He’s lost someone he loved. Just like me. A kindred spirit. Tatiana told me about them one time when I was little.
Slowly, I wander back to where he sits, and kneel beside him. Close—but not touching.
The three moons of Illyria float side by side, soon to be one. The Sirens are silent. So are we.
“I’m sorry,” I finally whisper.
“Me too.”
Still staring out over the valley, he moves his hand just slightly so that it rests on mine.
Chapter 13. Liora
It takes a few seconds for my last memories to surface, but once they do, I wish to God they hadn’t.
“Oh, no. No, no, no!” I groan, flinging the blanket over my head. Kieron. Oh, God, oh no…
Moaning, I bury my face in my pillow, wishing it could block out the world. What happened after I left? What did Lucky do? Does Kieron hate me? Is he okay? Is he even still alive?
I replay those final seconds over and over in my mind, each new memory puncturing a fresh hole in my heart: My failed escape; the man with the gun; falling asleep in Kieron’s arms as he looked at me with such sweet concern…
It’s over. It is so all over for me. There is no way anything good happened after I left. There is no best case scenario, only differing degrees of horrible.
The only question is, how bad is it? I can’t bear to consider the answer.
I scream into my pillow, the down filling muffling my cries. I hate this so much. Every single second of it. Life is not supposed to be like this, even for a demion. Especially for a demion. I’m supposed to have the world at my feet, not half-exist as a pathetic, sniveling nobody held hostage by the night and perpetually tormented by an unseen enemy.
Tatiana lightly taps on the bedroom door and lets herself in.
“Good morning, Liora, dear. Are you going to join the world today?”
“No,” I respond into my pillow.
“What is the matter?” She sits at the end of the bed and places her hand on my calf.
“I’m sick. I’m not going to school. I’m going to sleep all day.”
She clucks disapprovingly and smooths her long, grey hair behind her ear. “You are not sick, my dear. Something is bothering you. Either tell me what it is or please get ready for school.”
I bolt up and throw off the blankets, my fiery eyes fixing on her opaque ones. “What does it even matter what I do? Don’t you see? It doesn’t matter if I’m late or not there at all! None of this matters! I am a fraud…a fake. I don’t even exist. Not really. This life…this life…it sucks Tattie, it really does. I hate it! I hate everything about everything!” Angry tears spill down my cheeks.
She leans forward, wrapping her frail arms around me as sobs wrack through my body, her unconditional love making me feel doubly horrible. I hadn’t meant to take my anger out on her. She’s always been the one person I can count on; the one person who’s always been there for me. But right now she’s the only target I have for my frustration.
“There, there… don’t be so sad, my sweet Liora. Things aren’t always as bleak as they appear to be,” she coos, patting my back.
I pull away from her embrace and flop back on the bed. I’ve only been awake a few minutes but already my body is totally exhausted and my mind drained. I curl up in the covers again.
“Please just let me sleep,” I beg her, sniffling loudly under the blankets.
She stands up. “Do you plan to hide in here for the rest of your life?”
“Yes.” I nestle myself in further.
“And you think that will make you feel better?”
“Yes.”
She sighs. “So be it. But it saddens me to think that I raised a young woman who would quit so easily. You are the strongest person I know, and giving up without a fight is not like you.”
I turn over and remove the cover from my face to see her gazing down on me with concern. “I don’t even know who I am anymore,” I say, my voice softer.
“Yes, you do. And instead of focusing on all the things that are going wrong for you, why don’t you try opening your eyes to all that is good?” She has a hint of a smile on her face.
I sit up, propping myself against some pillows. “Like what? Name one thing that’s good. I hate school, I barely have any friends, I don’t even have...” I picture Kieron’s face and have to fight back a fresh wave of tears. “She’s ruined everything…”
“I have an idea,” she says, reaching down to stroke my hair. “Why don’t you go out and find just one good thing you like about your life. It is there, waiting to be discovered. But you cannot find the goodness if you hide from the light. You must seek it, even when the darkness surrounds you.”
“I can’t—”
“Yes, you can. Please…just this once. For me…”
Exhaling loudly, I give her a scowl. Tatiana rarely plays the guilt card, but when she does, it always works. I groan again and dangle my legs over the side of the bed to get out. But then I pause, remembering.
“Why do you even want me to go there? I’m sure you heard what happened yesterday. School’s probably cancelled, anyway.”
She closes her eyes and lowers her head. “Yes,” she whispers, “I am aware of the tragedy. Your school may or may not be open, but I want you to go anyway—”
I reach for the robe beside my bed and slip into it. “But why? It’s not even safe! Three students got whacked, and one’s missing her head! Why would you send me back there?—”
“I do not have all the details, as it’s still blurry. I have spoken with the others at Coven yester-eve and we do not feel the deaths occurred at the school. Rather, the bodies were placed there intentionally.” Like her, Tatiana’s group of sister-witches are pure humans, but they all have special insight as to the locations, movements, and energies of demons and demonic activity.
