A Red-Haired Cupid
"How did I come to get myself disliked down at the Chanta Seechee?Well, I'll tell you," said Reddy, the cow-puncher. "The play cameup like this. First, they made the Chanta Seechee into a stockcompany, then the stock company put all their brains in one think,and says they, 'We'll make this man Jones superintendent, and theranch is all right at once.' So out comes Jones from Boston,Massachusetts, and what he didn't know about running a ranch wascommon talk in the country, but what he thought he knew aboutrunning a ranch was too much for one man to carry around. Hewasn't a bad-hearted feller in some ways, yet on the whole he feltit was an honour to a looking-glass to have the pleasure ofreflecting him. Looking-glass? I should say he had! And abureau, and a boot-blacking jigger, and a feather bed, andcurtains, and truck in his room. Strange fellers used to opentheir eyes when they saw that room. 'Helloo-o!' they'd say, 'whoselittle birdie have we here?' And other remarks that hurt ourfeelings considerable. Jonesy, he said the fellers were a rank lotof barbarians. He said it to old Neighbour Case's face, and he andthe old man came together like a pair of hens, for Jonesy had sandin spite of his faults, That was a fight worth travelling to see.They covered at least an acre of ground; they tore the air withupper swats and cross swipes; they hollered, they jumped and theypitched, and when the difficulty was adjusted we found thatJonesy's coat was painfully ripped up the back and Neighbour Casehad lost his false teeth. One crowd of fellers patted Jones on theback and said, 'Never mind your coat, old horse; you've licked aman twice your age,' and the other comforted Neighbour, saying,'Never mind, Case; you can ease your mind by thinking how youheaded up that rooster, and he fifty pounds lighter than you.'
"Jonesy put on airs after that. He felt he was a hard citizen.And then he had the misfortune to speak harshly to Arizona Jenkinswhen Old Dry Belt was in liquor. Then he got roped and draggedthrough the slough. He cried like a baby whilst I helped himscrape the mud off, but not because he was scared! No, sir! Thatlittle runt was full of blood and murder.
"'You mark me, now, Red,' says he, the tears making bad-land watercourses through the mud on his cheeks, 'I shall fire upon that manthe first time I see him--will you lend me your revolver?'
"'Lord, Jones, see here,' says I, 'don't you go making any suchbilly-goat play as that--keep his wages until he apologizes; putsomething harmful in his grub; but, as you have respect for theAlmighty's handiwork as represented by your person, don't pull agun on Arizona Jenkins--that's the one thing he won't take fromnobody.'
"'D-d-darn him!' snivels Jonesy, 'I ain't afraid o-o-of him;' andthe strange fact is that he wasn't. Well, I saw he was in such ataking that he might do something foolish and get hurt, so I goesto Arizona and says I, 'You ought to apologize to Jones.' WhatZony replied ain't worth repeating--'and you along with him,' hewinds up.
"'Now ain't that childish?' I says. 'A six-footer like you thatcan shoot straight with either hand, and yet ain't got generosityenough to ease the feelings of a poor little devil that's fairbusting with shame.'
"'Well, what did he want to tell me to shut up my mouth for?' criedOld Dry Belt. 'Men have died of less than that.'
"'Aw, shucks, Zony,' I says, 'a great, big man like you oughtn't tocome down on a little cuss who's all thumb-hand-side and left feet.'
"'That be blowed,' says he--only he says it different. 'I'd liketo know what business such a sawed-off has to come and tell afull-grown man like me to shut up his mouth? He'd ought to stay ina little man's place and talk sassy to people his own size. Whenhe comes shooting off his bazoo to a man that could swaller himwhole without loosening his collar, it's impidence; that's what itis.'
"'Well, as a favour to me?' I says.
"'Well, if you put it in that way--I don't want to be small aboutit.'
"So Arizona goes up to Jones and sticks out his hand. 'There's myhand, Jones,' he says. 'I'm mighty sorry you told me to shut up mymouth,' says he.
