“You look gorgeous,” he says, his throaty voice uneven and laced with hunger. Lust swims in his gaze.
I smile up at him.
“You hungry?”
“Starving,” I reply, though I don’t add it’s for him. I starve for his touch. For his kiss. The incinerator in me ignites whenever I’m in his presence.
He takes my hand in his, guiding me to the elevator. “I think you’re going to like the city,” he says once the door closes shut. He puts his arm around my neck, pulling me into him.
When the doors slide open to outside, a rush of fresh air greets us. I’m grateful for it. It helps ease the ache that has built a home in my chest. The air here is lighter almost. The sun is brighter. Clouds form around the entire city, framing us in a soft haven. The buildings reach past the clouds in rounded shapes. Small, trimmed trees are sparse and strategically planted around the city that’s resting on top of water.
The smells radiating off the vendors planted on the streets stirs a growl from my stomach. We pass different shops, some for masks and clothing, and others for weapons and magical ingredients. I want to take my time and explore every inch, learn my heritage, but a voice stirs in the back of my mind, stopping me in my tracks.
“Are you both close?”
It’s Jezi’s voice. She’s speaking to Jaxen telepathically, but I can hear her as if she were standing right next to me.
“Yeah. Be there in a minute,” Jaxen responds, and then his walls go up. I still feel her in my mind, but not him. Peeking over at him out of the corner of my eye, I realize he doesn’t know I can hear him.
“Can you—can you hear me?” I ask, pushing the thought to both of them.
He stops abruptly and turns to face me, brow scrunched.
“Faye?” It’s Jezi’s voice.
“You can hear me?” I ask again.
“Yes,” Jaxen says out loud. I can’t read him. I don’t know how this is making him feel.
“No f-ing way,” Jezi says, laughter edging her words.
“Our connection must be stronger now that she’s out and closer to us,” Jaxen says.
“Why now?” Jezi asks.
I know why. The thought slithers around my mind. “Clara. She did things to my mind. Unlocked things hidden.”
“What kind of things?” Jaxen asks.
“I don’t know. I only remember the parts where I wasn’t fed Belladonna, which wasn’t often. The last session… before Jaxen got me, I felt something inside me open up. A whole new part of myself I didn’t know was there.”
Jaxen’s entire body goes rigid next to me, his hand tightening around mine.
“Maybe it’s for the best,” Jezi assures me.
“Shut her out,” Jaxen says as he starts walking forward again.
I feel stuck. Should I say bye? Should I just close the connection? I’ve never had to deal with this, and although I’ve always been curious, now I’m beginning to understand why curiosity kills the cat.
“It’s okay, Faye,” Jezi says, easing me. Her walls go up, and I feel alone in my head again. It bothers me that she can hear and read whatever. I didn’t even direct that thought to her and she knew it.
My cheeks flare up.
“The scientists, they said that the affinity link happened because of me. Because I opened myself up. This is happening because what I feel for you is growing stronger, and Jezi’s a part of you. I don’t—I don’t think I can reverse it. I don’t know how.”
“This is a hindrance I was hoping we wouldn’t have to deal with,” Jaxen says a moment later, taking the words straight from my mouth. “We have to get you trained on how to keep the thoughts you want to keep private—private.”
I think about his lips, his hands, and every private moment we’ve had suddenly becoming an open book for Jezi to read. My fists clench at my sides, and my insides boil. “Absolutely,” I agree.
EVERYONE’S WAITING OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT that’s built to overlook the water.
In this late afternoon light, the city looks almost unreal. It has a soft, ambient glow from the setting sun that makes me feel like I’m walking through paradise instead of a breeding ground for political warfare.
Most of the citizens have switched on the lanterns outside of their homes, which border both sides of the canal that passes through the city. The bright orange glow carries as far as the eye can see, disappearing into the horizon like tiny fireflies. I want to chase them. Touch them.
“Look who finally made it,” Gavin says as he kicks off the brick wall, pulling a toothpick out of his mouth. “And out of uniform,” he adds with a smirk. “You little rebels, you. I like it.”
