Black spots dotted the parts of my vision not blinded by a red haze. Navigating the path to the beach was near impossible, and I fell several times before I reached the sand. The wind picked up, sending grains of sand swirling around me. Brand’s accusations ran around and around in my head, chased by the one he hadn’t known to add: Donavon’s death. Everyone I loved was hurt or dead because of me.
My mother and father died to protect me from Mac, and I repaid them by becoming his pawn. Crane tried to tell me the truth, and I attacked him. Penny risked her life to open my eyes, and I sat by while TOXIC sentenced her to death. I let Erik put himself in danger without even considering the ramifications, and now he’d been tortured and experimented on. Donavon gave his life for mine. It was my fault that Alex was now an orphan. Even Kandice’s death could have been avoided. Hindsight might be twenty-twenty, but looking back I saw all the decisions I could have made for the situation to turn out differently. Had I not lost my mind, forcing Erik to waste time calming me down, Graham’s team wouldn’t have gotten antsy and acted on impulse. Had Kandice not been so frightened by my reaction to Alex, she wouldn’t have been standing next to the window. She might still be alive.
Raindrops splattered the beach, soaking my hair and clothes until they were plastered to my skin. The waves swelled, cresting, before crashing feet from where I stood. I pushed them back before they could swallow me whole. I should let them drag me out to sea, I thought.
When the next wave stormed the beach, I stepped forward to meet it. I held my arms wide, closed my eyes, and welcomed the watery embrace.
I stood like that for a full minute before I realized that I was unharmed. The rain still poured from the sky, but the ocean hadn’t claimed me as its own. Tentatively I cracked one eye. The water had retreated, and the waves were nearly back to their normal size.
Fatigue settled in every bone, every muscle, every inch of skin until I was liquid inside. I sank to the sand, incapable of stringing thoughts together. For several long moments I lay there uncaring, unfeeling like a zombie.
Anger lit up one corner of my mind. “What is wrong with you?” A voice inside my head screamed. Within the empty void where my brain should have been, the words echoed. Only instead of growing fainter with each reiteration, they grew louder. “You are stronger than this, better than this! Killing yourself is a pretty shitty way to repay all the people who care about you!”
I wondered if I’d finally buckled under the pressure. Was this voice inside my head a version of myself? She was confident and powerful. Above all, she was furious at the girl lying in the sand.
“We will get through this. We will stop Mac. We will make things right. But if you don’t start acting like the girl I met two years ago, you won’t be around to see TOXIC fall, or to avenge your parents.”
We? Oh my god, I thought. I really am losing it. My multiple talents were splitting my personality, and the various versions of myself were fighting. I should be put down like a rabid animal. That was what I was becoming, anyway. The creation drug was driving me truly insane.
Next I knew, I was hauled to my feet with superhuman strength. I never saw her palm, it moved too fast. But I felt the sting, amplified by the wetness of my skin.
“Don’t you ever do that again!” Penny screamed, her lime green eyes bearing down on me until my knees went weak. Rage was not an emotion I’d ever seen her wear. It looked odd on Penny, wrong and out of place. I was the angry one, the unstable one. She was the fun-loving, easygoing one.
I stared blankly at my best friend. I blinked to be sure that she was real, although my smarting cheek told me that she was very real.
“What is wrong with you?” she demanded, shaking me harder than Erik had earlier.
“I-I-I-I don’t know,” I stammered.
“Do you really think the best thing you could do right now is die?” The air around Penny vibrated, shimmering in response to her palpable anger. I tried to back away from her, but her gaze seemed to pin me in place.
“I don’t know,” I repeated, sounding weak and defeated.
“Is this what you’re going to do every time something goes wrong, or someone hurts your feelings? You have a lot of faults, Talia, but I never thought you were selfish.” Penny’s tone softened. “The rebellion needs you. Erik needs you. Alex needs you. I need you.”
