“I get it, Officer.” Kieran nodded, still refusing to look over at Fiona, who had only taken a step or two back and was still staring at the two of them. Her hands were on her hips and she looked furious now, at least from what he could tell out of the corner of his eye. “I’m sorry. I’ll work on being more transparent.”
Not that he had much of a choice now. Several kids could see this whole interaction, and the cat was certainly out of the bag with Fiona. He ground his teeth together, clenching his jaw, as he tried to stay calm. He wasn’t angry at his parole officer so much as he was furious with himself. He’d known he couldn’t keep this quiet forever, but he’d been so afraid to say anything.
Now it was all coming out in the worst possible way.
“What is that smell?” Officer Huppert’s eyes narrowed as his nose turned up slightly, and he took a closer step toward Kieran.
Kieran’s blood ran cold. He said nothing.
“Kavanagh, I asked you, what is that smell? Because it smells to me a lot like pot.” Huppert motioned for him to put his hands out. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
“It’s not what—” Kieran started, but then stopped, unsure of what to say. After all, there was a half-smoked joint in his pocket.
“Empty your pockets now,” the officer said sternly, his hand out waiting. “Turn them inside out.”
Slowly, Kieran reached into his pockets, grabbed the lining, and pulled them straight out. He didn’t look down even though he knew the joint had landed on the concrete below. Instead, he stared straight ahead at his mother, who was clutching Shea against her so she couldn’t watch what was happening. Nora’s eyes traveled to the ground with everyone else’s, and it was like the entire world accused him of guilt at the same time.
“This yours?” Officer Huppert asked, standing back up with the joint laying flat in his palm.
Kieran closed his eyes, inwardly groaning. Opening them again, he saw Shea still in his mother’s arms, struggling to be let go so she could figure out what was happening. Nora was looking at him with wide eyes, a flicker of recognition on her face as she glanced toward the building, then back at him. He knew what she was thinking. Cassandra had said she’d gotten it from Nora’s desk. But Shea had been smoking it.
He knew his being caught with it, whether it was his or not, was an automatic ticket back to prison. He could try to explain how it had happened, but it wouldn’t change that it was in his pocket. It was already too late, and no one else needed to be punished for it. He wouldn’t lie, but he also couldn’t tell the truth.
So he said nothing.
Officer Huppert glared at him, his jaw clenched. “You hear me, Kavanagh?”
More silence.
“I don’t have time for this game. Turn around, hands on your head.” Officer Huppert pulled a plastic evidence bag out of his pocket and slipped the joint in, putting it in his pocket. Pulling handcuffs off his belt, he grabbed Kieran’s wrists and twisted them behind his back, locking them together with the metal bracelets.
“I really didn’t think I’d have any problems with you, Kavanagh. You seemed like you had a good head on your shoulders, so I went lenient on you. I’m supposed to do these checks biweekly, but you’ve been on my roster almost a month now. I got a few main things I draw the line on, and you knew drugs was one of them. And drugs around kids? I’ve got no choice.” Officer Huppert seemed both angry and sad to be arresting him. “You’re going back, Kavanagh.”
Kieran didn’t say anything, biting the inside of his cheek as he realized he’d be missing the gala tomorrow. He’d be missing the night he planned with Fiona, ironically the time he’d planned to tell her about everything she’d just found out. Groaning internally, he nodded as his parole officer grabbed his cuffs and walked him around the building.
He briefly looked up to see his mother. The look on her face shattered him; he knew he was disappointing her yet again. He couldn’t even look at Fiona, terrified of what he’d see. The truth was he probably deserved this—karma for holding back the truth from the woman he loved.
Loved? He was surprised the word so easily flowed through him again. He pushed it away, refusing to let himself feel that. To feel anything for a relationship that had once meant so much to him, to his future, but was now doomed.
Officer Huppert pushed him into the backseat of his car. Kieran stared forward at the bars separating them, a sight he was going to have to get used to seeing again.
