She wanted him to elaborate on his declaration, but later. Her hunger for him pushed everything else away. "Tell me you have a condom. Please?"
Pax chuckled, releasing her to hunt around in the back pocket of his jeans. "Wouldn't go anywhere without one now that you're home."
Sydney paused. Home. This had always been her home, but it wouldn't feel quite the same without Pax and Caleb. They were her home. Pax's head tilted to the side, his eyebrows rising.
"Sweetheart?"
She could only nod, emotion swamping her. Pax raised his chin in understanding, hugging her close and kissing the skin right below the lobe of her ear. Her hips rocked against him, needing friction, needing more, and when he moved his lips to her breast she got the extra something. Pax pulled the cup of her bra to one side and began a tender torture.
Sydney drowned in the sensation of his wet tongue swirling around her now erect peak. She nearly jumped off his lap when he blew softly on it.
"Oh, yes."
"Would you like more, sweetheart?" His deep, sensual voice had her pussy clenched in response. Her tongue felt too big for her mouth, and she couldn't get words out. Instead, she gave a swift nod, sighing when he snapped open the front clasp of her lacy white bra. He cupped her breasts immediately, rasping his rough thumbs across her tight nipples. She pushed her chest into his palms, groaning when Pax pinched her nipples lightly.
His cock twitched underneath her, Smiling, Sydney circled her hips. Pax moaned and tossed his head back, but his fingers still toyed with her breasts.
"You drive me crazy," he crooned. "There's no way I can stop now. I'm so hard. If I don't get out of my jeans soon, they'll burst at the seams."
Her skin heated in anticipation when he traced a path across her stomach with one hand, tweaking her nipple with the other. Her heart hammered hard, her hands shaking, but Pax didn't pay any attention to that. He seemed far too consumed with touching every exposed part of her.
She moved forward, kissing him hard and delving her tongue into his mouth. Pax's slid against hers aggressively and she rocked back and forth on his lap, trying unbuckle his belt with shaking fingers.
"Want you now," she said breathlessly, and before he could help her undo his jeans, she had unbuttoned them, releasing him from his underwear. Tearing his mouth away, Pax hissed.
"So thick," she sighed, grasping his cock in her palm, pumping up and down the length.
"Christ, Syd."
She tightened her fist and pumped again. He hummed in approval and sparks shot through her body, but she didn't want him in her hand. She wanted him inside her.
Now.
"Pax."
He pushed up her skirt and moved her lace thong to one side. His finger slipped along her creamed slit, his eyes transfixed by her pussy.
"I want my cock buried deep inside of you, Syd. I want it badly."
He delved into her warm, wet heat, his thumb skimming over her swollen clit once. She bucked her hips and her thighs started to quake. They both exhaled loudly.
"Yes, Pax. Yes."
Grinning, his warm brown eyes raked over her body. His thumb continued to circle her clit while he fought with the condom packet. She had to ease the latex over his large erection, palming his balls, and feeling them tighten.
Dropping her forehead to rest against his, she readjusted herself on his lap, nestling his cock between the lips of her sex. Her breath mingled with his and she glanced up, locking her gaze with his. Sydney moved closer to his chest, rubbing the head of his erection along her clit. She whimpered, though it got cut short, catching in her throat when he thrust fiercely into her.
"Oh, yeah, sweetheart, fuckin' perfect," he said through gritted teeth.
Sydney rolled her hips, smiling when his eyes fluttered closed. He cupped her breast again, tugging on her nipple. "God dammit, Pax! Fuck me," she panted.
His cock kicked inside of her, and seconds later he grunted, pumping faster into her slick channel. His breathing went shallow and labored as he thrust upwards with all the strength he had. The air around them crackled with a sexual tension and it ignited their lust further. With each push the sensation got more intense. Sydney grew hotter and wetter. She clenched her muscles around his shaft, keeping a tight hold on him within her body. Pax tweaked her nipple again, grunting when she squeezed him tighter. Her body tensed and the flames of her orgasm lapped at her sex. Pax sensed her growing need and moved his hand between their bodies, stroking her clit as he pounded into her.
