Erik appeared to consider this for a moment before offering the doctor his arm.
I thanked Dr. Patel, and promised to call him if he was needed before his next check. I waited until he was gone before moving to Erik’s bedside.
“Are you hungry? Thirsty?” I asked, smoothing the hair back from his forehead. He shook his head.
“There’s a bathroom right over there.” I pointed towards the adjoining room. “I can draw you a bath.” I wasn’t sure that was a great idea, since I wasn’t sure he could walk on his own, but I was desperate to make him more comfortable.
“Okay,” he agreed. “A bath would be good.”
I filled the tub with warm water, adding in some of the lavender scented bubbles that Penny had put there for me. While I waited, I laid out towels and washcloths. Once I was satisfied that Erik would have everything that he needed, I returned to the bedroom.
Erik had managed to scoot to the edge of his bed; his feet dangled over the side. His swollen knee was no longer a grotesque softball, more like a large golf ball, occupying the space between his thigh and calf. Only an extremely small pair of boxer shorts covered his more private areas, showcasing the rest of his injuries. I felt a tug in my stomach as I took in the technicolor quality of his skin. Dr. Patel was right about how fast he was healing, but the evidence of his time at Tramblewood was still visible.
As it turned out, Erik couldn’t walk on his own. I was too small to support all of his weight, so it took us an inordinately long time to get to the bathroom. Erik’s breath came in haggard gasps by the time I helped him settle onto the closed toilet seat. The walk had exhausted him, and a light sheen now covered his face and chest.
“You gonna join me in there?” he asked playfully, nodding towards the bathtub. I almost cried with relief. He was my Erik: silly, inappropriate, sexual, and mine.
“If you’re lucky,” I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest and faking indifference while he caught his breath.
Erik’s laugh came out a wheeze. “Your doctor seems to think that I’m a pretty lucky guy.”
“You are,” I whispered, all trace of humor gone. “You really are.”
When he was ready, I let him lean on my shoulder while he removed the boxers and slid into the tub.
“Yell if you need anything, I’ll be just outside the door,” I told him.
“Guess I’m not that lucky after all,” he teased, but his chest was still heaving, and his eyes were closed now as he rested his head against the back ledge.
“Once you have your strength back,” I promised him, leaning over to brush my lips across his.
I wouldn’t have gotten in the bath with him in his current condition anyway, but the memory of the way he’d grabbed me, and the off-putting look in his eyes, made the decision easier.
“Tal?” he called when I had one foot through the doorway.
“Yeah?” I sent back.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, Erik.”
I kept the door open, figuring that the sound of splashing water would let me know he hadn’t passed out and drowned. Despite his instance that he wasn’t hungry, I commed Marin and asked her to send down an assortment of easily-digestible foods. Next, I messaged Crane and asked him if he could send clothes for Erik. Crane promised that he would, and asked if I wanted him to bring Alex down. I thought about the change in Erik’s personality and decided against it. I would let Erik adjust to his new surroundings before bringing Alex in.
Crane arrived with my ordered food and clothes before Erik was done in the bath. He helped me set out fruits, cheeses, and bread on a tray, but didn’t move to leave when we were done.
“I’d liked to speak with him,” Crane said softly.
“I don’t know.” I looked towards the bathroom. Erik only let Dr. Patel touch him because I promised him that he was safe. He’d been on edge during the doctor’s visit like a cobra ready to strike. Crane interrogating him right now wasn’t the best idea. What if he freaked out? Erik might be physically weaker than normal, but even weaker than his normal, he was stronger than the average person. Crane wasn’t average, but I had no desire to find out who would win if the two men fought.
“Talia, Victoria is itching to get her hands on him. It’s best we prepare him before she does. She’s insisting he be evaluated immediately. If I talk to him and explain the situation and he tells me what McDonough did to him, I might be able to hold her off a little longer.”
“She can’t see him like this,” I said emphatically. “She’ll never believe he’s safe. Ian, please.”
