‘No,’ she answered. ‘Nothing.’
‘I don’t want you contacting her parents.’
‘What would I tell them?’ his mother said. ‘That your wife and child have run away into the night and we don’t know where they are? They would be beside themselves with worry. I wouldn’t wish to bring that on them.’
‘She will try to speak to you,’ he said. ‘I know these things. You would tell me, wouldn’t you?’
There was a slight hesitation that told him all he needed to know. His mother turned her face from him.
‘I won’t stop looking,’ he warned. ‘When you do speak to her, you tell her that.’
‘She won’t get in touch with us,’ his mother said sadly. ‘We’ve lost her. She’s taken our grandchild and gone for good.’
‘You say that as if it’s my fault.’
Again, the telling hesitation.
‘You must look into your heart, Suresh. Were you a good husband to her?’
‘She had everything she needed. A roof over her head. Food on the table.’
‘All anyone ever needs is love,’ his mother said.
‘Duty,’ he countered, stabbing his finger at the table. ‘That’s what this is about. She should do her duty.’
‘Do you miss her?’
He looked up, surprised. ‘What’s that got to do with it?’
His mother shook her head and left the room.
‘She’ll be back,’ he spat after her. ‘Mark my words.’
Chapter Forty-five
The following Monday morning, Crystal and I are scrubbed, polished and ready to take on the world of manicure. I’m wearing my floral blouse and white linen trousers. They get dusty very quickly and I’m having to wash and iron them every few days. Being more stylish is time-consuming, but I’m determined to try. Crystal has put a little make-up on for me so that I look groomed. Her word, not mine. Crystal is wearing a tight white T-shirt and equally tight white jeans.
‘Are you sure you’re happy about walking Sabina to school?’ I say to Hayden. My heart is fluttering in my chest. What if he gets halfway there and feels that he can go no further?
He glances at Sabina with raised eyebrows. ‘Are we sure?’
My child nods. It doesn’t look as if her heart is troubled.
Hayden turns to me. ‘We’re sure.’
‘And you’ll be there on time to pick her up this afternoon?’
‘On the dot,’ he assures me.
‘I’ve told the school that you will be collecting her.’
‘Good.’
‘If it rains, take an umbrella.’
‘I could have worked that out for myself,’ he tells me gently.
He makes me realise that I’m being ridiculous. Hayden has promised me that he’ll do it and I must trust him. I want to tell him that I know about Laura, that I understand why this is so very difficult for him, but I don’t know how to find the words. ‘I’m sorry. You’re a responsible adult.’
‘Of the very best quality.’
‘I’m worried. I don’t want this to be an ordeal for you.’
‘You have no need for concern.’ Hayden puts his hands on my arms. ‘Really. I will do this. Have a great day. Concentrate on your studies. Learn lots. Don’t fret about Beanie.’
I nod.
‘We’re going to be late if we don’t get a move on,’ Crystal says.
Hayden kisses her cheek. ‘You have fun too.’
‘I intend to,’ Crystal says.
Then, unexpectedly, he reaches down and brushes my cheek with a kiss too. It’s all I can do to stop myself from reaching up to touch where his lips have been. I can feel my skin burning there, but not in a bad way.
‘Have a good day, ladies.’
Bending down to Sabina, I hug her tightly. ‘Be a good girl for Hayden and Joy. Wait for Hayden in the playground. Don’t leave with anyone else. No one. Do you understand?’
Sabina nods solemnly.
‘I’ll see you later.’ I help her to slip on her jacket and then Hayden holds out one of his big, strong hands for her. My daughter’s tiny one is enveloped by it and I feel my eyes brimming with tears.
‘None of that,’ he chides. ‘Not today.’
I gulp them back.
Crystal grabs my hand. ‘Come on, dilly-dolly woman, let’s get our swag on.’
So, waving goodbye to Sabina and Hayden, we rush out of the house.
