“What's wrong with me?” I screamed. “You're what's wrong with me, you lunatic!”
“Lunatic? Look, we need to talk.”
“And why should I talk to your crazy behind, you tire slasher?”
“Hey, I didn't cut your tires,” she said.
“Oh, okay. So I'm stupid now? I got dummy written across my forehead? Go tell it to somebody who believes your crazy lies.”
“Well, I got some things to say to you. So you gonna let me in, or we gonna stand here hollerin' at each other, huh?”
I crossed my arms in front of me, not budging.
“Look, Zoe, I ain't done nothin' to your tires. You gotta learn not to accuse folks without proof to back you up.”
“So, are you saying you did it, but there just ain't any evidence to prove it?”
“No,” said Aisha, but a shiftiness in her eyes told me she was lying. “I ain't sayin' nothin'. 'Cept that you need to stop tryin' to get back with my man!”
“What are you talkin' about? It's over with me and Devyn. Clearly over. The last time I saw him, he was here only for a few minutes to pick up his junk—”
“Yeah, right,” Aisha cut in. “He came over here several times last week to get the rest of his stuff. And I'm sure you remember the last time. Especially since you took off all your clothes and wouldn't let him leave. You got a lot of nerve, girl, tryin' to force yourself on my man.”
Now I knew that both Devyn and Aisha were crazy. “What? You can't be serious!” I couldn't believe the stories that Devyn had been telling his girlfriend.
“Then yesterday he came home with hickeys all over his neck. Girl, I ain't stupid. I know you put them there.”
“Oh, so he just let me put hickeys on his neck, huh?”
“You callin' my man a liar?”
“You figure it out. As far as I can tell, that boy's pullin' the same mess on you that he gave me for years. I never saw it till it was too late. I was a real fool. Seems pretty obvious that you're one now too.”
“Don't you go callin' me no fool, girl!”
When she stepped back to swing at me, I pushed the door closed, locking it right away. Shaking with fury, I crossed to the window and stayed there until I saw Aisha finally slump into her car and drive away.
I rushed into the kitchen, found the phone book and scanned the Yellow Pages. I called until I found a tire shop that was not only open on Sunday but also credit-card friendly. It took less than an hour for the tow truck to come, taking me and my car to the shop.
“How long will this take?” I asked the mechanic.
He looked me up and down, making me shift uncomfortably. “Not too long. What? You're in a hurry?”
I shook my head. I didn't want to make the man who was going to work on my car mad, so I just returned to the waiting room. I sighed, knowing that it would take at least an hour and I would be totally bored. But then I noticed the newspaper stand. I bought a paper and immediately turned to the classified section, searching through the employment ads. But even though I studied all the listings from accountant to zoologist, I didn't find anything that I was qualified for or that looked at all interesting.
“Are you looking for a job, little lady?”
I looked up at the mechanic leering at me.
“Is my car ready?”
He nodded, and I gave him my credit card. It seemed to take forever for him to ring it up, but when he handed me my keys, I rushed out of there.
When I got back to the apartment, I changed my clothes and then plopped onto the couch, ready just to watch TV. Then I didn't really want to do that anymore, so I went into the bedroom. Since I had never unpacked, I had to go through my suitcases, pulling out the outfits that I thought would be appropriate for a job interview, if I ever found something worth applying for.
As I lifted my red dress in front of me and looked in the mirror, I realized what a mess my hair was. My hibernation and sudden cleaning spree left me looking like a wreck. I needed to take care of myself so I'd feel better about wherever God was going to take me. I spent the rest of the night washing and pressing my clothes and trying to bring more order into my life.
First thing the next morning, I called Keisha. My hairstylist was one of the few who worked on Mondays, and she told me she could squeeze me in if I came right away.
“Ooh, child,” Keisha squealed as she washed my hair twenty minutes later. “I can't thank you enough for giving me all those referrals. How many bridesmaids did you have? About seven?”
