The Golden Ford
Reddy was on the station platform, walking up and down, lookingabout him anxiously. We caught sight of each other at the sametime.
"Hi, there!" said he and jumped for me. "Gad-dog your littlehide!" he cried as he put my right hand in line for a pension. "Ithought I was booked to go without saying good-bye to you--you gotthe note I pinned on your shack?"
"Sure."
"Well, there's time for a chin before the choo-choo starts--thoughtI'd be early, not savvying this kind of travelling a great deal.Darned if you ain't growed since I saw you--getting fat, too!Well, how's everything? I didn't say nothing to the other boysabout pulling my freight, as I wanted to go sober for once. Youexplain to 'em that old Red's head ain't swelled, will you? Seemskind of dirty to go off that way, but I'm bound for God's countryand the old-time folks, and somehow I feel that I must cut thebudge out of it. 'Nother thing is I'm superstitious, as you may ormay not have noticed, and I believe if you try the same game twicetyou'll get just as different results as can be the second time--youheard how I hit it in the mines, didn't you? No? Well, that's so;you dint seen many people out on the flat, have you? Hum. I don'tknow principally where to begin. You remember Wind-River Smith'spardner that the boys called Shadder, because he was so thin? Nicefeller, always willing to do you a favour, or say something comicalwhen you least expected it--had kind of a style with him, too.Yes, sir, that's the man. Well him and me was out in the Bend oneday, holding a mess of Oregon half-breeds that was to be shipped bytrain shortly, when old Smithy comes with the mail. 'Letter foryou, Shadder,' says Smith, and passes over a big envelope with wadsof sealing wax all over it. Shadder reads his letter, and folds itup. Then he takes a look over the county--the kind of a look a mangives when he's thinking hard. Then says he, 'Red, take off yourhat.' I done it. 'Smithy, take off your hat.' 'All right,' saysSmith; 'but you tell me why, or I'll snake the shirt off you tosquare things.'
"'Boys,' says Shadder, 'I'm Lord Walford.'
"'Lord Hellford;' hollers Smithy. 'You'd better call somebody into look at your plumbing--what you been drinkin', Shadder?'
"'Read for yourself,' says Shadder, and he handed him the letter.
"Wish't you could have seen old Smithy's face as he read it! Hethought his pardner had been cut out of his herd for ever.
"'It's the God's truth, Red,' says he slowly, and he had a sidewayssmile on his face as he turned to Shadder. 'Well, sir,' says he,'I suppose congratulations are in order?'
"Shadder's hand stopped short on its way to the cigarette, and helooked at Smithy as if he couldn't believe what he saw.
"'To hell with 'em!' says he, as savage as a wildcat, and he jabbedthe irons in and whirled his cayuse about on one toe, heading forthe ranch.
"'Now you go after him, you jealous old sore-head,' says I. 'Goon!' I says, as he started to argue the point, 'or I'll spread yournose all the way down your spinal column!' The only time to say'no' to me is when I'm not meaning what I say, so away goesWind-River, and they made it up all right in no time. Well,Shadder had to pull for England to take a squint at the ancestralestates, and all of us was right here at this station to see himoff--Lord! it seems as if that happened last world!--well, it tooka little bit the edge off any and all drunks a ranch as aninstitution had ever seen before. There was old Smithy cryingaround, wiping his eyes on his sleeve, and explaining to a lot ofEastern folks that it wasn't Shadder's fault--gad-hook it all! Hewas the best, hootin', tootin' son-of-a-sea-cook that ever hit aprairie breeze, in spite of this dum foolishness.
"'They can't make no "lord" of Shadder!' hollers Smithy. 'That is,not for long--he's a _man_, Shadder is--ain't cher, yer damned oldgangle-legged hide-rack?'
"And Shadder never lost his patience at all, though it must havebeen kind of trying to be made into such a holy show before thekind of people he used to be used to. All he'd say was 'Bet yourlife, old boy!' Well, it was right enough too, as Smithy hadnursed him through small-pox one winter up in the Shoshoneecountry, and mighty near starved himself to death feeding Shadderout of the slim grub stock, when the boy was on the mend; stillsome people would have forgot that.
"But did your uncle Red get under the influence of strong drink?DID he? Oh _my_! Oh MY! I wish I could make it clear to you.The vigilantes put after a horse thief once in Montana, and theylanded on him in a butt-end canon, and there was all the stock withthe brands on 'em as big as a patent medicine sign, as the ladhadn't had time to stop for alterations.
