“Aren’t you going to eat?” I stare into his dark eyes, mesmerized.
“Nope. Not hungry.”
I take a bite and swallow hard, thinking about the question weighing hard on my mind before asking, “Do you believe in angels?”
“Yeah. Why?”
The aura seems slightly clearer, forming a more definite outline that tempts me to reach out and touch. Still, I know better than to answer his question. Look what it did for my relationship with Griffin and Jimmie.
“It doesn’t matter.” I force my gaze back to the sandwich. “You would just think I’m crazy or that I’d hit my head a little too hard.”
“You’re not crazy, and the only thing that jolt on the head seems to have given you is some slight pain and maybe a mild concussion.” He offers a smile, but I’m not biting.
“I….” I can’t finish the sentence. Instead, I look down.
“Go on.” He slips his finger beneath my chin and lifts so I have to look into his eyes again. His voice is rough silk that seems to wrap around me, drawing me closer. I feel breathless and weightless. My eyelids seem to be getting heavier.
“I….”
“You can tell me. I promise I won’t think you’re nuts.” He slowly lowers my hand, and I can’t stop staring at him.
“You’re different than the others.” My voice is a whisper, and I can’t believe I’m telling him this, but some part of me believes he already knows the words in my head. “You’re not human.”
I’m expecting him to suddenly stand and back up. Instead, he smiles. “So what does that make me?” His slouched posture hints he’s unaffected by my words, as though I were simply stating facts, not crazy implications.
“You’re an angel,” I whisper. My head feels foggy. All I can see is Kane and those dark wings that appear clearer each moment.
“How do you know what I am?” he asks, leaning toward the table to rest his chin on his hands.
“Your wings.” I reach out and my fingers find his wing, tangling in the feathers I wasn’t sure would be there. At the silken feel, tears fill my eyes again as I think of Lev. But I can’t stop staring at Kane’s gentle eyes.
“What is it?” His voice is quiet, but it reaches to the core of me.
“There was another before you.”
He nods slowly. “Lev, right?”
I take a deep breath, feeling the blood pumping through my heart. “How did you know?”
He shrugs. “I didn’t. It was just a guess. That’s all. What happened?”
There’s so much I could tell him, but right now I’m tired. I can feel my body starting to float away like when I’m on the verge of sleep, and it’s getting harder and harder to shake it off.
“It’s all right. You don’t have to answer. But you do have to eat. And then you probably need to get some sleep. You look exhausted.”
“Yeah,” I finally say, picking up the sandwich and eating. I feel his concerned gaze on my face, and maybe sometime I’ll be ready to talk to him about Lev, but right now, the pain is too fresh—too close to the surface.
Chapter Fourteen
I stand before the waterfall in Hauser’s Landing, watching the violent churning of the water below. A fine mist rises and sprays my face, delivering me from the heat. I look down, thinking about the time I fell over the rail and Lev caught me, wrapping those arms around me and furling his wings around my body as a shield from all that cold water.
“Elizabeth, I’ve been looking all over for you.”
Speak of the devil, there he is. My angel dressed in jeans and a white shirt. The aura of his wings brightens the area behind his back. “Go away,” I snap, turning back to the water.
“I need to talk to you. It’s important.” He walks up beside me.
“Leave me alone.” I turn and start to walk away.
“I can’t. You’re in danger, Elizabeth. Why won’t you listen to me?”
“Why should I?” I turn around. “You lied to me, and I trusted you. Worse yet, I loved you.”
“I didn’t have a choice, or I would have been there.” His bright eyes burn through me, and he reaches for me, but I jerk away.
“Don’t touch me!”
“Come on.” He grabs my arm and I can’t break free.
“Get away from her!”
Both of us turn to find Kane standing there. He wears a pair of khaki shorts and a red shirt. I can also see his aura, but it is so much darker than Lev’s.
“Kane?” I say, startled.
I feel Lev’s grip waver, but he doesn’t release me. “You’re not supposed to be here,” Lev seethes, the color draining from his face.
