I find myself kind of hating Jamie Alexander. And I’m glad he has persistent bad breath issues.
“What’d you do the rest of the times?” Roh asks curiously.
“Pecks,” she replies with a shrug. She finally drops her hands, resting them on her legs.
Roh raises skeptical eyebrows. “That’s not kissing. That’s what birds do to fight or eat.”
“It’s also what girls do when guys have mouth issues.”
“What’s a little shared tongue fungus amongst friends?”
Misty shudders. “Share time is over.”
“If spin the bottle is out, what are we playing?” Roh asks.
“Hop off your throne, Patel,” Sadie says. “Get down here amongst the peasants.” She pets the grass in front of her. “We can play another round of truth or dare.”
I set the stick I’m sharpening for marshmallows aside and snap my knife closed, tucking it into my back pocket. My eyes slide to Misty, her long legs pulled close to her chest. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and looks up at me. Last time we played truth or dare, a lot of shit came out.
Roh sits up straight, rubbing his palms together. “Me first. Sadie, truth or dare?”
She puckers her lips, contemplating her choice. “Dare.”
Grinning deviously, Roh announces, “I dare you to kiss Misty.” He holds up his hand. “You don’t suffer from Halitosis, correct?”
Misty and Sadie simultaneously roll their eyes. They pivot on their butts, facing each other. I realize, though normally I would find two girls kissing hot as hell, that same mix of jealousy and hunger I felt moments ago flares up with a vengeance.
I don’t want anyone kissing Misty.
Unless it’s me.
But I also can’t look away as they lean toward one another. I have no idea how I truly feel about this.
Sadie shifts her head one way, Misty the other. They inch closer and closer. Just before their lips connect, both girls slap their hands over the other’s mouth, kissing the backs of their own hands.
I’m disappointed and relieved at the same time. And shocked that I wasn’t fully on board with two girls kissing. It feels so wrong to not want it.
What’s happening to me?
Who the hell am I?
“That’s bullshit,” Roh breathes, disheartened. He deflates like a holey balloon. He shakes his head from side to side slowly. “It’s like catching my parents putting the Christmas gifts under the tree all over again.”
Sadie arches a brow, moving her mouth close to his ear. “Truth or dare?” she breathes.
His answer is immediate. “Dare.”
Her cheeks lift, her eyes squinting from the size of her beaming smile. “Kiss Kellin.”
I start shaking my head. This is bullshit. This is worse than spin the bottle. “No way, man. I love you, but I know some of the places your mouth has been. Re-do.”
Unaffected by my rejection, he puckers his lips, moving toward me. I jump to my feet and make a run for it. But there’s nowhere to go. Roh chases after me as I zigzag through the open field, futilely trying to get away. The melody of laughter fills the air.
“Let me love you,” Roh calls. I sidestep him once, but when he lunges for me a second time, I misinterpret his reach. His fingers lock onto my shirt and I go down. But I go down fighting.
I slip out of my shirt, rolling sideways. I make it to my knees before I’m tackled right back to the ground. Roh lies over me, his weight pressing into my back and pinning me down.
“Rape,” I wheeze.
“Don’t fight it.”
I groan in defeat as he smacks a wet kiss onto my cheek and pushes himself off me.
I stay where I am, lying sprawled and gasping for breath. “Someone call 911,” I pant between gulps of air. “I was violated by a mad man.”
Roh scoffs. “You liked it.”
I roll onto my back, staring up at the sky. It’s exceptionally clear tonight. The stars and moon bright. Damn, that’s an awesome sight. Despite being assaulted by my best friend, it’s been a spectacular day.
“Come on, cry baby.” Roh stands over me, offering his hand. I take it, letting him pull me to my feet.
“That was one of the best things I have ever seen,” Sadie laughs as we take our seats once again. “It was sexy, violent, and hilarious. All my favorites.”
