"Awww, damn it."
"All you need is a foot stomp to complete that temper tantrum," Meggie says.
"Do it and you'll be in trouble and you'll deserve a spanking."
I immediately stomp my feet. In fact, I stomp all the way out to the limo with Jesse laughing behind me.
Chapter Seventeen
Lucy
"I think your mom likes me," Jesse says with a wiggle of his eyebrows.
"That's only because you and Ben made your amazing spaghetti and we're freaking Italian. If you can cook Italian dishes like a God, it's going to get you in her good graces," I tell him.
"I don't care what it is, Jace told me she's a hard woman but she's softened up a bit."
I roll my eyes. "She acts tough, but she's really a softie underneath it all… and my dad makes sure of that."
Jesse grins as he takes a drink of his beer.
"Then there's the fact that you guys wouldn't let any of us help you clean up the kitchen or dishes. I think she's pretty much fallen in love with every one of you."
"We're awesome," Xander says as he plops into the chair next to me. "She knows it, she acknowledges it, she's brilliant. Isn't that right, Regina?"
"Of course I'm brilliant."
Again, I roll my eyes. Dear God they're all sucking up to my mother and she's loving it.
I pass her a spoon.
"What's this for?"
"So you can eat up the sweetness they're pouring all over you," I tell her exasperated.
"Oh Luciana, don't be jealous."
"Yeah, Lucy, don't be jealous," Xander says.
"I'm not jealous." I'm seriously not. I just think it's ridiculous the way they're carrying on with my mother because they're actually afraid of her.
"You seem jealous to me," Ben says.
"Oh for Christ's sake."
"Luciana, language."
"Yes, mama."
They all smirk at me and I flip them the bird.
"As I was saying, I'm not jealous. I'm amused."
"Amused?" Jesse asks pulling me onto his lap.
"Mhmm. You see, it's really entertaining watching you all suck up to my mother to get on her good side because you're all terrified of her."
Sera laughs. "They so are."
"I'm not afr--" Jace is cut off when my mom motions him to her.
"Uh-huh," I snicker.
"Pathetic is what it is," Meggie says bouncing around to Falling Down's latest album my mother insisted they play for her even though she isn't a fan of hard rock.
"It's amusing and a bit… endearing that they all want to get along with my mama. It shows me that they love me so much that they want to make me happy in every aspect of my life," I say with a laugh.
"Now who's shoveling sh--sweetness?" Kennedy asks.
"Hey now," I say pretending to be affronted but I can't help but laugh, especially when Jesse starts tickling me.
He leans forward, turning my face to his, and pulling me close so our lips are a hairs breath apart. "You're so fucking beautiful."
I blush and he smiles, running his fingers over my flushed cheeks.
"You always bring light with you wherever you go, but when you laugh, it's like rays of sunshine pouring over everyone, filling them with warmth and happiness."
I have no idea what to say to that. Jesse Kingston is waxing poetic and holy freaking hell.
"Jesse," I whisper. He presses his lips softly against mine, lingering for a few seconds, before pulling back.
"You can't know how that feels. I wish you could experience it."
"Oh, I don't know," I tell him. "I think I feel the same way when you're happy, when you get the full-on laugh. The best one is when you aren't expecting something, you get surprised and pause, then once you process it you throw your head back and laugh. The sound is full and rich and it flows through me, warming me from the inside out."
He just stares at me, his expression soft.
"Dude, hers was better than yours," Xander deadpans, blatantly eavesdropping.
I smile and Jesse smiles back. "Fucker."
"Jesse Kingston. Language!" my mother scolds.
"Yes, ma'am."
Now that I laugh at and Sera joins me. I giggle and tears start pouring down my cheeks, my stomach hurts so much that I can hardly breathe.
"Oh my, that was awesome. Where were the paparazzi when that was happening?"
"Can you imagine that on Entertainment Tonight?" Sera asks. "Yes, ma'am"
"Dude, not even funny," Ben says. "We've been on there more times than we care to count and each time they've dragged us through the mud."
"Wow, really?" Meggie asks.
"Yep," Jesse tells her.
"Who'd you piss off?" I ask him.
He shrugs. "I dunno. No one that I know of. Why?"
"They're one of the only media groups that doesn't talk shit about me."
"True story," Sera says.
"Bet it doesn't stay that way for long," Ethan says with a frown.
"You'd think after today, with all the information we spoon fed those vultures, that they'd be more accommodating."
Xander snorts.
"I even offered to discuss things with them. Me, discuss my private life with the freaking press. I referred them to Irene who would set up a meeting if they wanted the true facts."
"That's just it, Luciana," my dad says. "They don't want the true facts. True facts are boring and don't make drama which doesn't make for good press which doesn't make good sales."
Cage grunts in agreement as he tips back his beer for a drink.
"Well, I tried. I went out there all professional and shit and gave them everything but what position Jesse and I were in last night and what color my lace boyshorts are."
"Lace boyshorts are hot," Xander tells me, wiggling his eyebrows.
"Lucy," my mother scolds.
"Mama, come on. It's the truth and you know it. Do you see anyone hounding Jesse or any of the guys from Falling Down for being manwhores? Did they go after Jesse after the night in the club? No and no. They came after me. Why do you think that is?"