"'So am I,' says Jones heartily, not taking in the sense of thewords, but feeling that it was all in good intention. So that wasall right and I stood in with the management in great shape forfixing up the fuss so pleasant. But it didn't last. They saynothing lasts in this world. There's some pretty solid rocks inthe Coeur d'Alene, however, and I should like to wait around andsee if they don't hold out, but I'll never make it. I've been intoo much excitement.
"Well, the next thing after Jonesy got established was that hisniece must come out during vacation and pay him a visit.'Jee-rusalem!' thinks I, 'Jonesy's niece!' I had visions of athin, yaller, sour little piece, with mouse-coloured hair plastereddown on her head, and an unkind word for everybody. Jonesy told meabout her being in college, and then I stuck a pair of themnose-grabber specks on the picture. I can stand 'most any kind ofa man, but if there's anything that makes the tears come to my eyesit's a botch of a woman. I know they may have good qualities andall that, but I don't like 'em, and that's the whole of it. Wegave three loud groans when we got the news in the bull-pen. And Icussed for ten minutes straight, without repeating myself once,when it so fell out that the members of the board rolled out ourway the day the girl had to be sent for, and Jonesy couldn't breakloose, and your Uncle was elected to take the buckboard and drivetwenty miles to the railroad. I didn't mind the going out, butthat twenty miles back with Jonesy's niece! Say, I foamed like asoda-water bottle when I got into the bull-pen and told the boys myluck.
"'Well,' says Kyle Lambert, 'that's what you might expect; yoursins have found you out.'
"'No, they ain't; they've caught me at home as usual,' says I.'Well, I'll give that Eastern blossom an idea of the quality ofthis country anyhow.' So I togs myself up in the awfullest rig Icould find; strapped two ca'tridge belts to me, every hole filled,and a gun in every holster; put candle-grease on my mustache andtwisted the ends up to my eye-winkers; stuck a knife in my hatbandand another in my boot; threw a shotgun and a rifle in thebuckboard, and pulled out quick through the colt-pens before Jonesycould get his peeps onto me.
"Well, sir, I was jarred witless when I laid my eyes on that youngwoman. I'd had my mind made up so thorough as to what she must bethat the facts knocked me cold. She was the sweetest, handsomest,healthiest female I ever see. It would make you believe in fairystories again just to look at her. She was all the things a manever wanted in this world rolled up in a prize package. Tall,round and soople, limber and springy in her action as athoroughbred, and with something modest yet kind of daring in herface that would remind you of a good, honest boy. Red, white, andblack were the colours she flew. Hair and eyes black, cheeks andlips red, and the rest of her white. Now, there's a pile ofdifference in them colours; when you say 'red,' for instance, youain't cleaned up the subject by a sight. My top-knot's red, butthat wasn't the colour of Loy's cheeks. No; that was a colour Inever saw before nor since. A rose would look like a tomateralongside of 'em. Then, too, I've seen black eyes so hard andshiny you could cut glass with 'em. And again that wasn't herstyle. The only way you could get a notion of what them eyes werelike would be to look at 'em; you'd remember 'em all right if youdid. Seems like the good Lord was kind of careless when he builtJonesy, but when he turned that girl out he played square with thefambly.
"I ain't what you might call a man that's easily disturbed in hismind, but I know I says to myself that first day, 'If I was tenyear younger, young lady, they'd never lug you back East again.'Gee, man! There was a time when I'd have pulled the country up bythe roots but I'd have had that girl! I notice I don't fall inlove so violent as the years roll on. I can squint my eye over thecards now and say, 'Yes, that's a beautiful hand, but I reckon I'dbetter stay out,' and lay 'em down without a sigh; whereas, when Iwas a young feller, it I had three aces in sight I'd raise the restof the gathering right out of their foot-leather--or get caught atit. Usually I got caught at it, for a man couldn't run the mintlong with the kind of luck I have.