I didn’t know what to say. Brand had called me selfish for letting everyone make sacrifices and take risks while I sat back. Now Penny was calling me selfish for trying to lessen the burden on those I loved.
“Mac killed your parents, Talia. He killed my mother. He killed his son. He strapped me to a chair and injected me with random drugs to see how they would affect me. And when I passed out because the power was too much, he had his men revive me. When I fought them, they starved me. I prayed for death because I knew what they wanted to do with me, they wanted to use me as a weapon. Just think, Mac said, you’ll be the ultimate Talent. You’ll be able to do anything and everything. He didn’t mention what that much power does to one person. By the time Uncle Ian got there, I was half out of my mind.”
Penny’s shoulders began to shake. She stiffened her spine, standing a little straighter.
“But you know what kept me going? You know what kept me fighting?” she continued.
I knew it was a rhetorical question, but I shook my head no anyway.
“Now we had proof that TOXIC was manufacturing Talents. I knew if I died, it might be too late by the time Uncle Ian figured it out for sure.”
“Penny,” I began, but I didn’t know what I was going to say. I’m sorry sounded lame. I wish that hadn’t happened to you? That was obvious.
“Don’t pity me, Talia. I knew the risk when I volunteered to go undercover. The Coalition has known for years that adding Mimic blood to the formula would make it stick. What we didn’t know was that the Director was using a bastardized version to create more Talents.”
“How did you figure that out?” I asked, finally finding my voice.
“Actually you did. When you told me about the amount of people you’d noticed with low level Talents, I looked into it. After a lot of digging, I noticed a high correlation between Talents who went crazy and low levels of ability. That’s the opposite of what happens in natural Talents. It’s no secret that extremely strong, natural-born Talents are at high risk for insanity. Particularly the mental Talents, but you know that. That’s when I put two and two together. If so many low-level Talents were going crazy, they probably weren’t natural.”
“He’s injected his operatives,” I said quietly. “Mac already has his army of super-Talents. UNITED’s too late.”
Penny shook her head. “No, we can still put a stop to this. Once we do, we will find each and every one of the people Mac infected, and we will get them help.”
“In a containment facility?” I scoffed.
“Dr. Patel is so close to a cure. Have faith, Tal. I do.”
Twelve talents. That was how many Penny said she’d been given. I’d just been given the one, and it was hard enough for me to handle.
“I know, right?” Penny said, laughing wryly. Clearly she was still in my head, reading my thoughts. “Lucky me, huh? Mac was right, I am the ultimate Talent now.” Penny held up the hand she’d slapped me with. The air shimmered around it before her fingers went invisible.
I threw my arms around Penny, and she seemed so startled that she didn’t hug me back right away. “I’m sorry,” I muttered. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, Tal. Be smart. We can win this war without you. But Erik and I can’t survive without you. We’re all in this together now. I need you to promise me that you won’t give in to the urges. I feel them, too. The power inside you gets so intense that you feel like you’re going to burst, and you just want it to end.”
I nodded against her shoulder. She did know how I felt.
“But you, more than Erik and I, are able to fight them,” she continued. “You’ve dealt with
the overload of power your whole life. We haven’t. We need your help to get through this. Uncle Ian is going to find a cure, but without you, Erik might not make it that long. I might not make it that long.”
I hugged her tighter. “I promise, Penny. I’ll be stronger.”
“Good, now let’s go inside. I’m freezing.”
Chapter Fifteen
Crane was still sitting in Erik’s room when I returned. And to my dismay, Brand was there as well. The door was cracked just enough for me to see the three of them. Erik was on the sofa bed, and Brand and Crane had pulled their chairs over next to the bed, where the three were speaking in low voices. I knocked lightly to signal my presence.
“Come in, Talia. Brand and I were just leaving,” Crane said without raising his head.
To my relief, Erik’s mood was calm and relaxed, not agitated as I’d feared. Every time Penny recounted her story, the ordeal left her upset and exhausted. But Erik seemed like telling Crane and Brand had unburdened him. While I wished I’d been the one he confided in, I was glad talking to someone had helped him.