“Yeah,” I said, trying not to think about that awful day. I wondered why she would bring up the subject. I was sure that everyone already knew what Devyn had done to me.
Keisha picked up on my misery. “I'm so sorry you got left at the altar like that,” she said, rubbing my head with a towel.
“Yeah, it wasn't cool.” I squirmed in my seat. I could feel every eye in the shop turning toward me, and they were all filled with pity.
Keisha didn't seem to notice my embarrassment. “I heard that Aisha girl was in a gang once. But I never found out if the rumor was true.”
Keisha led me to her stylist chair. I didn't respond to her comment at all, hoping this would give her a hint.
“Your girlfriend said you should've known,” Keisha continued as she combed out my hair. “She said that boy cheated on you all through college, but you stayed with him anyway.”
I felt the tears coming to my eyes.
“Girl, once a dog, always a dog. Like I always try to tell the ladies that come in here, you gotta keep your eyes open.”
I prayed that she would just stop talking.
“We women can't afford to be naive these days. But your friend said that's what you were—naive.”
“Who told you all this stuff?” I cried, not able to hold it inside anymore.
“Now, you hold still, dear,” Keisha said, grabbing the sides of my head and positioning me. “How short do you want it?”
I couldn't believe Keisha didn't understand. “I don't care,” I said. “Just make it look nice.”
Keisha pulled a long pair of scissors from a drawer and scrutinized my face, her head tilted. Then, with a decisive nod, she started chopping away.
“So?” I pressed. “Who told you all that stuff about Devyn?”
“I think she was your matron of honor. Well, maid of honor,” Keisha corrected herself. “She came in here the other day just flappin' her gums about you.”
I sat dumbfounded, staring at the mirror before me but not really seeing anything. How could Tasha, my best friend, have been so casual about spreading my business all over town? I knew we had issues, but this kind of betrayal really hurt.
“You know, I thought y'all were tighter than that,” Keisha said as if she could read my mind. “But you know how folks are. Smile up in your face, then talk behind your back. It ain't right. But you sure ain't the only one. I lost my best friend when I took over this shop.”
“You mean Chantay?” I asked. I didn't really care who Keisha was talking about, but I was glad to be talking about someone else's problems.
“Oh, yeah. You notice she don't work here no more. When the owner sold this shop to me, Chantay got mad and left. Couldn't stand to see me do good. That sounds like the same mess you're in. Your girlfriend seemed almost happy that you got embarrassed; I guess 'cause she wasn't the one gettin' married.”
I just nodded, annoyed that the conversation had come back to me.
“Now, please don't tell her I said nothin', 'cause she's been in here a couple of times since the weddin', so don't mess up my money. But I'm tellin' ya on the sly Zoe, that girl ain't your friend.”
For the three hours I sat in that shop, I thought about what Keisha had said. Tasha wasn't my friend. And as I drove home with those thoughts still consuming me, my pulse raced and my breathing quickened. First Devyn, then Aisha. Now Tasha. I couldn't take much more of this pressure. It was coming from all different directions. I needed a release. I needed to get away. But
where could I go? What could I do? Whom did I have to turn to? I couldn't even trust my best friend.
I rushed into the apartment and went straight to Chase's Bible. I opened it again to the Twenty-third Psalm. But instead of reading just the first line, I went a little further.
“‘The Lord is my shepherd,’” I read out loud. “‘I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.’”
Ha! That's a trip, I thought. My grass seemed brown and dead.
“‘He leadeth me beside the still waters.’”
That's another thing that's not true for me. I got a whole lot of waves ragin' in my life right now. “Father,” I prayed, “I need You to say, ‘Peace; be still’ to all these crazy situations I'm going through.”
Before I could read or pray further, I heard a rattling noise in the back room. I looked up, startled. What now? An intruder?
My heart pounded as I heard footsteps coming from the back. My eyes darted around the room, searching for anything that I could use as a weapon. I grabbed my purse. With as much junk as I had in it, I could probably knock someone out cold, or at least give him a good scare. My eyes opened wide when the intruder entered the living room.
