Bryn, what’s wrong with you? I screamed at myself. Why are you feeling like this and … acting like this? How can you even think this way after everything you endured over the last three weeks?
Of course, I had no answers to my questions. Although it was wrong on every possible level, I had to admit to myself that I definitely desired Sinjin … that I was in the process of desiring him even now.
You shouldn’t be surprised! I railed back mentally. That’s how you’ve always felt about Sinjin! Why should it be any different now?
Because!
Confusion, guilt and anger flourished inside of me as I tried to make sense of my emotions. I just couldn’t understand how I could feel such blatantly amorous sensations and desires for any man after what happened to me. I’d sworn off men forever and promised myself I’d never again suffer the anguish of having another man force himself on me.
But Sinjin isn’t just a man! I argued. He isn’t Gus or Will or Jack. And what’s more, Sinjin is your friend.
Yes, but …
There is no but! You know he would never and could never hurt you!
“Princess?” Sinjin’s voice snapped through my thoughts and drew my attention back to him. “You have my word as a gentleman that I will not take advantage of you, not now, not ever.”
He was still trying to convince me to allow him to take the pain of his bite away. Truthfully, there was nothing I wanted more than to yield to his request and offer myself to him. I wanted to trust him. I gulped when I considered what I was doing—forfeiting any chance to protect myself in case he proved not to be the gentleman he professed he was.
But you know he is a gentleman, I continued to argue with myself. You also know that Sinjin is a man of his word. He’s honorable.
Really, the pain of his bite wouldn’t be that bad … I argued with myself.
The pain isn’t the point! Sinjin is asking you to trust him! And you know you want to trust him just as much as he wants you to!
“Look at me,” he commanded. Tipping my chin, he forced my head up so I could look into his azure eyes. When my eyes met his, he smiled a smile I’d never seen on him before. I was accustomed to seeing boyish, charming and, most often, salacious grins on Sinjin. But this smile was totally different. This one was … sweet.
“I would never harm a single hair on your beautiful head,” he whispered, his cold breath fanning across my cheeks. My eyes closed of their own volition. The sound of his voice was enticing and soft, so soothing that I couldn’t possibly keep them open. His ice-cold breath continued to chill my skin, almost making it burn. “The favor you are offering me by sharing your blood is a gift that I will cherish and honor.”
He will be warm soon. The thought caused a frenzy of butterflies to flutter in my stomach. As soon as he drinks your blood, he will grow warm. Your blood will warm him. No one else’s… just yours.
I wasn’t sure why, but that thought also filled me with pleasure. I wanted to make Sinjin warm, I wanted him to feel the radiant heat spreading through his veins, a gift of life, thrumming and pulsating throughout his body. I wanted him to know what it felt like to be human again. And knowing I was the only woman who could give him such a gift gave me a strange sense of calm.
“Please do not insist that I cause you pain, Bête Noire,” Sinjin continued. His voice encouraged me to open my eyes just as it had been the reason I’d closed them. I watched him bring his index finger to my face and push a few stray locks of my hair behind my ear. “Allow me to remove any discomfort inflicted by me … please.”
“I don’t know.”
“Now is not the time for brandishing your sword, pet,” he continued. “It is not the time for martyrdom.”
I didn’t respond right away as I stared into his hypnotic eyes and tried to make sense of my turbulent emotions. I was incredibly turned on, yes, but there was much more to it than that. I felt cocooned by Sinjin, even though he wasn’t holding me. Just the sensation of his fingers along the side of my face somehow made me feel … safe.
“Please,” he repeated while he brought his finger to my mouth, running the pad of it across my lower lip. My heartbeat pounded at such an increased pace, the rush of blood seemed to fill my head, making me suddenly dizzy. Every nerve in my body was on high alert and tuned in to Sinjin, straining to feel his touch.
I didn’t say anything but just simply nodded, letting him know that I was forfeiting my control, and allowing him to be in charge. A sudden blast of indignation bubbled up inside of me, but I ignored it. I couldn’t allow the feelings of outrage to take control of me. I couldn’t—not when I wanted only to trust Sinjin. Actually, it was more than simply wanting to trust him. I needed to.