“You’re a sick and twisted individual,” Roh says, his voice full of wonderment. “I know I’ve said it before, but I really mean it this time—I like your brain.”
Sadie blushes. I never would have believed she was capable of the action if I hadn’t just witnessed it with my own eyes.
Without taking his eyes off of her, Roh calls my name.
“Yeah?”
“Truth or dare?”
I’m kind of afraid to choose either. Especially since this game has turned into some weird form of same sex spin the bottle.
“Dare?”
Finally tearing his eyes away from Sadie, Roh taps his finger against his chin in careful consideration. “I dare you to…kiss…whoever you want to.”
My choice was made by the time he finished his sentence, but I let my gaze slide from Roh to Misty, to Sadie, and then back to Misty as if I’m trying to make a difficult decision.
Without another moment’s thought, I bend forward, leaning in toward Sadie. Her eyes widen, surprised.
Though I’m looking at Sadie, I’m focusing on my peripheral vision. My stomach is one big knot as I continue leaning in. I wet my lips, and as I’m about to close the final distance, I change course swiftly.
I sneak attack Misty’s mouth, placing my lips on hers. She startles and I realize she must have closed her eyes. Which I can only assume means she didn’t want to watch me kiss her friend.
And then a noise radiates from her throat. Her fingers twist into the hair at the nape of my neck, holding me in place.
Taking these little details as cues, I crush my mouth against hers. When she doesn’t pull away, I use the pressure of my lips to part hers easily. My hands slide across her jawline before I sweep them into her hair, gripping the back of her head.
Misty’s tongue brushes mine deliberately, hungrily, and I mimic the sound she made a second ago. A chill skitters down my back. I’ve wanted this for so long. Dreamed it, envisioned it, fantasized about it.
I have a great imagination, but it didn’t prepare me for this.
This is so much better.
This is perfection.
From the taste of her mouth to the warmth or her fingers, very little compares to how good this feels.
Misty jerks back, and it’s not until her lips are no longer touching mine that I comprehend a phone is ringing.
I feel almost dazed as I watch her slide her cell phone from her pocket. A crease forms between her brows and she says one word.
“Luke.”
I draw back as she stands abruptly, hurrying past me to answer the call.
Puzzled by her reaction, I look at Sadie and question, “Who’s Luke?”
Her eyes soften into something that almost looks like sympathy. “Her boyfriend.”
“I thought they broke up? My brother said they were taking a break…”
“They are taking a break, of sorts, I guess.” She pauses, staring at me for several seconds. The expression on her face is torn, as if she’s weighing her options. “Luke asked Misty to marry him.”
21
Misty
Day Nine
Everything has shifted in the days since Kellin found out about Luke.
In all honesty, I can’t contribute the whole shift to Kellin finding out I have a boyfriend. A lot of it actually has to do with the kiss.
And how much I liked it.
And sleeping together each night.
And how much I liked that too.
And then the way I stopped sleeping with him because I liked it too much.
I suffered through the cold after he kissed me the other night, sticking it
out in my own tent the way I did at the beginning of the trip. The next day, once we made it into South Carolina and stopped to pick up fresh supplies, I bought myself a sleeping bag. I should have done that from the beginning.
Or maybe never come at all.
Conversation between Kellin and me is back to being nonexistent.
It’s mostly me. My mixed feelings. My guilt. He’s made attempts with me, but I can’t look at him. Because every time I do, I think about him shirtless. I replay the way it felt to sleep tangled up in his arms. I recall the kiss and how it made me want things I shouldn’t want.
I came on this trip to get over him, but I am so under him right now, it’s not even funny.
I don’t know how I truly believed this wouldn’t happen. Kellin has always had this effect on me. And it took me forever to get over him.
I nearly laugh.
I’m here because I’ve never gotten over him. Not really. Not fully.
So yesterday was spent in total discomfort. It’s like those first couple of days all over again. Only this time, it’s my fault. Sadie keeps telling me I didn’t do anything wrong, but if that’s the case, then why do I feel like I did?