"Well, I was plumb disgusted with the fool way I'd rigged myselfup, but, fortu
nately for me, Darragh, the station-man, came outwith the girl. 'There's Reddy, from your ranch now, ma'am,' sayshe, and when he caught sight of me, 'What's the matter, Red; arethe Injuns up?'
"Darragh was a serious Irishman, and that's the mournfullest thingon top of the globe; and besides, he believed anything you'd tellhim. There ain't any George Washington strain in my stock, so Iproceeded to get out of trouble.
"'They ain't up exactly,' says I, 'but it looked as if they were aleetle on the rise, and being as I had a lady to look out for, Ithought I'd play safe.'
"The colour kind of went out of the girl's cheeks. Eastern folksare scandalous afraid of Injuns.
"'Perhaps I'd better not start?' says she.
"'Don't you be scart, miss,' says Darragh. 'You're all right aslong as you're with Red--he's the toughest proposition we've got inthis part of the country.'
"'I'm obliged to you, Darragh,' says I. He meant well, but hell'sfull of them people. I'd have given a month's wages for one lickat him. Nice reputation to give me before that girl! She eyed memighty doubtful.
"I stepped up to her, with my hat in my hand. 'Miss Andree,' saysI (she was Jonesy's sisters child), 'if you come along with me I'llguarantee you a safe journey. If any harm reaches you it will beafter one of the liveliest times in the history of the Territory.'
"At this she laughed. 'Very well,' says she, 'I'll chance it, Mr.Red.'
"'His name ain't Red,' puts in Darragh, solemn. 'His name'sSaunders. We call him Red becus uf his hair.'
"'I'm sure I beg your pardon,' says Miss Loys, all of a fluster.
"'That's all right, ma'am; no damage done at all,' says I. 'It'suseless for me to try to conceal the fact that my hair is a littleon the auburn. You mustn't mind what Darragh says. We've had agood deal of hot weather lately and his brains have gone wrong.Now hop in and we'll touch the breeze,' So I piled her trunk inand away we flew.
"Bud and Dandy were a corking little team. They'd run the wholedistance from the railway to the ranch if you'd let 'em--and Inever interfered. A straight line and the keen jump hits me allright when I'm going some place, although I can loaf with the nextman on occasion. So we missed most of the gulleys.
"The ponies were snorting and pulling grass, the buckboard bouncingbehind 'em like a rubber ball, and we were crowding into the teethof the northwest wind, which made it seem as if we were travelling100 per cent. better than a Dutch clock would show.
"'Goodness gracious!' says the girl, 'do you always go like this inthis country? And aren't there any roads?'
"'Why, no,' says I. 'Hike!' and I snapped the blacksnake over theponies' ears, and they strung themselves out like a brace ofcoyotes, nearly pulling the buckboard out from under us.'Sometimes we travel like _this_,' I says. 'And as for roads, Idespise 'em. You're not afraid, are you?'
"'Indeed I'm not. I think it's glorious. Might I drive?'
"'If I can smoke,' says I, 'then _you_ can drive.' I'd heard aboutyoung women who'd been brought up so tender that tobacker smokewould ruin their morals or something, and I kind of wondered if shewas that sort.
"'That's a bargain,' says she prompt. 'But how you're going tolight a cigar in this wind I don't see.'
"'Cigarette,' says I. 'And if you would kindly hold my hat until Iget one rolled I'll take it kind of you.'
"'But what about the horses?' says she.
"'Put your foot on the lines and they'll make. That's the main andonly art of driving on the prairie--not to let the lines get underthe horses' feet--all the rest is just sit still and look at thescenery.'
"She held my hat for a wind-break, and I got my paper pipetogether. And then--not a match. I searched every pocket. Not alucifer. That is more of what I got for being funny and changingmy clothes. And then she happened to think of a box she had fortravelling, and fished it out of her grip.
"'Young lady,' I says, 'until it comes to be your bad luck--which Ihope won't ever happen--to be very much in love with a man whowon't play back, you'll never properly know the pangs of a manthat's got all the materials to smoke with except the fire. Now,if I have a chance to do as much for you sometime, I'm there.'