“But why? Who would do such a thing?”
“We believe perhaps someone is trying to send a message. Who the messenger is, however, remains to be seen, as their energies were cloaked in a manner none of us with the Vision can penetrate. Yet.”
I sigh. “But you still haven’t told me why you want me to go there. Obviously it’s no longer safe. Won’t I be in danger?”
She shakes her head. “I am confident you are not in any danger, just as I am confident that if something should arise, Lucky would take over. But I will never allow a child of mine to cower in the darkness because of fear. It is only when we face our fears head on that we become stronger…”
I slowly make my way to the bathroom. I know when I’ve been beaten. There’s no out-arguing Tatiana. Ever.
“Fine, I’ll go. But I’m telling you now, when I come back and tell you there is not one good thing in my life, that today sucks just as bad as every other day, and that pretending to be a normal human is a big fat friggen waste of time, I’m done with it. No more school; I don’t care what you say.”
“Deal.”
I stop walking and spin around, scanning her face for signs she’s just messing with me. Her expression is stoic as she leans against the violet wall of my bedroom.
“Wha-really? You’d let me drop out?”
“If that is what you decide to do. But only on one condition. You must promise me this: You will shake off whatever is upsetting you. You will open your eyes and heart to the possibility of life and love. You will embrace opportunity and let down the walls of the fortress you have built around your spirit. You will see others as they are meant to be seen, and in turn, allow them to see you for who you really are. And you will not be so afraid to fail that you don’t even try.”
“Fine, whatever.”
“Liora…”
“I promise, Tat.”
An impossible pledge.
Stepping outside, I welcome the stinging chill on my face. It takes my mind off Kieron, if only for a moment. I set my backpack down and fumble for my mittens; it’s much colder than I anticipated. Maybe I should just drive today.
But
I know if I do, it’ll just make the long hours cooped up in the classroom pass that much slower. For some reason walking to school is the only way I can tolerate being there. Plus, I need the time to think. Figure out what I’m going to do, what I’m going to say when I see Kieron. He’ll want an explanation for yesterday, no doubt. Maybe I should just say that I had a bad reaction to some prescription drugs. Or maybe non-prescription drugs. That might be more believable.
Yeah... Side-effects may include headaches, drowsiness, and demon possession…
Just as I’m about to turn from the path into the woods, I see him. The wind slaps my face as I stand there, not moving. What is he doing here? I’m not prepared!
Kieron leans against the side of his truck, looking like a male model posing for an outdoorsy catalogue. When he sees me, his face lights up and he jogs to where I’m standing.
My first instinct is to run away. But considering what a complete epic failure that was last time, I grit my teeth and stand my ground. Might as well get this over with.
Half of me admires the graceful way he moves toward me; the other half fiercely braces for the inevitable.
“Hey, Liora. How you doin’ today?”
No. No way. Uh-uh. Is he really trying to act like everything’s totally hunky-dory? I don’t think so!
I try to read his expression, but the only thing I see is the easy openness of yesterday. No anger. No resentment. No suspicion.
Very suspicious.
“F-fine…I guess.”
“I brought your things from yesterday…your clothes and book bag. You forgot to take them with you last night. I figured I should give ‘em back to you here, not at school.” His eyes gleam mischievously. “We wouldn’t want people to start talking…”
“Heaven forbid,” I say, flatly.
He gives me a half smile. “Well, they’re in my truck. Would you like a ride to school? It’s kinda chilly out to be walking.”
What is going on here? “I don’t want to drive…I want to walk.”
“Okay, we’ll walk together. Just let me grab my stuff.”
As he trots back to his truck, my mind is spinning. Why is he acting so normal? Like everything is fine? Like the insanity of yesterday didn’t happen, and Lucky didn’t show up and ruin everything. This is NOT possible.
No. Something’s definitely up.
He returns with his backpack slung casually over his shoulder and hands me my bag. Then he nods toward the forest.
“Shall we?”
******
Birds chirping and the crunching of leaves and twigs are the only sounds as Kieron and I hike through the woods. I’m waiting for him to say something…anything. But he remains silent, and so do I. He seems perfectly relaxed and at ease, but with every passing second I feel my mind closer and closer to exploding.
Finally, I can’t take it anymore. We’ve reached the forest’s walls; soon we’ll hit the main road. I stop abruptly, set my backpack on the ground, and take a seat on a fallen log.
He turns to me with a quizzical glance. “What’s wrong?”
“I think you and I need to talk.”
“Sure. What’s up?” He drops his bag and sits beside me.
“I need to ask you something and it might seem strange.” I stare straight ahead, unable to meet his penetrating gaze.
“You can ask me anything, Liora. I promise I won’t think it strange.”
Yeah. I highly doubt that.
