“I’m Saxon,” he introduced himself with a large grin, extending his hand. Then, as if thinking better of it, he wiped the sweat from his palm onto his pants before offering his hand to me again, with a slightly embarrassed chuckle.
“Hi,” I said, grateful to find at least someone in the place who appeared to be friendly. “I’m Lily Harper,” I added with a smile as I shook his hand, noticing how my much smaller mine was and how it disappeared into his.
Saxon was tall, maybe as tall as Ael, but not as buff, and nowhere near as enormous as Tallis. Saxon had more of a swimmer’s physique—broad shoulders that tapered down to a narrow waist and a pair of very long, lean legs. Facially, he had a boyish sort of charm that came from the combination of his dark brown hair (in need of a haircut), his wide brown eyes, and his contagious smile. The firm, square jaw, perfectly straight nose, and plump, full lips collaborated to result in a handsome, boy-next-door friendly appearance. I would have guessed him to be in his late twenties or early thirties, but no older than thirty-two.
“You’re new here,” Saxon pointed out with another big grin as his unkempt hair fell into his face and he pushed it out of the way again.
“Yeah,” I said, before frowning with concern. A man, who was previously going full bore on the elliptical machine, while also practicing overhead shoulder presses with two large free weights, suddenly tripped. He instantly fell off the elliptical and dropped both of the weights. One banged into the elliptical, while the other landed right next to the man. He just collapsed into a large heap on the floor. I looked for Ael who was still fiddling with the CD player. Sparing the man a furtive glance, which lasted all of three seconds, Ael returned his attention to the CD player. And everyone else in the room? Not one person seemed even slightly concerned. “I don’t think he’s getting up,” I said to Saxon.
Saxon just shrugged. “Yeah, I’m sure he’ll be fine. People pass out in here all the time.” Then he added, “Just another day of training with Ael.” I couldn’t hide the shock on my face as I wondered what awaited me at Ael’s instruction. But I didn’t get to ponder that subject for long because Saxon had already changed it. “Are you a new Retriever?” he asked with real interest.
“Yeah, I am,” I answered with a shy smile. As a rule, I wasn’t very comfortable talking to handsome men. “Are you a Retriever too?”
Saxon nodded. “Yep and have been for about,” he started and then glanced up at the ceiling for a few seconds as he, apparently, tried to remember. Then he looked at me again with another big grin. “Twenty years today, I think.”
“Twenty years?” I repeated, frowning as I shook my head. “How is that possible unless you became a Retriever at age ten or something?”
He chuckled. “Ah, so you aren’t in the know?” I shook my head immediately, very well aware that when it came to my new life, I wasn’t even in the same zip code as “in the know.” He nodded as he gazed at me. “As a Soul Retriever, you won’t age, Lily,” he answered. “That’s why I’m so well preserved.” Then he laughed again.
“So I can die but I won’t age?” I questioned, just to make sure I had it right.
“Yep,” Saxon responded.
I glanced around at all the people who were working out in the gym before looking back at Saxon again, only to find he was already gazing at me. I felt myself immediately start blushing. “And all these people are Soul Retrievers too?”
He simply nodded as I focused on the woman beside me. She was lying down on a bench with a weighted bar clutched tightly in both hands. On either end of the bar was what looked like an orange, furry ball. As she lifted the bar, and struggled a bit, one of the furry balls unwound itself. It appeared to be a rather bizarre-looking ferret or weasel of some sort. It had a long, narrow snout with a large, wet nose like a dog’s, although the teeth were more comparable to a crocodile’s. The body was long, thin, and covered in soft-looking fur with an equally lengthy tail that looked like a raccoon’s. It stood no higher than a foot tall, but had to be at least three feet long. “I’m either imagining things or two very bizarre-looking creatures are hanging onto that woman’s barbell,” I said while indicating the creatures in question.
“Handrels,” Saxon responded without further concern.
Meanwhile, the woman’s arms began to waver and tremble because the Handrel’s movement was throwing off the balance of the bar, I assumed. As soon as it appeared that she couldn’t lift the barbell all the way up, the nasty little thing bit her right on the thumb. “Oh my God!” I said with a quick, shocked glance back at Saxon. “It just bit her!”