Crane held up a hand. “I know, I know. Dr. Patel has already drawn and analyzed his blood, so it’s been proven he was injected with the drug. That’s not good enough for UNITED. I promise, if he talks to me now I’ll find excuses to keep Victoria and the other council members away and buy him a couple more days.”
“I’ll ask him,” I relented.
Crane was trying to do Erik a favor. UNITED probably knew about Erik attacking the medic on the hoverplane – they seemed omnipresent – and weren’t going to look diplomatically on the incident. Erik needed time to adjust and come to terms with his temporary home at the cottage. A couple of days might not be enough, but it was better than the alternative.
Crane settled into an armchair, and I walked back into the bathroom. Only a thin film of bubbles remained on the water’s surface. I felt a hot flush creep up my face, and I barely stopped myself from trying to peer between the gaps. Erik’s eyes were still closed, but his hair was wet and his face looked as though it had been scrubbed raw.
“Erik, Ian –” he cut me off.
“I heard, Tals,” he said.
“You don’t have to talk to him yet. It can wait until you’re feeling better.” The lie was stupid when Erik had listened to the conversation.
“No, it can’t. Does he have my clothes, though? I’d prefer not to talk to him naked.”
“Yeah, I’ll get them,” I said, turning to go fetch the clothes.
Getting Erik out of the water and dressed was a lot harder than getting him in. I considered asking Crane to help, but I could tell how embarrassed Erik was letting me help him. I knew he’d refuse Crane’s assistance.
When we hobbled back into the bedroom, Erik insisted on sitting on the sofa bed. I obliged, partly because he was so adamant and partly because it was a lot closer than the hospital bed. Crane watched silently, not offering to help once. He and Erik were cut from the same cloth, proud and too distinctly male to admit they needed someone. Crane probably knew that Erik would crawl before accepting some random person’s pity.
“Erik Kelley, it’s nice to finally meet you,” Crane declared once I’d managed to get Erik situated, a pillow under his knee.
“Not sure I can say the same, but I hear you’ve been more hospitable than my last host, so I’ll reserve judgment.” Erik’s tone was matter-of-fact, not snide or flippant, and I took that as a good sign. The more time that passed, the more like my Erik he seemed, and I began to relax.
Of course he’d been out of sorts after he woke up. Who wouldn’t be? I was sure that the odd sensation I’d gotten from him was just a result of his fear. Fear wasn’t an emotion I usually felt from Erik, and I’d just misinterpreted it, I assured myself. A nagging feeling still caused a pit to form in my stomach. Had the creation drug altered him the same as it had me? What new abilities was his body trying to cope with? Was he going to become irrational and prone to erratic emotions the way I was?
“I can’t imagine what you’ve been through –” Ian started to say, but Erik cut him off.
“No, you can’t.”
“Would you be willing to tell me? I hate to seem blunt or insensitive, but it’s really important. A lot has happened since your rescue from Tramblewood. And the more we know, the better.” Crane still sat in the armchair, leaving a wide berth between Erik and himself.
My eyes darted from Crane to Erik. The ball was in Erik’s court, and
I thought I knew what his next move would be. But to my surprise, he agreed.
“One condition, though,” Erik quickly added. “We talk alone. I’d like you to leave, Natalia.” He wouldn’t look at me when he said my name, and the use of my whole name threw me off. Just an hour ago he’d insisted that he didn’t want to be alone with Dr. Patel, but now he was ordering me out of the room.
I was stunned and more than a little hurt. I’d risk my life to rescue him. I’d sat by his bed, holding his hand, praying for him to wake up, and this was how he repaid me? My temper flared as his rejection sunk in. I fisted my hands at my sides, digging what was left of my ragged nails into my palms to keep from verbally lashing out at Erik. With a glare that I hoped spoke volumes, I turned on my heel and stomped towards the door. Neither man tried to stop me.
The stone walls did little to cool the hot anger and humiliation of Erik’s dismissal. I rested my forehead next to the door, replaying Erik’s words. I wanted to know what he was telling Crane, what he didn’t want me to hear. The walls were thick and I could only hear snippets of their conversation. Pressing my ear to the door, I concentrated harder. When I still couldn’t make out more than every third word, I reached out for Erik’s mind.