I take a deep breath and dive in. “What happened with the farmer with the gun last night? I…I must have blocked it out or something because I don’t remember anything after he said he was going to call the police. Did…did anything unusual happen? Did I do or say anything… strange?”
Kieron runs his hands through his dark hair. It’s so cold that his breath makes little puffs in the air.
“Well, after you fainted…”
“Fainted?”
“Must’ve been from all that running and the fright of being held at gunpoint. Anyways, you fainted for a moment. When you came to, you were very nice with the farmer and he let us go.”
“And then what?” I suck in my breath and hold it.
He shrugs. “And then nothing. You wanted to go home, so I took you home. No big deal.”
My eyes narrow. Is he telling me the truth? Lucky despises automobiles, and I’m having a hard time believing she’d agree to go with him. Unless…No. Even if she thought Kieron was gorgeous, she hates human boys. Well, not hates, but she thinks they’re weak and pathetic and totally beneath her. She’d never be interested in one, no matter how handsome he is…
I’m only slightly mollified by his response. Perhaps she decided to play it cool to keep from being found out. But it still doesn’t explain why he’s not at all confused by my erratic behavior…
“Did I…say anything weird after I came to? Anything unusual?”
“Like what?”
“I dunno…just anything silly. I’m taking some prescription medications for insomnia and sometimes I get a little loopy and say things I don’t mean—”
“No, nothing weird. You were just…sorta quiet.”
I put my head down. “Oh, okay.”
How badly I want to believe him, but it seems too good to be true. But maybe, after all the crap I’ve been through lately, the universe decided to do me this small favor. Maybe Lucky really did behave, and maybe Kieron really doesn’t care that I ran away.
Yeah, and maybe pigs can fly and speak Chinese.
I decide not to push it. If Kieron wants to pretend everything’s fine, so will I. Having him want to be my friend is the closest thing to a miracle I’ve had; I don’t want to blow it now.
“Guess we better get going; don’t wanna be late,” I mumble, picking up my bag and slinging it over my shoulder.
“Wonder what school’s gonna be like today,” he muses, falling into step beside me. “I’m sure people are really freaked out.”
“Maybe it won’t even be open. You heard anything new?”
He shakes his head.
We reach the parking lot, and although it’s not as chaotic as yesterday, several students, parents, and teachers are gathered in small groups, talking. I see another news van set up, where a pretty reporter is speaking into a camera.
Kieron stands beside me as we survey the scene. I look for Corinne, but don’t see her anywhere. A girl named Marcy wanders by looking dazed, and Kieron reaches out and grabs her arm.
“Do you know what’s going on?” he asks.
She pauses and shrugs. “They cancelled classes until Wednesday of next week, but they’ve set up a bunch of rooms for students to talk to grief counselors if they want to.” She looks at Kieron when answering, ignoring me completely. “I guess the police will be questioning students at some point, but the parents have to be there, too, so they’re getting it all organized.”
“Thanks.” He drops her arm and she walks away. He turns to me. “Do you want to talk to a grief counselor?”
I shake my head. “I just wanna get out of here.”
“Yeah, me too…guess we’re hoofing it again?”
“Sorry I made you walk all this way just to turn around and go back…”
He smiles. “Don’t apologize. I can’t think of a nicer way to spend the day than walking through the woods with you. If you want to go back and pick up my truck we can go somewhere and just chill…I brought something for you…something I hope you like…”
My face brightens. “You did? Something for me?”
He nods. “Just a little something…I was looking at it and thought of you. But let’s get going before we get lassoed into some group therapy session,” he says as we both spot a teacher heading in our direction.
We aim back toward the woods.
******
I lean up against a headstone and take the small leather book from his hand. “This is for me?” After Kieron and I had made our way back to my cabin, we hopped in his truck and drove out to the cemetery
. For some reason, both of us felt it was the right place to be today.
He does that cute thing with his mouth where he smiles out of one side. “Yeah, well, it’s for you to borrow…if you want…for as long as you like. I just thought you might enjoy it. You mentioned you liked poetry. I made this collection earlier this year. It has all my favorites in one place.”
I gently open the brown cover, turning to the first page. A table of contents lists several of my favorite poets: Robert Browning, William Blake, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Emily Dickinson…
“There’s a few in there that make me think of you…” he says, quietly.
My heart starts the thudding thing it does when he looks at me with his sweet eyes. I love this feeling…the one where we are the only ones alive on Earth, where no one else exists, and no one else matters. It’s just the two of us, talking, laughing, being.
“Which ones?” I ask, tucking my hair behind my ear. I pull up my knees and rest the book on them, thumbing through the pages.
“Well…there’s a couple in particular. Want me to tell you one?”
My skin tingles as I nod, handing him the book. But he shakes his head, holding up his palm. “It’s okay…I have it memorized. And I’m sure you’ve heard it before…”
“Tell me…”
He takes a deep breath and leans back on his arms and begins speaking in dulcet tones.
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.