"She laughed and crinkled up her eyes at me. 'All right, Mr.Saunders. When that obdurate man disdains me, I'll call for yourhelp.'
"'The place for the man that would disdain you is an asylum,' saysI. 'And the only help I'd give you would be to put him there.'She blushed real nice. I like to see a woman blush. It's a trickthey can't learn.
"But I see she was put out by my easy talk, so I gave her a pat onthe back and says, 'Don't mind me, little girl. We fellers see aneighteen-carat woman so seldom that it goes to our heads. Therewasn't no offence meant, and you'll be foolish if you put it there.Let's shake hands.'
"So she laughed again and shook. I mean _shook_. It wasn't likehanding you so much cold fish--the way some women shake hands. AndLoys and me, we were full pards from date.
"I made one more bad break on the home trip.
"'Jonesy will be powerful glad to see you,' says I.
"'Jonesy!' says she, surprised. 'Jonesy! Oh, is that what youcall Uncle Albert?'
"'Well, it does sometimes happen that way," says I. And then myanti-George Washington blood rose again. 'You see, he was kind oflonesome out there at first, and we took to calling him Jonesy tocheer him up and make him feel at home,' I says.
"'Oh!' says she. And I reckon she didn't feel so horribly awfulabout it, for after looking straight towards the Gulf of Mexico fora minute, suddenly she bust right out and hollered. It seems thatJones cut a great deal of grass to a swipe when he was back home inhis own street. It's astonishing how little of a man it takes todo that in the East. We had an argument once on the subject.'It's intellect does it,' says Silver Tompkins. 'Oh, that's it,eh?' says Wind-River Smith. 'Well, I'm glad I'm not troubled thatway. I'd rather have a forty-four chest than a number eight headany day you can find in the almanac.' And I'm with Smithy. Thisknowing so much it makes you sick ain't any better than being sohealthy you don't know nothing, besides being square miles lessfun. Another thing about the Eastern folks is they're so sot intheir views, and it don't matter to them whether the facts bear outtheir idees or not.
"'Here, take a cigar,' says one of the Board of Directors to me--alittle fat old man, who had to draw in his breath before he couldcross his legs--'them cigarettes'll ruin your health,' says he.Mind you, he was always kicking and roaring about his liver orstummick, or some of his works. I'm a little over six-foot-threein my boots when I stand up straight, and I stood up straight asthe Lord would let me and gazed down at that little man.'Pardner,' says I, 'I was raised on cigarettes. When I was twoyears old I used to have a pull at the bottle, and then mycigarette to aid digestion. It may be conceit on my part,' I says,'but I'd rather be a wreck like me than a prize-fighter like you.'They're queer; you'd think that that little fat man would havenoticed the difference without my pointing it out to him.
"Well, I don't have to mention that Loys stirred things upconsiderable around the Chanta Seechee and vicinity. Gee! What adiving into wannegans and a fetching out of good clothes there was.And trading of useful coats and things for useless but decoratingsilk handkerchers and things! And what a hair cutting and whiskertrimming!
"But Kyle was the man from the go in. And it was right it shouldbe so. If ever two young people were born to make trouble for eachother it was Kyle and Loys.
"A nice, decent fellow was Kyle. Nothing remarkable, you couldsay, and that was one of his best points. Howsomever, he had ahead that could do plain thinking, a pair of shoulders thatdiscouraged frivoling, and he was as square a piece of furniture asever came out of a factory. More'n that; he had quite a littleeducation, saved his money, never got more than good-naturedloaded, and he could ride anything that had four legs, from asawhorse to old tiger Buck, who would kick your both feet out ofthe sturrups and reach around and bite you in the small of the backso quick that the boys would be pulling his
front hoofs out of yourframe before you'd realize that the canter had begun. Nice horse,Buck. He like to eat Jonesy up one morning before Sliver and mecould get to the corral. Lord! The sounds made my blood run cold!Old Buck squealing like a boar-pig in a wolf trap, and Jonesyyelling, 'Help! Murder! Police!' Even that did not cure Jonesfrom sticking his nose where it wasn't wanted. Why, once--butthunder! It would take me a long while to tell you all thathappened to Jones.