“Try to send me away, Brother Lev. We’ll see what that gets you.” His eyes flash toward me.
“I don’t have to.” Lev tugs me behind him despite my struggles. “Evan is not far away, and he’s looking for you. You know what that means.”
Kane smiles and shakes his head. “We both know he’ll be too late, that he’s already too late. And so are you.”
Without warning, Lev rushes at Kane and throws his fist across Kane’s jaw, rocking his whole body with the blow.
“Stop it, Lev!” I yell, trying to throw myself between them, but Lev pushes me to the side. My back hits a rock, and pain shoots through me, yet Lev doesn’t even glance at me.
“Stay out of this!” There is a fury in his blue eyes, and his body glows with white brilliance that illuminates the world around him. He keeps punching until Kane lies covered in blood. Lev’s fists are bright red, and blood spatters his face as he looks at me. Then I start screaming.
“Lizzie? Can you hear me?”
Opening my eyes, I find I’m sitting upright in bed with the covers tangled around my legs. I’m breathing so fast it feels like I’ve been running, which only compounds my headache. Kane sits beside me on the bed, one hand gripping my elbow. His hair stands on end, and he rubs his eyes as though trying to get the sleep out of them.
“What happened?”
“I heard you screaming, so I came in. You were having a nightmare. You were crying in your sleep.” His fingers gently release me. “You okay? How’s your head?”
“I’m fine,” I manage. Crap, I think, drawing my hand across my face to wipe the moisture away.
He stands and paces around the room, and for the first time I realize he’s wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a red t-shirt. “You were pretty upset. You said a few things.” He rakes his fingers through his hair.
“I did?” My whole body tenses, and chills sweep up and down my body. “What did I say?” Of course, the minute I ask, I’m regretting it because I remember the dream. The blood is unforgettable.
He turns toward me. “Several things. ‘Stop it.’ You called Lev’s name and mine. Do you remember what you dreamt about?”
I paste a weak smile on my face, but when he looks at me, I keep seeing the image of Lev hunched over him, pounding his cheek and jaw into a bloody mess. “I don’t remember,” I finally manage. “That happens a lot with my dreams.”
Kane comes back to the bed and sits. “Can I ask you something?”
“Okay. So long as I have the right not to answer if I don’t want to.” I push the hair from my eyes, waiting.
“What happened between you and Lev?” He looks at his watch, checking the time.
“I fell in love with him. And I thought he loved me, too. But I was mistaken.” My voice trembles violently, and no matter how many quick, sharp breaths I take, I still feel like I can’t breathe.
Kane slips his finger under my chin and lifts it again so I have to look into his eyes. “Did he hurt you? Physically, I mean?”
Immediately my heart rate starts to slow, and I feel the calm spreading over me. “No. He was an angel. Why would he hurt me?”
“There are all kinds of angels.” His voice caresses me, and I try to look away, but he holds me with his eyes. “And not all angels are pure, Lizzie.” My heart starts to beat faster at that thought.
“But Lev….” The words die before I can utter them. The Lev I thought I knew died with a bullet, and whatever came after that really doesn’t matter. Not anymore.
Kane spots a stray strand of hair dangling in my eyes and pushes it behind an ear. “Lizzie, even angels whisper among themselves. Lev has hurt others before, even those of his own kind. Some of them still suffer from his cruelties.” He frowns as if in pain and strokes my face. “Whatever he has done, you don’t have to think upon it anymore. He is best forgotten.”
I open my mouth to speak, but words won’t come. Somewhere deep inside, this feels wrong, but I can’t seem to help myself in believing Kane’s words.
He leans forward and lightly kisses my forehead before pointing to the bed. “You should go back to sleep. I’ll wake you in the morning.” He softly squeezes my hand and rises. “If you need anything, just call. I’ll hear you.”
Then he slowly breezes out of the room, leaving me to try not to think about his words and what they mean. Was any part of the Lev I knew real? I shake my head, wondering how I could have been so wrong. As I turn, I see the window is open and the curtain lightly billows in the breeze. I never opened it.