Saxon, again, didn’t look surprised. “Yeah, they have razor-sharp teeth so Ael keeps them to make sure his clients balance the bars.”
“Handrels?” I repeated, looking back at the woman, only to find that the other Handrel had unraveled itself and bitten her other hand. “Are they demons?” I couldn’t imagine they might be anything else.
Saxon nodded. “Yep, and they aren’t the only demons here. Ael considers the demons a good way to keep us motivated.” The plinking of a piano started up in the background which was quickly followed by the mournful tones of a man’s voice, which I assumed was Luther Vandross. Saxon shook his head and moaned something unintelligible before smiling again at me. “Now that crap is definitely anti-motivational.” Then he turned to face Ael who was already heading to us. “Come on, Ael, I can’t take any more of that sappy ass, slow shit! How do you expect us to work out to such crap? It puts me to sleep instead!”
“You don’t like it? You know where the door is!” Ael responded as his red eyes began glowing a bit brighter.
“Calm down,” Saxon said with another winning smile aimed my way. “I guess I shouldn’t complain since we had to listen to R. Kelly nonstop all last week.”
Ael frowned at Saxon before addressing me. “That’s R. Kelly, as in pre-pedophile, by the way.” I didn’t say anything but the lyrics to Dave Chapelle’s R. Kelly parody song, I want to piss on you, were already playing through my head. “Now stop flirtin’ with my client an’ get them bicep curls done,” Ael said to Saxon and then, shaking his head, added, “You a time waster, boy.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Saxon replied before turning back to me. “Nice to meet you, Lily. Maybe I’ll see you around?”
I wasn’t sure how that could be possible unless he meant at Ael’s gym. Not wanting to be rude, though, I nodded and said, “Yeah, I hope so. Good luck with your workout.”
He raised one brow and smirked. “Famous last words.”
“Enough o’ you both wastin’ time,” Ael interrupted as he steered me away from Saxon. We headed to the far side of the gym. I spotted Bill who was lounging on the front of someone’s treadmill. All I could see of the woman on the treadmill was that she had long, dark hair and a pretty trim body. Bill smiled at her just as she yanked her iPod out of her pocket and plopped an ear phone into each of her ears. Bill sighed as he pulled back from the treadmill and turned to face me. “Cockblocked by Steve Jobs,” he muttered as he walked over to join Ael and me.
Ael looked at him from head to toe and shook his head again, no doubt discouraged at Bill’s overall slovenly appearance. His shoelaces were untied, and he was wearing two different socks. The hem was pulled out of his shorts on one side, and his knees were so dry, the skin was bright red, crusty, and flaking off, looking like psoriasis. There were so many different colored stains on his Megadeath T-shirt, which was also two sizes too small, that I wasn’t even sure what the original color might have been.
“An’ you makin’ my gym look bad,” Ael finished.
Bill glanced over at me and shrugged, not showing the least bit of concern. “Haters gonna hate.” Then he looked back at Ael and threw his pudgy hands on his hips. “So, we gonna get this shiznit on the road or what, yo? Nips needs ta be turned into a lethal ninja like … yesterday.”
Ael studied him with interest before he glanced back at me. “You two friends?” he asked and then alternated pointing h
is finger from Bill to me and then to Bill again.
“Fo shizzle,” Bill answered. “I’m poindextrous.”
“You what?” Ael asked, frowning.
Bill shrugged. “I’m able ta communicate equally well with nerds,” at which time he glanced over at me, “and normal people,” at which time he glanced back at Ael, smiling smugly. I decided not to take offense because I had too much other stuff on my mind.
“Are you plannin’ on stayin’?” Ael asked, eyeing Bill with morbid resignation. “’Cause you gonna irritate me, I can already tell.”
Bill shrugged again. “I’m Nerdlet’s guardian angel. Where she goes, I go.” Then he crossed his flaccid arms over his bulbous chest and glared at Ael until the demon simply looked over at me in exasperation, his eyebrows meeting in the middle. He obviously didn’t know what to make of Bill. ’Course, most people didn’t. “Dude, you gotta place for me ta take a piss?” Bill asked as he cupped himself. “’Cause I gots ta go real bad.”
