When I asked Penny about going into the city for Festivis, she readily agreed, just like I’d known she would. We spent the week planning our outfits and deciding what bars we wanted to try. It felt like old times; and for the millionth time since meeting her, I was thankful that I had a friend like Penny.
She’d talked to Harris, and he’d agreed to come with Erik. The way Penny smiled when she talked about him made me think that whatever had started between the two the previous year definitely wasn’t over. I hadn’t seen her so happy in a long time, and I liked it. Investigating the spy was taking its toll on her - she often looked tired and stressed - but the prospect of seeing Harris had revitalized her.
“Do you think that we will ever find the spy?” I asked Penny the morning before our Festivis holiday began. Despite my mounting enthusiasm for the celebration, my lack of progress and Mac’s continuous reminders of that fact were dampening my mood. Penny tore her attention away from the monitors and gave me a wary smile.
“I don’t know, Tal. I mean, I know the Director thinks that a spy is the only way that Crane could have known who you were and all; but have you thought that maybe he just recognized you?”
Recognized me? I actually hadn’t considered that - but Crane hadn’t known what I looked like, had he?
“Think about it, Tal. We have workups on all of the major players in the Coalition, right? You knew what Crane looked like because we had pictures of him. Don’t you think that they probably have the same information on us? I mean, you said yourself that they have better technology than we do. If that’s true, then I’m sure they have facial recognition software and all that,” she continued, barely pausing to take a breath.
“I guess you could be right,” I said weakly. If she was, then I really was chasing a ghost. This whole assignment could be a complete waste of time. “But then, why would Mac have pulled you from your work at Elite? And why would he have Donavon undercover here? And Janet and the Assistant Director and the Captain are all investigating this, too,” I pointed out.
“He obviously really believes that there’s a spy. Seriously, Tal –even though we’ve been combing these files for weeks and the Director has been investigating this for months, no one has found anything. I just think that it’s time we considered the possibility that Crane just knew who you were.” Penny sighed, sitting back in the chair like her speech had exhausted her.
Scrutinizing Penny’s drawn features and bloodshot eyes, I realized that she looked horrible. Her appearance was becoming increasingly more haggard and run-down. I wondered how much time she’d spent digitally hunting the traitor when I wasn’t around. Penny was always at her desk when I got there in the mornings, and she often stayed until well past midnight; she must be sleeping even less than I was. I’d been so distracted by my seizures and my personal life that her extreme efforts hadn’t registered.
“Well, Penny,” I began, giving her a pointed look. “I’ll let you be the one to break that news to Mac.”
Penny laughed. “Um, I’m not stupid, Tal. I think that I’ll wait for him to reach that conclusion on his own.”
“Probably for the best,” I agreed. She was right; Mac wouldn’t like her assertions even if they were right. Particularly if they were right. The fact that the Coalition’s technology surpassed our own was a sore spot for him; he would really hate being reminding of it.
That evening, Donavon and I tried a number of sensory deprivation techniques with Kenly to no avail. I decided that we should move on to weapons training since she was seriously lacking in that department as well. The fact that nobody was injured badly enough to warrant stitches was the most positive thing that came out of the night’s practice.
“Have you thought about trying to mentally walk her through the exercises?” Donavon suggested as he walked me back to my room.
“You mean control her, so I can will her to do the moves?” I asked, amazed that I hadn’t thought of the idea sooner.
“Yeah, at least then she would know what it feels like to actually do the moves correctly,” he shrugged. “Just a thought.”
“You’re a genius!” I exclaimed. The idea really was great. If Kenly got the feel for the movements, she might start doing them correctly on her own.
When we reached the door to our building, I hugged Donavon goodbye and reached for the door. I was in a much lighter mood, now that I had a plan that I genuinely believed might work.
“Tal?” Donavon’s mental voice called after me tentatively.
“Yeah,” I replied.
“I’m going to Atlanta for Festivis Day. Dad wants me to preside over the celebrations down there. I’m leaving in the morning, and won’t be back for a couple of days. I know you said that you need time to think, but maybe we could talk when I get back?”