He slaps Jaxen’s hand and pulls him into a brotherly hug. Cassie rolls her blue eyes over to Jezi, who’s staring at me. I feel her testing the edges of my mind with tiny whispers of magic, trying to see if I’ll let her in, but I don’t. There’s too many memories I don’t want her to see, and I still can’t tell where we stand. Maybe I’m afraid to know. Afraid that she still hates me.
I look away. When my eyes lift, they land on Weldon, and I instantly have to swallow down my guilt. His dark, golden eyes are set on me, staring past my exterior. I feel like he can read my soul. Like he sees past the fake smile and the put-on posture that tells everyone I’m okay. That I survived. That I’m strong.
Because, really, I barely made it away from Clara alive.
His clean-shaven face is a perfect slate of solemn composure, of unclear motives. I pull at the ends of my shirt. Shove my hands in my pocket. I can’t tell if he’s angry or not. Maybe he’s satisfied. Maybe he thinks I got what I deserved. I can’t blame him. I should have listened… many times.
Jaxen’s posture loosens. He sighs, and then offers his hand out to Weldon. He stares at me for a moment longer, and then finally looks over at Jaxen, taking his hand. “I see you got her back. Safe and sound.” He smiles at Jaxen, but the smile is hard. Forced.
Jaxen nods his head, and then steps back in line next to me, taking my hand in his.
“Maybe next time, you’ll listen to your partner,” Weldon says with a harshness that scrapes at my insides.
I know he’s challenging me. Pushing me to see how I’ll break—if I break—but I stand tall, even though every inch of me wants to shrivel under his gaze.
“Come on now, Weldon. Go easy on her,” Gavin says with a chuckle. He throws his arm over Cassie’s shoulder, pulling her into him.
“She’s not the only one who fell for it,” Cassie adds, throwing me a wink. “It was an easy trap we fell into. Lesson learned.”
Weldon flicks his dark, demeaning gaze in Cassie’s direction. “Maybe, but she’s the one with the most to lose here, and she’s my partner. We’re supposed to be a team—have each other’s back.” He takes steps toward me, his posture growing taller. Larger. The conviction and disappointment in his voice feels like tiny slaps across my face. Small punches to my chest. He turns his gaze on me. “How can I trust you when I know you don’t trust me? How can you have my back when you won’t let me have yours?”
He’s almost in my face now, daring me to say something, to mend what can’t be fixed with words. I’m scrambling for a solution. Tripping past all the words I wish I could loop together to form the perfect sentence. The perfect explanation as to why I chose to believe Clara over Weldon. Over the one person who has proved himself to me time and time again.
But I fall short. So very short.
I look down to the ground. Jaxen pushes Weldon back a step. Stands in between us. “Chill, man. She was put through hell.” The warning in his tone is as loud and clear as any whistle.
“Or what?” Weldon says tauntingly, pushing against the hand Jaxen has on his chest.
“Why are you acting like this?” Jaxen says under his breath. “Get your shit together. Whatever’s bugging you has nothing to do with her, and you know it, so leave her alone.”
“I know we wouldn’t be in this boat if you hadn’t gone and given your he
art to the one person who could destroy us all. And now I’m tethered to that person. A girl who won’t listen. A Primeval who doesn’t have a clue. Another partner who I won’t be able to save. If I were you, I’d drop her now before she breaks your heart. It’s bound to happ—”
Jaxen shoves Weldon hard, cutting off his words. Weldon hits the wall. Jaxen advances on him, ready to land a punch, but Gavin moves in as Jezi and Cassie walk toward me. I wring my hands together as my heart tries to beat out of my chest. I can’t let anything come between their friendship.
Not because of me.
“Stop!” I shout just as Weldon rears back his fist.
They both freeze up. Gavin grabs Jaxen’s fist and lowers it.