Chapter 18
“You knew?” Fiona whirled on Dee and Nora, who were both trying to avoid her gaze. “Everyone knew, and no one told me.”
The pieces started falling together quickly, and suddenly she was surprised that she hadn’t figured it out already.
“I swear I thought you knew, Fiona. I mean, I haven’t spent that much time around the two of you together, and Kieran never hid his past around here.” Nora put her hands up, looking conflicted. “I just assumed you knew.”
“I don’t understand. How could any of this even be happening? Kieran is so…he’s so perfect. I can’t even picture him behind bars, let alone committing a crime. He’s the kindest, sweetest person I know. He’s the last person I’d expect to be a criminal!”
“Kieran isn’t a criminal.” Dee dropped her chin to her chest, looking as miserable as Fiona felt as she talked about her son. “He’s just had a little trouble in his past.”
Shame crept over Fiona’s cheeks. “I’m sorry, Dee. I didn’t mean to call him that. I simply can’t get my mind around what just happened.”
Dee sighed and then squeezed her shoulder gently. “I know, honey. He should have told you. I really wish he had, we all did. This was a terrible way for you to find out, I get it. Although, I honestly had no idea he was still playing around with substances.”
“Um, I don’t really get a druggy vibe from him.” Nora chewed on the edge of her fingernail. “I’m sure it was a misunderstanding.”
“I hope so.” Fiona pushed tears off her cheeks with her palm. “Damn it, I don’t even know what to think or feel right now.”
Nora nodded. “Let’s not jump to conclusions. I’m gonna go check on the kids. I’ll, uh, see you guys tomorrow for the gala.”
“The gala!” Fiona moaned, remembering the beautiful dress she’d been so excited to show Kieran.
Dee waved off Nora, who was more than eager to leave the women alone. Fiona clutched Shea’s hand and walked back around the building toward the car, with Dee beside them. “Listen,” Dee said, “it’s too late to worry about anything tonight. He’s going to be processed, so there’s nothing we’ll be able to do until morning. Let’s just get Shea home, get everyone fed, and tackle this tomorrow.”
“You’re right.” Fiona sighed, knowing that what Dee said made sense. As they neared the car, Fiona’s heart broke for the older woman. “I’m so sorry this is happening, Dee.”
“It’s okay, honey. We’ll figure this out.” Dee’s voice caught slightly, and Fiona couldn’t miss the quick swipe as she tried to wipe away the evidence of any tears.
Fiona didn’t know what to say to make Dee feel better, mainly because she didn’t know how to make herself feel better about this situation, either. Shea climbed into the car and Fiona followed her, letting Dee get in the driver’s seat.
Ten minutes later, they were pulling up in front of the Kavanagh house. Seamus was standing on the front stoop, seeming to be waiting for them.
“Hi, girls, dinner’s on the table.” He nodded to Fiona as she and Shea climbed out of the car. She just nodded back as he walked right past her to the driver’s side of the car and opened the door for Dee. They huddled together, arms wrapped around each other as they murmured between themselves. Their voices sounded both rushed and pained, and Fiona almost forgot how much she was hurting, too. Instead, she was feeling their pain, and it was unbearable.
Giving them privacy, she rushed Shea into the house. As always, the Kavanaghs had prepared everything for dinner just the way Shea liked it, an
d Fiona helped her through her meal. Fiona couldn’t stomach any food herself, instead hovering over Shea the entire time she ate.
“All right, time to get ready for bed,” Fiona instructed two hours later, after Shea finished the last of her assignments for school. Shea nodded, climbing the stairs in front of her. They went into Shea’s bedroom, where Fiona opened the dresser and pulled out a pair of pajamas.
“Is Kieran going to read me a story tonight?” Shea asked quietly, climbing into bed but not directly looking at her. Her large earmuffs were wrapped around her neck instead of her head, and she had her e-reader tucked under her arm.