Donavon reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me around to face him. I tensed. Conflicting emotions warred in my mind. I recoiled even as a small part of me hoped that he would kiss me. What was wrong with me? I was going to meet Erik in the morning. I’d been looking forward to seeing him again since the moment he’d left campus. But now that I was standing so close to Donavon, his breath warm on my face, I longed to feel his lips on mine.
Donavon brushed his mouth across my forehead.
“Goodnight, Talia,” he said aloud. “Have fun at Festivis,” he added.
“Yeah, thanks.” I still hadn’t told him that I was going to meet Erik, but I think he knew.
“Goodnight, Donavon.”
Turning, I quickly fled into my building. I needed to tell him the truth, and soon; our relationship couldn’t remain in this emotional limbo any longer.
Lying in my bed, I mentally reviewed all of the unsettling information that I’d acquired in the past week. Nothing made sense anymore. Why hadn’t Mac told me about the transfusion? Why had Dr. Thistler freaked out when I’d brought it up? Why was Donavon so scared for his father to find out that I knew? What had Mac reminded Donavon not to tell me after my last seizure? Was Penny right? Was there no spy? Did Crane know who I was because the Coalition had a file on me? That scenario didn’t really add up for me, though; I’d been a Pledge when I went to Nevada. Sure, I’d buy that they had a file on Mac and Janet and anyone like that, but not on me. They probably did now since I’d actively tried to kill Crane. But before my mission, I’d been no one to the Coalition - just another Talented cog turned out by the School’s assembly line. Or had I?
Your father, Crane had said to me when I asked how he knew so much about Mind Manipulation. If Crane had known my father well enough for that to be true, then maybe he did know who I was and what I looked like. Maybe he’d been expecting me to come for him one day.
The encounter that I’d just had with Donavon added to the questions churning in my head, and made it impossible to sleep. I didn’t want to be with Donavon, but why couldn’t I give him up? Why couldn’t I just tell him about Erik? Why, after all the lies and secrets, was I so eager to keep him in my life?
Because you’re selfish; you need his support. Erik isn’t reliable, and Erik won’t want you after he realizes how bad your condition really is, I thought.
Would Erik run the first time that my temper flared out of control and I started convulsing? Would Erik sit on my bedroom floor while I slept just to be there in case I had another seizure? Would Erik forgive me if I went crazy and slapped him, then tore his shirt and clawed at his face?
Erik didn’t cheat on you, I reminded myself, remembering Penny’s statement at Captain Alvarez’s dinner. She was right. I trusted Erik. But did I trust him enough to let him see me at my worst?
Chapter Twenty-Four
Despite not setting my alarm, I woke before the sun. I stretched, and a ripple of excitement ran through me when I remembered that today was the start of Festivis. Today I would get to see Erik! All of my misgivings from the previous night were gone. I didn’t care if he was irresponsible or if he would be there for me when I needed him. I concentrated instead on the fee
ling of pure elation that just the thought of him brought about. I thought about being close to him and how, even when we were surrounded by a group of people, we still managed to create our own world. I thought about the kiss in the hangar, and how I’d soon be reliving it for real and not in a dream.
There was a slight bounce in my step as I took a very cold shower. Selecting an outfit from the ones that Gretchen sent, I bypassed the boring black cocktail dress and the floral-print shift, and finally decided on a ballerina-length royal blue sheath. The dress was one-shouldered and belted at the waist with a tightly knotted gold rope.
By the time Penny knocked on my door, I was standing in front of my bathroom mirror, applying gold eye shadow.
“Come in, Penny,” I called. The pounding came again, a little more insistently this time. “It’s open, Penny,” I yelled a little louder, hoping that she heard me. When she still didn’t open the door, I trudged from the closet-sized bathroom to the door, tightening the belt on my bathrobe.
“Sorry, I thought you’d be able to......” I let my voice trail off when I opened the door and realized that it wasn’t Penny.
