“So?” I prodded.
“So we are goona be a wee bit early,” he answered and stiffly shook his head to discourage further questions.
“Okay,” I said before falling silent and stepping in line with him. But silence was not one of my virtues. It never had been. Instead, I was one of those people who hated awkward pauses. I would have rather filled the gaps with meaningless conversation than to endure silence. ’Course, in this case, the conversation on my mind wasn’t exactly meaningless. “You surprise me, Tallis.”
He glanced over and raised his left brow, but his expression indicated that he wished he didn’t have me as a companion. “Surprised, Besom?”
“Yes,” I said just as I spotted a fallen tree branch, and had to carefully sidestep it. It was difficult to keep up with Tallis’s breakneck stride. “For a while there, I thought you might be asexual.” Then I shrugged. “Well, that’s not entirely true. At first, I thought maybe you were gay, but …”
“Gay?” he repeated, scowling at me and shaking his head. “Ah mayna carry oan mooch o’ a social life, boot Ah also dinnae care ta dally with the menfolk.”
“Right,” I said, nodding. “After convincing myself that you weren’t gay, I just figured you were asexual.”
Tallis glanced at me again and raised the other eyebrow, as if to say he was either amused or offended by my conclusion. “Ah am a man, lass.”
I nodded. “Right, that’s true.” Yep, that was very true. In fact, Tallis was the manliest man I’d ever met. He almost defined the word “man.” Maybe his title should have been “superman” or “man and a half.” Yes, I definitely knew that he was a man. “But that doesn’t change the fact that maybe some men aren’t necessarily swayed … sexually. You know?”
He shook his head and eyed me with a frown. “Nae, Ah dinnae know, lass.” Then he sighed. “Ah dinnae even profess ta know what goes oan in that daft head o’ yers.” Then he inhaled deeply. “Boot what Ah can tell ye is that a man cannae go without thinkin’ aboot a woman more than a day.” He exhaled. “Ah dinnae care who he is. A man has undeniable needs.”
That was a surprise. I couldn’t imagine Tallis thinking about anything except survival. “Hmm,” I started.
“An’ whether ’twas meh or Donnchadh that was thinkin’ loostful thoughts ’bout ye, lass, Ah cannae say.”
“Your eyes were completely black,” I said as I faced him, intimating that I figured Donnchadh had been steering the lust boat.
Tallis nodded and then exhaled heavily as he looked at me. “Ah wouldna be surprised ta find ’twas both o’ oos.” Then he smirked, as if to imply that was most likely the truth. This side of him almost seemed playful, and his candidness made him appear years younger. It took me by surprise.
“So, uh,” I started, taking a deep breath because my question wasn’t an easy one to ask. “So, then, I guess that means you are attracted to me?”
He chuckled deeply, while shaking his head. “Didnae ye hear me when Ah said Ah had ta keep mahself from tastin’ ye?” I gulped down the frog in my throat at Tallis’s reminder of wanting to taste me. Somehow, I sensed he wasn’t referring to my mouth. Meanwhile, he continued to shake his head. “Ah doona appreciate yer fishin’, lass.”
What? He thought I was fishing for compliments? “I wasn’t fishing!” I retorted. “I was merely asking you because your response doesn’t make any logical sense to me.”
“It doesna make sense ta ye?” he scoffed, but stopped walking. Turning to face me, he threw his hands on his hips and made me very aware of how incredibly large he was. “Ye are a woman. Do ye think Ah’m not aware o’ that?” he asked with frustration as his eyes continued to spear me with a narrowed expression. “Yer body is equipped, designed an’ built ta accommodate a man … physically.”
“Yeah, I get that part,” I interrupted, fully aware that my cheeks were on fire. I was so embarrassed, and yet also turned on at the very same time. Even though sex was still a new realm to me, I was suddenly consumed by the idea of what sex with Tallis might be like. I imagined he probably wouldn’t be gentle, given his overbearing personality, but at the same time, I didn’t think he’d be rough. It was an idea I found captivating, but it also made me feel deeply mortified to even consider sex with Tallis. Especially during his lecture on the birds and the bees.