“Chase!”
He looked at me blankly.
“What are you doing here?”
“I live here, remember?”
“What happened to training camp?”
He slumped over to the couch. “I got released. Coach let me go.”
I sat beside him and noticed how bad he looked. His red eyes were weary and it looked like he hadn't shaved in a couple of days. I could imagine how he felt. To get a shot at your dream, to get so close to succeeding, to almost accomplish your desire, and then be denied. That had to be the toughest pill to swallow.
“You know what really bugs me?” he muttered. “I was good. I was catching the passes, running the routes; I had the speed. One day I knew I was in, and the next day, I was gone with the wind.”
Chapter 5
I could empathize with Chase. Though he hadn't been left at the altar, he looked like I felt. As if he'd lost everything. All his hopes and dreams were gone. Remembering the agony that I'd felt, I wrapped my arms around him and held him close.
It was as if my touch hit a release button inside of him. Chase began to sob. Never before had a man cried in my arms. It was almost unbearable seeing him break down, but it also felt good because I wanted to help him. I was determined to lift him up the way he had lifted me.
This world seems so unfair, Lord, I thought. Why couldn't You give Chase what he wanted so desperately? It was hard enough for me to get over the Lord not allowing me to have the man I wanted, but it wasn't like I was a perfect Christian. I felt pure shame for all the times Devyn and I had been intimate. It looked as though I was turning into a tramp, which was what my poor mother had become after my dad died. I couldn't be mad at God for not granting me my wish. God sure didn't owe me any favors.
But Chase? He had told me long ago that he was still a virgin and planned to stay that way until he was married. He studied the Word every day. He was practically a walking Bible. He wasn't perfect, but he was the closest thing to Christ I'd ever seen. So why didn't God allow him his heart's desire? It didn't make sense.
“I can't believe God would allow this.”
Chase lifted his head off my shoulder and shook his head. “You know what, Zoe? I'm upset, but there is one thing I know. One of my favorite Scriptures says that all things work together for good for those who love Him. I know God's got a reason for taking me through this.”
“I can't believe you're saying this—you wanted to be on that team so badly.”
“I know,” he said with a sniff, “but I just gotta figure out what God's tryin' to say to me. I can't miss it. I don't want to block the blessing. I just gotta praise Him, ask Him for strength and then thank Him.” Chase took my hand. “I look at it this way. One guy at training camp got a dislocated shoulder. Another messed up his knee. Even though I got cut from the team, at least I'm healthy.”
I couldn't believe the strength Chase already had. Even though he'd broken down, he was still ready to find his blessings.
He said, “Physically, I'm fine.”
“You sure are fine,” I joked, stroking his muscular arm that seemed bigger than before. “You really worked out in Seattle, didn't you?”
He laughed and I was pleased that I eased his pain a little.
“It's gonna be okay,” I assured him. “You're right. God's still in this. He knows what's going on.” I wanted to believe the words that I said, but I wasn't sure.
“Yeah,” Chase said, eyeing me. “He does.” We hugged each other again, but this time I didn't feel Chase's grief. This time, there was nothing but joy. Chase's situation with the NFL hadn't changed, but he had an inner peace that went beyond his circumstances. Even though he'd been cut from the Seattle team, he knew that he was still a part of God's team.
As we held each other, I prayed that I could have just a little of the light that God had obviously given to Chase.
Chase spent the next two days fasting and lifting God up, thanking the Lord for loving him and saving him. I had never seen anything like it. He became stronger, developing a strength and beauty I'd never witnessed in anyone. I made sure to eat only when Chase wasn't with me, so his fast wouldn't be any harder on him.
While Chase fasted, prayed and read the Bible, I spent my time checking out the classifieds every day. The end of the month was approaching, and I still didn't have a job or a place to live. Now, neither did Chase.