"Pax, I… Pax… Oh, yes!"
Her eyes rolled back, the orgasm singing through her. It pulsed along her bloodstream, leaving her breathless, and when the last wave of ecstasy ebbed, Pax stiffened. He trembled, his stomach contracting as he yelled into her chest, spilling his seed into the latex.
Neither moved for a while, lost in their own completion. It had been the first time they'd been together without Caleb, and that thought had her beating down a wave of guilt. There would be times when she'd, once again, be intimate with Caleb without Pax. They couldn't be a threesome all the time.
Pax panted into her breasts and she stroked his hair to calm him. She remained entwined with Pax for a short while, exhaling when he slipped from her body. "Pax," she whispered, kissing the top of his head.
"Hmm?"
"We should move. Anyone could find us here."
Someone cleared their throat and both Sydney and Pax stiffened. Sydney followed Pax's horrified gaze. Her father stood, leaning against the wooden fence, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Anyone just did."
Chapter 11
Sydney's blood ran cold and her heart all but leaped out of her chest. Jack's eyes narrowed, his gaze darting from her to Pax, but giving very little away.
"Dad…" she started, but drifted off. She had no idea what she could say to explain the situation.
Pax leaned across the grass for her top, pulling it over her head. She shoved her arms into the sleeves before moving off his lap to sit on the grass. Unable to think of anything other than the fact that her father had seen her having sex with two men in as many days, she tried again.
"Dad." She couldn't seem to move past the word, her tongue tangling on anything else.
He would hate her; think of her as easy or cheap.
She'd made one hell of a mess with this whole situation.
"I'll be waitin' in the cottage," Jack responded gruffly. "Come alone, Sydney."
With that short demand, he turned and walked out of the paddock. Sydney gulped, shoving her hands into her hair and cradling her head.
Fuck," she groaned and Pax placed a warm hand on her back. "What do I do?"
He swept her curtain of hair behind her ear, tilting his head so he could see her face. "I could come with you."
"But he—"
"Forget what Jack said. I'm only interested in you. Do you want me with you? Do you want Caleb? We can both come. Your choice."
"I don't know. I—oh God, I'm going to be sick."
She clutched her stomach, gagging as Pax held her hair from her face. Nothing came up, instead her abdomen continued to spasm, making her gasping as she heaved. She focused on Pax's gentle touch and his soothing words. The world still spun when she heard him call Caleb to tell him what had happened.
"I need to go alone," Sydney said quietly, when she finally gained some control of her stomach.
"We want to support you, Syd."
Turning her head, she met his sad, brown eyes. "What do I say? How do I explain this to my father?"
Stroking a finger along her jaw, he shook his head, letting his hair flop onto his forehead. "I don't know. That's up to you. But we'll back you up, no matter what you tell him."
Her throat closed up, making swallowing painful. Her chest ached, and the sensation of needing to vomit never completely disappeared. Mentally berating herself, she shrugged Pax off and stood up. "What did Caleb say?"
"He's on his way up here. Said to sit tight." Pax tugged up his j
eans and he righted himself, wiping grass off the denim. "Maybe it won't be as bad as you think."
Sydney snorted. "You're joking, right? Making light of this isn't funny."
He reached out, wrapping his fingers around her bicep and pulling her close to him. His arms banded around her, surrounding her with his warmth. At first she remained stiff, but he hugged her tighter until she gave in, relaxing into him.
"I feel so bad. I don't want to hurt him, but I don't see a way out of this mess. I've been lost in a Pax and Caleb shaped dream land, adoring every second and not being as careful as I should. We shouldn't have had sex out in the open, and I sure as hell could have made certain the door was locked the other day. I've been too blasé, locked in the haze of you two and now I'm left with two options. Either I tell him I cheated on Caleb, which will cause issues between the three of you. My father would probably never forgive me. He's already warned me to make sure I'm serious about Caleb this time. He loves you two." Sydney groaned. "I have to tell him the truth."
