“You have to tell someone, Imo. That’s a crime.”
“He just changed, in one minute. It was like he turned into a different person.”
“You have to go to the police.”
“No, you don’t understand. I can’t.”
“I mean it, Imo. He should be locked up.”
“I can’t tell anyone. I can’t. I don’t want anyone to know. It started as a game. Then he wouldn’t stop.”
“It’s not a game, Imo. Beating someone up isn’t a game.”
“It is for Leo. It’s what turns him on.”
“What’s sexy about beating you up? I just don’t get it.”
“He went crazy. He hit me and hit me. I wanted to shout but I didn’t. I didn’t make any noise at all. I should have screamed for help or something. But I just let him hit me. I suppose I didn’t want anyone to know. Even while he was doing it I was ashamed. As if it was my fault.”
She cried softly in Maddy’s arms.
“Imo, Imo, Imo. I can’t bear it.”
“But you mustn’t tell anyone, Maddy. Promise you won’t tell anyone.”
“He has to be stopped.”
“But don’t you see? He’ll say I was in bed with him of my own free will. He’ll say if I didn’t like it, why did I stay?”
“Like it!”
“He says lots of girls like it.”
“Being hurt?”
“Yes. He says girls like it.”
“He’s sick.” Maddy felt angry now. “He’s perverted.”
“But don’t tell anyone. Promise.”
“All right. I promise. But you’ve got to tell someone, Im.”
“Who?”
“Mum and Dad?”
“What can they do? I don’t see Dad going round to Leo’s place and knocking him down.”
“Actually I think that’s exactly what he would do.”
“Do you?”
Maddy hesitated. It wasn’t a good moment, but there was never going to be a good moment.
“Dad’s been having some problems. He’s come home feeling he’s not much use to us all.”
“Not much use? Why’s he not much use?”
“He says Mum does everything and we’ve grown up now. I didn’t realize it, but apparently he feels he’s no good at anything. He wants to run away and hide.”
“Run away where?”
“He’s got some woman in China.”
“What!”
Imo’s eyes blazed with sudden fury. She jumped up off the bed, tying her kimono tight round her bruised body.
“He’s not running anywhere!”
“No! Wait! Imo!”
But it was too late. She had already stormed down the stairs to the kitchen.
“Dad! What’s this about you leaving us?”
“Imo, darling—”
“If you do I’ll track you down and kill you! You got that? There’s not going to be any running away from us! We need you, so you’re staying! Got that?”
“Darling, please. Leave this to me and Jenny. Please.”
“No, I won’t! I’m involved too. Maddy’s involved too.”
“Yes, I know that—”
“And we say you can’t go. So that’s it. You’re outvoted.”
“We have to talk later, darling. All of us. When we’re calmer.”
“What’s there to talk about, Dad? So you’re having a bad time. Deal with it. Life’s not roses all the way.”
Maddy thought Imo was magnificent. With her stripped gaunt face and her hand raised as if to strike she was an avenging fury. Her father quailed before her.
“I really could do with a drink,” he said.
“Me too,” said Imo.
She got a bottle of wine out of the fridge and poured everyone a glass.
“So you’re not leaving, right? That’s agreed.”
“Yes,” he said.
They all drank to that, as if they were sealing an oath.
Rich rang Maddy that evening. She didn’t recognize the phone number and didn’t know it was him until he spoke.
“It’s me,” he said. His voice sounded nervous. “Rich.”
“Where are you calling from?”
“The phone in the schoolroom.”
“Are you alone?”
“Just about.”
“How’s your gran?”
“No change.”
“Will you be in school tomorrow?”
“Yes. Dad says there’s no point in hanging around the hospital.”
“Right. So I’ll see you in school.”
“I was thinking. Maybe we don’t want too many people to know. At school, I mean.”
“Why not? Are you ashamed of me?”
“I thought you might be ashamed of me.”
“Oh, Rich. You are a dope.”
“So you’re not?”
“No. I’m proud of you.”
“Well, I’m proud of you. Why wouldn’t I be? You’re so beautiful.”
“So are you.”
“Me?” He sounded genuinely surprised.
“Yes. But maybe you’re right. I don’t want to make it be a school thing. Let’s go on at school the same as ever.”
Like Joe wanted with me. Only it wasn’t Joe.
“And meet up after school?” he said.
“It’s a deal,” she said.
“I’d better go. Kitty’s got sharp ears. Just one last thing I wanted to ask you.”
“What?”
“Did it really happen?”
“Yes. It really happened.”
“Just checking.”
“You thought you might have dreamed it?”
“Yes. It was too good. I thought it had to be a dream.”
“No. It was real.”
“Real’s better, isn’t it?”
“Real is better.”
28
Rich in love
Kitty saw the change in Rich.
“You’ve gone all funny,” she said.
“No, I haven’t.”
“Yes, you have. You’re not listening half the time.”
“So? Maybe I’m not interested half the time.”
“I think it’s because of Maddy Fisher.”