"One thing that didn't hurt Kyle any in the campaign was that hewas 'most as good-looking for a man as she was for a woman. Theymade a pair to draw to, I tell you, loping over the prairie, fullof health and youngness! You wouldn't want to see a prettier sightthan they made, and you could see it at any time, for they weretogether whenever it was possible. Loys was so happy it made youfeel like a boy again to see her. She told me in private that itwas wonderful how the air out here agreed with her, and I said itwas considered mighty bracing, and never let on that theyproclaimed their state of mind every time they looked at eachother. I reckon old smart-Aleck Jonesy was the only party in thetownship who didn't understand. Kyle used to put vinegar in hiscoffee and things like that, and if you'd ask him, 'What's thatfellow's name that runs the clothing store in town?' he'd come outof his trance and say 'Yes,' and smile very amiable, to show thathe thoroughly admitted you were right.
"Well, things went as smooth and easy as bob-sledding until it cametime for Loys to be moseying back to college again.
"Then Kyle took me into his confidence. I never was lessastonished in my whole life, and I didn't tell him so. 'Well, whatare you going to do about it?' says I.
"He kind of groaned and shook his head. 'I dunno,' says he. 'Doyou think she likes me, Red?' I felt like saying, 'Well, if youain't got all the traits but the long ears, I miss my guess,' but Imade allowances, and says I, 'Well, about that, I don't think Iought to say anything; still, if I had only one eye left I couldsee plain that her education's finished. She don't want any morecollege, that girl don't.'
"'Think not?' says he, bracing up. And then, by-and-by, they wentout to ride, for Jonesy was good to the girl, I'll say that forhim. He was willing to do anything for her in reason, according tohis views. But Kyle wasn't in them views; he was out of thepicture as far as husbands went.
"They came back at sunset, when the whole world was glowing red thesame as they were. I reached for the field glasses and took asquint at them. There was no harm in that, for they werewell-behaved young folks. One look at their faces was enough.There were three of us in the bull-pen--Bob, and Wind-River Smith,and myself. We'd brought up a herd of calves from Nanley's ranch,and we were taking it easy. 'Boys,' says I, under my breath,'they've made the riffle.'
"'No!' says they, and then everybody had to take a pull at theglasses.
"'Well, I'm glad,' says Smithy. And darn my buttons if that oldhardshell's voice didn't shake. 'They're two of as nice kids asyou'd find in many a weary day,' says he. 'And I wish 'em all theluck in the world.'
"'So do I,' says I, 'and I really think the best we could do for'em would be to shoot Jones.'
"'Man! Won't he sizz!' says Bob. And you can't blame us oldcodgers if we had a laugh at that, although it was such a powerfulserious matter to the youngsters.
"'Let's go out and meet 'em,' says I. And away we went. Theyweren't a particle surprised. I suppose they thought the wholeuniverse had stopped to look on. We pump-handled away and laughed,and Loys she laughed kind of teary, and Kyle he looked red in theface and proud and happy and ashamed of himself, and we all feltloosened up considerable, but I told him on the quiet, 'Take thatfool grin off your face, unless you want Uncle Jones to drop themoment he sees you.'
"Now they only had three days left to get an action on them, asthat was the time set for Loys to go back to college.
"Next day they held a council behind the big barn, and they calledin Uncle Red--otherwise known as Big Red Saunders, or ChantaSeechee Red, which means 'Bad-heart Red' in Sioux language, anddoesn't explain me by a durn sight--to get the benefit of hisvaluable advice.
"'Skip,' says I. 'Fly for town and get married, and come back andtell Jonesy about it. It's a pesky sight stronger argument to tellhim what you have done than what you're going to do.'
"They couldn't quite agree with that. They thought it was sneaky.