He smiled at me again with that sweetness that was new to me and then brought both of his hands to the sides of my head so he could control the direction of my gaze. “Thank you, love,” he whispered softly. Suddenly, he appeared very tall, much more grand and large than I remembered. I felt dwarfed by his broad shoulders and impressive height.
I didn’t say anything and doubted I could have formed sensible words at the moment. There was so much going on inside of me—divergent feelings that overtook me although I couldn’t make any sense of them. All I could manage to do was stare, utterly transfixed, into the most beautiful eyes I’d ever beheld.
“Stare into my eyes, Princess, and do not break our contact,” he instructed. His voice was beginning to sound as if it were growing more quiet. “Banish everything from your mind and think of nothing else but our eyes … and us … connecting.”
That was easy to do. I had no other thoughts. All that existed for me was Sinjin. All that existed was us.
“I am going to protect you now,” he cooed. His voice ebbed and flowed with the tides of emotion now cresting through me. “There will be no pain, only bliss when I touch you. And when I take nourishment from your body, you will be transported to a place in your memories where you knew the greatest happiness.”
Even though my eyes were open, I couldn’t see anything except Sinjin. All I was aware of was his face right in front of mine, but I couldn’t process what was happening. I willingly succumbed to the pull of his oceanic eyes, and allowed myself to be carried away in his current. I vaguely remembered him pulling me closer, how one of his arms held my lower back while the other wrapped around my shoulders. I let myself drop as he dipped me down and brought his face closer to mine, descending ever closer.
Closing my eyes, I felt his lips on mine and electricity seemed to jolt through my mouth and down my arms, into my legs. The sensation of his soft lips was almost earth shaking—and I temporarily worried that my heart might simply explode because it was pounding so fast. When his tongue invaded my mouth, my knees buckled. Sinjin tightened his embrace as I feverishly lapped at his tongue.
He might have been surprised by my overzealous reaction because he broke the seal of our lips only seconds later with a deep chuckle. I opened my eyes and immediately became ashamed as a wave of embarrassment overcame me in a hot flush. My eyebrows knotted together in the middle of my forehead as I glared at him.
“You promised not to take advantage of me,” I started.
“And I kept my promise. That, my dear tempest, was your doing,” he interrupted, continuing to laugh. “As of yet, I have not fully bewitched you.”
I found I couldn’t respond and, instead, felt the irresistible need to stare into his eyes again, despite my humiliation and anxiety.
“I must admit,” Sinjin continued, gazing down at me unblinkingly, “that I missed your lips on mine and the way your body envelops mine so deliciously.” He paused for a few seconds, his eyes glued to me. “The truth is I could not get you out of my mind and became just as frantic as your sister to locate you during these three weeks.”
But his words were meaningless to me. While I could see his lips moving, his meaning was lost on me. I felt completely immobilized as I looked up at him. Looking down at me, he watched me with a curious expr
ession in his eyes that I couldn’t identify. He just stared at me for the course of a few seconds before bringing his lips to my neck. He licked the tender area, just below my jaw bone, and I could feel the tips of his fangs, poised above my skin. It seemed like time stood still as Sinjin walked the line between biting me or not.
I didn’t know how much time passed before he sunk his fangs into my neck. It could have been seconds or minutes. But when he did, I felt no pain—no sting, no ache, nothing. Instead, my soul practically opened up and started singing. I felt suddenly freed from my body, like I was flying. Waves of sheer bliss bubbled up inside me, filling me up before they overflowed. Meanwhile, images shuffled through my mind, brief moments captured in time. As I focused on each one, I smiled inwardly.
I suddenly saw myself standing in my room at Kinloch Kirk. It was from a time when my sister was holding me prisoner and, as such, I was pacing and restless. Moments later, the door opened and Sinjin entered. He carried a few shopping bags full of clothing he’d purchased for me. I watched myself like a third party to our interaction, or a fly on the wall. As soon as I saw Sinjin, the memory version of me appeared irritated and nervous. But I couldn’t deny that I was also thrilled to see him, although I wasn’t able or ready to admit that to myself at the time.