Ael didn’t say anything, but pointed to a door in the far right corner of the room. Bill nodded with an uneasy smile and left us. Ael studied me for a few moments before a large smile curved his lips, revealing his extremely pointed canines. “That’s your guardian angel?” he asked with a laugh. “Girl, you musta done somethin’ real bad in your past life.”
I didn’t say anything, but sighed. I often wondered the same thing, myself. For as much as I loved Bill as a friend, he wasn’t the ideal guardian. And I really couldn’t see him as being much of an ideal angel either, for that matter. “He grows on you,” I answered with a hesitant smile.
Ael frowned and raised his eyebrows as high as they’d go, in an incredulous expression of utter doubt. Then he shook his head. “We gonna start with some skull crushers,” he abruptly announced in a getting-down-to-business tone.
“Of course we are,” I said underneath my breath while following him to an unoccupied bench. Beside it stood multiple barbells, some with bent handles and others that were just straight across. Next to that was a large white bucket. Ael reached inside the bucket and grabbed two Handrels by the scruff of their necks before pulling them out. Addressing me, he said, “Grab one o’ them twenty pound bars,” and motioned to the bar rack.
Never having held a barbell before, I wasn’t sure which one was a twenty-pounder; but luckily for me, they were labeled. I gripped the one he requested and lifted it up with both hands, carrying it to the bench. I rested one end of the bar against the bench seat while eyeing the Handrels with sincere concern. Ael dropped each of them onto the bench and they scurried toward the bar, one nipping at the other when it inadvertently cut him off. The other one growled a response, but dutifully got in line behind the first one. They both climbed up the barbell, their tiny rat-like claws making a scratching sound as they did. “Um, are you sure I need to use those on my very first workout?” I asked, frowning up at Ael.
“Who’s the trainer? Me or you?” he growled back.
“Um, you are,” I said with an equal amount of hesitation.
“That’s what I thought,” he said with a nod while making his lips tight. “Now lay down with the back of your head on the end o’ the bench.” I did as I was instructed and Ael placed the bar in my hands. The Handrels clung to either end of it, curled around the metal in orange, furry balls. “Keep your elbows tucked in; an’ then you’re gonna lower the bar directly over your face by bendin’ only at the elbow,” Ael continued. “Keep the bar level, else you’re gonna end up with some sore ass fingers.” I figured he was referring to the bite of the Handrels. Fearing for my fingers, I gritted my teeth and lowered the bar, being extra careful to keep it perfectly balanced. But it wasn’t as easy as Ael made it sound, and consequently, the bar slumped to the right. In no time, the balled up little bastard rushed over and bit me right on the knuckle.
“Ow!” I yelled.
“Keep the bar straight, or else you’re gonna get it from the other one!” Ael warned me. I immediately righted the bar. “Now keep yer elbows tucked in!” he continued. I tucked in my elbows as far as they’d go. “Lower the bar over your face!” I lowered it and felt a burning pain in my triceps. But I figured that was where I was supposed to feel it. Better there than on my poor knuckles. “Now bring your arms back ta the front!” Ael demanded. I did so and finished the first exercise of my set, with my fingers all the worse for wear. I breathed out a sigh of relief … a sigh which was short-lived. “Now, you gotta do fourteen more!”
“What?” I ground out, the bar starting to slope again. I immediately straightened it and resumed my set, promising myself that somehow, someway, I would get even with Tallis over this.
“Number two, come on!” Ael yelled. “I ain’t got all day, woman!” I busted out my next skull crusher, glaring at the Handrels as I did so. I kept the bar straight. “Number three!” Taking a breath, I brought the bar back over my head again.
“Dude!” Bill’s voice suddenly exclaimed as he appeared directly over me. Consequently, I lost control of the bar and not one, but both Handrels bit my index fingers at exactly the same time.
“Son of a bitch!” I wailed, glaring at Bill as soon as I straightened the bar again. “Bill, can’t you see I’m busy?!”
Bill nodded, giving a two-second glance to the Handrels before facing me again. “Sorry, Lils, but I totally just experienced peehicular manslaughter in the men’s room.”
“What the hell you talkin’ ‘bout?” Ael asked, his voice as irritated as mine must’ve been.