“Ah am a man, lass,” he continued as his eyes traveled from my face to my bust. A shiver raced down my spine as he brought his gaze back to my face again. “An’ ‘tis in mah nature, mah instincts, ta want ta bed ye.” His eyes settled back on my breasts before he huffed a sigh and started forward again. “Ye will find that most folk cannae deny nature’s instincts, lass. Sooner or later, yer instincts catch oop with ye.”
“That wasn’t my question,” I yelled at his retreating back. It both irritated me that I couldn’t restrain my feelings of lust toward him and it was equally irritating that he’d commandeered the conversation and totally missed my point. He stopped walking and turned back around to face me as I caught up with him.
“Jist what is yer bludy question, lass?” He sounded exasperated.
Well, I was just as exasperated. “If you’re so obviously attracted to me, and your instincts want to have sex with me, then why didn’t you when you had the chance?”
“Why didnae I?” he repeated, obviously confused.
“Stop answering my question by repeating it!” I yelled back at him. “I’m talking about the time when I asked you to have sex with me before we entered the Underground City? Remember?” Since I was a virgin, in the eyes of the Underground City, I was considered innocent. And as Tallis had explained to me and I’d experienced firsthand when I’d set foot in the Underground, my innocence had nearly cost me my life. In my mind, if Tallis had taken my virginity, I would have been much safer in the Underground.
Tallis shook his head. “’Tis nae as simple ah question as that, Besom,” he said as he started forward again. I had to move more quickly to keep up with him. And keeping up with him was paramount because I wanted to understand where he was coming from. My question deserved an honest response. As far as I was concerned, Tallis’s refusal to have sex with me indirectly risked my life.
“Why not?”
He didn’t turn to look at me but kept his eyes trained on the rough wilderness that lay ahead of us. “As Ah told ye before, Ah carry mah own weight oopon mah shoulders, lass. Ah cannae add ye to it.”
I frowned at him, and his argument, which made no sense to me. “But you wanted to have sex with me? Even then?”
He nodded and slowly breathed out deeply, becoming clearly irritated. “’Course Ah did! Any man would.”
“You make no sense at all!” I said, crossing my arms over my chest defensively. If Tallis could have pulled the stick out of his ass (as Bill would say) and taken my virginity, I would have been much safer in the Underground City. As it stood now, my virginity was a dangerous commodity.
“Ah am atonin’,” he said, glancing over at me with a shrug. “Ah am makin’ amends fer the wrongs Ah’ve committed, lass. An’ in mah mind, takin’ yer virginity would be addin’ ta an already long list.”
“Even though it could actually save me?”
“Aye.” He nodded. “’Tis not mah place.” Then he sighed. “An’ if ye recall, mah blood did a damned good job o’ savin’ ye anyway.”
He was referring to the first time we went into the Underground, and because of my innocence, my body immediately began dying. Tallis had to cut himself and force me to swallow his blood in order to pollute me with his lack of innocence which had, in turn, allowed me safe passage through the Underground City and kept me from dying. So I guessed he had a point.
We walked the remainder of the way to Tallis’s house in silence. When we reached the shack, the Grevels disappeared into the undergrowth. Tallis opened his front door and we both walked inside. Bill was asleep in front of the fireplace, snoring.
***
I didn’t really know what to expect o
f my first visit with my personal trainer, but I certainly never foresaw the situation that now faced me. Tallis, Bill, and I stood at the entry of what seemed to be a warehouse. The room was maybe forty feet wide by thirty feet long and the ceiling had to be twenty feet tall. The room featured a roll-up garage door-like opening at the opposite end from where we stood which revealed the forest scenery on the other side. Yes, the structure was randomly located right in the middle of the Dark Wood, with nothing but trees on either side of it and not even a road to access it.
Tallis strode into the room, stepping over a man who appeared to be passed out in the doorway. At first, I thought he was dead, but the gentle rolling of his chest told me he wasn’t. The extent of Tallis’s interest in him was no more than a quick glance as he stepped over the man. I followed him, and figured the guy must have been okay because no one else seemed concerned.