“Weldon’s right,” I stammer out, my voice as unsteady as a rapid river. I find Weldon’s golden eyes and zero in on them. “I should have listened to you. I don’t know why I didn’t. I could give you a thousand excuses, but none of them can change what’s happened. All I can say is, I learn fast, and I won’t make the same mistake again. If you still choose not to trust me, I understand. But if you give me another chance, I swear I’ll be a better partner. Just… just don’t fight with each other. Not because of me. Please.”
Everyone falls silent. Uncomfortably silent. In their silence, I know they agree, and they probably feel just as stupid, because really, Weldon was the only one who didn’t fall for Clara’s charade. He tried to tell us, but we didn’t listen.
“She gained something out of Clara’s torture, so like I said, maybe what happened was for the best,” Jezi pipes in.
Everyone looks at her.
“Torture?” Weldon asks, flinching back. “What are you talking about?” He’s glancing between us for answers. For the explanation I was hoping I wouldn’t have to give.
Jezi looks over at me, searching my face for any indication that it was okay to bring it up.
“What did Clara do to her?” Weldon asks, looking at Jaxen now. “What haven’t you told us?”
My chest is caving in. Sweat dots along my forehead. Every moment spent under Clara’s watch is still so fresh in my mind, and it’s wreaking havoc on me. It’s stirring me up inside, cramping my stomach.
Jaxen plunges a hand through his air. Drags his hand down his face. “Clara put Faye through hell,” he finally says, sounding tired. “There was a lot of experimentation, and she ended up unlocking a part of Faye that Faye didn’t know was there.” He looks down at me, searching my eyes. “Tell them,” he says to my mind. “I’m right here.”
I nod, but I can’t find the right words to admit what I’ve learned about myself. My hands begin to tremble. I pull my arms in, searching for a place where I can hide. Where I can avoid this dreaded moment. There aren’t enough shadows in the world to keep away the truth.
How do I tell them I’m a monster? How do I tell them that I could take all of their lives in one fell swoop if I really wanted to? That I’m the ultimate weapon?
I bite the inside of my cheek and shift from face to face, searching for a safe place to look. A face that I won’t feel judged or misread by. A face that will understand what I’m about to say without fearing me.
My eyes stop on the last and nearest face.
Weldon.
His eyes are so deep, pooling with long-lost memories that he’d kill to forget.
Just like me.
His head dips ever so slightly, and his gaze softens just enough to tell me he understands. He knows what I went through on the inside. The rest of the details don’t matter, because all of that will fade away in time. But what I felt… the fear… the loss of control… the loneliness… that will stick with me forever.
Like a virus that’s poisoned my mind.
“I had to do these simulations,” I say quietly, keeping my eyes locked on Weldon’s for strength, “and in them, I had to try to break the Holy Seal.”
“We did something similar in Elite training,” Gavin says, totally unaware of how hard this is for me. Of how much I don’t want to relive this again.
Weldon blinks, pushing courage through his gaze into me.
“It wasn’t the same,” I say through the lump wedged in my throat. I blink back the images of blood, wishing I could forget what they sounded like when they died. “I had to watch you all die. Many times. Clara was ruthless, and she thought that by making me have to choose over and over, I would become just as ruthless. And I think I almost did. I think I almost lost all that was me. She—”
“She found out she has the power to drain living beings,” Jezi blurts out. “To death. She almost killed Clara, and she can kill every one of right now if she wanted to.”
I look over at her, trying not to leave my mouth gaping open.
“What?” she says with a small shrug. “It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid. You just have to spit it out. You’re working yourself up, thinking that we’re going to judge you.” She looks down at her feet. “And… and you shouldn’t have to go through every gory detail to get to the explanation.”
It takes a moment for the rest to gather their thoughts.
“So, what you’re telling me is that you’re like a walking weapon of mass destruction?” Cassie asks, scratching her head. “I sensed strong power inside of you, but never that.”
Gavin grins widely. “That’s so bad ass! How many can you take out at one time?”
The vision of Clara held up by her neck passes through my mind. I take in a tight breath. I can still feel the life draining from her… and from Jonathon.
