I reached for Erik’s free hand, lacing his fingers with mine when we emerged from the Crypto Bank. Rays of bright orange sunshine shone through the smattering of ancient trees, and our shadows cast long, distorted figures on the lush grass. Birds chirped their morning song while Operatives stumbled tiredly from their cabins. Today was just like any other day for them, but not for me; today I would finally learn the truth. The papers that Erik held would prove the identity of the spy; I could feel it. Even more importantly – at least to me – they held the truth about my blood transfusions. I would finally know for sure if it had been Donavon’s blood that made me sick.
Chapter Thirty-One
“What are we looking for? I’ll take half,” Erik offered once we were sitting on his bed, the pages strewn across the comforter.
“Honestly, I’m not sure. It was something you said about the Placement Exams and how Mimics work. It got me thinking that maybe Grace isn’t the only one who cheated.”
As I explained my theory out loud, it sounded a little thin even to me. But the sense of urgency that caused me to force Erik awake before the birds was the same one that had me convinced now that I was right.
“Let’s get started then. Want me to order breakfast?” he asked.
“Sure, whatever,” I replied distractedly. Food was the last thing on my mind. I was already rifling through the first file – mine.
Unfortunately, the words in the medical file held about as much meaning to me as the encoded lines of text that scrolled across Penny’s screens. The blood transfusion was documented, but that was about as much as I could decipher. The names of the experimental drugs that Dr. Thistler gave me were unfamiliar. The complex chemical formulas explaining the analysis of my daily blood work were longer than I was tall. The only words that made any sense were Dr. Thistler’s diagnoses – “fair”, “acceptable”, or “extreme” – that accompanied the results.
Frustrated, I threw the report to the carpet and rubbed my temples. Great, I thought. I’d been so convinced that once I saw the records I’d finally know why the transfusion mattered so much. Maybe Donavon was right; maybe Mac really was only angry because he’d breached protocol.
“What he did was really dangerous,” Erik commented when I voiced my thoughts. “If your body had rejected the transfusion, you could’ve died.”
“I know. But if it’s that simple, then why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“Maybe the Director just didn’t think it was a big deal. I mean, he didn’t tell you where the other blood came from, did he?”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I admitted. Despite our words, neither of us really believed it was that simple, and the doubt in Erik’s mind doubled my own. But neither of us had enough medical knowledge to glean anything from the records to the contrary. I resolved to confront Mac when I got back to school. If he told me that the transfusion didn’t matter, that it had nothing to do with my current condition, I’d drop it.
Erik and I worked in companionable silence for hours. The room-service waiter came and went, and at Erik’s insistence I ate several bites of French toast and maple syrup sausage. My fingers shook when I turned one page after another. The dull ache in my head became a full-on throbbing by the time I’d made it through Jennifer’s entire life history. Toxic’s restricted personnel files were exhaustive, extensive, and – worst of all – boring.
“Maybe we should take a break?” Erik suggested when he noticed me rubbing trembling palms over tired eyes.
“No, no, it’s here. I know it is. I’m just missing something.” I sighed, annoyed with our lack of progress.
“Come here,” Erik said, reaching across the sea of paper that separated us to take my hand. “You’re shaking. Just rest for a few minutes. I’ll keep looking.”
I let Erik pull me to settle in with my back against his chest, but I brought Grace’s written test results with me. It wasn’t long before my head was bobbing back against his shoulder and my eyes wouldn’t stay open. I tried to resist it, but I didn’t have the strength; the page in my hand fell to my lap and I started to dream.
My subconscious knew that Erik was aiding my brain in the struggle to put me under. The darkness swirled into dreams of limbs attached to strings, a different puppeteer pulling each one. I woke with a start, jostling a neat stack of paper and sending it flying to the floor.
“Don’t do that,” I snapped, turning my head to scowl at Erik. “I’m not a child. I don’t need you helping me sleep.”
Erik gave me puppy dog eyes as if to say, “who, me?” Annoyed, I picked up the next report in my pile, but I didn’t protest when he moved my hair to the side to nuzzle my neck.
As I tried to concentrate on the words in front of me, two caught my eye: Light Manipulator. A light bulb clicked on, cutting through the haze in my brain.
“Erik?” I asked.
“Hmmm,” he mumbled into the back of my neck.
“How often do you use my Talents against me?” Erik drew back, caught off guard by the question.
“Use them against you? That makes it sound so malicious.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I don’t know, not often. Just when you want me to,” he added, sounding a little defensive. I think we had different definitions of “want.”
“Do you ever do it without me knowing?” I asked nervously, dreading his answer.
Erik fidgeted uncomfortably behind me and began absently twirling my curls as if to buy some time before he answered. “Yeah, sometimes,,” he finally said.
“Like when?” I pressed. I had a sinking feeling that only the captain of the Titanic had experienced before me; I was pretty sure that I’d found the missing link.
“Like when we’re together,” Erik said. “But Tal, I just want to know how you’re feeling, want to make sure you’re comfortable and that I’m not pressuring you into doing something you don’t want to do.” He wrapped his arms around me from behind and pulled me tightly against his chest. “And I like to feel your reactions.”
I rolled my eyes – Erik didn’t need reassurance in that department. I wasn’t concerned with him reading my thoughts; despite all of my training, I was a strong projector and he’d always been more susceptible to receiving it than most. It was the compulsion facet of my gift that worried me.
