“Well, if you say so, I’m going to go wash,” I said.
“Keep in mind, though, that this falls into the category of completely useless advice,” said Juffin, laughing. “It’s pure superstition. It was all the rage in Shurf’s Order of the Holey Cup two hundred and something years ago.”
“Well, it certainly can’t do any harm,” I said.
When I returned to the office, Juffin was helping himself to another cup of kamra.
“Ha! Another one dripping wet,” he said. “This is what the Minor Secret Investigative Force has descended to. How are we supposed to instill fear in the Universe, looking like wet rats? And for your information, ordinary water won’t do. Back in the old days you could go to the Murky Market and pay an arm and a leg for a pitcher of water from the Ukli Sea, the only water to chill the hot heads of fearless travelers to the Dark Side.”
“Is that true, Shurf?” I said, smiling.
“Of course not. Sir Juffin has just invented this little tidbit for reasons known only to himself.”
“I have done no such thing,” said Juffin in a voice that betrayed a hint of genuine indignation. “My superstition is about five centuries older than yours. As a consequence, it was dropped a little sooner than yours. But never mind superstitions. Dry off while I interrogate our captive.”
Then Juffin closed his eyes and apparently fell asleep. I stared at my boss, blinking in disbelief. To the best of my recollection, his actions had never so belied his words. Juffin opened one eye, visibly annoyed.
“Will you please stop drilling a hole in me with that gloomy gaze of yours?” he grumbled. “I’m not yet so powerful a magician that I can interrogate a Lonely Shadow in person. I’m trying to have my Shadow talk to it. It’s easier for them to find a common language. Now be so kind as not to disturb my slumber. Okay?”
“Okay,” I said, submitting.
My head was spinning from all of this, my recent shower notwithstanding. Maybe I should have used the legendary water from the Ukli Sea, if only I could have gotten hold of some.
For a few moments, Shurf and I just sat there quiet as mice, trying not to wake up Juffin. I didn’t even dare chew.
A thunderous clamor shattered the ringing silence. It was coming from behind the door to the small enchanted room where we locked up the more dangerous prisoners from time to time. Alarmed, I jumped up and gazed around. Lonli-Lokli, however, didn’t move a muscle, and Juffin continued dozing. From this I derived that everything was going according to plan.
“It is all right, Max,” said Lonli-Lokli. “Juffin has simply begun his interrogation.”
“In that room?” I said.
“Of course. That room is sufficiently isolated from the rest of the World. It is even possible to contain a Lonely Shadow there for a short time. While you were taking Melifaro home, Sir Juffin locked the beast up in there lest it distract him from enjoying his kamra. I must confess that you missed a very instructive spectacle.”
“I’m sure I did,” I said, still worried, listening to the ruckus coming from behind the wall. “Is this going to take a long time?”
“We will see,” said Lonli-Lokli. “You have failed to take into account the fact that, just like you, it is the first time I am witnessing an interrogation of a Lonely Shadow. Never before have I dealt with them. There is no need to whisper, by the way. Sir Juffin will not wake up before he is finished, even if you and I start breaking dishes.”
“I don’t think I’m in a dish-breaking mood right now,” I said.
“It is entirely up to you,” said Lonli-Lokli. “I was simply informing you that it was perfectly acceptable in this situation.”
Then an earthquake started up out of nowhere. The floor began to shake; the windowpanes trembled. If Shurf hadn’t been there, I would definitely have considered an evacuation plan. But Shurf yawned and grabbed the pitcher of kamra that was dancing on the brazier with a careless gesture. I got a grip on myself and pretended that an earthquake was as ordinary an event as any other. I don’t think I was very convincing, but at least I managed to keep myself from screaming and jumping out of the window.
The next moment, the earthquake and the racket stopped, as though someone had flipped a switch and cut off all those special effects that were already getting on my nerves.
“Phew! That was quick,” I said, addressing the ceiling.
“No, no, Max. It is just the beginning,” said Shurf. “Now they are going to talk.”