“Eavesdrop much?” The words echoed in the narrow passage. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I turned and met Brand’s amused face. I hadn’t even heard him come up behind me.
“Shhh,” I shushed him. “I have a right to know what they’re saying.” I did, right?
“Oh you have a right, do you? More like an insatiable curiosity. Or maybe all that spy training is just too hard to forget. Or there is always the possibility that you just hate not being in control. I guess it’s pretty hard for someone who knows everyone’s secrets to be kept in the dark.” His tone wasn’t malicious, but I felt like he’d thrown a bucket of ice water in my face. Brand didn’t know me. He had some nerve speaking as if he did. Incredulous, I opened my mouth to make a snappy retort, but Brand continued before I got the words out.
“Let him have a little privacy, Talia. Did it occur to you that maybe he’s embarrassed by what he went through? That maybe he doesn’t want the one person that he’s gone to the ends of the earth to protect knowing how badly they tortured him? Not to mention the humiliating things they subjected him to? You really are selfish, you know.”
I backed away from Brand; his verbal assault felt more like a physical one. Selfish? I wasn’t selfish, I was just trying to help Erik. I wanted him to know I was there for him no matter what. There was nothing he could say to change that.
I crossed my arms over my chest, creating armor to protect my wounded pride. “What do you know about what he went through?” I hissed.
“I know what your Agency did to Penny. I know she is broken on the inside, and how hard she tries to keep you out so you won’t see it. Penny, Erik, even Ian, they all want to protect poor, precious Talia. Yet you just keep pushing. Everyone is making sacrifices for you and you don’t even appreciate it. Erik nearly died, and all he wants is keep the more humiliating details from the person whose opinion he values most. Don’t take that away from him.”
Fuming, I dug the jagged points of my nails into my flesh. How dare he? Did Brand not think I’d made sacrifices? That I hadn’t been hurt in all of this, too?
A nagging voice in the back of my mind reminded me that Erik wouldn’t have needed rescuing if I hadn’t been so rash in running away with Alex. Had Erik helped me because it was the right thing to do? Or had his love for me blinded him to rational thought?
A thought struck me. Brand was acting like this was about Erik, but it wasn’t, I realized. This animosity couldn’t possibly be on behalf of a guy he didn’t know. I already knew Brand blamed me for what had happened to Penny and for Penny’s mother’s death. There was more to it, though. I thought about Frederick’s words. He’d said Brand had been through a lot. What else could have possibly occurred in Brand’s life that he could construe to make my fault?
I latched on to Brand’s impossibly green eyes, now blazing furious and hateful. He guarded his mind just like Crane, but his defenses weren’t nearly as strong. While he might not be as good at building barriers, he was no slouch either. Sweat began to trickle down my forehead with the effort of invading his thoughts. Brand’s eye twitched; he knew what I was doing.
“You want to know how I feel about you?” His whispered words dripped loathing, and suddenly I wasn’t so sure I did want to know. “Go ahead.” The walls crumbled and a wave of power engulfed me, hot and suffocating like I’d opened an oven door. It took every ounce of physical strength that I possessed not to recoil. Electricity crackled through the air, causing the lights to flicker. Everything went still, as if time had actually frozen.
I didn’t need to read Brand’s mind; his hatred was a live wire, coursing energy painfully from him to me. The obvious issues between us were at the forefront of his mind: Penny’s current condition and her mother’s death; endangering the lives of Coalition soldiers; Crane choosing me over him. But I was right, there were deeper issues. Ones Brand had buried long ago and rarely let resurface.
The elder Meadows had been strong Talents and TOXIC operatives. The mandatory testing laws had just passed when Mrs. Meadows became pregnant with Brand. Shortly after he was born, the Meadows decided TOXIC’s goals were no longer serving the greater good. They joined one of the more outspoken rebel factions who opposed the mandatory testing laws. This was where they met Ian Crane. It was agreed that they would continue working for TOXIC as double agents, now spying for the rebels.
