamp off, I let my eyes wander over her, committing everything to memory. The soft expression she had when she slept melted my heart and I knew I was in trouble. I was into her before, but now I was falling. I wanted to hold on and never let go.
Jessie Ware had just stolen the last slice of my heart.
I didn't know what time it was when I finally woke, but light crept into the room through the crack in the curtains right across my face, warming my skin. Rolling over with a groan, I reached out for Jessie, but my hand fell into an empty bed. She wasn't in it and my heart sank. Maybe she was in the shower, but I instantly dismissed that stupid thought when I realized it was deathly silent.
Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes with a yawn. That's when I saw the piece of paper on the pillow next to me and time just seemed to stop. This couldn't be right, could it?
I stared at the piece of hotel stationary for ages before I picked it up, my stomach churning. I already knew what it would say and didn't want to believe it. Swallowing hard, my hand trembling, I turned it over and there were the two words I'd become so familiar with. The two words that were the story of my life.