"'Well,' says they, 'what have you got to say for yourself?' Helooked at them brands staring him in the face, and he bit off asmall hunk of chewing 'Ptt-chay!' Says he, 'Gentlemen, I'm at aloss for words!' And they let him go, as a good joke is worth itsprice in any man's country. I'm in that lad's fix; I ain't got thewords to tell you how seriously drunk I was on that occasion. Iremember putting for what I thought was the hotel, and settlingdown, thinking there must be a lulu of a scrap in the barroom fromthe noise; then somebody gave me a punch in the ribs and says,'Where's your ticket?' and I don't know what I said nor what hesaid after that, but it must have been all right. Then it gotlight and I met a lot of good friends I never saw before nor since;then more noise and trouble and at last I woke up.--in a hotelbedroom, all right, but not the one I was used to. I went to thewindow, heaved her open and looked out. It was a bully morning andI felt A1. There was a nice range of mountains out in front of methat must have come up during' the night. 'I'd like to know whereI am,' I thinks. 'But somebody will tell me before long, so thereis no use worrying about that--the main point is, have I beentouched?' I dug down into my jeans and there wasn't a thing of anykind to remember me by. 'No,' I says to myself, 'I ain't beentouched--I've been grabbed--they might have left me the price of abreakfast! Well, it's a nice looking country, anyhow!' So down Iwalks to the office. A cheerful-seeming plump kind of a man wassitting behind the desk. 'Hello!' says he, glancing up and smilingas I came in. 'How do you open up this morning?'
"'Somebody saved me the trouble,' says I. 'I'm afraid I'll have togive you the strong arm for breakfast.'
"He grinned wide. 'Oh, it ain't as bad as that, I hardly reckon,'says he. He dove into a safe and brought out a cigar-box.
"'When a gentleman's in the condition you was in last night,' hesays, 'I always make it a point to go through his clothes and takeout anything a stranger might find useful, trusting that therewon't be no offence the next morning. Here's your watch and therest of your valuables, including the cash--count your money andsee if it's right.'
"Well, sir! I was one happy man, and I thanked that feller as Ithumbed over the bills, but when I got up to a hundred and seventyI begun to feel queer. Looked like I'd made good money on the trip.
"'What's the matter?' says he, seeing my face. 'Nothing wrong, Ihope!'
"'Why, the watch and the gun, and the other things is all right,'says I. 'But I'm now fifty dollars to the good, even figuring thatI didn't spend a cent, which ain't in the least likely, and here'sten-dollar bills enough to make a bed-spread left over.'
"'Pshaw!' says he. 'Blame it! I've mixed your plunder up with themining gentleman that came in at the same time. You and him wasbound to fight at first, and then you both turned to to lick me,and what with keeping you apart and holding you off, and takingyour valuables away from you all at the same time, and me all alonehere as it was the night-man's day-off, I've made a blunder of it.Just take your change out of the wad, and call for a drink on mewhen you feel like it, will you?'
"I said I would do that, and moreover that he was an officer and agentleman, and that I'd stay at his hotel two weeks at least toshow my appreciation, no matter where it was, but to satisfy anatural curiosity, I'd like to know what part of the country I wasat present inhabiting.
"'You're at Boise, Idaho,' says he, 'one of the best little townsin the best little Territory in the United States of America,including Alaska.'
"'Well . . .' says I. 'Well . . .' for again
I was at a loss forwords. I had no idea I'd gone so far from home. 'I believe whatyou say,' says I. 'What do you do around these parts?'
"'Mining,' says he. 'You're just in time--big strike in theBob-cat district. Poor man's mining. Placer, and durned goodplacer, right on the top of the ground. The mining gentleman Ispoke about is having his breakfast now. Suppose you go in andhave a talk with him? Nice man, drunk or sober, although excitablewhen he's had a little too much, or not quite enough. He might putyou onto a good thing. I'm not a mining person myself.'
"'Thanks,' says I, and in I went to the dining room.
There was a great, big, fine-looking man eating his ham and eggsthe way I like to see a man eat the next morning. He had a blackbeard that was so strong it fairly jumped out from his face.
"'Mornin',' says I.
"'Good morning', sir!' says he. 'A day of commingled lucentclarity and vernal softness, ain't it?'
"'Well, I wouldn't care to bet on that without going a littledeeper into the subject,' says I; 'but it smells good at least--sodoes that ham and eggs. Mary, I'll take the same, with coffeeextra strong.'
"'You have doubtless been attracted to our small but growing cityfrom the reports--which are happily true--of the inexhaustiblemineral wealth of the surrounding region?' says he.