“Come on, bitch,” Sadie calls from outside the tent. “It’s time to get up. We’re going to the beach.”
“Go ahead without me,” I mumble into my pillow. “The water’s too cold to swim anyway.”
I hear the unzipping of the tent and know she’s coming to scold me for ruining her vacation. I pull the pillow a little tighter to my face, hoping to shield my ears.
“Misty?”
My heart leaps into my throat when I hear Kellin’s unexpected voice. My stomach rolls and I fight against the need to be sick. I hate this turmoil happening inside of me.
“If you don’t want to swim, you don’t have to,” he continues as if I haven’t remained rudely silent. “We can just look at the ocean and get some sun. Build sandcastles.”
I can hear his soft intake and release of breath as he waits for me to acknowledge him. I focus on that sound, matching my own breaths to his.
“I’m sorry I kissed you.” He pauses, laughing dryly. “I can never seem to get it right with you. But I’m going to try my hardest not to screw this up anymore. I just want my friend back. Sandcastles. That’s it, I swear.”
22
Kellin
Day Ten
I told her I was sorry for kissing her.
I said it because in some small, fucked up way, I am sorry. I’m sorry that it took me this long to do it. I’m sorry my mom made me move back to Chicago eight years ago, causing me to miss my first opportunity. I’m sorry five years after that I had a big, shitty reaction to a menial misunderstanding and screwed up my second chance.
But I can’t be sorry I didn’t allow another occasion to pass me by.
I’m sorry I’m not sorry.
“What the hell are you doing?” Roh asks as we begin setting up tents. I’m starting to get a little tired of these tents. Six states in ten days with two more to go—putting them up, taking them down. In and out of the truck. It’d be a hell of a lot easier if we all slept on the ground.
“I’m putting this tent together for the nine-hundredth time, why?”
Roh pulls on his brow ring, looking skyward likes he’s searching for divine assistance. “Not the tent, dumbass. Misty. What are you doing with Misty?”
I look past him, my gaze finding her immediately. She and Sadie are perched on the dock, staring out at the still water. I watch her for several seconds as she lowers her bare feet into the lake.
“I don’t really have a clear-cut plan, per se.”
He straightens up, locking his hands at the back of his neck. “You understand she’s going to marry him, right? Once she says I do, that’s it.” I don’t answer because he’s fully aware I know this. I’ve dissected it from every angle since Sadie broke it all down for me—the way Luke sent Misty off for one last summer of fun before they settle down for the rest of their lives. I’ve done nothing else but obsess over the fact that this is my last shot.
Once she goes back to Ohio at the end of the summer, my time’s up. She’ll marry Luke and I’ll… I have no goddamn idea what the hell I’ll be doing other than being miserable. I never worried about time before. We’ve always come in and out of each other’s lives. But the idea of her spending forever with someone else—I’m not sure anything else has ever scared me this badly.
“She has feelings for you—a blind man could see that from a mile away,” Roh says, his tone almost wistful. As if he assumes I’ve already given up. Granted, my track record with Misty thus far would make anyone jump to that conclusion, but the ante was raised the moment I stepped on the wedding proposal mine she left behind.
I can’t come late to the party and expect Misty to end a ten-month relationship. This is a delicate situation and needs to be approached accordingly. For the next five days, I have Misty day and night. And I’m going to use every single minute of it to get my best friend back.
And then, once we’re back in Illinois, I’m going to spend the two months we have left taking advantage of my secret weapons. Hope and Mason.
Misty and I will always have the connection of our past, our friendship, and our family. Maybe it’s wrong to exploit that, but…I just don’t care. Desperate times call for desperate measures. A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. And any other cliché sayings that apply to the situation.
“I know she has feelings for me,” I admit to Roh. “I just don’t know how deep they go.”
