morerespectable operas, and _The Lost Chord_, and several other oldfavorites.
Occasionally, Cousin Aurelia sniffed loudly, but she said nothing untilhis serenade came to an end.
"Betty!" she called. "Can you hear me?"
"Do I have to?"
"Tell that person out there that it has done him no good to make thoseungodly noises. My fingers have been in my ears all the time."
"You must've been really a sight," giggled Betty.
"Betty! You--you sound different, somehow."
"Oh, I am! So is Charles. We're both uninhibited now."
There was one cry of horror from Cousin Aurelia and then silence.
Betty turned to the captain. He looked downcast, and Herman did, too.
"We'll just have to try something else, something clever," she told thecaptain. "Cousin Aurelia seems dead set against you. It's because ofyour being a pirate, I guess."
* * * * *
Charles and Betty spent the next couple of days avoiding any mention ofthe captain's former profession and helping him think up new ways touninhibit Cousin Aurelia. He tried singing again, this time with anaugmented chorus of Herman's relations. When that also failed, he cookedher a fine mushroom omelette. Then he caught her a young animal withlavender ears to keep as a pet and he spent a whole evening reading_Sonnets from the Portuguese_ aloud at her window.
She responded with sniffs and with occasional scraping noises offurniture being moved to reinforce her defenses. Finally, to Betty'sdistress, she pushed out a note announcing that henceforth she wouldhave nothing to do with the Buttons--and that no one could tell her thatpoems like those were _Victorian_.
Before the third day was half over, the Captain was moping around,Charles was peevish, and Betty had started to worry and fret.
So, in the late afternoon, they went on a picnic. Followed by Herman,and by the four-armed dining room robot carrying two wicker hampers,they walked around the lake to a broad grassy knoll where the strangesquare trees grew in a circle, and prisms of quartz leaned from theground like Druids turned into stone. While they ate, the night advancedsoftly, its moons weaving crystalline shadows of celadon, rose, and oldivory.
Betty waited until the last hint of daylight had vanished. Then, "It'slovely," she whispered. "Poor Cousin Aurelia, it'd all be so simple ifshe'd only come out, but--oh, I'm afraid that it's hopeless!"
"Hopeless?" Charles snorted. "It's easy. We'll break into her room, meand Burgee, and hold her while you pour some of Sugar Plum's water downher gullet. She'll be fixed up before she finds out what hit her."
"We mustn't do that," the captain said stiffly. "We can't employviolence."
"Look who's talking!" Charles was amused. "An old pirate like you.Robbing ships, making passengers walk the plank into space, shootingpeople with ray guns, and--"
"Shh!" Betty warned. "Charles, that isn't polite. You know he'ssensitive about--"
The captain seemed to be strangling. "And I thought it was _snobbery_!"Then he exploded with laughter. He lay back on the grass and he howled.
The Buttons stared in amazement, and some creatures came out of thetrees to see what the uproar was all about.
The captain sat up. "What century is this?" he asked.
"The Twenty-second, of course," answered Betty. "But--but why?"
"I just wondered. I'll tell you later." He controlled himself with aneffort. "But we really mustn't use force on Aurelia, even in such a goodcause. It might turn her into the wrong kind of person."
"Turn her?" Betty repeated sadly. "I'm afraid that she already is. Idon't think she'll ever come out. I'm afraid she'll do somethingdesperate."
"I'm worried, too," the captain admitted, "but I'm certain she is theright kind. The wrong kind of people can't live here. Sugar Plum doesn'tlike them."
Betty and Charles both looked puzzled.
"I'll try to explain. It happens within a few hours, even if they aren'tuninhibited. If they are, then it's practically instantaneous. It's a--"
He broke off and looked up at the sky with a frown. There was an angryred glow right above them, a far-distant roar.
They leaped to their feet. The glow brightened swiftly. It seemed to beheaded straight for them. The sound filled the air.
"We have visitors!" shouted the captain.
"Wh-who?" stammered Betty. "The police?"