"'No-o--not exactly,' says I; 'but I do want to hear somethingabout mines. Mr. Hotel-man out there (who's a gentleman of the oldschool if ever there lived one) told me that you might put me on toa good thing.'
"'Precisely,' says he. 'Now, sir, my name is Jones--Agamemnon G.Jones--and my pardner, Mr. H. Smith, is on a business trip, sellingshares of our mine, which we have called "The Treasury" fromreasons which we can make obvious to any investor. The shares, Mr.------'
"'Saunders--Red Saunders--Chantay Seeche Red.'
"'Mr. Saunders, are fifty cents apiece, which price is really onlyput upon them to avoid the offensive attitude of dealing them outas charity. As a matter of fact, this mine of ours contains astore of gold which would upset the commercial world, were the barefacts of its extent known. There is neither sense nor amusement inconfining such enormous treasure in the hands of two people.Consequently, my pardner and I are presenting an interest to thepublic, putting the nominal figure of fifty cents a share upon it,to save the feelings of our beneficiaries.'
"'What the devil do I care?' says I. 'I'm looking for a chance todig--could you tell a man where to go?'
"'Oh!' says he, 'when you come to that, that's different. Strictlyspeaking, my pardner Hy hasn't gone off on a business trip. As amatter of fact, he left town night before last with two-thirds ofthe money we'd pulled out of a pocket up on Silver Creek, in thecompany of two half-breed Injuns, a Chinaman, and four moresons-of-guns not classified, all in such a state of beastlyintoxication that their purpose, route, and destination are mattersof the wildest conjecture. I've been laying around town herehating myself to death, thinking perhaps I could sell some sharesin a mine that we'll find yet, if we have good luck. If you wantto go wild-catting over the hills and far away, I'm yourhuckleberry.'
"'That hits me all right,' says I. 'For, what I don't know aboutmining, nobody don't know. When do we start?'
"'This, or any other minute,' says he, getting up from the table.
"'Wait till I finish up these eggs,' says I. 'And there's a matterof one drink coming to me outside--I may as well put that where itwon't harm any one else before we start.'
"'All right!' says he, waving his hand. 'You'll find meoutside--at your pleasure, sir.'
"I swallered the rest of my breakfast whole and hustled out to thebar, where my friend and the Hotel-man was waiting. 'Now I'll takethat drink that's coming, and rather than be small about it, I'llbuy one for you too, and then we're off,' says I.
"'You won't do no such thing,' says the Hotel-man. 'It's a horseon me, and I'll supply the liquor. Mr. Jones is in the play asmuch as anybody.'
"So the Hotel-man set 'em up, and that made one drink. Then Jonessaid he'd never let a drink suffer from lonesomeness yet when hehad the price, and that made two drinks. I had to uphold thehonour of the ranch, and that made three drinks. Hotel-man said itwas up-sticks now, and he meant to pay his just debts like anhonest man, and that made four drinks, then Jones said--well, bythis time I see I needn't have hurried breakfast so much. Morepeople came in. I woke up the next morning in the same oldbedroom. Every breakfast Aggy and me got ready to pull for themines, and every morning I woke up in the bedroom. I should liketo draw a veil over the next two weeks, but it would have to be apretty strong veil to hold it. I tried to keep level with Aggy,but he'd spend three dollars to my one, and the consequence of thatwas that we went broke within fifteen minutes of each other.
"Well, sir, we were a mournful pair to draw to that day. We satthere and cussed and said, 'Now, why didn't we do this, that, andt'other thing instead of blowing our hard earned dough?'--tillbimeby we just dripped melancholy, you might say. Howsomever, weweren't booked for a dull time just yet. That afternoon there wasa great popping of whips like an Injun skirmish and into town comesa bull train half-a-mile long. Twelve yoke of bulls to the team;lead, swing, and trail waggons for each, as big as houses onwheels. You don't see the like of that in this country. Down thestreet they come, the dust flying, whips cracking and the ladshollering 'Whoa haw, Mary--up there! Wherp! whoa haw.'
"And those fellers had picked up dry throats, walking in the dust.Also, they had a month's wages aching in their pockets. We hadn'tmuch mor'n got the thump of their arrival out of our ears, when whocomes roaring into town but the Bengal Tiger gang, and they hadfour months' wages. Owner of the mine got on a bender and paideverybody off by mistake. You can hardly imagine how this livenedup things. There ain't nobody less likely to play lame-duck thanme, but there was no dodging the hospitality. The only ideaprevailing was to be rid of the money as soon as possible. Theeffects showed right off. You could hear one man telling the folksfor their own good that he was the Old Missouri River, and when hefelt like swelling his banks, it was time for parties who couldn'tswim to hunt the high ground; whilst the gentleman on the nextcorner let us know that he was a locomotive carrying three hundredpounds of steam with the gauge still climbing and the blower on.When he whistled three times, he said, any intelligent man wouldknow that there was danger around.