“Looks like someone partied too hard,” Bill said with a chuckle as he glanced down at the man. “Carpe noctem, eh, dude?” he asked with another chuckle before looking up at me again. “I don’t know ’bout him, but I got me a hang under,” he continued as I frowned and he decided to explain. “That’s like when you haven’t had too much to drink the night before, and instead o’ havin’ a shit-tastic mornin’, you feel better than normal.”
“Nice, Bill,” I said shaking my head, and figuring I had much better things to focus on. Scanning the room, I noticed it was comprised of some exercise machines, lots of free weights, and other contraptions I didn’t recognize. A few machines looked somewhat familiar even though I’d never really been a gym zealot. Several New Year’s resolutions were about the only occasions that got me into a gym, and I lasted maybe a month or so before the call of the elliptical, or the treadmill, fell on deaf ears.
“Dude looks like he’s gonna pass the hell out,” Bill whispered, pointing to a guy who was running at breakneck speed on the treadmill, the sweat pouring off his forehead and onto his already saturated clothes. “Calm that shit down, man,” he called out. “You’re gonna give yourself a heart attack, yo.” But the man didn’t respond. Instead, he continued to stare straight ahead without breaking his gait. Bill looked back at me and shrugged. “He’s a beardo anyway.”
“He’s a what?” I whispered, afraid the man might overhear us.
“A weirdo with a beard,” Bill answered. I could only shake my head with wonder at where he came up with this stuff.
“Bladesmith,” a man said in a deep voice as he approached Tallis. Neither of them smiled, although Tallis nodded his head in a weak semblance of a greeting. The man was probably six foot three inches and must’ve weighed two hundred ten pounds or so. But none of it was fat. The guy was ripped—as in, his biceps were as big as my head. His skin was the color of dark chocolate and if I had to guess his age, I would’ve said he was in his early thirties. He was dressed in a dark grey T-shirt and black shorts that ended just below his knees.
“Ael,” Tallis said.
Ael nodded, turning his attention first to me and then to Bill. That was when I noticed his red eyes appeared to glow. His hair was cut short and on one side shaved close to his head in a flame pattern. After studying Bill, he glanced back at Tallis. “Who am I trainin’? Red or Jack Black?” he asked. I noticed his canines were long and sharp.
Bill immediately started chuckling as soon as he realized Ael was referring to him. “Shit, that’s a good one. Jack Black is like my hero, yo!”
Ael eyed him, but frowned and crossed his arms against his chest while looking at Tallis for a response.
“Ye will be trainin’ Lily,” Tallis answered as he inclined his head in my direction.
Ael nodded, turning his full attention to me, as if he were taking stock of me. Then he addressed Tallis. “Twelve to fifteen weeks tops before she’s in shape. We’ll plan on addin’ six ta eight pounds of muscle an’ I expect her here three times a week.” Then he took a breath. “You bring them shoes, Bladesmith? I require payment up front.”
Tallis nodded and removed the pack he’d been carrying over his shoulder. He loosened the knot but kept the bag closed as he searched inside it, before producing a box of shoes. He handed the shoes to Ael who eagerly accepted them. Ael opened the box and pulled out a pair of red, white, and black argyle Air Jordans. He nodded, obviously pleased to see them as he inspected the sides of the shoes where the letters “AEL” stood out in block type. A smile brightened his face. “You got ’em right, Bladesmith,” he said before facing Tallis again.
“Aye,” the taciturn Scotsman responded.
“I want them Team Jordans next time I train Red; an’ the Come Fly With Me’s the time after that; you got it?” Ael continued, eyeing Tallis with more interest. “I gotta check my inventory an’ see what else I’m missin’ but for now, that’s good.”
“Aye,” Tallis said again.
Then Ael’s attention returned to me. “She gotta be on sixteen hundred calories a day,” he said. I was beginning to get irritated by him continually referring to me in the third person.
“I am standing right here, you know?” I barked out, surprising myself. “You don’t have to keep referring to me as ’her’ or ‘she.’”
Ael’s eyebrows lifted as if my ability to speak surprised him. Then a grimace took over his features. “An’ I ain’t about ta put up with no attitudes, got it?”