"Because you're a good girl and you were fornicating with a bad boy in the middle of a dance club," Joey says from the doorway.
"Joey!" I walk to him and give him a hug. "How did you manage to get away? I thought you had a night shoot?"
"Amanda got sick from the heat," he says with disgust.
"Amanda Digby?"
He nods. "She's ridiculously simple-minded. She sat outside today, in the more than one-hundred-degree weather, thinking just because she had one of those large umbrellas that blocked the sun that she was immune to the heat."
"Um… the sun maybe but not the heat," Sera says.
"Exactly. Idiot woman," Joey says hugging Sera as I perch back on Jesse's lap.
"Want a beer?" Meggie asks.
"Holy shit! Meggie!" Joey shouts, lifting her in the air and twirling her around. "It's great to see you. What are you doing here?"
"I'm in Blush with your sister, Sera, Jace, and--"
I cough loudly and Meggie winks at me.
"That's great," Joey says. I introduce him to Jesse and the guys, he greets our mom and dad and Cage.
"Joey."
"Yeah?"
"I've got a bit of a surprise for you."
"What's that?" he asks.
Trace steps out from behind the bar where Joey wasn't able to see him--we'd planned this out earlier. Joey's eyes go huge.
"No fucking way!"
"Joseph Russo! Language!"
"Sorry mama but it's Trace fucking Styx!"
"Joseph!"
"Mama, you might just ignore the language for a little bit because he's going to be fangirling and likely swearing in his excitement. You know how he gets," I tell her.
"This is true. I'll ignore him."
I give her a look. It's not easy ignoring my brother. He's loud and boisterous in a party setting.
"What?" she asks.
&nbs
p; "You can't ignore Joey."
"Oh sure I can. I've learned how to tone all of you out. Every last one of you including your friends you had over in high school. Take Jace, for instance."
Jace squirms a bit in his chair, being put on the spot.
"No more than thirty minutes ago he started talking to Kennedy about the… sluts they… entertained a few nights ago. I toned that right out. There are some things a mother doesn't need to hear and she learns very early on how to make that happen."
"Wow," Jace says blushing.
"I'm not going to even lecture you men on the importance of respecting women," she says and they all shift in their chairs, all besides Jesse who smirks.
"And you, Jesse Kingston. You better be the most respectful of them all. You are, after all, involved with my daughter--"
"And Nana Russo taught mama how to put hexes and curses on people," Sera says straight-faced.
"That she did. While I believe my mother-in-law was spawned from the devil incarnate, she has taught me many useful things."
Jesse takes a sip of his beer, totally relaxed. He shrugs. "I'm not concerned," he says. Everyone raises their eyebrows. "You know why?" he asks.
"Why's that?" I ask.
"Because I do respect you and if there comes a time when I treat you disrespectfully I damn well deserve whatever your mom and nana bring on me."
I pat his cheek with my hand. "Oh you brave, stupid man."
Sera laughs.
I kiss his lips and he smirks. Oh, those dimples. My gaze zeroes in on them and his smirk turns into a knowing grin.
I lean forward and whisper in his ear, "Lick."
"Anywhere you want," he whispers back.
Evil. I shouldn't be thinking of licking Jesse's body from head to toe with my mama and daddy sitting no more than ten feet away, but damn if I'm not. Pure evil, that is Jesse Kingston.
Earlier Sera and I brought out the journals of songs we'd all written before, during, and after high school. Meggie and Trace were thumbing through a few of them, as were Xander and Ben.
"Who wrote this one?" Ben asks, trying to show me the page.
"I can't see that without my glasses. What's the title?"
"Blush."
Everyone gets quiet and I feel my cheeks heat up, my heart is pounding in my chest. "I did."
"Thought so," he replies. "It needs to go on your album."
"Why?" I ask incredulously.
"You know why."
"Now I want to hear it," Jesse says.
"No, really, you don't."
"Oh, I don't know," Sera says running her tongue over her teeth. "I think he probably does."
"Bitch."
She laughs.
"What's going on?" Jesse asks.
"Nothing."
"If it's nothing, then you can sing it for me."
Shit. I sigh.
"Do you mind if I borrow your guitar for a few minutes, Kennedy?" Sera asks.
"Nope," he says, as he stops strumming the chords and willingly hands it over to her. "Have at it."
Sera pulls up a chair next to mine and strums a few chords.
"I should really wait to sing until--"
Jesse shakes his head. "You're evading. Now you have to sing it so I can see what you're hiding."
I look down at my hands. "I apologize in advance."
"For what?"
"You'll see," Joey says with a chuckle.
"Shut up, Joseph. It's a lovely song," my mother says.
Well then. Here we go revealing… everything.
"Ready?" Sera asks. I nod and close my eyes, going to the place where nothing exists but music. I start to sing, with Sera singing backup on the chorus.