"Well, sir, I put the Old Missouri River to bed that night, andhe'd flattened out to a very small streamlet indeed, while thelocomotive went lame before supper, and had to be put in theround-house by a couple of pushers. That's the way with fineideas. Cold facts comes and puts a crimp in them. Once I knew asmall feller I could have stuck in my pocket and forgot about, butwhen we went out and took several prescriptions together on a day,he spoke to me like this. 'Red,' says he, 'put your little hand inmine, and we'll go and take a bird's-eye view of the Universe.'Astonishin' idea, wasn't it? And him not weighing over a hundredpound. Howsomever, he didn't take any bird's-eye view of theUniverse--he only become strikingly indisposed.
"Well, to get back to Boise, you never in all your life saw so manymen and brothers as was gathered there that day, and old Aggy, hewas one of the centres of attraction. That big voice and blackbeard was always where the crowd was thickest, and the wet goodsflowing the freest. 'Gentlemen!' says he, 'Let's lift up ourvoices in melody!' That was one of Ag's delusions--he thought hecould sing. So four of 'em got on top of a billiard table andpresented 'Rocked in the Cradle of the Deep' to the company, whichmade me feel glad that I hadn't been brought up that way. After Aghad hip-locked the last low note, another song-bird volunteered.
"This was a little fat Dutchman, with pale blue eyes and a mustachelike two streaks of darning cotton. He had come to town to sell apair of beef-steers, but got drawn into the general hilarity, andnow he didn't care a cuss whether he, she, or it ever sold anothersteer. He got himself on end and sung 'Leeb Fadderlont moxtrueeckstein' in a style that made you wonder that the human nose couldstand the strain.
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"'Aw, cheese that!' says a feller near the door. 'Come get yoursteers, one of 'em's just chased the barber up a telegraph pole!'
"So then we all piled out into the street to see the steers. Sureenough, there was the barber, sitting on the cross-piece, and thesteer pawing dirt underneath.
"'He done made me come a fast heat from de cohner,' says thebarber. 'I kep' hollerin' "next!" but he ain't pay no 'tention--hemake it "next" fur me, shuah! Yah, yah, yah! You gents orter seenme start at de bottom, an' slide all de way up disyer telegraftpole!'
"One of the bull-whackers went out to rope the steers, and Ag gavedirections from the sidewalk. He wasn't very handy with a riata,and that's a fact, but the way Ag lit into him was scandalous.When he'd missed about six casts of his rope, Ag opened up on him:
"'Put a stamp on it and send it to him by mail,' says Aggy, in hissourcastic way. 'Address it, "Bay Steer, middle of Main St.,Boise, Idaho. If not delivered within ten days, return to owner,who can use it to hang himself." Blast my hide if I couldn't standhere and throw a box-car nearer to the critter! Well, _well_,WELL! How many left hands have you got, anyhow? Do it up in a wadand heave it at him for general results--he might get tangled init.'
"It rattled the bull-whacker, having so much attention drawn tohim, and he stepped on the rope and twisted himself up in it andwas flying light generally.
"'Say!' says Ag, appealing to the crowd, 'won't some kind friendwho's fond of puzzles go down and help that gentleman do himself?'
"That made the whacker mad. He was as red in the face as a lobster.
"'You come down and show what _you_ can do," says he. 'You've gotgas enough for a balloon ascension, but that may be all there is toyou.'
"'Oh, I ain't so much,' says Aggy, 'although I'm as good a manto-day as ever I was in my life--but I have a little friend herewho can rope, down, and ride that critter from here to thebrick-front in five minutes by the watch; and if you've got atwenty-five dollar bill in your pocket, or its equivalent in dust,you can observe the experiment.'
"'I'll go you, by gosh!' says the bull-whacker, slapping his hat onthe ground and digging for his pile.
"'Say, if you're referring to me, Ag,' I says, 'it's kind of asudden spring--I ain't what you might call in training, and thatsteer is full of triple-extract of giant powder.'
"'G'wan!' says Ag. 'You can do it--and then we're twenty-fiveahead.'
"'But suppose we lose?'