Pretty soon, that memory faded and a new one took its place. Sinjin was in it again, only now we were sparring inside my guest quarters at Kinloch Kirk. I held a blade in my hand and Sinjin was egging me on, training me in defense tactics. I watched us thrust and parry, both verbally and physically, each of us obviously very much enamored with one another. That surprised me. I wasn’t certain why it surprised me since it was fairly obvious that from the moment I’d met Sinjin, we were like magnets. We were indisputably attracted to one another even though neither one dared to admit it. Or maybe I was the only one who wouldn’t dare …
Sinjin was always fairly forthright where his sexual desires and I intersected. In general, he wasn’t the shy type. However, it had stopped him dead in his tracks when he’d discovered I was still a virgin …
That won’t be a problem now, I thought.
That horrible thought preceded the image of Will and Gus on top of me, which unhappily exploded through my mind. Catching my breath, I blinked my eyes wide open. The happy memories of Sinjin and Kinlock Kirk were suddenly shattered like shards of glass. In place of the happy coziness they initially invoked, I was now left pondering the stark reality that some of my memories weren’t exactly good ones.
“Princess?” Sinjin said as he pulled away from me, curiosity registering in his eyes. My blood still stained his lips. He set me back on my feet gently and released me. I leaned against the bathroom stall for support as I tried to catch my breath.
“I guess your powers of persuasion didn’t exactly work as long as you hoped they would,” I said. My voice wavered because I couldn’t seem to inhale enough air. My heart began racing and bullet-sized beads of perspiration began breaking out along my hairline.
Sinjin didn’t say anything right away. He simply licked my blood off his lower lip before glancing down at my neck and then back up at me. “I must admit it surprised me that you managed to break through my power.”
“I guess you shouldn’t underestimate me,” I retorted with a brazen smile that I faked. Inside, I was still reeling over the ugly memory that crossed my mind and the hopeless despair it evoked. No matter what I did, could I never escape the reality of what happened to me? It now seemed to be as much a part of me as my warrior status once was.
Sinjin nodded and his attention settled on my neck. “In order for these wounds to heal, I must lick them,” he announced.
I shook my head, suddenly uncomfortable with having him so close to me. Why? I didn’t know. It wasn’t because I feared he would force himself on me, but rather because I sensed he could see right through me, and read my mind just as easily I could read the minds of other people. Well, with the exclusion of Sinjin, of course.
“I’m fully capable of healing myself, remember?” I replied curtly. Without waiting for his response, I closed my eyes and focused on the two bite marks, which began to sting. I clenched my eyes shut tightly and imagined white light shining on my neck, surrounding the small wounds with healing, restorative powers. Feeling a slight tingle beyond the sting of the wounds meant my magic was doing its trick. Seconds later, I opened my eyes and found Sinjin studying me intently.
“Good as new,” I chimed with a hesitant laugh. I wasn’t sure why, but I suddenly felt nervous. Maybe it was just because his gaze grew so intense, like he was seeing right through me. Then it occurred to me that Sinjin hadn’t been drinking from me for very long. Maybe only a few minutes had elapsed. “Did you have enough?”
Sinjin didn’t respond. Instead, he continued to stare at me, and both of his eyes narrowed somewhat suspiciously. He ran his tongue in front of his fangs, as if he were trying to pull whatever dregs he could salvage of my blood, which still stained his mouth.
“Hello?” I asked, unsure why he wasn’t responding.
“You taste different,” he explained, his eyebrows still bunching in the middle. His voice sounded stilted, irritated even.
“I taste different?” I repeated, my tone suggesting I had no idea what he was talking about.
“Yes,” Sinjin replied as he ran his tongue over his teeth again and studied me more closely. It was almost as if he were trying to pinpoint the difference in flavor of my blood.