On the third day of Chase's fast, I listened from the hallway as he spent an hour just praising God. As I listened, I waited for Chase to ask God for something—a request to get back on the Seattle Storm or to have another team call him. Anything that would make God work for him. Yet when Chase finished, he had spent the minutes only praising. I went into the living room and sat next to him.
He was breathing heavy, as if he'd just finished working out.
“Why do you spend so much time just thanking the Lord? I mean, you need to start figuring out what you're gonna do with your life. That's what I've been doing. Checking out want ads, trying to find a new apartment.”
“I gotta worship God, Zoe. He can work a miracle anytime. But first He wants to make sure I love Him more than football or anything else in my life. If God wanted to, He could make me a star in the league. But if I can't thank Him when I got nothin', I could easily get off focus when He gives me everything.”
I shook my head. “So you still think God is going to work things out for you with the Seattle Storm?”
“I'm not saying He's gonna give me football. Maybe I'll go back to the university and get my degree. I'm only one semester away from finishing. But right now, the only thing I want to do is worship Christ. I've got so much to be thankful for, I just can't stop telling Him about it.”
What do you really have to be thankful for was what I wanted to ask him. But I remained silent, keeping my thoughts to myself.
Chase placed his hand on my cheek and stroked my face. “You are so beautiful, Zoe. I feel blessed that God brought you to me.”
I smiled. If those sweet words had come from any other guy, I would have thought he was full of it. But I knew Chase was sincere. I was starting to fall in love with him, and not because he worked hard to make me feel that way. The love I felt for Chase was developing slowly and naturally.
Part of me wanted to fight my feelings because, after all, Chase was Devyn's friend. And yet there was another side: Chase had always made it very clear that he thought I deserved better. Maybe he thought that I deserved him.
I think it was seeing Chase's love for Christ that made me realize I was ready for Chase to love me. It was time for me to tell him.
I turned to face him directly but the telephone rang. I sighed at first, but as I crossed the room to answer, I felt a sense of relief. The diversion of the phone got me off the hook. Maybe I wasn't re
ady to tell Chase what I was feeling.
“Hello?” I said into the receiver.
“This is Jerry Sykes from the Seattle Storm. Is Chase Farr in?”
“Yes! Yes. Hold on a second.” I stumbled over my words. With the biggest smile on my face, I mouthed to Chase, “It's the team!”
He jumped up and grabbed the phone. I paced the floor and listened for what seemed like an eternity. Then Chase said, “Yes, sir, that would be great. I'll see you Monday. Thank you.” He hung up and looked at me with a serious expression I couldn't read.
“Well? What's up? Tell me!”
Suddenly a huge smile lit up his precious face. “They want to sign me, but not on the team. They want to put me on the practice squad.”
“What's that?” I frowned, though I wanted to be excited. “If you're on the team, you're on the team, right?”
“The practice squad lines up against the starting guys and practices with them through the week. We're the punching bags. I won't be traveling to away games and I won't suit up for home games. And it's half the salary I would've got if I made the team.”
“Hey, it beats the salary you have now, right?” I joked. “Something's better than nothing.”
He chuckled. “You're right about that. Seventy grand a year ain't exactly chicken feed.”
“What!” I squealed. “How can you not be happy with that kind of money?”
“Oh, I'm very happy. But not just about the salary. I know God's got more for me. You just watch. The practice squad today, twelve touchdowns tomorrow!”
I laughed.
“Man, I gotta get packed. Tomorrow's the last preseason game. I've got to fly up there tomorrow so I'll be ready for the first game of the season, September first, which is next Monday!”
“This is so great!” I flew to him and threw my arms and legs around him. He cupped his hands under me and held me close. “We have to celebrate,” I said. “Let's go somewhere special.”
“Great idea. A nice restaurant sounds mighty good to me right now! But first,” he said as he put me down, “I gotta pray.”
He knelt beside the couch. I couldn't believe that the first thing Chase wanted to do was pray, but I joined him. He took both of my hands in his.