The Hampstead Beauty School is at the bottom of Rosslyn Hill and it takes us about fifteen minutes to walk there. I never fail to be impressed at how Crystal manages to stride out in her teetering heels. Even in my sensible flat shoes, I struggle to keep up with her.
Inside, it looks as if we are to train in a marshmallow, as everything in the school seems to be white and sugar-pink. Even Crystal looks slightly anxious now and we cling together as we’re asked to fill out details on forms. Surreptitiously, Crystal helps me with my writing and I manage to complete mine without problems.
There are two other women here for the training who look older than Crystal and me. Then there’s a young girl who’s on her own, and I’m pleased to see that the class is small as I feel less intimidated.
Thankfully, Crystal and I are paired together and, without further ado, we’re given our own nail station and are set to work. Crystal’s eyes light up like a child’s in a sweetie shop when she scans the rainbow array of nail polishes.
‘Look at these!’ she breathes in awe. She picks up a little pot of sparkles and shows them to me for approval. ‘Jewels!’
‘Very pretty.’
‘I can’t wait till we do this.’
Throughout the morning, we’re shown how to treat neglected cuticles and shape the nails in a variety of popular styles. I’ve never done anything like this before and I find it absorbing. I feel very proud of myself for being able to keep up. This afternoon, the tutor tells us, we’re doing polishing and basic decoration. Tomorrow we’ll learn hand massage.
‘So,’ Crystal says as she starts to file my nails. ‘Where are you going on your holidays this year, Mrs Roberts?’ Which makes us both giggle and we get a stern look from the tutor. When Crystal has finished, we change places and I do hers.
At lunchtime we’re given an hour’s break to go and get a sandwich. The room is chilled with air-conditioning and it feels nice to have the sun on my skin as we walk along the High Street, which is bustling as usual.
Crystal links her arm in mine. ‘I’m glad we’re doing this together. It makes it more fun, doesn’t it?’
‘Yes.’
‘You know that Vinny’s not stopped texting me asking me to go back to the club?’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah.’
‘You never would?’
Crystal sighs. ‘No. Never. Can’t say I’m not missing the money though. I’ve got a bit saved up, but it won’t last for ever and there’s still a ton of stuff on my credit card. I’ll have to get a regular job pretty soon. There’s plenty of money to be made in a nail salon, but I’m under no illusion that it will be as much as wiggling my bum in someone’s ugly mush.’
I laugh at that.
‘Still, thanks in no small part to you, I’m out of there now.’
‘You feel better?’
‘Yeah. Heaps. I didn’t realise how low that stinking job had brought me. Now I feel I could take on the world.’ She high-fives me. ‘I owe you one.’
I stop and turn to her. ‘You don’t. It is I who owe you. I want you to know that I’m very grateful for all that you’ve done for us. For me and for Sabina.’
‘Go on with you.’ She nudges me. ‘We’re mates. We look after each other. Promise me: wherever you go, whatever you do, we won’t lose touch. Promise we’ll always be friends.’
‘I promise.’
We hurry to eat our lunch together on a bench outside the deli before rushing back for our next lesson.
In the afternoon, we learn how to apply nail varnish with a variety of techniques
. Crystal, with more experience of polishing nails than me, has a steadier hand, whereas I seem to put more of it on my skin than my nails. I’ll need to have more practice.
When it gets to three-fifteen, I look at the clock. I hope that Hayden has remembered to collect Sabina. I hope that he hasn’t found that he’s unable to go beyond the gates of the house. I’m worried that she’ll be waiting there alone. I’m worried about a thousand things that I cannot easily speak about.
‘She’ll be fine,’ Crystal says, even though I haven’t voiced my concerns. ‘Hayden won’t let you down.’
‘I know. I can’t help it. I hate having Sabina out of my sight.’ As the time goes by, I’m becoming more convinced that we have escaped from Suresh’s clutches. But there’s always a small part of my mind that wonders whether we are yet truly free.