“Well, at least the natural disaster part of it is over,” I said. “You can’t imagine how happy I am about that.”
“Indeed, you seemed very restless. It is amusing how your reaction can be absolutely unpredictable sometimes.”
“And how, pray tell, was I supposed to react to it?” I said. “All my life I’ve thought that Shadows were completely harmless, incorporeal things—optical effects. And then I witness that.”
“But of course. Yet you have been living with the heart of one such ‘optical effect’ beating in your chest for almost a year,” said Lonli-Lokli. “You are indeed a master at ignoring facts if they do not satisfy you.”
I opened my mouth to tell him he could cut some slack to a person who had had no idea about the existence of the first degree of Black Magic just three years ago, but realized I had better shut up. I didn’t need anyone to cut me any slack.
My friend was obviously aware of my internal monologue. In any case, he looked at me with visible approval and was considerate enough to pour some more hot kamra into my cup to reward my mental exercises.
“Glenke Taval,” Juffin said suddenly. “I see now. Who would have thought?”
I turned to him, startled. The boss had woken up and was now looking at his hands, studying them.
“You’ll have a long day tomorrow, but there’s still time,” he said. “Right now, I’m exhausted. You can disperse the clouds now, Shurf. I don’t think we’ll be needing them. Max, since you’re moonlighting as a personal chauffeur, I’d like to ask you to drive me home. Kimpa will be vexed, of course, but I have no strength left in me to wait for him to pick me up. With you behind the levers, on the other hand, the trip goes quickly and imperceptibly, like dying peacefully in your own bed, which is unlikely to befall either of us, praise be the Magicians.”
“That was one heck of a long-winded metaphor,” I said, almost choking on my kamra from Juffin’s compliment and prophecy all rolled into one.
“A metaphor like any other. Sir Shurf, if you need another bottle of Ancient Darkness, you’ll find it in the bottom drawer of my desk.”
“That will not be necessary. Dispersing clouds is simple.”
“Good. More booze for us, then. Let’s go, Max. I’m wiped out. The darn beast has sucked all the life out of me, I swear.”
Juffin was hardly exaggerating. All the way home he was dozing off in the back seat of my amobiler. It was so unlike him that I began to worry.
“Go back to Headquarters, Max,” he said when I pulled over by his mansion. “Tell Shurf he can go home if he wants to, and I’m sure he does. Melamori will come to replace you in a couple of hours. Kofa made sure that the lady didn’t tire herself too much over the past four days, so she can do some work now for a change. Then you can do whatever you please, including sleep, until tomorrow noon. At noon, come to the House by the Bridge, and be prepared for anything. Got it?”
“‘For anything,’ as in . . . ?”
“As in ‘for anything.’”
For a few moments, the boss contemplated the fretful expression on my face, enjoying what he saw, and then condescended to elaborate on his remark.
“Maybe I want you to be prepared for a long journey. I’m not sure. Frankly, I haven’t decided anything yet. We’ll talk tomorrow, all right?”
“All right,” I said.
What else was there for me to say?
I took my time driving back to the House by the Bridge. I stopped now and then to look at the sky. Marvelous things were going on u
p there. Thick, dark clouds that Sir Shurf Lonli-Lokli had covered the heavens with were now floating slowly to the horizon in the west, unveiling the clear blue sky up above. As they retreated, they changed their shapes, and some of them were so fanciful that it seemed they knew I was watching them and were doing their best to amaze me.
The chief culprit in producing these unusual natural phenomena had already been occupying the armchair in the office for some time. He was casting glances full of disdain at the mess that constituted the top of Juffin’s desk.
“That’s nothing,” I said, entering the office. “You haven’t seen a real mess yet.”
“Can you imagine, not only have I seen a mess but I also have made one in my time,” said Shurf. “Now, however, I am in the phase of my life when a mess does not improve the mood.”
“That I can imagine,” I said. “By the way, Juffin says you can leave these horrible messy premises and go home. That is, if you feel so inclined.”
