More than that, I hated that Liam was right. It had taken him to make me see my own ignorance. I had been fooling myself thinking putting off choosing was an answer. I had only been drawing things out, dragging them down with me in my misery of thinking I’d eventually have to say goodbye to the majority of them.
One thing I did know: from here on, things would never be the same.
Impatience
When I finally emerged from the bathroom, I grabbed a muffin from the tray Liam had brought and then curled up on the sofa to eat it. As I nibbled, I listened to Fancy mumble who knew what in her sleep and counted the moments ticking by, knowing Liam and Axel were talking with the others.
I tried to think of how to help Raven, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the others. My heart hadn’t stopped beating fast, and in the quiet moments, alone for practically the first time since I’d gone overboard, my head was only filled with one thing.
Could I ever get them to go back to what we had been? Screw the Academy. I didn’t care about it. I just wanted to be around them.
Blake, too. Despite our first few days around each other, despite having shot him in the leg and despite all the trouble I had caused him, he continued to come after me. I remembered him telling me how miserable he’d been when he’d tried to break away from me and instead found himself crawling back to help me when I’d called. He’d given in, and he would continue to fight for me.
I would never have admitted before that I felt the same for him. What’s more, he’d tried his best to be friendly with Axel and the others when I’d asked him to. He was willing to forego his own desires to keep me to himself, knowing I couldn’t give up on the group.
Axel, in his own way, was being so patient with me, something I had never experienced before. I might walk away, but somehow I always returned to him. He forced me to be honest with him about how I felt. He could see right into me, and saw me for who I was and demanded that I be just that: myself.
And the others…I could picture their faces and my heart ached. It was torture to be down here with Fancy when they were out there, talking about this.
But Liam was right. If I was there, it would fuel their anger. I was sore, still tired, and very frustrated that, under the circumstances, they had to learn this way. What if Brandon got so mad he tried to go beat up Blake? I couldn’t hold him back if he really wanted to.
Would he be upset with Axel about last night, too? Every move I was making, felt like an endless circle of I had to tell the others and it may hurt them more.
I wasn’t afraid they’d hurt me, but once they learned my secrets, what would happen to their friendships? It could hurt Raven, too.
Who would stay? Who would refuse? Would my actions break up the group?
The muscles in my legs twitched and I wanted to pace but was afraid of making too much noise. I was surprised how I trusted Liam in this. He’d said he’d been through it, but had he really? Or had he just told me that to get me to talk?
Yet, as I thought about it, I did believe him. It seemed too far-fetched a thing to just make up.
Maybe I really wanted to believe him. Somehow what he’d said, or maybe how he’d said it, gave me some minor hope that they’d listen to his story and see that side of it.
Maybe they’d picture us like that. Not married, but maybe it didn’t have to be just one-on-one and the rest had to give up.
And was that what I really wanted?
I finished the muffin and lay down. Then sat up. A few minutes later, I lay back down and rolled over. The longer I waited, the harder it was to stay still.
At seven a.m., I finally woke Fancy and asked her if it was okay if I picked out some clothes.
She didn’t like that I’d woken her up, but she liked the idea of dressing me up.
I needed to do something, anything, to keep my mind off of what was going on.
Also, I was still in the bathrobe, and if someone showed up, I wanted to be dressed and prepared to go.
And if they came down here to fight, I needed to be ready.
I also wanted to get started helping Raven. It might be the last thing I did for them if it all fell apart.
Before I’d been thrown overboard, I’d been known as Kitty Lane, a meek girl in glasses who was the secret investor for old Mr. Murdock. With my return, I couldn’t be Kitty and I couldn’t be Kayli. I needed a new image. I couldn’t keep sneaking around in a hoodie and hope no one recognized me.
After Fancy worked her magic, I had brown eyes instead of green, and my long brown hair was covered by a short black wig. The makeup she put on me gave me an Asian look. Even the bone structure of my face seemed to have changed due to her makeup magic. A padded bra, a slim-fitting dark sweater, and dark pants, and I was unrecognizable.
“You should probably change how you talk as well,” Fancy said when I was done, and she had me turn around to evaluate the disguise. “I mean, I hardly believe it’s you, but I can pick up your voice when I hear it.”
“How should I talk?” I asked.
“Slower,” she said. “More Yankee, maybe.”
I’d been born in Charleston, and while I’d never picked up a heavy Southern accent, I imagined I probably sounded Southern to anyone not from here. I twisted my lips and tried, “Hello. I’m from New York,” I said, dragging out the o sounds.
She winced. “Well, maybe you should work on it… a little.”
This made me nervous to leave the suite, but I couldn’t spend all of my time inside a room until the cruise was over. “I’ll try not to talk to anyone. It’s probably best if I don’t.”
I excused myself to use the bathroom as Fancy crawled into bed. “I’m done for the day,” she said just before I closed the door behind myself. “Wake me up tomorrow.”
Just as I was sliding my pants down, I felt the light edge of a cramp. It wasn’t the crippling pain like before, when I had been doubled over. This time, it was more like period cramps, painful but a level I was used to.