“That kiss didn’t look friendly.” He glances back at the girls, striding toward us, shoes hanging off the tips of their fingers. “And it didn’t look like the actions of a happy fiancé.”
“It didn’t feel that way, either.”
He cocks his brows, shrugging. “She’s supposed to be sowing her oats, right?”
“Yep,” I say, my eyes returning to Misty. She smiles when she sees me looking, raising her hand above her head in a little wave.
I return the wave, but the smile doesn’t come as easy.
“Then sow her oats, man.” He shrugs again. “She’s here for a reason.”
That’s a very good point. If she’s happy with this guy, then why isn’t she wearing his ring? Why isn’t she back in Ohio planning a once in a lifetime wedding?
Why is she here with me?
23
Misty
Day Eleven
I’m lying in the grass a few feet from the lake. The sun is bright, the air warm and humid. It’s the perfect day for swimming, but I’m content where I am, shoulder to shoulder with Kellin. Eyes closed, breaths steady, listening to Sadie and Roh screaming and laughing as they dive off the dock.
It took five hours and one very large and intricate sandcastle to get us back to this point. The less I talked, the more additions Kellin made to our castle. With each question I answered in one word, or less if I bobbed my head, he added some elaborate and completely unneeded detail. But Kellin didn’t give up—making faces at me from his side of the castle, splashing me with buckets of gritty ocean water, and purposely singing song lyrics incorrectly until I couldn’t help but laugh.
In the days since, I’ve allowed myself to stop feeling guilty. In fact, I’ve even grown angry. Not with myself. Not with Kellin.
Irrationally or not, I’m mad at Luke. For sending me off. For giving me permission to be with other people, as if he had any right to do that.
For calling and interrupting the best kiss I’ve ever had.
And because I felt so horribly guilty over it.
But mostly because I can’t seem to hold onto the guilt. How can I feel bad about something that felt so good?
At the same time, I know not to trust this. I’ve been down this road with Kellin before. I know I can’t get used to this or expect anything from it.
We’re friends. And I’m happy with that.
I feel Kellin shift beside me, sitting up. Regard
less of the heat, my arm feels the loss of his warmth when he’s no longer touching me. Seconds tick by as he remains silent, but I can feel the weight of his gaze. I peer up at him from under the shield of my sunglasses.
I feel my lips part as I realize he’s staring directly at my face. Watching me. I have no idea if he knows I’m looking back at him or not, but he doesn’t stop.
His gaze lowers, moving slowly over my neck, my chest, down my bare stomach. My pulse flutters in my neck. Goose bumps burst along my skin, and they don’t go unnoticed.
Kellin’s gaze flicks up to my face once again, and I swear he’s looking right through my sunglasses, right into my eyes. My chest rises and falls with my quickened breaths.
It’s these moments when I want to lash out at Luke.
I was fine with the way things were. Going to school, working, dating. Then he flashed a ring in my face and sent me on some quest like a hobbit.
Kellin looks away. He releases a long, shuddered breath and leans back on his elbows. “So what’s he do?” he asks casually. “The fiancé?”
My voice is thick when I try to answer. Fiancé. The word sounds alien. Off. I have to clear my throat a couple of times before I can get the simple reply out. “He’s a trader. Stocks, mostly.”
He doesn’t look at me when he responds, staring out at the lake instead. “That’s impressive. There’s a lot of money in that.”
I shrug, though he doesn’t see the gesture. “I guess.”
“A lot of stress, too.”
“It can be,” I agree. He’s quiet again. I push myself up to a sitting position, resting my weight on my palms.
“What’s his name? What will your name be?”
“Walters,” I utter.
He glances over at me, flashing a smile. “Misty Walters.” He chuckles softly. “It has a ring to it.”
And then, almost as an afterthought, “Why don’t you have a ring?”
I push my glasses up on my head and dig my fingers into the cool dirt beneath the grass. There’s so much I could tell him right now. He opened the door right up for me. But I close it, keeping it on point.