I waited by the door, dripping water on the stone floor, while Crane and Brand said their goodbyes. “I need to speak with you later,” Crane said in a low voice as he passed me. He gave my soaked clothing a once over, but made no comment.
“Sure,” I replied.
I watched the two men until they boarded the elevator, and then closed the door. Erik’s gaze was fixed on me, his expression unreadable. Brand’s words about giving Erik his privacy rang in my mind, so I refrained from reaching out to Erik mentally.
“Ian says my father and brothers are here,” Erik said, breaking the silence before it became awkward. “Alex, too.”
“Yeah. They, um, came back from Kentucky with us yesterday,” I said, glad to have good news for him. “Your father was injured, but I don’t think it’s serious.”
“No. Ian said he’s already been patched up. He said he’ll let them know as soon as I’m ready for visitors.”
“You don’t want to see them yet?” I asked. This concerned me. Erik loved his family. I figured he’d be desperate to see them once he woke up.
Erik shook his head. “No. I’m really tired. Maybe after a nap.”
A thought occurred to me. “Do you want me to go? Ian wanted to talk to me. I was going to spend some time with you, but if you’d rather I not …” I let my question trail off. He’d already sent me away once today, I doubted I’d handle it well if he did so a second time.
“I’m not going to hurt you, Tals,” Erik said, skirting the question.
“What?”
“You’re still standing by the door. Are you afraid I’ll hurt you? Because I won’t. I really am sorry about earlier. I was so disoriented.” I felt his agitation the moment it manifested, and hurried across the room to reassure him.
“No,” I said, sliding into Crane’s chair. “No, I’m not worried. I wanted to give you some space. You didn’t seem to want me around earlier, and –” I caught myself before I let my emotions show, “I just didn’t know if you wanted me close to you is all. And I understood about earlier, really. I know you’re scared.”
I reached to take his hand, and he let me, which I took as a good sign.
“I felt you in my head. That’s why I asked you to leave. I didn’t want you reliving my time at Tramblewood with me.”
I smiled at him. Brand was right, as painful as that was to admit. Erik did need some privacy right now.
“I want you here now, though. That counts, doesn’t it?”
“Counts for what?”
“You were upset when I asked you to leave. You’re still upset. I can remind minds too, remember?”
“No,” I lied, “I’m not upset.”
“Tal, come on. I heard you and Brand arguing. I bet everyone on this floor and probably the one above and below heard you two. Besides, just like you feel me, I feel you. So stop pretending. It’s okay to be upset with me. You’re my girlfriend, being mad at me is normal. Just because I’m hurt doesn’t mean you need to tiptoe around my feelings.”
Man, I am a shitty girlfriend, I thought. Everything I did was wrong.
Erik tugged on my hand, urging me to join him in the sofa bed. “I really do need a nap. Stay with me until I fall asleep?”
“Of course.” Gingerly, I curled up beside him, careful not to disturb his bruises. He wrapped his arms around me, pulled me snug against his chest, and kissed the top of my wet, sandy curls.
I lay there, trying to clear my head of all thought. I was worried about projecting my pain onto him. Losing Donavon was awful, and Erik didn’t need to see how much it was affecting me. I had no idea how much Crane had told him, but I doubted Erik knew.
Once Erik was asleep, I changed and left to find Crane. A quick peek into his head told me he was in the study. Thankfully, he was alone. Time had become relative. I had no concept of morning and night. It was light outside, so I figured it was daytime. Everything was happening so fast. Days were running together. Nights were often sleepless. The past several weeks felt like a never-ending nightmare.
Crane sat by the fireplace in a green armchair. His forehead rested in his hand, and he was using his thumb and forefinger to rub his temples. An electronic tablet was perched on his knee, and he appeared to be studying the screen intently.
“Hey,” I said, tapping lightly on the open door. “You wanted to see me?”