"'So it is,' says I. 'The first art of war is understanding how tomake a grand sneak. If you don't want to take my advice you canwait.' That didn't hit 'em just right either.
"'What will we wait for?' says Kyle.
"'Exercise--and the kind you won't take when you get as old and assensible as me. You're taking long chances, both of you; but it'sjust like playing cards, you might as well put all your money onthe first turn, win or lose, as to try and play system. Systemsdon't work in faro, nor love affairs, nor any other game of chance.Be gone. Put your marker on the grand raffle. In other words takethe first horse to town and get married. Ten chances to one Jonesywill have the laugh on you before the year is out.'
"'I don't think you are a bit nice to-day, Red,' says Loys.
"'He's jealous,' says Kyle.
"'That's what I am, young man,' says I. 'If I had ten years off myshoulders, and a little of the glow off my hair, I'd give you a runfor your alley that would leave you breathless at the wind-up.'
"'I think your hair is a beautiful color, Red,' says Loys. 'Many awoman would like to have it.'
"'Of course they would,' I answered. 'But they don't get it. I'mfoxy, I am.' Still I was touched in a tender spot. That youngwoman knew Just the right thing to say, by nature. 'Well, what areyou young folks going to do?' I asked them.
"They decided that they'd think it over until next day, but thatturned out to be too late, for what must Kyle do but get chuckedfrom his horse and have his leg broke near the hip. You don't wantto take any love affairs onto the back of a bad horse, now you markme! There was no such thing as downing that boy when he was in hisright mind.
"Now here was a hurrah! Loys, she dasn't cry, for fear of uncle,and Kyle, he used the sinfullest language known to the tongue ofman. 'Twas the first time I'd ever heard him say anything much,but he made it clear that it wasn't because he couldn't.
"'What will we do, Red? What will we do?' says he.
"'Now,' says I, 'don't bile over like that, because it's bad foryour leg.'
"He cussed the leg.
"'Go on and tell me what we can do,' says he.
"'When you ask me that, you've pulled the right bell,' says I.'I'll tell you exactly what we'll do. I go for the doctor. Savvy?Well, I bring back the minister at the same time. Angevine, heloses the Jersey cow over in the cane-break, and uncle and Angevinego hunting her, for not even Loys is ace high in uncle's mindalongside that cow. The rest is easy.'
"'Red, you're a brick--you're the best fellow alive,' says Kyle,nearly squeezing the hand off me.
"'I've tried to conceal it all my life, but I knew it would bediscovered some day,' says I. 'Well, I suppose I'd better breakthe news to Loys--'twouldn't be any more than polite.'
"'Oh, Lord! I wonder if she'll be willing?' says he.
"'No reason I shouldn't turn an honest dollar on thetransaction--I'll bet you a month's wages she is,' says I. Hewanted to do it, thinking I was in earnest, but I laughed at him.
"She was willing all right--even anxious. There's some women, andmen, too, for that matter, who go through life like a cat through aback alley, not caring a cuss for either end or the middle. Theywould have been content to wait. Not so Loys. She wanted herKyle, her poor Kyle, and she wanted him quick. That's the kind ofpeople for me! Your cautious folk are all the time falling downwells because their eyes are up in the air, keeping tabs so thatthey can dodge shooting stars.
"Now, I had a minister friend up in town, Father Slade by name.No, he was not a Catholic, I think. They called him 'Father'because it fitted him. His church had a steeple on it, anyhow, soit was no maverick. Just what particular kin
d of religion the oldman had I don't know, but I should say he was a homeopath on aguess. He looked it. 'Twas a comfort to see him coming down thestreet, his old face shining in his white hair like a shrivelledpink apple in a snowdrift, God-blessing everything in sight--good,bad, or indifferent. He had something pleasant to say to all. Wewas quite friends, and every once in a while we'd have a chin aboutthings.
"'Are you keeping straight, Red?' he'd ask when we parted.