When I sat down on the toilet, I felt my period begin.
Relief washed over me. Axel had told me he was snipped a while ago. I hadn’t asked about Blake, however, and I’d meant to check in with the ship’s doctor at some point about a morning-after pill. I should have told him about not having birth control myself. It wasn’t like a condom was in reach on the beach, but he had pulled out. I just needed to be double sure.
Since my period was starting, it most likely meant I wasn’t pregnant. That meant one thing off of my to-do list.
It might also explain why I’d had severe cramps yesterday, perhaps exacerbated by stress. Blake might have been wrong about it being female blue balls. Or maybe he was right, but it had been worsened by the stress, aggravating the usual day-before cramping.
Still, something seemed off with my body. I’d had my period two weeks ago. How could I be having it again already? This wasn’t normal. Not for me, at least.
Panic erupted from the back of my brain. I’m dying. I broke something. I have cancer. I imagined all the horrible things a doctor could tell about my body parts.
But I had seen a doctor only yesterday. He’d said heavy stress could be hard on the body, and if I’d been sick, it could mess with a menstrual cycle.
I’d almost drowned last night, and today I was trying to find out who had tried to kill me. My life was about to change with the guys. My stress levels were very, very high. It was becoming hazardous.
I created a makeshift pad out of toilet paper and made a mental note that the next time I stopped by one of the public restrooms, I’d see if it had a pad vending machine. I’d been able to break those open since I was twelve, so I’d never had to ask my father to buy me any. Not that he would have, since all his money went to booze.
I took a couple Tylenol tablets from Fancy’s stash to ward off any cramps and left the bathroom.
I stopped short in the bathroom doorway. Blake was standing next to the couch in on
ly black boxer briefs. Fancy stood nearby, holding a makeup brush. She tapped at a compact and then dusted his neck, the makeup changing his skin tone. His arms and body looked wet, darker than normal, and there was a bottle of spray-on tan on the bed.
My heart leaped at seeing him here. Liam had said they wouldn’t be allowed to see me unless they proved they weren’t going to fight or cause trouble.
Part of me relaxed; Blake Coaltar would be by my side. He’d said so, and in a way, he was proving it by being here.
I paused in the doorway, simply taking in the sight of him undressed. I admired his lean body, and particularly, the V shape of his hips. His blond hair was a little messy, and he had a few bruises along his arms and legs. While I’d had sex with him on the beach, it had been dark and I had barely seen him.
But seeing him now heated me up inside; I was attracted to him all over again.
The new dark color of his skin made his golden hair stand out. Wasn’t that going to draw more attention?
My eyes drifted to his leg, to a particularly reddish spot with a gnarly scar on top.
The wound from where I’d shot him. It looked horrible. I realized I was staring and then looked up, finding him looking back at me.
I smiled, thrilled to see him. I wanted to ask him a million things, but with Fancy there doing his makeup, I bit my tongue.
Blake examined me and then did a double take. “Please tell me it’s you, Kayli,” he said.
“If you recognized her, I fucked up,” Fancy said.
“I had to assume,” he said. “I was worried for a second that you’d brought up one of the beach bunnies.”
I’d forgotten I looked like someone else and was almost flattered that he thought I looked like one of the girls Fancy had hanging out with her to ‘entertain’ the guests. “It’s me,” I said.
He turned to me, lifting his hands above his head, palms up, in an I-give-up gesture. “It’s not what it looks like,” he said.
I smirked, because I hadn’t even thought about what it looked like. He was almost naked with Fancy. I bet she was enjoying this. “Aw,” I said.
He squinted at me and then erupted in a foxlike grin.
“I’d do your sexy ass, in a heartbeat,” Fancy said, “but I’ve already done a lot of that and I’m too tired to do it again.”
I held my smirk.
“No offense, Fancy,” Blake said as he winked at me, “and I’m flattered, but my heart’s got another target.”
“A girl can’t get any sleep around here with all these hot bodies around,” Fancy said and pointed a makeup brush in my direction. “Why am I the makeup girl? You can do this.”
“I can,” I said and came closer to Blake in his underwear, examining his darkened skin. It would have been easier to just get a tan, but she’d also changed the appearance of his bone structure and had given him a sharper jawline and a slimmer nose. “Although I’m more used to doing my own makeup, and usually just enough to look presentable.”
“Makeup is art,” Fancy said. “Trust me, you can change your whole image with one swipe of mascara.” Blake was still looking my way, and she pinched his butt. “Stop gawking at her and look at me.”
He lurched sideways but then corrected himself. “It’s hard to believe it’s her,” he said, turning his head again toward Fancy. “I don’t think I like it.”
“Because you can’t tell it’s me?” I asked.
“I don’t like it because it isn’t your face,” he said. “But then, I like your face.”
I turned from him, pretending to be putting on shoes, hoping I wasn’t blushing as I tried to play it cool.
“Yeah, well, there’s only so much I can do for you,” Fancy said, dusting off her powder brush. “Unless you change your mind about the wig.”