Chapter Forty-six
Hayden felt completely paranoid, but he was sure as he’d walked Sabina up to school that morning that someone was watching him. The old feelings of panic started to set in.
Now, at the allotted time, it was all he could do to put on his hat and sunglasses and go out of the door to collect her. He stood at the door, his heart pounding. His upper lip was sweating profusely. Under his hat, his scalp prickled with it. He could do this. He had to do this. He’d promised Ayesha.
At the gates, he paused again. As far as he could tell, there was no one around. Perhaps the press had forgotten about him after all. Goodness knows they had enough celebrity fodder to fill the glossy mags, the online star sites and the red-tops.
Walking up to the school, he forced himself to stride out. After a few minutes, his legs loosened and the tightness went from his jaw. It was good to be in the sunshine, beyond the confines of the gates, and he wondered if he could ever go back to a time where he was of little interest to people. What if he wanted to make music again? Would that mean putting up with all the other crap that went with it? He didn’t know if he could ever face that.
Up at the school, he leaned against the railings, keeping his head down. There was only five minutes to go before Sabina would be let out. He could tell that some of the mums were looking at him. They were giggling and nudging each other, as they had this morning. Perhaps even more overtly now. He busied himself with a bit of fake texting, a technique he’d used more than once, with mixed success.
Then, out of the corner of his eye, he realised that this was going to be one of the less successful occasions.
‘Hello.’ A small blonde woman had crossed the playground to come and stand in front of him. She fiddled with her hair. ‘I’m a big fan of your music, Hayden. I’ve got all of your albums. I wondered if I could have my picture taken with you?’ She brandished her mobile phone at him.
They were the invention of the devil, Hayden thought. It meant that no one was ever without a camera these days.
‘Would you mind?’
Now he was torn. He’d rather have his eyeballs poked out, but if he said no then he would be branded as rude and she’d tell all her friends what a stuck-up knob he was. The trouble was, these days, it would be all over Twitter and Facebook within seconds.
‘Sure,’ he said, wishing she’d go away and leave him alone.
She stood next to him and held out the camera at arm’s length. Click. And it was done. It made him feel sick to his stomach.
He hoped Sabina would hurry out, otherwise the rest of them would be over in a minute and he’d be mobbed. It had happened enough times over the years for him to know the inevitable pattern.
Thankfully, at that very moment the school’s doors opened and disgorged its precious cargo of children. They streamed out towards their mothers, and the woman who’d photographed him said thank you and blended back into the crowd.
Tomorrow, he might have to ask Joy to do the school run. He wasn’t sure he could cope with it if word got around that he was there.
The child rushed out to him, and once again he scooped her up. He had an overwhelming urge to put her on his shoulders and take her home that way, but it was probably unseemly. Instead he dropped her to the floor and high-fived her. Solemnly, her palm touched his.
‘Had a good day?’
She nodded. Her big brown eyes gazed up at him. Those eyes would break hearts one day, just like her mother’s.
‘Did you learn anything new?’
Sabina shrugged.
‘Want me to teach you another song on the piano?’
She smiled and his heart melted.
‘OK.’ He took her hand in his and they started the short walk home. ‘Let’s do it.’
By the time they got back indoors, Hayden was starting to sweat, and he was glad to be out of the sun and in the cool of the kitchen once more. Walking back with Sabina had calmed him, but more than once he’d turned round to check that they weren’t being followed. He’d have to conquer these feelings though, otherwise he’d soon find he didn’t have a choice whether he went out or not.
Sabina sat at the table and he poured her a glass of milk. Then he found two chocolate-chip cookies in the biscuit tin for her. He decided to join her and did the same for himself. He sat down opposite her.
‘Got spellings to do?’
She nodded.
‘Let’s do those first.’
So she opened the Hello Kitty backpack that she was so attached to and fished in it until she pulled out her homework. Sabina worked through them in silence, sipping her milk as she did.