Bill nodded with glee, seeming incredibly anxious to enlighten us both, using his hands dramatically like he was planning to mime his story. “I was usin’ the urinal, an’ this freakin’ dude comes up next ta me an’ starts pissin’; an’ next thing I know, his piss is splashin’ out o’ the toilet an’ all over me!” he continued nodding vehemently, like it was too unbelievable to be true. “So I’m like: dafuq, yo? Right?” But Bill didn’t wait for anyone to respond. “Right!” Then he shook his head. “So now I’m stuck with some other dude’s piss all over my leg an’ Demon Bright here,” he glanced over at Ael, “don’t have a single goddamned shower in this shitbox.” He shook his head again. “Fuuck.” Then he looked at me. “The dude was totally sportin’ Eau de Douche anyway. Could smell him a mile away.”
“You done lost your damn mind,” Ael replied, shaking his head, before looking at me. “I got no idea what the hell …”
“I know,” I interrupted as I rolled my eyes, staring back at Bill as I shook my head. “No one ever knows what he’s talking about!”
“Eau de Douche!” Bill repeated like we were both dumb. “You know, that obnoxious, headache causin’ cologne cloud that always hangs over those beefy, tight-ass shirt-wearin’ dudes who are really just total douche bags.” He nodded at both of us, like he’d just made a really good point. “An’ they’re such posers too! Freakin’ frauders! They wanna come off like they’re loaded, but the truth is they’re nothin’ but a bunch of fake Armani-wearin’ Splenda daddies ’cause they ain’t got the funds to pull off bein’ a real sugar daddy!”
Ael pointed to the front of the gym and said with no slack in his jaw at all, “You’re not allowed back here no more. You stay up front an’ keep yourself occupied ’cause you’re gonna make me lose mah shit.”
“I’m just sayin’!” Bill frowned as he held up his arms in submission. “CTFD yo … Calm the fuck down!”
“Outta here!” Ael yelled at him as Bill shrugged once more and started for the front of the gym. Then looking back, first at Ael, then at me, before taking stock of the entire gym, he asked, “Anyone got one o’ them handheld Nintendos? ’Cause I got a whole bucket o’ nothin’ ta do right now.” No one responded and he shook his head. “Shit, this is totally gonna suck.”
***
I’m not sure if our gym visit really sucked for Bill, but it definitely sucked for me. I couldn’t remember a time that I’d ever attempted to do anything so physical. And now, as Bill and I followed Tal
lis back through the woods, I had half a mind to ask Tallis to carry me the rest of the way.
After three sets of fifteen reps of skull crushers, which coincidentally hurt my fingers more than my skull, we moved on to dips and chest presses. The chest presses equated to a straight bar with the burdensome head of a demon on either end. Apparently, Tallis wasn’t the only one fond of killing demons and keeping their heads. However, as far as I knew, Tallis didn’t go so far as to use them for chest pressing...
After the demonic head chest presses, we practiced bicep curls and seated rows. From there, we ventured into lower body territory, which included so many squats, my butt felt like it might fall off. But Ael, just as expected, didn’t offer any sympathy at all. Instead, we then began three sets of fifteen reps of lunges. After the lunges came the leg extensions, and then, the leg curls. By that time, I felt like I’d been hit by a Mack truck.
“But the worst had to be the deadlift,” I said as I glanced over at Bill and shook my head. I felt like I’d earned the opportunity to feel sorry for myself. Tallis was already five or so paces ahead of us, which seemed to be the rule, rather than the exception. “Or maybe the burpees.”
“You mean vurpees,” Bill said with a smug smile and a chuckle. “Anytime I watch people doing those, I vomit a little in my mouth.”
I shook my head. “You were totally reaching with that one, Bill.”
“What?” he demanded, puffing out his chest in defense of his pride and acting like I was being completely unreasonable. “Reaching? What you talkin’ ’bout, Willis?”
“Burpees and a vurp have nothing in common.”
He frowned at me. “An’ tell me just how in the hell you would even know that? It’s not like you speak cool.”
“Because I can figure it out!” I railed back at him. I was tired and sore so my temper had a very short leash. “A vurp clearly is a burp laced with vomit. And a burp laced with vomit has absolutely nothing to do with a burpee, aside from the fact that they rhyme.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “But nice try.”