“I have no idea why,” I answered. If I sounded put out, it was because I thought his comment was fairly rude. Even if I had an offensive taste, he should have remained silent since I’d just been nice enough to offer myself to him.
When Sinjin didn’t respond, I glanced up and suddenly felt like the walls of the bathroom stall were much closer than I originally estimated. Shrinking beneath his stringent gaze, I reached for the door and unlocked it before pushing it open. Ready to make my escape, I felt Sinjin’s hand on my arm as it stopped me.
He yanked me back until I found myself up close and personal with his broad chest. I braced my hands against it to avoid bashing my face into him. “What the hell was that about?” I demanded as I glared up angrily.
Needing my own personal space, I took a step away from him. When I tried to take a few more, he held me in place by putting his hand on my arm as he continued to study me.
“I know what it is now,” he announced. His eyes seemed almost angry as they blared white behind their usual sapphire.
“What’s different about my blood?” I demanded facetiously, throwing my hands into the air. “I’m sorry if it isn’t as sweet as what you remember!” I railed. “But in case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t exactly eaten very well in the last three weeks!”
“No, that is not it,” he started, shaking his head.
But I’d heard enough. Feeling defensive and embarrassed, I wasn’t about to let him get away with making me feel bad, especially after I was nice enough to slake his hunger in the first place. “Considering the favor I just did for you, it’s rude to look a gift … donor in the mouth!”
Sinjin didn’t seem to even hear me. He continued to stare at me and his eyes flashed fiery anger. “You are no longer a virgin.”
I gasped in obvious shock as soon as the words left his mouth. I felt like a fool that it hadn’t already occurred to me that Sinjin would have detected that I was no longer a virgin as soon as he sampled my blood. I mean, he’d known that I was a virgin simply by drinking my blood the first time, so why wouldn’t he have detected the opposite?
“So? So what?” I demanded, loath to pursue this conversation at all costs. I crossed my arms over my chest and took another step back, seeking even more distance between us.
“What happened?” he asked, and his tone of voice warned me not to even try and avoid the topic any longer.
I shrugged and took a deep breath. “That’s my business.”
“Now, I must also claim it as mine.”
br /> “No! It isn’t any of your business!” I snapped while trying to extricate my arm from his viselike grip, but to no avail.
“Why have you not remained intact?”
“That’s not up for any discussion,” I retorted. I became suddenly livid that he had the gall to demand that I reply to such a highly personal subject. “I allowed you to feed on me so now we can go,” I said. I tried to take another step toward the door, but he wouldn’t let me go.
“First I demand an explanation for why you are no longer a virgin,” he repeated, keeping his jaw tight and firm.
I shook my head as an ugly smile crept over my lips. “I think you already know why I’m no longer a virgin.” Taking a breath, I glared at him. “Or shall I explain the birds and the bees to you?”
Sinjin didn’t say anything, but refused to release me. We both glowered at one another, but neither of us dared to back down.
“Let me go,” I said finally in a steely tone.
“Was the encounter consensual?” he asked with no amount of apology in his tone or demeanor.
“That isn’t any of your business.”
“It is my business now.”
“You have some nerve! You know that?” I asked with narrowed eyes. “Just who the hell do you think you are?”
“Answer my question,” he said calmly, “was it consensual?”
But I couldn’t respond. I had no words. So I laughed and the wretched sound burned like acid as it dripped from my mouth. It was ugly. Defamatory.
“Bryn,” he nudged me when I didn’t respond.
But I still couldn’t answer his question—I was too overcome by dread at what might be his reaction. Would I see pity or just disappointment in his eyes? I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me. If there was anything I detested most of all, it was someone pitying me.
“Was it consensual?” he repeated.
“No,” I finally snapped.
FOURTEEN
After answering Sinjin’s question, nothing but silence stretched between us. All I could hear was the pounding roar of my heart and the raspiness of my breathing—both sounding extra loud in the otherwise dead stillness. The silence lasted so long that I half wondered if I’d actually answered his question at all, or simply thought the response. But then I knew I’d admitted the truth as soon as I forced myself to look at Sinjin in the eyes.