"They don't use braking jets any more. It's an obsolete freighter."
"Oh!" Betty put her hands to her face in terror. "It's the _BeautifulJoe_. That man Possett--he's coming back after Cousin Aurelia!"
The red glow passed to the northward. They saw the ship's shape for amoment, spurting flame, slowing. Then it dropped out of sight. Theground shuddered briefly. There was quiet.
The captain grabbed Betty's arm. "They're down in the clearing. Quick!When he dropped you, did Possett take anything with him?"
"Just a fresh supply of water."
"My God!" blurted Charles. "That means they're--"
"_Uninhibited!_" yelled the captain. "And they're the wrong kind ofpeople. Betty! Charles! Can you run? Hey, Steward, give them a hand!"
"Aye, aye, sir," snapped the robot, hoisting the hampers and reaching anelbow to each of the Buttons.
"Then let's go. I hope we can make it in time to save them!"
"_Them?_" gulped Charles, as the robot started to run.
But the captain already was too far ahead to have heard him.
* * * * *
Pulled by the untiring robot, Charles and Betty made very good time, butthey couldn't catch up with the captain. They had to make several stopsto get their wind back, and they were still half a mile from the housewhen they heard her.
"Help! Murder! Police! Save me!" screamed Cousin Aurelia.
"He--he's got her!" puffed Charles, as the shrieks died away. "Hurry!"
When they got to the house, it was empty. Not even Herman was there. Inthe living room and the hall, there were signs of a titanic struggle.The door of Cousin Aurelia's room hung wide open.
"Look!" Charles gave it a great goldfish stare. "She unlocked itherself!"
"He probably told her--he was rescuing her--from the pirate," pantedBetty.
"We--we'll have to go on--" Charles felt his legs start to collapse--"tothe clearing."
The robot put two arms around him, and one around Betty.
"You will rest for three minutes," it stated, leading them to the livingroom and seating them gently. "I will bring brandy."
The brandy was welcome. They drank it in gulps, and worried about CousinAurelia, and the robot fanned them considerately while they did so.
Then, again, they were off. In less than ten minutes, they looked downon the valley, on the clearing. They caught sight of the _BeautifulJoe_. The voice of the waterfall reached them.
And so did another one. A man's voice. A deep one.
"Ow!" it yelled hoarsely. "Let me up! Ow! Let go!"
Charles moaned. "We shouldn't have waited for brandy. Now they'rekilling him, too!"
With the robot behind them, they raced down the hill, splashed throughthe stream, broke through a circle of giggling Sugar Plum natives andgoggle-eyed creatures.
"Don't give up!" croaked Charles. "We're coming!"
On the grass were four figures. Two were thrashing around and being saton. Two were doing the sitting.
The Buttons braked to a stop. Something was radically wrong. The largerof the two thrashing figures was being sat on by Cousin Aurelia!
"Try to kidnap _me_, will you?" _Slap._ "Make me throw myself into thatpool!" _Slap._ "And swallow a gallon of water and have to drag myselfout!" _Slap-slap-slap_. "You will, will you?"
"Ow!" cried the figure. "Leg-go!"
Aurelia looked over her shoulder. She spied Charles and Betty.
"Hey!" she shouted. "Bear a hand here with Possett!"
"You don't have to hold him," called Captain Burgee, dismounting fromLoopy the mate. "He can't get away. S
ugar Plum's got him."
They both rose and the two writhing figures continued to writhe.
"They're _scratching_," Charles exclaimed.
He wasn't quite right. The skipper and the mate of the _Beautiful Joe_were trying to scratch, but they didn't have enough hands. They weregroaning, and bleating, and begging for aid as they wriggled.
Cousin Aurelia gave Possett a push with her foot.
"I'm soaked to the skin," she announced. "Betty, help me off with thisdress. If I don't wring my petticoat out, I'll catch something."
"Why, Cousin Aurelia!" Charles blurted. "In front of the captain?"
"And why not?" she demanded. "I have undies on, don't I?"
