She took his hand and placed it between her thighs. He stroked her, feeling the soft mound under the white cotton. He felt a throbbing in his cock.
“This could be too much for me.”
She put her hand over his hand and pressed it against her crotch, moving it up and down.
“That feels nice.”
Then she pushed her panties down and made his hand feel the tangle of hair, and the folds within. She guided his forefinger. She eased his fingertip up a little, in a little.
“Can you feel that?”
“Not yet. What am I supposed to be feeling?”
“There’s a little bump there. There! You’re on it now.”
“Oh, yes.”
“That’s what gives me good feelings.”
He pressed the little unseen bump, and moved his fingertip back and forth over it. She took control again, holding his finger in hers, making it go round in small circles.
“That’s what you like?”
“Yes. Just there.”
He told her what he liked. She told him what she liked. It was so simple, so obvious, and to Rich a revelation beyond wonder.
His body was convulsed with longing. His mind was dazzled by the nearness of her almost-naked body. But more than everything else he felt flooded with gratitude.
She wants to please me. She gives me her body to please me. She strokes my cock to please me. For this I give her my love now and forever. All for you, my Maddy. My darling Maddy.
A distant crashing of footsteps in the wood. They both froze. Someone was coming up the path.
Rapidly, in total silence, they pulled their clothes back on and separated, sitting a little apart on the rug. A dog appeared, a black Labrador, and looked at them. A woman’s voice called, “Susie! Susie!” The dog ran off. A half-seen figure passed by between the trees, heading up the path and out onto the top of the hill.
“Maybe we should go back,” Maddy whispered.
They stood up and Maddy shook out the rug and folded it up.
“We’d better find somewhere else for next time,” said Rich.
“I’ve got somewhere. If you don’t mind coming to my place.”
“What about your parents?”
“Not in the house. In the shop. After it’s closed, of course. There’s even a bed.”
He put his arms round her and pulled her close. They kissed.
“I love you, Maddy.”
“I love you, Rich.”
They returned through the dark wood, descending from their own private retreat to the world of other people. In the shadowy spaces between the last of the trees they kissed again before coming out onto the open road.
“Tomorrow evening, then.”
“Tomorrow.”
29
Joe brings news
Maddy had a lot to tell Cath. She started with the easy part.
“I finally got to talk with Joe and guess what? Grace made it all up.”
“Made what up?”
“Everything. Her and Joe. Gemma being pregnant. The emails. Everything.”
“She isn’t going out with Joe?”
“And Joe didn’t send the emails.”
“So who did?”
“Has to be Grace herself.”
“But why?”
“You tell me, Cath. I say she has to be insane.”
“And the rest! She should be put down. That is so sick.”
“Well, she is supposed to be sick, isn’t she? That’s why she’s not in school.”
“I’ll give her sick. Sick’s too good for that bitch. I vote for dead. Don’t you want to kill her?”
“I want to know why she did it. But no, I don’t want to kill her.”
“You’re too good for this world, Mad. It’s not healthy.”
“I don’t really care that much about Grace anymore,” said Maddy.
She had more to tell. What she had said so far came under the category of surprise. The next part was more like betrayal. For so long she and Cath had been boyfriend-less together, mutually supportive in a world of couples. When she had embarked on her great crush on Joe she had invited Cath to be part of it from the beginning. This time it was different. Cath was on the outside.
“I’ve got something else going on,” she said. “All very new. I’ve started seeing more of Rich Ross.”
“Rich?” Cath stared in disbelief. “You and Rich?”
“Yes.”
“How? When? You never said a word.” Her eyes started to blink rapidly. “You never even signed his petition.”
Maddy knew then that it was even worse than she had feared. Cath had had secret hopes of Rich for herself.
“Oh, God,” she said. “I’m sorry, Cath.”
“It was only a tiny glimmer. Only a baby dream. I thought maybe if he had no one else …”
Her voice trailed away.
Maddy said, “I wouldn’t have done anything if I’d known.”
“So you’ve done things already?”
“Not much. It’s all really new.”
“I didn’t think he was your type.”
“Nor did I.”
“Oh, well,” said Cath. “I’m not surprised he’d go for you. But you going for him—that’s a new one on me. I mean, he’s not exactly Joe Finnigan, is he?”
“Maybe that’s what I like about him.”
“So you really do like him?”
“Yes.”
“Out of ten?”
“Nine.”
“Joe got nine. Nine means ten but you don’t want to say ten because ten means it’s perfect and then God gets jealous and spoils it.”
“All right. Eight.”
“Anything over seven’s in love.”
“I don’t know, Cath. It’s not like it was with Joe. I don’t feel all churned up with excitement. I just want to be with him, and when I’m with him I feel good.”
“Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.”
“Okay. I won’t say any more.”
“No, you’re my best friend. I want to know all about it. I just wish I had someone to love me too. Oh, I do, I do, I do.” She did a little dance of frustration. “I suppose I’ll have to have a go at Mini-Max. Do you think if I don’t mind him being a dwarf he’ll not mind me being a hag?”