“Hey, Talia,” Ursula greeted me brightly, her plump lips curving up at the corners in a tentative smile.
“Oh, hey. Sorry, I was expecting Penny,” I said awkwardly. What on earth was Ursula doing here? She’d never dropped by my room before; it wasn’t like we were friends.
“Yeah, I kinda figured that when I heard you calling her name,” Ursula smirked. “So, you two are going into D.C. for the celebrations?”
I shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Ursula’s body-hugging mini-skirt and halter top made me feel skinny and unattractive in my too-big bathrobe. “Um, yeah, we are. I’ve been cooped up on campus for months, so it should be nice to get out and have a little fun.” I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to explain myself to her, but for some reason I did.
“Awesome. Mind if I tag along? My friends bailed, so I called Erik and he said that he was meeting you......” Ursula let the question hang in the air between us. The way that her eyes twinkled, coupled with the open curiosity on her dramatic features, told me that she was fishing for information. She wanted to know just how well Erik and I knew each other. I wasn’t about to feed into her nosiness, but I also wanted her to know that I was the “chick” that Erik was hung up on.
“Yeah, of course, you’re welcome to join us. I mean, I don’t know if you’ll find us as exciting as your friends, but we had a good time last year.” I smiled, giving her just enough information to leave her salivating for more.
Her hazel eyes widened when I insinuated that I’d spent last Festivis with Erik, too. In truth, I had; and we’d had a good time, a really good time. The night after Festivis was the first time that Erik had kissed me.
“Awesome. What time are we leaving?” she asked, placing her hands on her hips and trying to affect a nonchalant air.
“Um, I guess whenever I’m ready. Want me to send you a comm?” I was hoping that she didn’t intend to sit in my room while I got dressed. Sure, I could use the time to pick her brain a little, but I was fairly confident that she wasn’t the spy and therefore didn’t welcome the intrusion. Penny and I had spent so little quality time together since my arrival – we were always too busy working – and I was really looking forward to our time-honored tradition of getting ready together.
“Oh, sure - that would be great,” Ursula looked a little put off by my dismissal, and I felt the tiniest bit bad, but not enough to invite her in. She recovered quickly, giving me a small wave over her shoulder as she turned to leave. “Talk to you soon!”
“Right,” I mumbled. I would definitely have to thank Erik for telling her about our rendezvous.
Before I got the chance to retreat into the safety of my bedroom, bright-red hair rounded the corner and big lime-green eyes greeted me.
“Hey, Tal!” Penny waved with her free hand. She clutched a garment bag in the other one that I assumed held her chosen outfit.
“Hey, Penny,” I said, relieved that she was here.
“Was that Ursula I saw leaving?” she asked, squeezing past me into the tiny room. Penny tossed her belongings on my bed and settled into the desk chair.
“Um, yeah. She wants to come with us.” I laughed nervously. I didn’t think that Penny would mind the company, but I knew that she’d been looking forward to relaxing and letting loose. Ursula’s presence might not make that possible.
“How do you feel about that?” Penny snorted, obviously remembering my insane jealousy when I saw Ursula flirting with Erik.
“Eh, whatever. She seems a little lonely. So if she wants to tag along, that’s fine, I guess.” I closed the door and crossed back to the bathroom to finish my makeup.
“She’d just better keep her hands off of Harris,” Penny called as I heard her rummaging through her own impressive makeup bag.
“I thought you two broke up?”
“Oh, we did,” Penny answered quickly. The hasty tone of her voice let me know that if I could see her face, it would match her hair. Maybe when Penny said that there were too many cute boys to be tied down to one, she was lying? “But he’s been calling a lot, and you know, I just don’t want to see him with someone else.” I had to admit that I knew how she felt. I’d been ready to draw blood when I saw Ursula touching Erik, and it wasn’t like I had any claim to him.
While we finished getting ready, Penny filled the conversation with trivial topics. I was glad; it was the first day in recent history that no one asked me how I was feeling or how I’d slept or talked about the spy. It felt good, normal; and despite our added tagalong, I was determined to have a fantastic day.