Crane looked up and offered me a tired smile. He gestured towards the couch and I took that as an invitation to sit. A tray with a coffee canteen, two mugs, and a sugar bowl sat untouched on the coffee table.
“Help yourself,” Crane said when he noticed me eyeing the coffee.
I did. Tired as I was, caffeine seemed like just the right thing to invigorate me. Mug in hand, I settled onto the sofa and waited for Crane to start talking. I had a lot of questions for him, but I wanted to get his out of the way first. If I had any energy leftover afterwards, I’d ask mine.
“We found out what is wrong with your friend, Mr. Daughtery,” Crane began as he eyed me.
“Yeah, me, too,” I replied. “Mental block.”
Crane raised a questioning eyebrow, wordlessly prompting me to continue.
“Donavon told me about them,” I explained. I had to bite my cheek to keep from crying when I said his name. The wound was too raw.
“Apparently TOXIC is using them on more disagreeable operatives. Anyone who might have a sympathetic inclinations towards me, my movement, or you.”
“Is it reversible?” I asked. I hadn’t been able to reverse the effects, but maybe someone more skilled could.
“Usually. I find it is best to let them run their course. Eventually the drug will wear off. This is much better than the alternative,” he added.
“The alternative?”
“When I watched UNITED’s evaluation session with him, I thought a person had manipulated his memories. That would make his condition permanent. Chemical alternation is not.”
“Thank god for the small stuff,” I muttered.
“He has been injected with the creation drug, which complicates matters. UNITED has declared him a threat. He’s scheduled to be moved to a containment facility in Bern in three days.”
“Isn’t there something you can do about it? He can’t, they can’t, it isn’t fair,” I protested lamely.
“In his case, I agree with the decision. He will get the help he needs there.”
“It’s not fair,” I repeated.
I sipped my coffee. It was hot and rich with the slightest hint of vanilla. Crane continued to study me as if he found every move I made fascinating. I felt small and self-conscious under his gaze.
“Penelope is with him now,” he finally said.
I didn’t bother to hide my shock. The mug slipped in my hands, and I was barely able to catch it before the entire contents poured into my lap. As it was, hot liquid sloshed over my fingers.
“He doesn’t seem to recogni
ze her, but he does seem calmer with her close by,” Crane continued.
I nodded. Not that Harris needed to be any calmer. Besides the brief moment when he’d attacked me, Harris was so calm he was stagnant. Still, it was probably good for both of them to be around each other. I wondered how Brand was handling the situation. The thought made me smile. I’d have paid to see his face right then.
“TOXIC retreated completely after we left Kentucky. The Underground stations don’t keep records of their inhabitants, so we have no way of knowing how many were taken. Frederick and Janelle have led a team out there and are assessing the damage and dealing with any operatives who failed to escape.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Frederick was okay. Better than okay, actually. He was obviously healthy enough to be running around and helping organize things, which meant he wasn’t injured. I felt horrible about forgetting to worry about him until now. He was by no means an afterthought for me, but with so much going on, someone or something was bound to slip through the cracks.
Crane cleared his throat, alerting me that he was about to say something I wasn’t going to like. Great, I thought, what now?
“Our casualties are being brought here. Well, not here to the cottage, but here to Coalition territory. They will be cremated, and a group memorial will be held in their honor. I regret this was not an option for those we lost in Gatlinburg.” He paused and locked his gaze with mine. “If you wish, Donavon McDonough will be among them.”
I let out a shaky breath. Funeral arrangements, memorial services, none of that had even occurred to me. Donavon deserved better than a mass memorial service. Maybe I’d arrange a private service, just Alex and me, I thought. That only seemed fitting. His father wasn’t mourning his death. Gretchen popped into my mind. Did she know her son was dead? Did she know she had a grandson? Did she care?
“If you’d rather we do something else with his remains,” Crane began.
“No,” I said quickly. “Please, bring him here with the others. I’d like for Alex to have the chance to say goodbye.”