“What’s she got to do with anything?”
But he blushed. Kitty gave a cry of triumph.
“I knew it! You’ve got the hots for Maddy Fisher!”
“I have not! And anyway it’s nothing to do with you.”
“You have! You have! If you don’t admit it I’ll tell everyone.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I will. You’ll see.”
“Why can’t you keep your big nose out of my business?”
“Have I got a big nose?”
She felt her nose, suddenly critical.
“Your little nose, then.”
“But I’m right, Rich, aren’t I? I think she’s great. And I know for a fact she’s got the hots for you.”
“What is this hots, Kitty? Where do you get this stuff from?”
“She has, though. I saw the way she was looking at you at Gran’s party. Do you love her, Rich? Do you kiss and everything?”
“You keep out. You’re too young.”
“But I have to learn! How else am I to learn? You have to tell me things. Mum and Dad are ancient, they’re not going to be any use. You’re all I’ve got. And anyway”—she clung to him, wheedling—“I want you to be happy. Just tell me you’re happy.”
“Okay. I’m happy.”
She flung her arms round him and held him tight.
“You’re in love! You’re in love! You’re in love!”
It was true. Rich was in love. This was way beyond any dreams he had had of Grace Carey. He passed the hours in a blissful daze, thinking only of the time when he would be alone with Maddy Fisher once more.
“You know what?” said his friend Max. “You’ve become ultra boring.”
“Sorry.”
“What are you
writing?”
He took the sheet of paper from Rich and read out: “ ‘The deepest need of man is to overcome his separateness.’ ”
“What the fuck’s that?”
“It’s from the book Pablo lent me.”
“It’s bollocks. The deepest need of man is to get his end away.”
They were lying on the grass by the edge of the sports field, supposedly revising for a forthcoming test. A spell of autumn sunshine had brought half the sixth form out into the open.
“Why do you always go on about sex, Max?”
“I don’t know. I expect it’s something to do with hormones.”
“Don’t you ever think about anything else?”
“No.”
“Suppose you were able to get as much sex as you wanted. Suppose there were girls just there for you, all the time. Ten times a day if you wanted. Wouldn’t there come a time when you’d start wanting something else?”
A dreamy look came over Max’s round pink face.
“Girls I could fuck whenever I felt like it. That would be something.”
“You’d get bored with it. You know you would.”
“I’ll tell you what I’d do. I’d have a fuck after breakfast. Then a little doze. Then I’d have a fuck for elevenses. Then another little doze. Then lunch. Then another fuck. Then another doze—”
“Yes, okay. I get the picture.”
Maddy Fisher passed by with a group of friends. She waved a greeting.
“That Maddy Fisher’s all right,” said Max. “Shame she’s got no tits.”
They met in the tree barn in the woods that early evening. Maddy was carrying a folded-up Indian rug.
“Now we don’t have to get leaves all over us.”
She spread it out under the ash tree.
Rich was astonished by the rug. Why hadn’t he thought of it? The part that astonished him was that Maddy had been making plans for their meeting. His own obsession he took for granted. He had not yet come to believe that Maddy could truly be thinking about him when he wasn’t there. It seemed to Rich that Maddy had joined him out of the sheer goodness of her heart, because she knew he wanted her so much. He could not conceive that she wanted him.
“Any news about your gran?” Maddy said.
“No. Mum and Dad were with her this morning. She still hasn’t woken up.”
“I’m really sorry, Rich.”
They lay down together on the rug. Maddy was wearing jeans, a T-shirt, a blue top.
“Where did you tell your parents you were going?” he said.
“To meet Cath.”
“Does Cath know?”
“Not yet. I’ll tell her tomorrow.”
“It’s funny about telling, isn’t it? I feel shy about it. I don’t really know why.”
“Me too.”
“It’s because I don’t really believe it yet, I think.”
“What don’t you believe?”
“That you want to be with me.”
“You shouldn’t put yourself down all the time, Rich. You’re a very special person.”
“Well, that’s the thing. Sometimes I feel I’m so far ahead of everyone else that I must have landed from some other planet. And sometimes I feel like I’m just nobody.”
“That’s how I feel too.”
“You can’t ever feel you’re nobody, Maddy. You’re so gorgeous.”
“I don’t feel gorgeous.”
“But you are. You just are. It’s just a fact.”
“I don’t have much of a figure.”
“What do you mean, not much of a figure? You’ve got an amazing figure.”
“Not exactly a sexy figure, though.”
“Who told you that? You’re so sexy it kills me. Maddy, you’re sexy to die for.”
“Well, I’m glad you think so.”
They kissed as they had kissed before, very softly.
“Remember,” she said, “we’re just practicing.”
They held each other very close and their kissing became more eager. Rich felt her body against his. He started to shiver.
“There you go with the shaking,” Maddy said.
“I wish it wouldn’t do that,” he said.
“Why? I like it. It makes me feel like everything’s for the first time.”
“It is.”
“Me too.”
“But you’ve kissed boys before, Maddy.”