"'Well . . . It won't be such an awful loss.'
"'Now you look here, Agamemnon G. Jones,' says I, 'I ain't going tostand for putting up a summer breeze ag'in' that feller's gooddough--that's a skin game, to speak it pleasantly.'
"Then Aggy argues the case with me, and when Aggy started to argue,you might just as well 'moo' and chase yourself into the corral,because he'd get you, sure. Why, that man could sit in the cabinand make roses bloom right in the middle of the floor; whilst hewas singing his little song you could see 'em and smell 'em; hecould talk a snowbank off a high divide in the middle of February.Never see anybody with such a medicine tongue, and in a big man itwas all the stranger. 'Now,' he winds up, 'as for cheating thatfeller, _you_ ought to know me better, Red--why, I'll give him mynote!'
"So, anyhow, I done it. Up the street we went, steer bawling andbuck-jumping, my hair a-flying, and me as busy as the little beeyou read about keeping that steer underneath me, 'stead of on topof me, where he'd ruther be, and after us the whole town, whoopin',yellin', crackin' off six-shooters, and carryin' on wild.
"Then we had twenty-five dollars and was as good as anybody. Butit didn't last long. The tin-horns come out after pay-day, likehop-toads after a rain. 'Twould puzzle the Government atWashington to know where they hang out in the meantime. There wasone lad had a face on him with about as much expression as a hotelpunkin pie. He run an arrow game, and he talked right straightalong in a voice that had no more bends in it than a billiard cue.
"'Here's where you get your three for one any child may do it nochance to lose make your bets while the arrow of fortune swings allgents accommodated in amounts from two-bits to double-eagles andbets paid on the nail,' says he.
"'Red,' says Aggy, 'I can double our pile right here--let me havethe money. I know this game.' You'd hardly believe it, but I dugup. 'Double-or-quits?' says he to the dealer.
"'Let her go,' says the dealer; the arrow swung around. 'Quits,'says the dealer, and raked in my dough. It was all over in onesecond.
"I grabbed Aggy by the shoulder and took him in the corner for aprivate talk. 'I thought you knew this game?' says I.
"'I do,' says he. 'That's the way it always happens.' And oncemore in my life I experienced the peculiar feeling of beingaltogether at a loss for words.
"'Aggy,' says I at last, 'I've got a good notion to lay two violenthands on you, and wind you up like an eight-day clock, but ratherthan make hard feelings between friends, I'll refrain. Besides youare a funny cuss, that's sure. One thing, boy, you can mark down.We leave here to-morrow morning.'
"'All right,' says Ag. 'This sporting life is the very devil. Ilike out doors as well as the next man, when I get there.'
"So the morrow morning, away we went. All we had for kit was thepicks, shovels, and pans; the rest of our belongings was stayingwith the Hotel-man until we made a rise.
"Ag said he'd be cussed if he'd walk. A hundred and fifty miles ofa stroll was too many.
"'But we ain't got a cent to pay the stage fare,' says I.
"'Borrow it of Uncle Hotel-keep,' says he.
"'Not by a town site,' says I. 'We owe him all we're going to, atthis very minute--you'll have to hoof it, that's all.'
"'I tell you I won't. I don't like to have anybody walk on myfeet, not even myself. I can stand off that stage driver so easy,that you'll wonder I don't take it up as a profession. Now, don'traise any more objections--please don't,' says he. 'I can't tellyou how nervous you make me, always finding some fault witheverything I try to do. That's no way for a hired man to act, letalone a pardner.'
"So, of course, he got the best of me as usual, and we climbed intothe stage when she come along. Now, our bad luck seemed to hold,because you wouldn't find many men in that country who wouldn'tstake two fellers to a waggon ride wherever they wanted to go, andbe pleasant about it, I'd have sure seen that the man got paid,even if Aggy forgot it, but the man that drove us was the surliestbrute that ever growled. When you'd speak to him, he'd say,'Unh'--a style of thing that didn't go well in that part of thecountry. I kept my mouth shut, as knowing that I didn't have thecome-up-with weighed on my spirits; but Aggy gave him the jolly.He only meant it in fun, and there was plenty of reason for it,too, for you never seen such a game of driving as that feller putup in all your life. The Lord save us! He cut around one cornerof a mountain, so that for the longest second I've lived through,my left foot hung over about a thousand feet of fresh air. I'dhave had time to write my will before I touched bottom if we'd goneover. I don't know as I turned pale, but my hair ain't been of thesame rosy complexion since.
