I was about to cry out that she really shouldn’t disrobe, but she did it before I could say anything.
Luckily she was wearing a long nightshirt underneath. The cotton was a little sheer, but at least she wasn’t naked.
Corey grimaced but offered me the robe. He shared a look with me, silently asking me to go ahead and talk to Liam.
I shrugged. I’d judge whether or not what Liam thought had any relevance.
Liam joined Corey in the hallway while I put on the robe. Once I was out of the bed, Fancy got into it, and I hated to tell her about Axel and me last night in the same space.
Before I could think of what to say, she spread herself out under the blanket. I think she was asleep before I managed to cross the room. I double-tied the robe to my body and then gently knocked at the door to let them know they could come back.
Liam came back in, looked at Fancy and then motioned to the bathroom. “I don’t think you should leave the area wearing that robe. There’s not a secure place to talk on this floor except here.”
I shrugged. Since Fancy was trying to sleep, I went into the bathroom to keep things quiet for her.
Liam followed me inside and closed the door. He stood by it and took an earpiece out from his ear, closing his hand around it and then folding his arms over his chest. “I don’t mean to embarrass you,” he said quickly.
“Could have fooled me,” I said. I sat down on the closed toilet. “What do you want from me?”
“The truth about you and Axel’s team. And Blake,” he said, his deep blue eyes steady on me.
I pressed my lips together, glaring at him. Like hell I was going to tell a complete stranger anything. “That’s between them and me.”
“At this point, it isn’t, and if you continue this way, it’ll be the police asking the questions, not me.”
One look in his eyes told me he knew exactly what was going on. Was it so obvious to anyone else? Or had he been listening in on Axel’s earpiece last night and heard? How had he figured it out? I sucked in a breath, pushing a lock of my hair out of my eyes. “You’d say something to the police about my personal life?”
“I won’t be able to lie to them if they ask me why anyone might want to throw both you and Blake over, because right now, it’s looking like a four-way lovers’ quarrel.”
I winced.
His head tilted toward me, eyes studying my expression. “It’s not just four, is it?”
I said nothing.
He held up a hand, and as he said the names, he counted on his fingers. “Blake, Axel, Corey, and Raven. Who am I missing?”
“Not Corey,” I said. “He’s not involved.”
He harrumphed. “Could have fooled me.”
I stood, hands clenched to my sides. “You don’t know anything about him, or us.”
“I know what I see,” he said. He pushed a palm toward his own chest. “And I know what I heard. He told me.”
I blinked at him, stunned. “What?”
“Last night, when he called me for help, he said, and I quote, ‘Please help my girlfriend.’ Are you saying he lied to me?”
My heart warmed a little hearing that. My mouth opened but no words came out. It couldn’t be. Corey? Maybe he hadn’t said it exactly like that. Or maybe he’d said…I didn’t know.
Still, I wasn’t about to tell him that Corey was gay when Corey had yet to admit it even to me. It was too complicated. So instead of explaining it, I just lumped Corey in with the rest. What’s one more?
“Blake, Axel, Corey,” I said pointedly, paused and then continued, “Raven…Brandon, and Marc.” Even as I said the names, it was clear to me how this probably looked to anyone else. If he was from the Academy, then what would that say about some girl who got involved with practically the entire team?
“Not Kevin?” he asked.
I raised an eyebrow. “No. He’s got a girlfriend…fiancée, actually. Honestly, I don’t know much about him. He’s hardly ever around the others.”
He frowned. “And this makes it much more complicated.”
I blinked, drawing a blank. “What? Why would it?”
He moved from the door, toward the sink. He placed his hands on the top of the counter, facing the mirror, and leaned on it. “Is this personal? Is this more than sex?”
Heat flooded my face. My fingers twitched. A year ago, if I’d looked at myself with so many…essentially boyfriends, I would have said I must have gone insane. “Yes,” I murmured. “I think.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, gazing at the sink. “I’m not judging. I’m the last person to tell you what to do. What you’re telling me is very, very important right now, and it could mean a whole lot of trouble if you aren’t completely honest. Do you feel more…or rather, do you want more than just sexual satisfaction from them? Is this a love interest in all of them?”
I made an O shape with my lips and let a breath out slowly. How could I explain? “They’ve all shown interest in me,” I said. “In their own ways. At first, I allowed it, because…honestly, a lot of reasons. I thought I would eventually pick just one. But there were circumstances—”
“There’s always circumstances,” he said bowing his head and closing his eyes. “Do they all know about each other?”
“They all knew, as of yesterday, that I didn’t want to be exclusive. I sort of surprised them before dinner. They’ve all gotten close, and I wasn’t sure where I was emotionally, I told them I couldn’t date anyone steady right now.
“Blake has since said he’s still interested. Axel has too. As far as I know, those two are willing to work with me and wait as I sort out things. I haven’t had a chance to talk to the others since I broke the news.”
Despite being put in the middle of this, Corey didn’t know everything going on yet. His loyalty to his team, and even his own brother might change his feelings about me—one of my biggest fears, since I considered him my best friend in all of this.
Liam’s face tightened and he clenched his teeth. “Damn it.” He slapped a palm against the counter, causing Fancy’s things to jump with a clatter.