“I may have to dye it instead,” Blake said. He combed his fingers through his golden hair, thick strands shifting until it fell perfectly to frame his face, giving his jawline and cheekbones definition. I was immensely jealous. “I’ve had wigs and they itch like the devil.”
“Why were you wearing wigs?” I asked.
“Not telling,” he said with a smirk. “And probably not what you’re thinking.”
I sat on the sofa and smoothed out wrinkles in the tight black pants.
“So…where’s Corey?” I’d figured he’d be here at some point, too. I was worried about his involvement in the conversation, hoping he wouldn’t have to confess to the others that he was gay if he wasn’t prepared to.
“He had to get going,” Blake said and turned his head to look at me, but Fancy caught his chin and made him look at her. She continued to apply makeup around his jaw, making it look fuller. “He’s still on the hunt for Raven. One of the others is going to come down here soon. Not sure who yet.”
I gulped. One of the others. Marc or Brandon. Maybe Axel. I worried about Corey, of course, but after talking with Liam, I wasn’t sure who might still be on my side.
Maybe I’d get lucky and they’d send Kevin. Would he be mad at me for upsetting his team, though? Would he even be told?
“What about you?” I asked Blake.
“I shouldn’t even be down here,” he said. “I should get going. It’s less likely they’ll recognize the two of us if we stay apart. And if I get caught, it won’t compromise you.”
“And vice versa,” I said with a sigh, knowing I wouldn’t be able to go out alone. “Keep someone with you.”
“My options are limited.”
“What about Avery or Liam?”
“Busy, from what I heard.” He smirked. “But I’ll find someone soon. I’ll stay with Doyle until I do.”
When Fancy finally finished, Blake got dressed, putting on black pants and a black sweater. His face looked different—unlike himself—and he was wearing colored contacts as well, making the gold flecks in his hazel eyes disappear completely. Instead, they were flat brown. He combed his hair straight back, the style almost country hick—a stark contrast to his usual polished style.
We were almost dressed like staff since we were wearing all black like they did, although we could pass for guests who just happened to be wearing black. Fancy was pretty good with picking outfits.
Fancy collapsed on the bed, covering herself with the blanket. She snapped her manicured fingers at us and then waved us away. “Out,” she said. “Don’t come back unless you’re dying…wait, I mean, don’t let anyone kill you while I’m sleeping.” She buried her head into one of the pillows. “God, I’m so tired. Fucking with people fucks you up.”
I headed to the door. I thought I’d let Fancy sleep, and wait with Blake out in the hallway. It was still before eight, but waiting around wasn’t my strong suit. I thought I could at least snag some breakfast somewhere. There were cold coffee and muffins left, but I really wanted eggs and steak again. However, there was a stop I wanted to make.
Liam had been right that we needed to focus on getting Raven off the hook. This scene was looking bad. I had to focus and help him.
I exited before Blake was finished getting ready. He stumbled out, stuffing his foot into a black dress shoe, and came after me. An arm shot out around my waist, forcing me to stop, and the foxlike smile faded from his face. “Where do you think you’re going?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Waiting with you out here. And then I thought I’d go to the balcony.”
His lips parted, and he blinked at me. “What balcony?”
“The place…the sundeck area where we were pushed off.”
“You’re not going back there.”
I rolled my eyes. “Did anyone check it after we went over?”
“I’m guessing yes,” Blake said. “I’m going to assume they did. They didn’t mention seeing anything important.”
Maybe the guys had inspected the area, but starting anywhere else felt like I’d be missing something. It would bug me for days if I didn’t go look at it myself and examine the area.
“I don’t like to assume.” I pushed at his arm, heading out into the hall. Once out there, I scanned for other guests, but the hall was empty, quiet.
He rushed up beside me. “But why?” he asked in a low tone through clenched teeth. “We don’t need to do this.”
“I think attempted murder is a good reason to try,” I said, although I kept my voice low as well. It was too unnatural for me to use an accent, and it would be better if I just wasn’t heard if I could help it.
“But what are you looking for?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I just need a starting point.”
He tugged at my elbow to draw me close to him. “Sweetheart,” he said, “normally I’d agree with you, but we don’t need to go over the same areas…”
There was a beeping sound up the hallway and the elevator doors opened.
At first glance, I thought it was Corey, but one look at those dead serious blue eyes told me I was mistaken. It was his brother.
Brandon was identical to his twin, with a country-boy face and short, sun-kissed hair. He had the same wide shoulders, and was tall. However, he was a little thinner than his brother at the moment, a consequence from when we’d been kidnapped and poisoned. As we’d recovered, he had hid his thinness with layers of clothes.
Unlike his brother, Brandon carried a deep sadness that Corey had only recently started to echo.
Brandon’s depth, his deep emotional aura, followed him wherever he went and was usually the only way I could tell them apart.
He wore crumpled slacks and a blue long-sleeved polo that almost hung off of one shoulder.
It was like a million years had passed since I’d last seen him. My stomach tightened. I stopped breathing. I was too afraid to move.
If he was here for me, it meant he knew.
I suddenly realized Liam had never said them coming would mean they’d agreed to anything. If they were allowed to come see me, it just meant they wouldn’t cause a scene or cause problems.