"'Um,' I'd say, 'I'm afraid you'd notice a bend here and there, ifyou Slid your eyes along the edge.'
"'Well, keep as straight as you can; don't give up trying, my boy,'he'd tell me, mighty earnest, and I'd feel ashamed of myself cleararound the corner.
"I knew the old man would do me a favour if it could be done, so Ipulled out easy in my mind.
"First place, I stopped at the doctor's, because I felt they mightfix up the marrying business some other time, but if a leg that'sbroke in the upper joint ain't set right, you can see a largedark-complected hunk of trouble over the party's left shoulder forthe rest of his days. The doctor was out, so I left word for himwhat was wanted, and to be ready when I got back, and pulled forFather Slade's. The old gentleman had the rheumatism, and hegroaned when I come in. Rheumatism's no disease for people whocan't swear.
"'How are you, my boy?' says he; 'I'm glad to see you. Here am I,an old man, nipped by the leg, and much wanting to talk tosomebody.'
"I passed the time of day to him, but felt kind of blue. Thisdidn't look like keeping my word with the kids. I really hated tosay anything to the old man, knowing his disposition; still I feltI had to, and I out with my story.
"'Dear! dear!' says he. 'The hurry and skurry of young folks! Howidle it seems when you get fifty years away from it, and see howlittle anything counts! For all that, I thank God,' says he, 'thatthere's a little red left in my blood yet, which makes mesympathise with them. But the girl's people object you say?'
"I made that all clear to him. The girl's _always_ all right,Father,' says I, 'and as for the man in this case, my word for him.'
"Now it ain't just the right thing for me to say, but seeing asI've never had anything in particular to be modest about, and I'mproud of what the old gentleman told me, I'm going to repeat it.
"'Your word is good for me, Red,' says he. 'You're a mischievousboy at times, but your heart and your head are both reliable; giveme your arm to the waggon.'
"Then I felt mighty sorry to think of lugging that poor old man allthat ways.
"'Here!' says I. 'Now you sit down again; don't you do anything ofthe sort--you ain't fit.'
"He put his hand on my shoulder and hobbled his weight off the gameleg.
"'Reddy, I was sitting there thinking when you came in--thinking ofhow comfortable it was to be in an easy-chair with my foot on astool, and then I thought, "If the Lord should send me some work todo, would I be willing?" Now, thanks be to Him! I am willing, andglad to find myself so, and I do not believe there's any work moreacceptable to Him than the union of young folk who love each other.Ouch!' says he, as that foot touched the ground. 'Perhaps you'dbetter pick me up and carry me bodily.'
"So I did it, the old housekeeper following us with an armful ofthings and jawing the both of us--him for a fool and me for avillain. She was a strong-minded old lady, and I wish I couldremember some of her talk--it was great.
"We went around and got the doctor.
"'Hoo!' says he. 'Is it as bad as that?' I winked at Father Slade.
"'It's a plenty worse than that,' says I; 'you won't know the halfof it till you get down there.'
"But of course we had to tell him, and he was tickled. Funny whatan interest everybody takes in these happenings. He wanted all thedetails.
"'By Jove!' says he, 'the man whose feelings ain't the least dimmedby a broken leg--horse rolled on him, you said? Splintered it,probably--that man is one of the right sort. He'll do to tie to.'
"When we reached the ranch the boys were lined up to meet us.'Hurry along!' they called. 'Angey can't keep uncle amused allday!'
"So we hustled. Kyle was for being married first, and then havinghis leg set, but I put my foot down flat. It had gone long enoughnow, and I wasn't going to have him cripping it all his life. Butthe doctor worked like a man who gets paid by the piece, and inless than no time we were able to call Loys in.
"Wind-River Smith spoke to get to give the bride away, and we lethim have it.
"We'd just got settled to business when in comes Angevine, puffinglike a buffalo. 'For Heaven's sakes! Ain't you finished yet?' sayshe; 'well, you want to be at it, for the old man ain't over twominutes behind me, coming fast. I took the distance in ten-footsteps. Just my luck! Foot slipped when I was talking to him, andI dropped a remark that made him suspicious--I wouldn't have doneit for a ton of money--but it's too late now. I'll down him andhold him out there if you say so.'