“It doesn’t matter,” I cried out. “This doesn’t have anything to do with—”
He turned toward me, standing straight. “It does matter, Kayli,” he said loudly and then grunted. He looked me square in the face. “This puts all of them on the suspect list for throwing you and Blake overboard last night.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I said and I pointed toward the door. “You saw the footage of Axel and the others. They weren’t anywhere near me.”
“Not so with Raven,” he said. “And worse, he’s refusing to talk to anyone. We haven’t gotten a location on him since I’ve been on this ship. We think he’s here but no one can confirm. He could have been thrown over.” He took a step toward me and bent at the waist, angling his steady stare at my face. “But as of last night, he’s got a very solid motive, which would give him ample reason to hide from his own team.”
My blood boiled. I could have raked his face with my fingernails. “He would never…”
“I can’t prove it,” he said and pointed his hand toward his chest. “But what am I supposed to do, Kayli? Ignore the obvious? If I were a cop, it seems like a simple answer. If it’s totally obvious, most likely, that’s what happened. Raven got angry finding out his girlfriend was interested in someone else, so he tossed Blake over, and then you, before disappearing. He knows how to avoid people. He’s been trained. Because the others were involved, they’ll all be questioned, and every single one of them are witnesses, if not accessories.”
“Raven could have been thrown over, too,” I said, finally standing. I reached up to the robe, pulling it tightly closed over my chest. “You just said—”
“Wouldn’t he have made it to shore by now?” he asked. “If you made it, wouldn’t he? And wouldn’t he have called someone? Do you think Raven would have stayed on shore if you were coming back?”
My heart rattled me where I stood. No. Impossible. What if he didn’t make it to shore…
But I couldn’t get myself to say the words. I wouldn’t ever entertain the idea that his body could be floating at sea, or had washed up, lifeless, on a beach somewhere. Not Raven. He was too strong. He was too young.
If he wasn’t dead, though, then what Liam was saying made sense. It was looking pretty grim.
“He’s caught up in something,” I said, swallowing thickly, straining to keep my emotions in check. “He’s in trouble, and we have to help him.”
“Then help me find him,” he said, this time with a strong but kind tone. He put his hands on his hips. “Help me figure out where he is and why he’s hiding. I need you to get your head in the game. Get your head out of this mess you’re making with people.”
“I’m not,” I spat back, but I was firing blanks. Was I just making things worse? “I’m not…”
He pointed a finger toward the door. “I need your help here, Kayli. I don’t know these guys. I said I don’t care about it, but you’re distracting them all. Don’t you see what you’re doing?”
I stood, gripping the robe to my body. Blood drained from my face. He was right. Corey wasn’t involved, of course, but I was sure to have talked to Brandon and Marc eventually. And when I found him, Raven would know, too. Meanwhile, there was someone who had tried to kill us. I hadn’t meant to be a distraction, but my desire to be completely honest was also putting us all at risk.
“I don’t think I should lie,” I said. “Too much has happened. If I hold back now, it will be worse. I’ve already tried to keep quiet, and when secrets started getting out, they started fighting. I don’t want this team to split up…”
“It might be too late for that,” Liam said in the same strong but sympathetic tone as before. “What you’ve started is already ten times more difficult than a normal relationship, and you’re doing it all wrong.”
I looked up at his face, directly into his blue eyes.
He frowned, but his expression wasn’t judgmental, or angry. It was empathetic. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but there was something in the way he looked at me that made me feel he knew way more than he was saying.
“You?”
He lifted his hand, showing me the gold ring on his finger. “My wife,” he said. “She’s…married to three other men.”
My mouth fell open and my heart raced. I’d heard him, but my brain shut down at the very idea. “What?”
“We were like you,” he said and lowered his hand again. “My Lily. I met her first, and I wouldn’t let go. She never let go of me, either, but she needed more than just me. She loves me, and she loves them. And we agreed to be this way.” He grunted. “But that’s not always how it works, or how a relationship like this ends up. In fact, the odds are against you.”
“Huh.” I sat back down on the toilet, crossing my legs and folding my arms over my chest. “This is all a misunderstanding,” I said. I felt I was saying what was expected, but I didn’t really believe it. “I was having a hard time trying get them to ease up so I could take time with this. I want to make it clear I want to get to know them the right way, and I can’t do that holding back.”
“Maybe,” he said. “But from what I’ve heard from the others, they care about you a lot, and they might not be too willing to let go.” He shrugged. “But what do I know? You’ve got to make your own decisions together. What happens if you find out you love more than one?”
I looked down at the floor. I didn’t want him to see the confusing mess of feelings I was holding on to. I wasn’t likely to be the one choosing anything. I couldn’t choose between them already, I knew that. That was the whole problem. If anything, it was likely they’d give up, angry and bitter at me for not being able to make a solid decision.
It would break my heart, but thinking of picking just one of them already did that.
I already felt too deeply about all of them. Maybe I was lying to myself. Asking me which ones I’d let go was like asking me which corner of my own heart I wanted to break.