Although it’s August, the breeze billowing in chills me, stippling my arms with goose bumps. Taking a deep breath, I force myself to get up and walk to the window. As I push the curtain aside, I look out into the darkness spread across the landscape save for the solitary streetlamp by the driveway. At first, I don’t know why my gaze is drawn to it, but as I peer closer, I see a lone figure standing there.
Lev. My throat tightens. His white wings flash against in the night. He wears jeans and a white polo, just like in my dream, and a shudder runs through me. I close my eyes, trying to remember what I wore, but I can’t.
Lev sees me at the window and bends low, preparing to fly toward the house. Shaking, I close the window and draw the curtains before stuttering backwards until I accidentally trip over the bed and fall across it. Panicked, I grab the light chain from the ceiling fan and jerk it to turn off the bulbs. Then I lie on the bed, not wanting to watch the window but unable to look away.
The batiste curtains hide nothing, I realize, as I see Lev gracefully land on the balcony. He stands before the glass, and I see him raise his knuckles and softly knock. That is when I clench my eyes shut.
“Elizabeth,” he pleads. “We need to talk. Come away with me.”
It takes everything I have to ignore his voice when I want to scream at him, tearing him up inside just as I’ve been torn—not that it would do any good. I want to ask why he won’t leave me alone when Kane tells me this isn’t his first go-round at hurting people. Even other angels aren’t safe.
“Elizabeth, please.”
This time, the voice is inside my mind.
“Get out of my head,” I growl. “I never want to see you again. Period.”
He stands on the balcony for a moment longer, his wings spread open majestically. Then he slowly turns and flies away, leaving me alone in the darkness, more broken than ever. I could ask him why, but sometimes why doesn’t really matter—correction, most of the time, it doesn’t matter.
“Morning, sleepyhead.”
I feel sleep dropping out from beneath me, and I force my eyes open to find both dawn and Kane have invaded the room. At first, I feel confused because I don’t know where I am. Then last night comes back to me. He stands in the doorway, trying to give me my space. I wipe my hand across my eyes, trying to clear away the sleep, but even as I sit up, my head feels as though it’s stuffed with rags, and I can’t seem to get my thoughts straight.
“Morning.” I run my hand through my hair, and from the feel of it, it’s tangled and wild.
“You’ve got about an hour before school.” He leans against the doorway. “You want some breakfast?”
“No. I’m good. Thanks.” I rub my hands up and down my arms. “I think I’ll just get dressed.”
He nods. “I’ll get out of your way, then.” He walks out the door and closes it after he leaves, and once I’m sure he’s gone, I slowly get out of bed and walk to the window. Both the curtain and the window are closed, and I slowly pull the curtain back to peer out, half-expecting to find Lev still out there, waiting for me to come out.
But Lev isn’t there. Isn’t that what I wanted? I swallow hard and grab my clothes from the chair so I can change. Even as I put myself together, the cotton fluff in my head won’t go away. There’s still a remainder of the headache lingering. I run my fingers through my hair, detangling the ends before quickly braiding it and pulling the rubber band from around my wrist to tie off the end. I make the bed and sit, feeling I’m groundless. I don’t know what to do. I pull out my cell phone, not to check the time but to see if Jimmie has called. One missed call. I scroll to the bottom. Jimmie. Still, there’s no message, which means I have nothing to go on, no way to know what Jimmie is thinking. I close my eyes, my stomach tied in knots. There’s no point in going to school at this point.
Besides, what difference does it make? Right now, there’s nothing anyone is going to teach me that’ll help get me through this.
Kane softly knocks on the door, and when I don’t answer, he slowly opens it and calls out, “Hope you’re decent.”
“Yeah,” I finally manage. I palm the cell, wishing I could just undo the last year of my life. I want to forget, but there’s no going back.
“It’s about that time,” Kane says, slowly stepping into the room. “How’s your head?”
“Still hurts.” My voice is tightly controlled and so is my breathing; both are good signs that maybe I can just keep going and put my feelings into a box they can’t escape.
He moves to the bed and sits. “What about the rest of it?”