"Which may still cause issues," he finished.
"Probably."
She rubbed her face into his chest, wanting to bury herself in his calm comfort. Only when she rested her ear against his chest did she realize Pax's control teetered on the edge. His heart raced under his skin.
"What's wrong?" She looked up at him, resting her chin on his sternum.
Clearing his throat, he pursed his lips before responding. "If Jack knows—if he understands what's goin' on, then there's no reason for you to run. You could stay if he knew the truth."
"I doubt it'll be that easy. 'Oops, sorry Dad, I forgot to tell you I'm having sex with two men. You're okay with that, aren't you?' Somehow, Pax, I don't think he's going to understand."
"Good to have a dream though."
"And that dream's me?" Sydney asked.
"Yup, along with Caleb." He framed her face with his hands, tilting her head a little further back. "We work, sweetheart, the three of us. We always have. Maybe it's strange, completely against the norm, but you know I'm right. All you have to do is be prepared to give this a try."
He kissed her. "We'll take care of you."
She'd heard those words a thousand times in her dreams. For a reason. Because Caleb and Pax would love and care for her. Sydney knew it in her bones. The men wouldn't let her down. Tears welled up in her eyes. "I know you both would, but I'm not sure I could stay here with you, knowing my father lived yards away and hated everything I was doing."
"So you'd rather be miserable in a different state?" Pax asked.
Closing her eyes, trying to block out all emotions, she shook her head slowly. "I'd rather not decide anything until I've spoken to my dad."
"Then I'll take you to him," he continued.
"You'll wait outside?" She opened her eyes and she mustered the courage to deal with Jack.
"We'll both wait at the house. Come find us when you're done talking to Jack," Caleb added, his arms coming from behind her, his words rumbling into her ear. They were supporting her the only way they could right now.
With their love.
*~~*
Sydney's stomach churned when she knocked on the door to the cottage. She barely heard her father's shout for her to enter over the roaring of blood in her ears. Her skin itched, every pore felt inflamed, and no amount of rubbing her hands over her arms seemed to calm it.
Silence greeted her when she entered the room. She noticed Cloud sitting by the fire with Socks curled up beside him. Her father rested in his chair, looking out of the window as he took a drag on a cigarette.
"I thought you gave it up."
"That I did, but for some damn reason, today, I needed one."
"I don't think you should start up again because of me."
"And I don't think that's your choice, Sydney."
"Dad, I—"
"Sit down," he interrupted, kicking the base of a chair so it scrapped along the wood floor. "Smokin' isn't the topic of conversation, is it?"
Cloud lifted his head when she walked past him, sniffing the air. She lowered herself onto the chair, unable to meet her father's eyes, so she kept hers on the dog instead, worrying her hands in her lap. She had no idea where to start, her fear of disappointing him clouded everything.
"I d-don't know what to say," she stuttered, nerves causing her body to shake.
"Well, I sure as shit can't help you with that one. You created this mess."
She winced at his aggressive tone and took a calming breath so she could gather her thoughts. She desperately wanted him to understand, and at least try to accept how she felt. "I love them, Dad."
Jack huffed, but verbalized nothing.
"I suppose you don't believe me, or understand it. I don't get it either, but I can tell you with complete conviction, I have loved those men since I was seventeen years old."
"What you mean is you're in lust with Paxton, and yet you love Caleb, huh?"
"No, Dad." She exhaled. "I love both of them. I couldn't marry Caleb because it would have been wrong.
See, he didn't know how I felt about Pax back then. Things would have been very different if I'd told him—told both of them."
Jack coughed, still not looking at her. She consoled herself with the fact that he seemed to be listening to what she had to say. He could have shut her out of his life immediately.
"I wish I didn't want them this badly. Life would have been far easier if I'd just married Caleb and buried my feelings for Pax."
"So why didn't you?" he asked harshly.