Barely twenty-five, Crane organized the rebel factions and declared war against TOXIC. A fellow operative, a woman named Lanie Reece, who the Meadows had thought they could trust sold them out to TOXIC. Both of Brand’s parents were taken into custody and tortured for information about Crane and the rebels. Neither cracked. Well, not exactly anyway. Brand’s parents never gave in, never gave TOXIC the information they wanted about Crane or the rebels.
Crane and TOXIC struck a deal for the return of all prisoners as part of the peace treaty that ended the second civil war. Brand’s parents were released to Crane, and returned to what became Coalition territory. But their minds were mush. Brand only saw them once after the war ended. The vacant expressions in their eyes haunted his dreams. The way they drooled when they moved their mouths but no words came out made him sick to his stomach. He hated himself for how disgusted the sight of his own parents made him. But the person Brand truly hated was the Mind Manipulator who’d robbed his parents of their minds, and him of a family.
Mr. and Mrs. Meadows died shortly after their only visit with their son.
I hadn’t been that Manipulator, obviously, but whenever Brand looked at me, he thought about his parents and the person who’d destroyed them. What I’d done to Penny, providing the testimony that had sentenced her to death, reminded him of the woman who’d done the same to his parents. He hated me for what I was. He despised me for what I’d done.
Each new accusation sent a fresh shock to my system.
I tried to break the connection, except it was physically impossible. I’d heard about people being electrocuted, how their muscles tensed and they lost control of their bodies. That was how I felt now.
My mind and body were at odds, the former screaming to make the torture end, the latter unable to obey. But the panic, the true terror, that I felt was for how much I craved his power. Part of me was drawn to him, yearning to experience more of his talents.
Abruptly the connection broke, leaving me empty and drained. I blinked rapidly to clear the fog. I reached out to steady myself, only to realize that I was on the floor. My skin still tingled, and I had an odd feeling that if I touched another person, I’d shock them.
“I didn’t mean to hurt her,” I whispered, barely managing to get the words out. My jaw was a vice, and I feared that I might have to physically pry the halves apart.
“No, Talia, you didn’t. But you did nothing
to stop it. Since the night your parents were killed, Ian has been willing to do anything to get you back. He let his sister die to get you back. Then he let Penny go through with that ridiculous plan to go undercover. I begged him to pull her out so many times. But he insisted that once she got close to you, she could convince you to run. After she was arrested, he thought for sure you’d see the truth. But you were too damn dense, too damn selfish to open your eyes! You let them take her!” Brand screamed.
The door to Erik’s room burst open. I knew it was Crane, but I couldn’t see him through the tears blurring my vision. The anger Brand’s rant evoked helped me regain control of my limbs. I stumbled to my feet and ran.
He was talking about Penny, but the raw emotion that made his voice crack was for his parents. He didn’t know who had tortured his parents, so he couldn’t take out his anger on that person, which only left me. Had the creation drug not been messing with my emotions, I might have been able to be reasonable, understand that he needed an outlet for his anger and I was his best option. I might have been able to commiserate with him. I, of all people, understood the need for revenge. But I wasn’t in control. Brand’s rage was contagious, infecting me, sending my temper northward.
In the days since I’d stopped taking the suppression drug, I’d been more in control of my emotions. That wasn’t to say I didn’t feel like I was losing control half the time, but I was better at keeping the struggle internal. As I rode the elevator and tore through the atrium, I felt like the ticking time bomb Brand had accused me of being. If I didn’t make it outside before I exploded, I’d take out the heart of the Coalition. Victoria would have no choice but to contain me.
I tripped in my haste to get up the metal staircase to the main level, banging my shin against one of the stairs. Pain shot down my leg, and a small part of my brain registered the blood soaking my pants. Get outside, get outside, I chanted. The trapdoor blew open before I touched it. Hurdling myself through the opening, I dashed for the front door.