"Well, sir, at this old Father Slade stood right up, forgettingthat foot entirely.
"'Children, be ready,' says he, and he went over the line for arecord.
"'Hurry there!' hollers old Bob from the outside, where he was onwatch; 'here comes uncle up the long coulee!'
"'What are your names?' says Father Slade. They told him, bothred'ning.
"'Do you, Kyle, take this woman, Loys, to have and keep track of,come hell or high water, her heirs and assigns for ever?'--or sucha matter--says he, all in one breath, They both said they did.
"Things flew till we came to the ring. There was a hitch. We hadplumb forgotten that important article. For a minute I feltstingy; then I cussed myself for a mean old long-horn, and divedinto my box.
"'Here, take this!' I says. 'It was my mother's!'
"'Oh, Red! You mustn't part with that!' cried Loys, her eyesfilling up.
"'Don't waste time talking; I put through what I tackle. Hurry,please, Father.'
"'Has anybody any objections to these proceedings?' says he.
"'I have,' says I, 'but I won't mention 'em. Give them theverdict.'
"'I pronounce you man and wife. Let us pray,' says he.
"'What's that?' screeches Uncle Jonesy from the doorway. And thenhe gave us the queerest prayer you ever heard in your life. Hestood on one toe and clawed chunks out of the air while hedelivered it.
"He seemed to have it in for me in particular. 'You villain! Yourascal! You red-headed rascal! You did this! I know you did!'
"'Oh, uncle!' says I, 'forgive me!' With that I hugged him rightup to me, and he filled my bosom full of smothered language.
"'Cheese it, you little cuss!' I whispered in his ear, 'or I'llbreak every rib in your poor old chest!' I came in on him atrifle, Just to show him what I could do if I tried.
"'Nuff!' he wheezes. 'Quit. 'Nuff.'
"'Go up and congratulate 'em,' I whispered again.
"'I won't,' says he. 'Ouch! Yes, I will! I will!' So up hegoes, grinding his teeth.
"'I wish you every happiness,' he grunts.
"'Won't you forgive me, uncle?' begs Loys.
"'Some other time; some other time!' he hollers, and he prancedout of the house like a hosstyle spider, the maddest little man inthe Territory.
"Loys had a hard time of it until Kyle got so he could travel, andthey went up to the Yellowstone with a team for a wedding trip.
"The rest of Loys's folks was in an unpleasant frame of mind, too.They sent out her brother, and while I'd have took most anythingfrom Loys's brother, there comes a place where human nature ishuman nature, and the upshot of it was I planked that young mangently but firmly across my knees. Suffering Ike! But he was onesassy young man! Howsomever, the whole outfit came round intime--all except uncle and me. He used to grit his teeth togethertill the sparks flew when he saw me. I was afraid he'd bust ablood-vessel in one of them fits, so I quit. I hated to let go ofthe old ranch, but I'm pretty well fixed--I'm superintendent here.It's Kyle's ranch, you know. That's his brand--the queer-lookingthing on the left hip of that crit
ter, over the vented hash-knife.Loys's invention, that is. She says it's a cherublim, but we callit the 'flying flap-jack.' There's a right smart lot of beefcritters toting that signal around this part of the country.Kyle's one of the fellers that rises like a setting of bread--quietand gentle, but steady and sure. He's going to the StateLegislature next year. 'Twon't do no harm to have one honest manin the outfit.
"Now, perhaps if I'd married some nice woman I might have had 1,000steers of my own, and a chance to make rules and regulations for myfeller-citizens--and then again I might have took to gambling anddrinking and raising blazes, and broke my poor wife's broom-handlewith my hard head. So I reckon we'll let it slide as it is. Nowyou straddle that cayuse of yours and come along with me and I'llshow you some rattling colts."