So how far should they go? The question no longer existed for Maddy, because they had already begun. There was no stopping now. They would go where the road led them. Their time together this evening, already planned, was only one part of that journey. Whatever they did tonight, it could never be “all the way.” The way had to be longer than that. But it might be, most likely would be, that semi-mythical milestone in a girl’s life, her “first time.”
Maddy sat alone in a library cubicle, her workbooks open before her, and thought about sex. The prospect was unreal to her. It had so many associations, it was so grown-up and glamorous, but there was also something ridiculous about it. How could such a presumed transformation be achieved by a few minutes of clumsy fumbling in the cushion room, just a few hours from now?
Maybe I’m not ready. I don’t have to do it.
This thought stopped her in her tracks. Why was she assuming her blossoming love affair with Rich had to turn sexual so soon? In the past couples kissed and cuddled for months, even years, before ending up in bed together. Rich certainly wasn’t forcing the pace. Neither of them were. They were letting happen what they wanted to happen.
Who’s doing the wanting here?
Maddy did her best to be honest with herself. Would she be more at ease if they put the brakes on the rush towards sex? She imagined being in Rich’s arms again as they had been in the tree barn. There was her answer. Every touch was leading them there. It was what was coming next. It was tomorrow. It was this evening. Soon it would be now.
And she wanted it to happen. She wanted it because it would then be the bond between her and Rich, the shared secret that made them more than friends; just as Gemma had said about Joe, “I’m the only o
ne he does it with.” Maddy didn’t expect a wild explosion of passion. She’d questioned her friends who’d done it, and picked up that there was more discomfort than pleasure the first time. But on the plus side it didn’t take long, the boy was grateful, and ever after you could say you’d done it. It gets easier, they said, like smoking. Hang on in and you start really liking it.
When she imagined it Maddy saw it as an extended form of kissing and hugging. We’ll kiss and hug, and get closer and closer, until we’re as close as two people can ever be. And that will be sex.
“Here you are! I’ve been looking all over for you.”
It was Joe Finnigan. He dropped down into a chair facing her.
“Listen,” he said. “I think I’ve found out what’s been going on with Grace. I had a sort of idea and I checked it out last night. Grace Carey has been seeing my brother Leo.”
“Leo!”
“Whenever something bad happens in my family it’s always down to Leo.”
“Grace has been going out with Leo!”
“Apparently he picked her up in a club over a year ago.”
“Grace has been going out with Leo for a year?”
“So Leo says.”
“But it’s over now.”
“It’s not over at all. She’s with him now.”
“But Leo’s going out with my sister.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s not seeing Grace.”
Maddy struggled to put all this new information together. Why would Grace not have told her?
“What do you mean, she’s with Leo now?”
“She’s in Leo’s flat. Leo says she’s ill.”
“What sort of ill?”
“I don’t know. Leo doesn’t give much away. I told him Grace’s story about you and me and he laughed and said yes, he knew. That’s when it came out. He said she was jailbait when she first came onto him. He said, ‘You know me, Joe. I can resist anything except temptation.’ ”
“And Grace is with him now?”
“Apparently.”
“Joe, Leo’s got a mean streak.” Maddy was trying not to give away what Imo had told her in confidence, but she couldn’t stop herself. Something had to be done. “Almost like he’s sadistic.”
“Leo’s very mixed up,” said Joe. “You can thank our dear papa for that. Not exactly the best role model. Very charming and very unpredictable. He left years ago but he still shows up from time to time. Mummy says he’s a total bastard but she’s never loved anyone else.”
“Was he violent?”
“I think he might have been.”
“But your mother still loved him?”
“Yes. Still does.”
“Joe, Leo’s violent. He hit Imo. He hurt her.”
Joe’s face darkened.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Really I am. She just has to keep away from him.”
“She’s keeping away now.”
“I wouldn’t wish Leo on any girl, even though he’s my brother. Not even Grace Carey.”
“Shouldn’t he be reported or something? I saw what he did to Imo.”
“I suppose so. It’s hard. He thinks it’s just fooling around.”
“Do lots of boys like to hurt girls? Do you?”
He looked up quickly, shock in his eyes.
“No! Never! I wouldn’t hurt a fly. Ask Gemma.”
“Somebody has to talk to him, Joe. Can’t you talk to him? Make him see it.”
“Maddy, I’m his little brother. He’d just laugh at me.”
“Someone has to do something.”
Joe brushed his hair out of his eyes and gave an awkward shrug of his shoulders. He stood up.
“Well, anyway. That’s what I came to say. Whatever Grace has been up to, it’s something to do with Leo.”
What had Grace been up to?
Maddy went over it and over it but could make no sense of anything. If she’d been going out with Leo all the time, why the concealment? Why the lies? Why the elaborate made-up stories?
If Grace was still not in school tomorrow Maddy determined to go to Leo’s flat and find her and make her tell her the truth. And if Leo was there too there were things she had to say to him.