“Perhaps I do,” said Shurf. “Are you staying?”
“I am. I have a date with Melamori. The idea is that she’s going to replace me in a couple of hours, so I’ve nothing to complain about, either.”
“I see. In that case, I do not think I am going to stick around.”
Lonli-Lokli yawned, covering his mouth with an elegant motion of his huge hand in its protective glove. I thought to myself that it was the first time I had seen him yawn—a marvel in and of itself.
He left, and I was alone in the office with Kurush. The buriwok wasn’t in a talkative mood. He was busy pecking at the remains of a pastry.
“Would you by any chance happen to know what time it is?” I asked Kurush without much hope.
“About two hours before sunset,” he said. “Strange. You’re the first person who has ever asked me that question.”
“Well, I’m a unique person in many respects. For example, I completely lack a sense of time.”
“I thought as much,” said the buriwok. “Would you wipe off my beak please?”
I wiped off Kurush’s beak and looked out the window. The sky was clear again; pedestrians had ventured outside. The Capital of the Unified Kingdom was recovering after a short nightmare. I didn’t doubt that as darkness fell upon the city, the streetlamps would come on as they were supposed to. Still, something was not right.
I was certain. I knew that it wasn’t just my imagination running wild. Something almost imperceptible had changed in the World, the World that I had long ago stopped perceiving as a permanent shelter. Well, I thought, all the more reason for me to touch its mosaic pavements even more gently—almost like a kiss, almost like goodbye.
“Are you worried about something, angry with someone, or just sleeping in the chair?” Melamori’s voice came from behind my back.
“Oh, I didn’t hear you come in,” I said. “Your third guess comes closest.”
“I thought so,” she said, nodding. “Those evil sorcerers have beaten the last drops of energy out of you, poor thing. They must be sleeping at home in bed, while you’re sitting here, dozing off heroically in the armchair.”
“I could have gone home if I wanted to, but I decided to wait and chat with you a tad.”
“Really?” said Melamori, cheering up.
“Really. I’m sure you haven’t yet had the opportunity to hear the story of Melifaro’s epic battle over the honeyed treats of the Kumon Caliphate, have you?”
“No. Tell me, tell me!”
I took pleasure in telling the saga again. Melamori was in raptures over it—a response that was truly worth the effort.
“So what have you been up to for four days?” I said when she stopped laughing.
“What can one be up to when Sir Kofa is left to run the show?” she said. “We ate. A lot. And that was about the only thing we did. People were scared to poke their noses outside, let alone commit a crime. Policemen were on vacation, too, as far as I know. Oh, there were two dead bodies, though: a man and his wife. They desperately wanted to celebrate their hundredth wedding anniversary in their garden with a candlelit dinner. The Lonely Shadows got them in no time—the reckless couple were the only two people who dared to use light. They must have lost their minds.”
“Maybe. Or maybe they made a conscious decision. Maybe they wanted to die a romantic death together on the very same day instead of facing another century of boring married life. Why not?”
“Oh, Max,” said Melamori, “they were real people, not characters in some romance novel. People normally tend to love life, don’t they?”
“Sure, normally. But there are crazy people, as well. Those guys are capable of anything.”
“I guess you’re right.” She paused, then said, “You know, a ship from Arvarox arrives in a couple dozen days.”
“To take you away?”
“To finish off that poor filthy Mudlax. Then we’ll see.”
“That’s a healthy outlook,” I said, nodding. “In such cases one should always improvise.”
“I’m scared, Max,” Melamori said very quietly.
“Me too,” I said. “Sometimes I feel like making a storm and sinking that sinning ship from Arvarox so that everything stays the way it is now. If you leave with Aloxto, it will be devastating. If you stay, it will be even worse. I don’t want you to lose the battle with your own fear. There are battles one should never, ever, ever lose, even though defeat would be so easy, so sweet . . .”
“The last thing I want to do is admit to myself that you are absolutely right,” said Melamori. “And yet I like what you’re saying. How come?”