Liam scratched at his eyebrow. His sneakers squeaked on the tile as he turned from me. “Who in your group knows everything about your interests and who you’ve been with? Does anyone?”
“Axel,” I said. “He knows everything.”
“Then he should be the one to tell the others,” he said with a frown.
“Shouldn’t I tell them?”
“You said they were fighting before. They might explode if we don’t handle this delicately. If Axel knows, he needs to talk to them as soon as he can. And I’m sorry, but I may have to be there.”
That just sounded so wrong to me. This can’t be the right way. “Why?” I asked.
“Just in case they explode,” he said. “I can help. Henry, too.”
I pictured the guy who had come on board with Liam last night. “Him?”
“He’s with my team,” he said. “Married to my Lily. He’s a close friend of mine now. I can’t guarantee what any of them will say, but at least they will hear from us, and it might help you.” He pointed at me. “But I need you to focus on getting Raven to come forward. I need to know, for sure, he wasn’t behind you and Blake going overboard. You either prove it was someone else, or find him. I don’t care which.”
I swallowed again, nodding. He was probably right. If I went to the guys and told them everything, about Blake and then Axel, it was going to spiral out of control. I thought of how angry Brandon and Marc had been when they’d thought Axel was pressuring me. Raven, too, was upset back then. He’d seemed calm last night, though, even after I’d said I wasn’t going to be exclusive.
Could he have been hiding his feelings? Would learning about Blake and Axel make him angry?
It still felt wrong not to tell them myself. Perhaps coming from Axel, it would keep things under control.
“I don’t want them to think I wouldn’t tell them,” I said. “I had planned on it as soon as I had two minutes alone with them.”
“I know,” he said. “I’ll tell them. They’ll want to talk to you, but I’m going to keep them with me until they seem to have calmed down. I don’t need anyone else disappearing, even if they just mean to go vent alone, and they end up in the wrong spot with a potential murderer onboard. In the meantime, you need to stay here with Fancy until I can sort everything out.”
I bowed my head, wishing there was another way and hating to admit he was right. Under other circumstances, I might have been able to take my time with this. We were all at risk here and I didn’t need to bombard them with this. “I seem to always have horrible timing,” I said. “There’s always some emergency or wrong moment.”
He sighed and then turned toward the door. “You’re not the only group I’ve had to give relationship advice to. Normally it isn’t like this, where I have to be around to talk about it. Under the circumstances, we’ll just have to rip the bandage off to see what sort of damage we’re dealing with here.” He paused and then turned to me once more, a rusty eyebrow going up. “Is there anything you want me to add to it? Do you want me to tell them you’ll pick one, but just not now? You’ve said as much, but is that what you really want?”
I clenched my teeth hard, staring at him. “Shouldn’t I pick one? Isn’t that the problem?”
He shrugged. “Not all relationships are just two people. But what I’m asking is what you want. Is one enough for you?” He coughed and then shook his head. “No, that’s not the right question. What I should ask is, can you see your life in, let’s say a year, without them? Or would you be sad if one, or more, left?”
Growing up, I’d rarely thought about the future. I was hardly ever in class when I was in school, and never even considered college. When my mother had fallen ill, I was living day by day, because thinking of the future meant trying to picture a future without my mother, which had been impossible at the time.
When she had died, I couldn’t pict
ure a future at all. I was only trying to survive.
As Liam stared at me with a knowing look and that gold ring prominent on his finger, for the first time, I let myself think.
The truth was, the guys had made me happy, even with the stress and the problems we faced. I enjoyed being the girl in the group of guys, watching TV with them, playing games at the apartment. I loved sleeping near one or another. I loved sharing food, and how they kept me fed, and challenged me every day.
I loved them. I loved how we were together. I’d give anything to be like that, only without secrets, and having to hold back when they found time alone with me. Even Blake, who wasn’t friends with them. I could picture sneaking off to do some adventure with him and coming back to the apartment, welcomed back by Axel and the others, just like before.
“It seems wrong to say it out loud,” I said.
He nodded as if understanding me fully without my having to say what I was really thinking. “It’s only wrong if you’re holding people against their will,” he said. “If they all agree to it, then it isn’t wrong. It’s just people doing what they want to do. Together.”
He moved to the door and turned the handle, then he paused again, looking at his hand. “Just be ready, in case one of them, or more, decides they don’t want that life. That can make those who remain waver. It can make you question what you’re doing. Even if someone walks away, you have to be brave enough, and strong enough, to stand by what you want. If this is what you want.”
Even if someone walks away… The way he spoke, his own personal wisdom, had me curious. “How do you know all this?” I asked.
“I’ve been through it,” he said, and he opened the door. “Stay here with Fancy until someone comes to get you. You’re out of bounds for them all until they come to terms with it, one way or another.”
He closed the bathroom door, and the sound of metal against metal scraped deep into my heart.
I sat on the toilet, staring, finding it hard to believe what just happened.
This was it. Except for Raven, who wasn’t around to tell, the others would know. Aside from Corey, who was an innocent bystander, and once he hears about this, he might not be happy with me for what I was doing to his team. Once they knew, there might be a fight. Would Liam tell Kevin? Doyle? How embarrassing if they found out this way.