Was this what it would be like to have his own child? he wondered. This charming little girl had certainly worked her way into his heart. He looked at her with a paternal tenderness and protectiveness that he’d never known was possible. She might not speak but she was brimming with personality and she was razor-sharp. One day, he thought, he’d like a family life. If he kept living in the past, brooding on what might have been, then he was going to end up alone. He couldn’t expect Joy or Crystal or even Ayesha to be around here for ever. Though, looking across at Sabina, he couldn’t bear the thought of any of them going. It was in many ways a dysfunctional little unit, but somehow it worked.
He looked at the counter. Joy had left a pile of vegetables there, as she’d taken to doing. Perhaps he should start to prep them, help Ayesha out as she’d have had a busy day. They’d fallen into the routine of eating together every night, which was nice.
Ayesha was a fantastic cook. She’d even got Joy eating some spicy dishes. No mean feat. He’d started to work out harder since she’d arrived, otherwise his waistline would have begun to thicken. In fact, he could really do with starting to run again. He could feel the need to pound the pavements itching in his feet, but that would mean him going outside on a daily basis and he wasn’t sure he was quite ready for that. When he thought about it, Ayesha had a lot of qualities. It stirred feelings inside him that he’d thought were too deeply buried to ever come to the surface again. He wasn’t sure he was ready for those, either.
When Sabina had finished, she turned the book and pushed it across the table for Hayden to check. While he was busy, she nibbled daintily at the cookies, dropping crumbs all over the table, and he realised that he should have given her a plate.
‘Very good,’ he said, impressed. ‘Ten out of ten. There were some hard words in there.’
She smiled shyly, a glimmer of pride peeping through.
‘Ready to play the piano?’
More nodding.
‘Go and wash your hands.’ She jumped down from the table and went to the sink. When she’d dried them, they went through to the living room.
Hayden threw open the French doors, letting the sun flood into the room, and they took up their places on the piano stool, side by side.
‘Do you know “Mary Had a Little Lamb”?’
Sabina shook her head.
‘Let’s get started then.’
Chapter Forty-seven
I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my day learning how to be a manicurist, but now, I have to confess, I can’t wait to get home a
nd see my child. It’s so hard to leave her and I wonder how difficult it will prove to be a working mother. I will, at times in the future, have to leave her in the care of strangers, which pains me more than I can say. Yet this is the price I have to pay for my freedom.
Crystal is totally hyper, or ‘totes hype’, as she would say. She’s loved our day too. In fact, the tutor nearly had to manhandle her out of the door as she didn’t want to go home. I think it’s fair to say that Crystal has found her calling.
I make Crystal hurry home as fast as we can and when I burst through the front door, the very first thing that I do is shout out my child’s name.
‘Sabina! Sabina!’ Sometimes I forget that she won’t shout back, but it doesn’t stop my heart from longing.
‘In here!’ Hayden’s voice comes from the living room. I throw down my bag and rush to see them.
They’re both sitting at the piano and Sabina is beaming.
‘Hello, my darling,’ I say. She jumps down from the stool and runs to embrace me. I inhale the beautiful scent of her hair as I hug her to me. ‘Have you been good today?’
She nods.
‘Did you enjoy your course?’ Hayden asks.
‘Very much so. I’m looking forward to going back tomorrow.’
‘Any homework you need help with?’
I grimace. ‘Diseases and Disorders of the Nail.’
He laughs. ‘Riveting. We’ll have to put our more entertaining reading aside for the night.’
‘I fear we will.’
Sabina unwinds herself from me and goes back to the piano stool.
‘Want to hear what we’ve been doing?’ Hayden asks.
‘I’d very much like that.’
My child settles herself and, when Hayden nods, together they play a delightful little tune. It brings tears to my eyes to see her concentrating so hard.
When they finish, I clap my hands together. ‘You are both so clever. That was lovely.’
‘She’s picked it up really quickly,’ Hayden says. ‘I think she has a natural talent.’