“Not like this. And not anything more than kissing. So it really is the first time for me.”
“Don’t you wish I was experienced and knew all the right moves?”
“No. I love it that it’s new for you. I love it that no one else has ever done this with you before. I feel like you’re giving me something no one else has had and no one else can ever have.”
“Even if I do it all wrong?”
“You won’t do it all wrong. That’s why we’re practicing.”
They kissed again. He kissed her neck, her throat. He felt her hands moving over his back, pulling him close against her. He felt her hips pressing against his.
“You could take off your shirt,” she said. “Then I could feel the real you.”
He pulled off his shirt. To his own eyes his bare torso looked white and skinny in the fading evening light. But Maddy seemed happy enough.
“Look, you’ve got tiny chest hairs.”
She stroked his chest. She tickled his nipples.
“Is that sensitive?”
“A bit.”
She kissed his chest, rubbed her face against his bare skin.
“Aren’t bodies wonderful?”
“You don’t think I’m too skinny?”
“No. You’re lean and lovely.”
Her hair fell down on either side of her face and tickled his skin. “I could just eat you up,” she said.
He couldn’t ask aloud the way she did. He was still too shy. So instead he slipped his hands under her T-shirt and felt the bare skin beneath. He stroked his fingers over her back, pushing her shirt up, feeling the bumps of her spine.
“Why don’t I take it off?” she said.
She sat up and pulled her T-shirt over her head. She wasn’t wearing a bra. She sat there for a moment watching him looking at her.
“You like?”
“You’re beautiful. More than I ever knew.”
“Talk about skinny.”
“Not skinny. Perfect.”
Very gently he ran his fingers over her breasts. She saw the wonder in his eyes.
“Not like the glamour pictures.”
“A million times more gorgeous. Feel. My hands are shaking.”
And his blood was racing. And his legs were tingling. And his cock was pushing at his jeans.
“Oh, Rich. You’re so sweet.”
He kissed her breasts, first one, then the other, with tender care. Then he put his arms round her and drew her down so that they were lying pressed against each other on the rug. He kissed her lips. He felt her hand slip down to his crotch.
“Do you mind if I feel?” she whispered.
“No.”
It wasn’t the sort of thing you could keep secret. He felt awkward about it and almost unbearably excited, both at the same time. His cock was hard now, he had to tug on his jeans to let it stand straight. Maddy felt the ridge that it made beneath the denim. She stroked her hand up and down it.
Her touch overwhelmed him. No one else had ever touched him there. The solitary pleasures he had given himself had never brought with them this sensation of thrilling otherness. Someone else, someone outside the control of his own will, was giving him pleasure. He had entered a region of unknown delights. And to add to the sheer tingling shock of her touch there was the unthinkably wonderful fact that she wanted to please him. This bewildered him. It seemed impossible. The pleasures of sex had until now been so private, so wrapped around with secrecy and guilt, that it seemed only in dreams could they ever be shared with another.
“I think I should undo your jeans,” she said.
“You look so uncomfortable.”
She undid the top button. She drew down the zip. She pushed aside the waistband of his pants. His cock stood free.
Rich found himself unable to speak a single word.
Maddy touched his cock. Then she stroked it softly, as much feeling it as stroking it.
“I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
She was wrapping her hand round his cock now, moving her hand up and down. He gave a gasp.
“Sorry. Did I hurt you?”
“No. It’s not that.”
“Oh. You think you might come?”
“It has been known.”
“As quick as that?”
“Well, I am rather excited.”
“Am I exciting you?”
“Yes, Maddy. Very much.”
She stroked his cock with light touches.
“Cath and me watched some porn not so long ago,” she said. “I thought it looked so boring. But with you it isn’t boring. It’s exciting.”
“I bet his cock was bigger than mine.”
“Yes, it was. Much.”
“Sorry about that.”
“What do you mean, sorry? Who says bigger’s better? Do you wish I had bigger boobs?”
“No. Not at all.”
“There you are, then. I love your cock just the way it is.” She bent down and kissed it. It twitched. “Oh, it twitched!”
“What do you expect?”
“How long will it stay hard?”
“Pretty much until it gets what it wants.”
Maddy returned to stroking his cock lightly with one hand.
“Do you mind if we don’t go all the way?” she said. “Not today, I mean.”
“No. I don’t mind.”
“It’s just that I don’t want it to happen too fast.”
“Me neither.”
“Does it hurt if you don’t come?”
“No. Not hurt. It’s just like anything else you want a lot and don’t get.”
“Poor cock. It seems so unfair.”
She kissed it again.
“It’s a bit the same for me, you know,” she said. “I’m getting quite interested.”
“Maybe you should undo your jeans too.”
“Okay.”
Once again, Rich was amazed. The stuff of fantasy was turning out to be simplicity itself. All you had to do was ask.
Maddy wriggled her jeans down to her knees. Underneath she was wearing pretty white panties. Through the cotton of the panties Rich could see the dark triangle of her pubic hair.