"'Well!' says Aggy in a surprised tone of voice when we got allfour wheels on the ground again. 'Here we are!' says he. 'Who'dhave suspected it? I thought he was going to take the short cutdown to the creek.'
"The driver turned round with one corner of his lip h'isted--a deadringer of a mean man--Says he to Aggy, 'Yer a funny bloke, ain'tyer?'
"'Why!' says Ag, 'that's for you to say--wouldn't look well comingfrom me--but if you press me, I'll admit I give birth to a littlegem now and then.'
"Our bold buck puts on a great swagger. 'Well yer needn't be funnyin this waggon,' says he. 'The pair of yer spongin' a ride! Yerneedn't be gay--yer hear me, don't cher?'
"'Why, I hear you as plain as though you set right next me,' saysAg. 'Now, you listen and see if I'm audible at the samerange--You're a blasted chump!' he roars, in a tone of voice thatwould have carried forty mile. Did _you_ hear that, Red?' he asksvery innocent. I was so hot at the d
river's sass--the cussedlow-downness of doing a feller a favour and then heaving it athim--that you could have lit a match on me anywheres, but to saveme I couldn't help laughing--Ag had the comicallest way!
"At that the driver begins to larrup the horses. I ain't the kindto feel faint when a cayuse gets what's coming to him for raisingthe devil, but to see that lad whale his team because there wasn'tnothing else he dared hit, got me on my hind legs. I nestled onehand in his hair and twisted his ugly mug back.
"'Quit that!' says I.
"'You let me be--I ain't hurting _you_,' he hollers.
"'That ain't to say I won't be hurting you soon,' says I. 'You putthe bud on them horses again, and I'll boot the spine of your backup through the top of your head till it stands out like aflag-staff. Just one more touch, and you get it!' says I.
"He didn't open his mouth again till we come to the river. Then hepulled up. 'This is about as far as I care to carry you two gentsfor nothin',' he says. 'Of course you're two to one, and I can'tdo nothing if you see fit to bull the thing through. But I'll saythis: if either one or both of you roosters has got the least smellof a gentleman about him, he won't have to be told his companyain't wanted twice.'
"Now, mind you, Ag and me didn't have the first cussed thing--notgrub, nor blankets, nor gun, nor nothing; and this the feller wellknew.
"'Red,' says Aggy, 'what do you say to pulling this thing apart andseeing what makes it act so?'
"'No,' says I, 'don't touch it--it might be catching. Now, youwhelp!' says I to the driver, 'you tell us if there's a place wherewe can get anything to eat around here?' We'd expected to gohungry until we hit the camp some forty mile further on, where weknew there'd be plenty for anybody that wanted it.
"'Yes,' says he; 'there's a man running a shack two mile up theriver.'
"'All right,' says I. 'Drive on. You've played us as dirty atrick as one man can play another. If we ever get a cinch on you,you can expect we'll pull her till the latigoes snap.'
"He kept shut till he got across the river, where he felt safe.
"'It's all right about that cinch!' he hollers back, grinning.'Only wait till you get it, yer suckers! Sponges! Beats!Dead-heads! Yah!'
"Well, a man can't catch a team of horses, and that's all there isabout it, but I want to tell you he was on the anxious seat for aquarter of a mile. We tried hard.
"When we got back to where we started and could breathe again, weheld a council of war.
"'Now Aggy,' says I, 'we're dumped--what shall we do?'
He sat there awhile looking around him, snapping pebbles with histhumb.
"'Tell you what it is, Red,' he says at last, 'we might as well gomining right here. This is likely gravel, and there's a river. Ifthat bar in front of you had been further in the mountains, itwould have been punched full of holes. It's only because it's onthe road that nobody's taken the trouble to see what was in it.This road was made by cattle ranchers, that didn't know nothingabout mining, and every miner that's gone over the trail had hismouth set to get further along as quick as possible--just like us.Do you see that little hollow running down to the river? Well youtry your luck there. I give you that place as it's the mostprobable, and you as a tenderfoot in the business will have all theluck. I'll make a stab where I am.'
"Well, sir, it sounds queer to tell it, and it seems queerer stillto think of the doing of it, but I hadn't dug two feet before Icome to bed rock, and there was some heavy black chunks.
"'Aggy,' says I, 'what's these things?' throwing one over to him.He caught it and Stared at it.
"'Where did you get that?' says he, in almost a whisper.
"'Why, out of the hole, of course!' says I, laughing. 'Come take alook!'