I frowned at him as Bill erupted into a fit of chuckles which better resembled giggles, while pointing at me and indicating that I just had my ego handed over to me on a plate. Then, apparently losing interest in the three of us, Bill scanned the room and eyed a large-breasted blond woman who was doing squats with a loaded barbell beside us. He waddled over to her.
“Hey, baby, you come here often?” Bill asked as he leaned against the wall and eyed her up and down. She just ignored him. “You know, I’m on a mastabbatical,” Bill continued while nodding as if she should understand what he was talking about. “If you ain’t in the know, a mastabbatical is an abstinence period, free from masturbation. I’m tryin’ to improve my productivity in other parts of my life, ya know?” She didn’t so much as glance in his direction, but that didn’t seem to concern him. “You know how dangerous a mastabbatical is? Way dangerous … doctors compare it to some of the worst health hazards around.” He nodded again, apparently not realizing that he was basically having a conversation with himself. “Anyhows, my mastabbatical’s nearly over, which means one lucky lady is gonna have her whole world rocked very shortly.” Then he winked at her. “Feelin’ lucky, baby?”
“Athwart the tenebrous air pour down amain”
– Dante’s Inferno
FOUR
“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with you!” Ael yelled out to one of his clients. She was on the stair climber, bent over and clinging to the railing as if for dear life. Meanwhile, her legs were forced to take the stairs so quickly, it looked like they were on fast forward.
“My legs are going numb!” she managed to exclaim.
Truth be told, she looked like she was about to pass out. I’d never seen anyone climb stairs so fast. Gingerly placing the box of shoes Tallis had just given him as payment to train me in the corner of the room, Ael reached for a coiled whip that was leaning against the wall. “Complain, complain, complain,” he muttered as he shook his head and continued grumbling to himself. “Just wait ’til she comes across one o’ them Pintry demons an’ gets away from it, thanks ta my trainin’ … then we’ll see how much complainin’ we hear.”
Pulling his arm back, he released the whip, which had to be twenty feet long, cracking the air around the woman’s left calf. “Get back to work an’ be happy for it! This place could save your life!” he called out to her, as she, in turn, jumped at the snapping of the whip. However, to Ael’s credit, she did stop complaining.
Returning the whip to the corner of the room, Ael took stock of the rest of his clients. He eyed each one suspiciously, as if to ensure that they were working to their full potential. His eyes narrowed
as he watched a guy taking a few deep breaths before attempting a bench press. His barbell was obscenely overloaded with weights as big as tires. “It ain’t gonna lift itself!” Ael yelled at the man. In flustered response, the guy quickly pumped out ten consecutive presses.
“Ah will be back ta collect ye later, lass,” Tallis said as I turned to face him. He nodded to me and Ael before his attention fell back on me again. At hearing he planned to leave me here, by myself, I suddenly felt horribly nervous like a scared kid on her first day of school. ’Course, instead of a matronly, sweet kindergarten teacher, I was assigned to Ael, who appeared possibly homicidal.
“Okay,” I said, trying to smile confidently as I watched Tallis turn around and abandon me to my fate. At least I still had Bill. Speaking of whom, after giving up any chance of conversing with the large-breasted blond, he was now making his rounds to the various machines and mats, pausing here and there to assess whether any of the remaining women might be interested in celebrating the end of his mastabbatical. His gall was inexhaustible.
“It’s too quiet in here!” a handsome man called out from the corner of the room where he’d been jumping rope. “Ael, how about some tunes?” Dropping the jump rope on the floor, he approached a bench where two fifty-pound free weights sat.
“Demands, demands, demands,” Ael responded, shaking his head with a frown.
That only made the man’s smile broader. “And none of that Luther Vandross, easy-listening shit either!”
Ael glanced at the man and shook his head again while crossing his enormous arms over his chest. “Don’t be talkin’ no smack ’bout Luther!” he retorted, appearing even more rankled than previously. He went to the opposite side of the room, where a lone CD player stood on a shelf made from cinder blocks and some two-by-fours. I glanced at Ael, then back to the man who made the Luther Vandross comment and noticed he was making his way over to me, smiling all the while.