“Not tonight, baby girl.” Fiona sat on the edge of the bed and brushed a few pieces of hair out of Shea’s eyes.
Shea was silent for a moment. “Is he in trouble?”
Fiona swallowed hard, trying not to reveal too much. “He is, but it’s going to be okay.”
“It’s my fault,” Shea said with a sniff, curling deeper into the covers.
Fiona’s brows shot up in surprise. “Of course it’s not, Shea. This has nothing to do with you. Kieran did something he wasn’t supposed to, and he’s, um, in time-out for it.”
Shea’s face scrunched in confusion. “He’s in time-out?”
Fiona nodded. “Um, yeah, kind of. Like an adult time-out.”
“Oh.” Shea pulled the blankets tighter around her and frowned.
Fiona pulled the comforter up to Shea’s chin, then unhooked the earmuffs from her neck and placed them on the nightstand. “Let’s just get some sleep, okay? It’s been a really long day.”
Shea closed her eyes, letting out a long yawn. “Good night, Fi.”
“Love you, Shay-Shay.” Fiona kissed her forehead, then turned off all the lights and left the room.
Casey was standing in the hallway waiting for her as she closed the door to Shea’s room behind her. “Hey, Fiona. Dee just wanted me to see how you were feeling, if you were okay.”
“Oh.” Fiona shrugged and entered her own bedroom. She collapsed on her mattress as Casey sat in a comfy chair by the bed. “I don’t really know how I’m feeling, and Shea’s a mess.”
Casey looked down at her hands, fiddling with her fingers. “I wanted to tell you about his past, and I told him to tell you. We all did. I’m sorry you found out that way.”
“Well, tell me now. What the heck is going on? I’m still completely in the dark, Casey. He wouldn’t even look at me when the officer took him. I have no idea how to contact him, if he’s okay…I’m so worried about him.” Fiona buried her face in her hands, trying her best not to unravel completely.
She had so many questions, and a small part of her didn’t even care about the answers. She just wanted Kieran to be okay…to be free. And that moment—the bitter, shocking, horrible moment when the strongest man she’d ever known had bowed his head and allowed himself to be dragged away…from her—it just broke her heart.
“He’s safe, he’ll be okay. Our brother Jimmy called and explained that Kieran has violated his parole. He’ll go in front of a magistrate tomorrow and find out what’s going to happen. The best-case scenario would be that he’d have to serve thirty days.”
“Thirty days!” Fiona gaped. “That’s longer than we’ve known each other.”
“It’s still the better option; otherwise, they might revoke his parole entirely. That would mean he’d have to finish serving out his original sentence—and do another six months.”
Fiona ran her hands through her hair, trying to picture Kieran in a prison cell. “What was his sentence? What did he do?”
“He was convicted of aggravated assault and given two years upstate,” Casey explained. “I think Kieran should be the one to tell you the exact details, though, because honestly, I don’t have all the information myself.”
Fiona felt like a weight had settled over her; her heart was aching. Aggravated assault. Ironic. She wondered if she had more in common with Kieran than she’d thought. She wasn’t sure she had any right to judge him for whoever he’d hurt, whatever laws he’d broken, when she was just as guilty of her own crime, a lot worse than that. She had been found innocent, but she knew she wasn’t.
She’d taken a life. There was no innocence left in her.
A new thought suddenly occurred to Fiona and she turned to Casey, who had stood and was walking toward the door. “When did he get out of prison?”
Casey paused as she considered it. “I think about three weeks ago, maybe a month.”
Fiona’s face fell as she wondered how much time had actually elapsed between his release and the moment they met. She realized she wasn’t upset he was an ex-con. She knew him well enough not to be afraid of him. She’d seen him around kids, and he was always positive and uplifting. She’d seen him fighting at Legends, and he never played dirty. She’d seen him wrapped around her, buried inside her, and he was passionate and caring. She knew who he was in that aspect, and he wasn’t dangerous.
But he was a liar, and that might be a deal breaker for her.