Every time I think of you, I blush
Every time I see you, I blush
Looking in your eyes, I blush
Knowing that I want you, I blush
Do you remember a time not so long ago
When we were strangers but said hello
You held my hand and looked into my eyes
The soul-deep feeling was no surprise
With how badly I want to kiss you, I blush
With how much I long for you, I blush
When I think of all the things I want to do to you, I blush
When I wish my dream would come true, I blush
Do you remember a time not so long ago
When we were strangers but said hello
You held my hand and looked into my eyes
The soul-deep feeling was no surprise
When I see you up on that stage, I blush
When I see you sing with your soul, I blush
When you reach out to the crowd like you do, I blush
Wishing it was me you were reaching out to, I blush
Do you remember a time not so long ago
When we were strangers but said hello
You held my hand and looked into my eyes
The soul-deep feeling was no surprise
I hope one day you'll know all the reasons why…
I blush
There's silence and I drop my head, my eyes still closed.
"Damn," Xander says. Ben, Ethan, Trace, Meggie, and Kennedy are in agreement--all the ones who haven't heard the song yet… all except Jesse.
"How old were you when you wrote that, Lucy?" Jesse asks softly.
"Eighteen," I say, then take a drink of my water and Jesse hands me a peppermint Life Saver.
"It wasn't long after we met you. You'd just finished an album and went on tour. We went to your concert here in L.A.," Sera tells him.
"You inspired her," my mother says. "Even at a very young age, before she met you."
"Mama," I scold.
Jesse turns me to face him.
I lift my chin and push back my shoulders as I meet his gaze. False bravado I'm good at. I am, after all, an academy award winning actress.
"You felt that zing in Chicago, too."
It's not a question, not really, but I nod.
"It triggered a lot of shit," Joey blurts out.
"Joey, shut up."
"What?" he asks.
Seriously. This is so embarrassing.
"I thought I'd met you somewhere before, I almost asked you. You seemed so familiar," Jesse tells me softly.
"Probably because she stalked you at every concert she could get to," Joey says with a laugh.
"Joseph," my father scolds. "Shut up."
Properly chastised, he goes back to fangirling all over Trace who seems to be eating it up.
I just look at Jesse. "You think I'm a weird stalker girl with some high school girl crush now, huh?" I ask.
"No. I think it might have started that way and it might have been what prompted our meeting in Chicago being a whole lot more personal than an artist and fan meeting, but I think Chicago is where things changed."
I see Sera nod and smile.
"You should have let me know you were coming to the concert. I would have gotten you VIP passes."
I shake my head. "No. It was better to not do that. I was way too young and I had a lot to learn. A lot. Besides, you had your manwhore status at that time and things between us would have never worked out."
"Hmm."
"Honestly, I'm don't know if they'll even work out now with us touring one way and you touring another. I wouldn't expect or even ask exclusivity of you during your tour. That wouldn't be fair."
"To who?" he asks, raising a brow, looking more than a little irritated.
"You."
"Hold up. You automatically think because I'm going to be going on tour that I wouldn't want to continue our relationship? That I'd rather fuck a bunch of groupie whores, as you put it?" he growls.
"I think it's time for us to move inside and give these two some privacy," Ben says. "Come on, Regina and Anthony, I'll give you the nickel tour."
Jesse and I sit there staring at each other as everyone clears off the patio.
Cage pauses. "That's going on the album. Your ti
tle track."
I nod and he heads inside, closing the door behind him.
"You can answer me now that they're gone," Jesse bites out.
I stand up and begin pacing. "What do you want from me? That--" I wave my hand, "touring, being wild, women, promiscuity--is your life. I walked into this with my eyes wide open, Jesse. I don't expect you to change your life for me."
"Why the fuck not?"
"What?" I look at him.
"Why don't you expect that?"
"Because you're you. You're a god damn rock star. It's what you do."
He nods then runs his hand through his hair.
"Who fucked you over, Lucy?"
"Huh?" How the hell did he get that out of…
"Who was it that fucked you over?"
"I don't--"
"You do. Who was it that made you feel as if you didn't deserve to be treated with respect? Who was it that made you feel so inferior you don't have the right to ask for things you deserve?"
My heart is pounding so fast, my breath catches. I can't talk about this with him.
I shake my head.
He walks up to me, gently grabs my arms and gives me a soft shake. "Who did this to you?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Oh, there's where you're wrong, Lucy. It matters. It matters a whole fuck of a lot because whoever the prick is that did this, he broke you."
I gasp and tears fill my eyes. "Don't do this," I whisper, my body shaking.
"Why not? It's the truth, isn't it? When we were in Chicago you had this look where it almost seemed as if you claimed me the minute you felt that zing. Six years ago you were ready to make demands and we were strangers. Now we're in a relationship, we're fu--intimate, I've licked every inch of your body, and you won't ask that of me? Don't you think, being in a relationship with me, you'd have a right to ask that of me before we tour? I sure as fuck expect it from you."
The first tear falls. He wipes it with the pad of his thumb.
"What happened, Lucy? Who hurt you so badly you're shaking right now just at the mention of it?"
At his quiet, tender tone, I break. The dam bursts and he pulls me into his arms, holding me close. He sits back down and pulls me onto his lap, holding me as I sniffle.
"His--" my voice cracks and I clear my throat. "His name was Ian. We met on the set of Fair Play."