"How could I possibly choose one over the other? My feelings are equal for each of them. If I'd married Caleb, he would never have been able to really fulfill me. There would have been a Pax-shaped hole in my heart. Please try to understand."
"I am, but this is mighty difficult." His words were gruff, and his hand quivered when he lifted the cigarette to his lips. "They know you want to be with them both then? Long term?"
"I haven't actually said the words, but yeah, they know about each other. Obviously."
Jack raised a brow, holding his hand up to stop her. "I'm listenin', Ne-Ne, but there are certain things I don't ever want to discuss or even have to imagine."
Sydney rolled her eyes. "I wasn't about to disclose every detail. I was merely confirming they are both…aware of the situation because the relationship is between the three of us."
Jack shuddered visibly, inhaling. "This is what kept you away?"
"Maybe I should start at the beginning?"
Jack nodded, taking another deep drag on his cigarette. Oddly enough the smell of tobacco soothed her. It reminded her of being younger, when she used to cuddle on his lap. It reminded her of when she was his little girl.
"The night we argued about my notebooks was the night I realized I wanted them, but I was young, and to tell you the truth, repulsed. I thought it was wrong, so I fought the attraction. Over time, Caleb and I grew closer, and it became easier to bury my feelings for Pax, but nothing stays buried forever and all it took to reignite the flame was a flirty wink from him one evening. My attraction spiraled again. I kept telling myself it was lust, but deep down I knew the truth."
"But Caleb didn't."
"No, he didn't and when he asked me to marry him I hid behind that godforsaken ring. I actually thought I could marry him and all my problems would be over. I lied so much to myself. I lied to you all. Coming home has only intensified every single feeling I've ever had for them. I honestly, truly, love both men."
Hanging his head, Jack exhaled and rubbed his forehead. "This makes no sense to me."
"I know it's hard to understand. I'd rather not have these feelings, and it has taken me years to finally be at peace with them. This is what I want. They are who I want."
"And you're wantin' me to understand this?"
"No. I find it hard enough to understand, so I don't expect you to."
Tears filled her eyes. "I just want you to love me and to not shut me out, even if you don'
t agree with my choices."
The fire crackled, and the room had gone so quiet she could hear Socks purring. She swiped at her eyes, rubbing until she banished all the tears. If he couldn't find a way to accept how she felt about Pax and Caleb she wouldn't stay. She needed her dad in her life. More than Pax. More than Caleb. The fire made her realize just how much she needed her father and his approval.
When Jack finally turned to face her, she saw every emotion he felt sweep across his weather-worn face. He reached out, taking her hand in his. "I want to tell you this is fine by me, that it's your life and you should live it as you see fit, but I can't. You're my little girl, and this situation has me real concerned. Those boys should have come to me."
"It's not their fault. We don't want to fight the relationship. We tried that and we all ended up pretty miserable."
"Pax didn't. He was married."
Sydney winced and agreed. "I haven't been alone either, Dad."
"Don't want to know, Ne-Ne."
"Okay, okay, I'm just making a point." Taking a moment to compose herself, she asked the hardest question of her life. "Do you want me to leave?"
Jack stubbed the cigarette out, the smoke still floating around the room. He opened his mouth, but closed it right afterward, repeating the action again before he finally spoke. "You're my daughter and you'll always be welcome here. I would never send you away. I missed you far too much while you were gone."
Hope flared, filling her heart with joy. She stifled a happy grin. "So you think you can deal with this? With Pax and Caleb?"
"Would that make you stay? Would you come home?" he asked optimistically.
"I'm not sure. This relationship is new to us. We haven't talked about where it's heading or what to do next," she replied honestly.
"What about kids? Marriage?"
Sydney laughed lightly. "Let's not have that discussion. It's not something I'm ready to work through, but I get we'll have to at some point."
Her father's eyes softened, the confusion appearing to diminish somewhat. Nevertheless, the small amount of joy she'd felt only seconds earlier faded when he spoke. "I'm sorry, Syd, but I'm not so sure I can accept it. Give your old man time and maybe… well, maybe I'll learn to live with it."