He had mentioned being away several times to her, but when she’d asked, he’d changed the topic or found a way to answer her without really answering anything. She’d never thought much about it, never worried that there was more she didn’t know. Never known that hours, or days, before they’d met, he’d been sitting in a prison cell.
“Thank you, Casey,” Fiona said softly. “You’re the first one to really tell me what’s going on. To open up. I appreciate it more than you know.”
“Of course, Fiona. You’re my friend. He’s like a brother to me, but you’re still my friend.” Casey leaned against the doorframe. “I hope you’ll still consider coming to the gala tomorrow. Get your mind off things.”
Fiona dropped back onto the bed, her head hitting the pillow. “I can’t even think about the gala right now, so probably not.”
“Well, I’ll still see you at breakfast. Try to get a good night’s sleep.” Casey gave her a small wave before closing the door behind her.
Fiona got up and turned off the bedroom light before crawling back into bed. She was still fully dressed and hadn’t done any of her normal bedtime routine, but she couldn’t tonight.
She just needed today to be over.
—
“Monday morning at best, man.” Jimmy stared at him in the dank, cold interview room of the local jail, a frown pulling his face down.
“Is that a fucking joke?” Kieran fisted the top of the table as best as he could with his wrists shackled to a steel bar in the center of it, between his two brothers and him.
“No, it’s not a fucking joke, K. It’s Saturday morning, and you got arrested on a Friday night,” Jimmy explained, looking as frustrated as Kieran felt. “What did you think would happen?”
Kieran ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck.”
“I’ll go check again, see if there is a magistrate willing to do it this weekend, but I doubt it,” Jimmy said before leaving the room.
Kane slumped quietly in his chair across the table. Kieran sighed, feeling the pain he’d caused his twin brother now that they were alone.
“K, what the hell happened?” Kane finally asked.
Kieran took a moment before he responded. “It was a misunderstanding. They found a joint in my pocket.”
“Since when are you back to drugs? I mean, I thought you only played around with that stuff occasionally back before your arrest. I didn’t think you were seriously on them or anything.”
“I’m not, now or then.” Kieran shook his head. “Back then, it was just a party thing. I haven’t touched it since I’ve been out.”
“Well, that’s obviously not true,” Kane pointed out, his hand dropping to the table’s surface.
Kieran rolled his eyes. “Fine, yes, I’ve physically touched a joint, but I never smoked it. I haven’t done any shit like that.”
Kane threw up his hands in frustration. “Then why the fuck did you have a joint?”
Kieran knew he was
being dodgy. He didn’t want to answer his brother’s questions. He deserved the punishment—no one else—and he didn’t want to bring anyone else down with him.
Shea was eight. She most definitely didn’t need a single thing about this associated with her, especially since if the police knew Shea had been involved, Child Services would have to investigate. After everything Fiona had been through, and how hard she’d fought to gain custody, he couldn’t risk letting something like this tear the sisters apart. It would devastate her, and he couldn’t allow that.
No matter where their relationship stood at the moment, Fiona was still his. And he’d protect her with everything he had.
“I took it from someone who shouldn’t have had it, then was going to toss it out. Didn’t get a chance before my PO got me,” he finally admitted.
“Who had it?” Kane asked, but Kieran stayed silent. Kane sighed and shook his head, realizing his twin wasn’t going to tell him. “This isn’t a fucking joke, K. This is your life. This is Fiona’s life, and Shea’s.”
Kieran glared at him. “You think I don’t know that?” The irony was, they were exactly the ones he was protecting.
“You’ve got something great going,” Kane said. “But if you’re in here thirty more days—or, God forbid, six more months—do you really think she’ll be waiting for you when you get out, when you’ve only been dating a few weeks?”
Kieran dropped his head, stared down at the table. The idea of Fiona never being in his life again hurt so bad that he could feel it throbbing in his chest. “I don’t want her to wait,” he said, not sure if he even believed himself.