“Don’t be pushy, Gavin. She only just found out,” Weldon says. He grabs my arm, forcing me to look at him. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, okay?” he says, leveling his gaze on me. “Nothing at all. It’s a gift. A blessed gift people would kill for.”
“I know,” I say quietly. “That’s the problem.”
They’re all looking at me again as reality sets in. As long as we’re friends, they’re in danger.
Jaxen takes my hand again, filling me with enough warmth to give me the courage to say what needs to be said.
“I don’t know how many I can take out at once. I don’t want to know,” I admit, wishing I could forget how good it felt when I filled up on their energy. Wishing I wasn’t so easily addicted. Taking in a deep breath, I add, “It’s not something to be proud of. It’s a dangerous gift, and in the wrong hands, bad things can happen. Bad things will happen.”
I take my time to look at each of them and say, “Clara held the weight of our friendship over me. She threatened your lives because she knew it was my weakness. Everyone does. You’re my family now, and with that comes the realization that by loving you all, I put you in harm’s way. You should walk away.” I look straight at Weldon. “Especially you.”
“Oh, Goddess,” Cassie says to Gavin, “she already sounds like your brother.” She turns to me, her lips pursed. “Look, I know what you’re saying, but you need to know that we chose to come here. With or without your awesome powers, we would have always been in danger. That’s a part of being a team, and it’s a part we gladly accepted.”
Jaxen squeezes my hand as they all nod in agreement.
“Clara showed you the ugly side of this Coven,” Weldon says. “We have that in common now. You think I’m going to let that go? It’s taking me years to get these fools to understand me, and I still don’t think they do,” he says, pointing to everyone with his thumb. His smile slowly fades as seriousness takes over his features. “But you, I can see it in your eyes. You get it. You get me, and that’s invaluable. With Clara out of the picture, and the right people on our side, we can get through the rest of this mission without any problems.”
“Clara’s not out of the picture,” Jaxen says in a strained voice. He rubs the back of his neck. “I was only able to get Faye out from under her, but she’s still a High Priestess, and I’m afraid all we’ve done by taking Faye away from her is awaken a sleeping beast.”
Weldon’s eyes squint, tighten. His lips press together.
“Good,” he says through his teeth. “Let her try her shit again. This time we’ll be ready for her.”
“Weldon,” Jaxen says through a slight grimace, “it’s not that easy.”
“Nothing is. That’s the beauty of life,” he retorts with an intense, fevered stare.
He looks ready for a fight. A fight we all know will be here sooner rather than later. Death is imminent. We all know it, and we all hope it’s for the opposing side.
I jump when a lady with long, black hair and dark blue eyes says, “Excuse me, but your table is ready.”
“Thank you,” Jaxen says with a small nod.
The lady turns and heads back into the restaurant, leaving us all staring at one another.
“Shall we?” Jaxen says, putting his arm around my shoulder, and then we all head in.
“THIS WAY,” THE HOSTESS SAYS as we enter the crowded restaurant.
It seems like everyone within the city has decided to come here to eat. There isn’t an empty table. I’m shell-shocked by the shapes and sounds around me. By the fashion. There’s lavishly decorated robes, high-end dresses, bright colors, and futuristic prints. Faces covered in colorful make-up and bodies shimmering with magic that falls around them like stars.
But what’s worse is that they’re all looking our way, whispering to one another. And I can feel each and every one of their energies. They are bright, warm, and somewhere deep inside of me, I want them.
All of them.
I’m tempted to drain this room until there’s nothing left to feed the monster inside of me.
“You’ll get used to it,” Jaxen says in my ear, startling me back to the present as we reach a table on an upper level overlooking the restaurant. Glass walls separate certain areas with water pouring in between the panes. A woman with a black mask lining her eyes plays the harp in the corner of the room.
Jaxen pulls my chair out for me, and then takes his seat by my side. Jezi sits on the other side of me, and the rest fill in around the circular table, leaving three empty chairs. A waitress greets us, hands us each a menu, and then takes turns asking what we want to drink.