“Because I’m trying to help you. Not to run off with your Prince Charming, of course, but to—” I cut myself short and then remembered Juffin’s words. He said them in passing, but they were stuck in my head forever. “I want to help you dangle about between the heavens and the earth with a light heart.”
“I . . . I think I understand what you’re trying to say,” Melamori said, and she turned away to the window. “You know, Max, I think you should go home now. I don’t have enough courage to talk about it, and chatting about something else would be . . . I mean, we could do that, but it would sound so fake, don’t you think?”
“I do,” I said. “To be perfectly straight with you, I can’t say I have enough courage to talk about it, either. Maybe courage just doesn’t exist. Maybe all the so-called heroes are just ordinary people with atrophied imaginations. You and I, though, have plenty of it, eh?”
“I’ll have to disagree with you,” said Melamori, smiling. “I personally know a few recklessly courageous fellows who have as much imagination as a person can possibly have. Take Sir Rogro, for example.”
“Oh, Rogro doesn’t count,” I said. “He’s an astrologist. He can calculate his own horoscope, convince himself that he’s out of harm’s way, and then plunge into any adventure.”
“Hey, you’re right!” said Melamori, brightening up. “I never thought of that. But you really should go home now, before I change my mind. Or I’ll want you to stay here and talk to me all night.”
“Tempting, very tempting, Melamori, but my body has been engineered in a very lousy manner. It almost always wants to sleep,” I said and even yawned to prove my point. “Plus, tomorrow is going to be one heck of a day, if one is to believe Juffin’s promises.”
“Really?” said Melamori, turning glum again. “I thought it was over. Well, in that case, get out of here, Sir Max. I can’t stand looking at your beautiful eyes for another second.”
“Are they really beautiful?” I said, hesitating in the doorway.
“It depends. Don’t forget they keep changing.”
A new episode of the soap opera that was threatening to take over my life was waiting for me at home.
Tekki, looking pensive, was sitting at the bar. Across from her sat one of my beautiful wives. It was not easy to tell the triplets apart, but I would have bet anything that it was none other than Lady Kenlex. What’s more, she was alone. Her sisters were
nowhere to be seen.
“Well, well, well,” I said, smiling. “I thought you only went out as a trio. Glad to see you, Kenlex.”
“You recognized me!” she said.
“Um, not really, no,” I admitted, sitting down next to her. “But I guessed that you were the one looking for a piece of good advice. I’ve got to warn you, though, I’m not the right guy to turn to in such cases.”
“Yet it’s your advice she desperately needs,” said Tekki softly. “Not mine, nor anyone else’s, but yours. How do you like that?”
“It’s nice to know there are still naive people in the world.” I stopped short and gave Kenlex an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, Kenlex. I just have this stupid way of saying things. You’ll get used to it. Tekki, I must be the most predictable person in the world, and—”
“And you want kamra, of course,” she said, nodding, and put a ceramic pitcher in front of me. I switched to Silent Speech.
Actually, what I really want is to be in your bedroom. Preferably not alone.
That sounds tempting, but this girl has been sitting here for more than two hours. It looks like she’s at loose ends.
I can imagine. It’s late, she came here alone, and she probably walked, too. She doesn’t drive.
Believe it or not, she does drive, and she does it well. Do you think everybody’s an imbecile or just a select few?
No, I guess I’m the only imbecile here.
I turned to Kenlex and spoke out loud. “So what seems to be the problem?”
“As if it’s so hard to guess,” said Tekki.
“Guessing in these matters will get us nowhere. What if all my guesses are wrong and bear no relation to reality? Happens to me all the time.”
“What would you guess?” said Kenlex.
“My guess, huh? I think you’re going to ask me what to do about that annoying, pesky, but very cute Sir Melifaro. Did I guess right?” I said.
“Actually, I was going to ask you what to do about myself. I really like your friend, but Xeilax and Xelvi really don’t like it that I really like him . . . I’m sorry, I don’t know how to explain it.”