Tomorrow.
Before then came tonight.
30
Grace’s story
Maddy prepared herself that evening with care. She had a shower. She put on her prettiest underwear. She chose a short blue denim skirt, not tarty short, but easier to manage than jeans; a tight fitting white cotton T-shirt; and a long loose cotton-knit top the color of strawberry ice cream. She brushed her hair and pulled it back into a ponytail. She spent half an hour making herself up, but so subtly that Rich would most likely think she was wearing no makeup at all. She sprayed on three very short bursts of perfume. She took her evening pill, which was the sixth since she had started. No side effects so far.
Alone in the kitchen she added vodka to a carton of orange juice and shook it vigorously. She wasn’t going to get drunk, just a little bit relaxed.
She unlocked the shop and climbed the stairs to the cushion room. She drew the curtains closed round the big Indian bed, even though no customers would appear at this hour. She lay down among the cushions in the softly tinted evening light and took a swig of the vodka and orange and waited for Rich to call.
As she waited she thought about him. She imagined him there with her, lying on the bed by her side. She imagined him kissing her, the way they had kissed in the tree barn, very lightly. She imagined putting her arms round his naked body. She whispered, “I love you, Rich.” She felt his body all down her body. “Shall we?” she whispered. “Shall we do it?” She felt him shivering in her arms the way he’d done before, and she knew he wanted to do it more than anything in the world. “Do you love me, Rich?” she whispered. “Do you love me?” And he did, he loved her with his heart and his mind and his body, and this was how she knew it, he was giving himself to her without reserve. She held him naked in her arms and he was as close as anyone ever could be, and that was love.
Her phone rang.
Rich was calling from the hospital. He couldn’t come.
“I’m really sorry, Mad.” His voice quiet down the phone, the sounds of the hospital tannoy in the background. “You know I want to more than anything. But we’re all here.”
“Is it bad?”
“They say so.”
“Don’t worry about me. Call me when you can.”
“I should be thinking about Gran,” he said. “But I’m thinking about you.”
“Me too.”
After the call was over Maddy lay for a moment longer pondering what to do. Then she did what she always did at such times. She phoned Cath.
Cath came round at once. They drank the vodka and orange together and Maddy told Cath all she now knew about Grace.
“Leo?” said Cath. “It’s Leo? I can’t keep up. Am I just stupid? What’s going on?”
“Ask Grace.”
“Where is Grace? She hasn’t been in school for days.”
“Joe says she’s at Leo’s place,” said Maddy. “He’s got a flat on the High Street. Above Caffè Nero.”
They looked at each other. Maddy took another swig at the carton, and handed it to Cath.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“You bet I am.”
Cath took a long swig.
“She’ll be there right now.”
“Sniggering with that weirdo Leo.”
“We could talk to her.”
“We could smack her stupid face.”
“No, I don’t want to get into a fight,” said Maddy. “I just want some answers.”
It was past nine in the evening when Maddy and Cath found themselves standing on the empty pavement outside the dark café. The night air was chilly. In the vodka-induced excitement of their departure Maddy had not thought to put on a warmer top and now she was shivering with cold.
“Anything left in that carton?”
> “Mad, we dumped it way back. We’re running on righteous anger now.”
“Righteous anger. Right.”
She rang the bell for the first-floor flat. It made no sound.
“I don’t think the bell works.”
She knocked. There was no response.
They stood back on the curb and looked up at the first-floor windows. The curtains were drawn, but there were lights on inside.
“Someone’s home.”
Then the street door opened and Leo Finnigan came out.
“Hello,” he said.
He was wearing a leather aviator jacket and a scarf, apparently on his way out somewhere.
“Is Grace in there?” said Maddy.
“Yes, she is.”
“We want to see her.”
“She’s not feeling too good,” said Leo. “Is it important?”
“Yes, it is.”
Maddy realized Leo had not recognized her. She saw no need to enlighten him.
“Come on in, then.”
They followed him up the stairs.
“I was just going out to the pub to catch the last half of the game,” he said. “It’s not very cool to admit it these days but I’m a secret Man United fan.”
The flat’s living room was furnished with familiar items from Maddy’s family shop, some of them very pricey. Leo’s mother had spared no expense. The chest on which the TV stood was top of the range, inlaid with many different woods to create pictures of lakeside palaces. The remains of a takeaway meal lay on the floor among a litter of DVDs. Discarded clothing hung from chair backs. Discarded shoes, both male and female, were heaped under the table. Cigarette butts in plates on the windowsills.
Grace lay on the sofa, covered by a duvet. Her skin was pale and waxy, her hair unkempt, her eyes wide and staring. She was watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
“What are you doing here? Who told you I was here?”
She sounded frightened.
“Joe,” said Maddy.
“None of his fucking business,” said Grace.
“My brother my keeper,” said Leo with a smile. He turned off the television. “What can I get you? I’ve got whisky. I’ve got water. I’ve got whisky and water.”
Maddy was staring at Grace. Her appearance shocked her.