“It is what it is,” I finally manage, closing my eyes, trying to breathe.
“Just take it easy,” Kane says, settling his hand over mine.
The breath catches in my throat, and I think about pulling away from him, but I can’t. “Lizzie, look at me.”
My shoulders tense, and I finally glance into his dark eyes, immediately feeling the draw.
“You’re strong enough to do whatever you need to do alone. You know that, right?”
I try to ignore the sudden light-headedness but I can’t shake it. The longer I sit here, the more aware I am I feel so lousy, and I probably won’t make it through school. I take a deep breath, unsure where I am going, but I figure I’ll know when I get there.
“Thank you for letting me stay.”
“Glad I could help.” He slowly rises. “Are you still on for that sleep- over with Jayzee and Sarah?”
I frown, mulling that over, and while I’m so not ready to face Jayzee, that would give me a place to stay for another night. I can do anything for just one night, no matter how unpleasant.
“You think Jayzee will rat me out to Griffin?” I can’t read Jayzee—or Sarah, for that matter. Usually I’m pretty good at that sort of thing.
“I’ll talk to her, see if I can convince her to keep things hushed until you figure out what you want to do. Would that help?”
“Yeah, it would, and, if she can keep quiet, I’ll probably go.” I stand up and grab my purse as I head for the door. A latent throbbing in my head forces my hand to it, but even massaging it doesn’t totally get rid of it.
“You look like you’re in pain,” Kane says, following. “Sure you’re all right?”
“It’s nothing.” I force myself to smile even though that’s the last thing I feel like doing.
“If you say so,” he mutters and looks down at the keys in his hand. “ I guess I’ll see you in first hour?”
Shaking my head, I pull my own keys from my pocket. “I think I’m going to take a break today and try to get my head wrapped around all this stuff. Just tell Jayzee I’ll be there.”
“Sure your head is okay?” he asks, walking to his vehicle. One hand sets the sunglasses on his face while the other unlocks the driver’s door.
“It hasn’t fallen off yet, Kane, so I think I’m doing all right.” I don’t wait for his response but get into my Jeep and start the engine. No matter how hard I try, I still can’t shake that damned dream. It refuses to leave, and I don’t understand what any of it means. If I were a sane person, I’d think God was trying to tell me something in settling all these angels around me, but I’m beginning to believe sanity isn’t much of an option these days.
Knowing Kane can’t back up until I do, I slips the Jeep into reverse and pull out of the lot, giving the huge house one more look via the rear-view mirror. It is definitely a beautiful house, but there’s one thing which bothered me I couldn’t put my finger on last night. It’s only now, in the morning light, it comes to me: the place is empty. By empty, I don’t mean lacking people. I mean lacking meaning. I’m not sure how Kane’s house got to be that way; I only know what it feels like. I should be an expert, considering how much emptiness has seemed to be packed away inside since Lev died—or I thought Lev died. Part of me wants to search for him—you know, the stupid part that believed everything he ever said. Maybe I was just a good way to while away time between his sojourning duties. Who knows?
Chapter Fifteen
I remember when I was little how I used to wonder what happened when I was at school. What had I missed? Today, driving around in my Jeep, I realize I hadn’t missed anything—or maybe I feel too old at seventeen to think whatever’s happening around me is important.
Jimmie tries calling again, and I’m so close to answering. Then I try to figure out what I’d say, and nothing comes. Stupid, really. So I shut the phone until it stops ringing and checked the battery to find I’m on my last bar. Pretty soon I won’t know if Jimmie’s called because the phone will be dead.
I drive to the cemetery again, and from a distance, I spot Bob in his usual place, but I don’t think my heart could stand the breaking if I go over there. While I’m pretty sure there aren’t any more surprises in store for me regarding Lev, I know I’ve had enough, and even one more might be just the proverbial last straw. I know what my limits are, and right now Lev is pushing them as hard as he can; I’m barely breathing and bleeding out, trying too hard to hold onto the idealistic notion he is everything he said he was. But that only makes me wonder what else Kane knows about him.