"Aggy wasn't the kind of man to go off the handle over trifles, butwhen he looked into that hole he turned perfectly green. His kneesgive out from under him and he sat on the ground like a man in atrance, wiping the sweat off his face with a motion like a machine.
"'What the devil ails you?' says I astonished. I thought maybe I'ddone something I hadn't ought to do, through ignorance of the rulesand regulations of mining.
"'Red,' says he dead solemn, 'I've mined for twenty year, and fromOld Mexico to Alaska, but I never saw anything that was ace-high tothat before. Gold laying loose in chunks on top of the bed-rock istoo much for me--I wish Hy could see this.'
"'Gold!' says I. 'What you talking about? What have those blackhunks to do with gold?'
"The only answer he made was to lay the one I had thrown to him ontop of a rock and hit her a crack with a pick. Then he handed itto me. Sure enough! There under the black was the yeller. Ofcourse, it I'd known more about the business I could have told itby the weight, but I'd never seen a piece of gold fresh off thefarm before in my life. I hadn't the slightest idea what it lookedlike, and I learned afterward it all looks different. Some of itshines up yaller in the start; some of it's red, and some is likeours, coated black with iron-crust.
"So I looked at Ag, and Ag looked at me, neither one of usbelieving anything at all for awhile. I simply couldn't get holdof the thing--I ain't yet, for that matter. I expect to wake upand find it a pipe dream, and in some ways I wouldn't mind if itwas. I never was so completely two men as I was on that occasion.One of 'em was hopping around and hollering with Ag, yelling'hooray!' and the other didn't take much interest in theproceedings at all. And it wasn't until I thought, 'Now I can paythat cussed cayote of a stage driver what I owe him!' that I gotany good out of it. That brought it home to me. When I spoke toAg about paying the driver, he says, 'That's so,' then he takes aquick look around. 'We can pay him in full, too, old horse!' hehollers, and there was a most joyful smile on his face.
"'Red,' say he, 'do you know this is the only ford on the riverfor--I don't know how many miles--perhaps the whole length of her?'
"'Well?' says I.
"'Our little placer claim,' says Aggy slowly, rubbing his handstogether, 'covers that ford; and by a judicious taking up of claimsfor various uncles and brothers and friends of ours along the creekon the lowlands, we can fix it so they can't even bridge it.'
"'Do you mean they can't cross our claim if we say they can't?'
"'Sure thing!' says Aggy. 'There's you and me and the law to say"no" to that--I wish I had a gun.'
"'You don't need any gun for that skunk of a driver.'
"'Of course not, but there'll be passengers, and there's no tellinghow excited them passengers will be when they find they've got togo over the hills ford-hunting.'
"'Are you going to send 'em all around, Ag?'
"'The whole bunch. Anybody coming back from the diggings has goldin his clothes, so it won't hurt 'em none, and I propose to givethat stage line an advertising that won't do it a bit of good.Come along, Red; let's see that lad that has the shack up theriver. We need something to eat, and maybe he's got a gun. Ifhe's a decent feller, we'll let him in on a claim. Never mindabout the hole!--it won't run away, and there's nobody to touchanything--come on.'
"So we went up the river. The man's name was White, and he was awhite man by nature, too. He fed us well, and was just as hot asus when we told him about the stage driver's trick. Then we toldhim about the find and let him in.
"'Now,' says Aggy, 'have you got a gun?'
"'I have _that_,' says the man. 'My dad used to be a duck-hunteron Chesapeake bay. When you say "gun," _I'll_ show you a gun.' Hedove in under his bunk and fetched out what I should say was anumber one bore shot gun, with barrels six foot long.
"'Gentlemen,' says he, holding the gun up and patting it lovingly,'if you ram a quarter-pound of powder in each one of them barrels,and a handful of buck-shot on top of that, you've got an argumentthat couldn't be upset by the Supreme Court. I'll guarantee thatwhen you point her anywheres within ten feet of a man not over ahundred yards away, and let her do her duty, all the talent thatthat man's fambly could employ couldn't gather enough of him torecognise him by, and you won't be in bed more'n lo
ng enough toheal a busted shoulder.'
"'I hope it ain't going to be my painful line of performance topull the trigger,' says Aggy. 'I think the sight of her would haveweight with most people. When's the stage due back?'
"'Day after to-morrow, about noon.'
"'That gives us lots of time to stake, and to salt claims thatcan't show cause their own selves,' says Aggy. 'I think we're allright.'
"The next day we worked like the Old Harry. We had everythingfixed up right by nightfall, and there was nothing to do but digand wait.