After we were dressed, primped, and gossiped out, I called Ursula and told her to meet us at the hover hangar in twenty minutes. Unfortunately, I still had to run by Medical before the fun could commence.
Penny waited in the reception area while I received my daily dose of Dr. Thistler and her asinine questions. She reiterated Mac’s insistence that I refrain from drinking and added that I should “take it easy.” I promised that I would, and she released me to start my day.
“Ready?” I called to Penny as I exited the swinging doors. I rubbed the crook of my elbow absently, hoping that the needle marks would fade quickly; they didn’t really go with my outfit.
“Let’s get the party started!” Penny whooped, jumping to her feet.
At the hangar, Penny signed out a hover plane while I waited outside for Ursula. I shifted uncomfortably in my gold flip-flops, wishing that she’d hurry. I was eager to get going and get to Erik. Finally, Ursula’s bushy hair came into view. She’d changed into an equally curve-hugging red dress, and I hated to admit that she looked good. I glanced to where Penny was still talking to the hover guard and prayed, for her sake, that Harris wasn’t interested in the older girl. When I looked back at Ursula, my stomach and mood plummeted – she wasn’t alone. Cadence was with her.
“Hey, Talia!” Ursula called, giving me an overly enthusiastic wave. Cadence kept her beady eyes trained on the grass. Her shoulders were hunched over, and the black dress that she wore hung shapelessly on her angular body.
“Hey, Ursula,” I said tersely as they neared. Turning to Cadence, I said, “Hey, I didn’t know you’d be joining us.” Cadence finally tore her gaze from the ground, but looked at the hangar behind me instead of meeting my eyes when she spoke.
“Ursula practically begged me to come,” she replied, rolling her eyes to emphasize how little she looked forward to a day with me.
“Well, the more the merrier,” I shrugged, trying to sound like I was pleased by her unexpected appearance.
Cadence mumbled something that sounded like “whatever.”
I turned to join Penny, and the two Instructors followed several paces behind. Penny’s eyebrows shot skyward when her gaze landed on Cadence, but when she looked to me for answers, I just shrugged. I was also dreading spending the day with Cadence; but at l
east I could use the time to form a stronger connection with her, delve further into her mind, and maybe find out something useful.
Ursula dominated the conversation on the ride to the city. She talked about all of the bars that we “just had to go to” and which food vendors were “to die for.” I listened without comment. While Penny and I had already made a mental list of the places we planned to visit, I really didn’t care where we went, so long as I was able to spend the day with Erik.
He was waiting, along with Harris and Henri, when we landed at Toxic’s parking garage in Southwest D.C.
“Erik!” Ursula exclaimed, running to greet him, her movements restricted by the constricting fabric she’d squeezed herself into.
“Hey, Ursula,” he smiled, returning her hug half-heartedly. I gritted my teeth and swallowed my agitation.
“Sorry,” he sent. The dazzling smile that lit up his features extinguished my irritation before I could act on it. Once he disentangled himself from Ursula, he walked swiftly over to where I stood. Erik leaned down and planted a kiss on my cheek. “You look nice,” he whispered.
“Thanks.” I beamed. And just like that, I forgot about Ursula and Cadence and the potentially ruined day because being close to him reminded me of why I’d begged Mac to let me come in the first place.
“You’ll have plenty of time to fondle each other later,” Henri interrupted, nudging Erik aside to wrap me in his long arms. “It’s good to see you again, Tal.”
“You, too,” I agreed, returning his embrace. “Where’s Frederick?” I inquired, glancing around to make sure that I hadn’t missed him. Harris and Penny stood off to one side talking. She giggled as he tucked a loose strand of her hair behind one ear. Ursula had her hands propped on her hips, her eyes darting between me and Erik, deciphering our body language. Cadence stood off to the side, looking uncomfortable and out of place. I felt a pang of sympathy for her. I knew what it was like to be the outsider; that was what I’d always been with Donavon and his friends.