The captain broke in, his voice urgent. "We've got to get thesecharacters back aboard in a hurry! They can't live on Sugar Plum;they're the wrong kind of people. I started to tell you. They'reallergic to the critters, the trees, the natives--to everything here.You, Steward!" He beckoned. "Call the crew of the _Beautiful Joe_."
The robot ran to the ship. It whistled. Immediately, four other robotsappeared.
"Bosun," said the captain to the one in the lead, "Captain Possett isill. He is--er--delirious. The mate, too. Carry them in. And take offquickly for New Texas."
"Aye, aye, sir." The bosun saluted.
They lifted up Possett, who was grunting and swearing. They hoisted theweasel-faced mate. The hatches clanged shut. Fire burst from the stern.The ship lifted.
When there was quiet again, Cousin Aurelia looked at the captain. Sheexamined him carefully.
"Hm-m-m," she murmured to Betty. "Not bad. Not bad at all!"
Then, "Alexander Burgee," she declared, "every bit of this is yourfault. If I hadn't escaped from that man and jumped in the pool--well, Idon't know _what_ might've happened. The least you can do is carry meback to your house."
* * * * *
At midnight, Charles and Betty sat in the living room. They hadn't hadtime to get used to the change in Cousin Aurelia and they still lookedat her unbelievingly. She was wearing a gay housecoat of Betty's, tootight in just the right places. She had let down her hair, tied it witha ribbon, and she'd put on a gay smear of lipstick. She was exceedinglymerry.
"I can't imagine how I stood it," she was saying, "for so many years. Imean, being such an old frump." She laughed brightly. "Why, I was almostas bad as poor Charlie!"
"Well, at least I never locked myself in to get away from a pirate,"Charles retorted.
The captain stood up with a chuckle. "Say, that reminds me." He went toa bookcase, opened a thick volume, and gave it to Charles. "I want youto read something here."
Charles saw that it was _Jane's Dictionary of Space Transportation_. Helooked up enquiringly.
The captain was pointing at a word.
"'_Pirate_,'" Charles read, sounding puzzled. "'Pirate, originally acriminal who attacked and robbed ships at sea (see: Earth, planet) nowobsolete in this sense. At present, term applied to--'" Charleshesitated--"'to persons engaged in space salvage, especially to captainsof vessels employed in such work.'"
Charles turned red. Betty flushed. Cousin Aurelia started laughing herhead off.
"Times change," the captain said soberly. "Do you want me to show you mylicense?"
The Buttons were much too embarrassed to answer.
"Well, if you don't, I hope you'll excuse us. Aurelia and I would liketo sit in the swing and look at the stars for a while."
"I want to be told just how far away Boston is," she said as he helpedher to rise. She wrinkled her nose. "I'm certainly glad that here onSugar Plum we're safe from the wrong kind of people--all those horribleVictorians."
The captain's arm went around her.
He winked at the Buttons.
"A few of them weren't so bad," he said gently. "A few of the realones."
And, as they left, he slipped the copy of _Sonnets from the Portuguese_into his pocket.
"Well, now that we've sort of lost Cousin Aurelia," said Betty, "I wishI could have one of these adorable animals on Sugar Plum for my veryown. As a pet, you know. It might help as a substitute for CousinAurelia's company."
"And what's wrong with me for a substitute?" Charles wanted to know. "Itseems to me that you can forget Cousin Aurelia for a change and give mea little consideration."
She looked at him appraisingly and then at her watch.
"I never thought of that," she said. "It's time for bed."
* * * * *
Later, she sat up, studied him hard for a moment, and shook her headwistfully.
"Oh, Charles, you'd be perfect," she said, "if you only had lavenderears."
"That shouldn't be much trouble," he answered gravely. "I'll signal apassing spaceship, get to New Texas and have my ears tattooed. Goodenough?"
She nuzzled against his neck.
"Wonderful, darling. It would make you look so--so Bohemian!"
It was the finest compliment Charles had ever received.
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