"Curious folks we all are, ain't we? I should have said my ownself that if I'd found gold by the bucketful, I'd be moreinterested in that, than I would be in getting even with a mut thathad done me dirt, but it wasn't so. Perhaps it was because Ihadn't paid much attention to money all my life, and I had paid thestrictest attention to the way other people used me. Living wherethere's so few folks accounts for that, I suppose.
"Getting even on our esteemed friend the stage driver was right inyour Uncle Reddy's line, and Aggy and our new pard White seemed totake kindly to it, also.
"If ever you saw three faces filled with innocent glee, it was whenwe heard the wheels of that stage coming--why, the night before Iwas woke up by somebody laughing. There was Aggy sound asleep,sitting up hugging himself in the moonlight.
"'Oh, my! Oh, MY!' says he. 'It's the only ford for four thousandmiles!'
"We planted a sign in the middle of the road with this wording onit in big letters, made with the black end of a stick.
NOTICE!!
THIS AND ADJOINING CLAIMS ARE THE PROPERTY OF AGAMEMNON G. JONES, RED SAUNDERS, JOHN HENRY WHITE, ET AL.
TRESPASSING DONE AT YOUR OWN RISK. OWNERS WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE REMAINS.
"There was a stretch of about a mile on the level before us. Whenthe stage come in plain sight Aggy proceeds to load up 'Old MoralSuasion,' as he called her, so that the folks could see there wasno attempt at deception. They come pretty fairly slow after that.At fifty yards, Ag hollers 'Halt!' The team sat right down ontheir tails.
"'Now, Mr. Snick'umfritz,' says Aggy, 'you that drives, I mean,come here and read this little sign.'
"'Suppose I don't?' says the feller, trying to be smart before thepassengers.
"'It's a horrible supposition,' says Aggy, and the innocent willhave to suffer with the guilty.' Then he cocks the gun.
"'God sakes! Don't shoot!' yells one of the passengers. 'Man, youought to have more sense than to try and pick him out of a crowdwith a shot-gun! Get down there, you fool, and make it quick!'
"So the driver walked our way, and read. He never said a word. Ireckon he realized it was the only ford for four thousand miles,more or less, just as Aggy had remarked. There he stood, with hismouth and eyes wide open.
"'I'd like to have you other gentlemen come up and see our firstclean up, so you won't think we're running in a windy,' says Aggy.They wanted to see bad, as you can imagine, and when they did seeabout fifteen pound of gold in the bottom of my old hat, theytalked like people that hadn't had a Christian bringing up.
"'Oh Lord!' groans one man. 'Brigham Young and all the prophets ofthe Mormon religion! This is my tenth trip over this line, and meand Pete Hendricks played a game of seven-up right on the spotwhere that gent hit her, not over a month ago, when the stage brokedown! Somebody just make a guess at the way I feel and give me onesmall drink.' And he put his hand to his head. 'Say, boys!' hegoes on, 'you don't want the whole blamed creek, do you? Let _us_in!'
"'How's that, fellers?' says Ag to me and White. We said we wasagreeable.
"'All right, in you come!' says Aggy. 'There ain't no hog aboutour firm--but as for you,' says he, walking on his tip-toes up tothe driver, 'as for you, you cock-eyed whelp, around you go!Around you go!' he hollers, jamming the end of Moral Suasion intothe driver's trap. 'Oh, and WON'T you go 'round, though!' says he.'Listen to me, now: if any one of your ancestors for twenty-fourgenerations back had ever done anything as decent as robbing ahen-coop, it would have conferred a kind of degree of nobility uponhim. It wouldn't be possible to find an ornerier cuss than you, ifa man raked all hell with a fine-toothed comb. Now, youstare-coated, mangey, bandy-legged, misbegotten, out-law coyote,fly!--fly!' whoops Aggy, jumping four foot in the air, 'before Isquirt enough lead into your system to make it a paying job to meltyou down!'
"The stage driver acted according to orders. Three wide steps andhe was in the waggon, and with one screech like a p'izened bob-cat,he fairly lifted the cayuses over the first ridge. Nobody neversaw him any more, and nobody wanted to.
"So that's the way I hit my stake, son, just as I'd alwaysexpected--by not knowing what I was doing any part of the time--andnow, there comes my iron-horse coughing up the track! I'll writeyou sure, boy, and you let old Reddy know what's going on--and onyour life, don't forget to give it to the lads straight why Isneaked off on the quiet! I've got ten years older in the last sixmonths. Well, here we go quite fresh, and damned if I altogetherwant to, neither--too late to argue though--by-bye, son!"