“Do you ever control my thoughts when I’m not aware of it?” I whispered shakily. The feeling of dread was evolving into a full-blown panic attack.
Erik hesitated, which was all the confirmation I needed.
“I don’t mean to. Sometimes you’re just so upset, and I hate seeing you that way, so I do it without thinking,” he finally admitted.
“I need to get back to school, now.” I practically jumped off the bed, sending files flying to the floor in my haste.
“Wait. Why?” Erik exclaimed, grabbing for my wrist before I made it very far.
“I think I know who the spy is,” I said.
“Who?”
In light of our discussion, I’d thrown up my walls and was using all my remaining strength to keep them firmly in place. I hated how vulnerable I’d become. I’d let my guard down too much around him, and apparently around at least one other person. He’d been in my head more than I’d realized, and while I trusted him, my complacency had exposed me to others. I felt violated and dirty just thinking about it. Now I knew how other people felt when I delved into their heads.
I turned to meet his earnest, terrified expression, and I debated telling him the truth.
“Tal, don’t shut me out,” he urged. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be intrusive. I promise I’ll stop if you want.”
“I – I – I just need to go,” I stammered, yanking my wrist free from his grasp and running for the door.
“Natalia, stop!” Erik bellowed. The force of his command froze my feet mid-step. Erik quickly caught up with me. “Tal,” he began in a much gentler and less controlling tone. “It’s just that –”
“Please do
n’t say it,” I said quietly, averting my eyes. I knew what he was going to say, and while part of me wanted to hear those three words leave his lips, I wasn’t ready.
Erik’s face fell and he swallowed thickly. I’d hurt his feelings, wounded his pride. I felt horrible. But once he saw what I’d just read, he’d understand. At least, I hoped that he would.
With trembling fingers, I slowly handed the incriminating report to Erik. He hastily flipped through the pages, skimming the contents as he went. His body went rigid, his fingers tearing holes in the paper when he came to the same realization that I had.
“I can’t believe this. Do you think that it might be a mistake?” he asked in a low, threatening voice. I was reminded of how deadly he could be when provoked.
“Maybe, but it’s more than a little suspect, don’t you think?”
Erik didn’t answer. Instead, he grabbed my hand and started dragging me toward the elevator. His fingers gripped mine hard enough to turn them purple. Waves of fury rolled off of him, and the air around his body seemed to vibrate. If I hadn’t been so numb, I might’ve tried to calm him. As it was, that task would be impossible. The shock over my find was quickly turning to rage.
At the hover hangar Erik barked orders at the attendant, and in record time we were taxiing along the short runway. Erik’s hands gripped the wheel until his knuckles turned white and blue veins bulged against the backs. When I touched his arm, I could practically taste his desire for blood.
Neither of us spoke on the ride. As angry as I was, I actually had more pressing issues to worry about. It was now midafternoon and I had yet to take my medication. The trembling in my hands had spread to my arms and legs, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could fend off a seizure. A cold sweat was starting around my hairline, and soon my entire body would be damp and sticky. We’d left Erik’s room in such a hurry, I hadn’t even thought to grab the bag with my shot.
As if noticing how bad my condition had become, Erik’s head snapped to face me. The fire in his eyes dimmed before giving way to panic. He took one of my clammy hands and squeezed it reassuringly.
“We’re almost there,” he promised.
“I know.”
Erik shot me one more scared look and stomped on the accelerator. “I will kill that traitorous bitch,” he mumbled under his breath.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“Go find Mac and tell him to meet me down there,” I ordered Erik as soon as we landed.
“What? No, I’m going with you,” he replied.
“I’m not arguing about this. Please just trust me, and go.”
The anger and resentment had built to a crescendo on the ride, and it was invigorating my senses. I put the full force of my Talents behind my words, leaving Erik unable to protest.
“Be careful,” he cautioned. He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before sprinting into the administrative building.
Once I was certain that he wouldn’t veer off course, I set out for the Crypto Bank. I knew that Erik was indignant on my behalf. He felt my pain and fear, and had experienced one of my seizures first-hand. He’d been inside my head and knew what I went through with every episode. As angry as I was, I had so many questions; if Erik got there first, he wouldn’t afford her the opportunity to answer.
I jogged across campus, and every thump of my sole against the soft grass amplified the rage building inside of me. My hands shook when I grabbed the door to the Crypto facility, but now the tremors were driven by anger, not my illness. I covered the length of the long hallway that led to the main Crypto Bank in record time. The doors slid forcibly apart with a loud, echoing bang as I neared.
“Talia!” Penny exclaimed in surprise when I burst through the opening.
Gemma’s bushy head snapped around to catch sight of me.
“Get out,” I barked at her. At first, she was too shocked by my violent entrance to move. “I said get out!” I screamed. Tripping over her feet as though they were too big, Gemma finally clambered from her computer chair. She shot me one last terrified glance over her shoulder before exiting.
“Talia, what’s going on?” Penny asked in a low, even voice. It was the same voice that I used when I was trying to take control of someone; the same voice that Erik had used with the Crypto boy earlier that day. The voice she’d probably used on me a hundred times before.
Erik wasn’t the only person who’d convinced me to divulge things. He wasn’t the only one who’d always seemed to know what I was thinking and feeling. I recalled all of the conversations where I’d been so intent on keeping my thoughts bottled up inside, only to find the words tumbling from my mouth, and I hated her more.
I’d wanted to tell Penny everything and had felt so comfortable around her. She’d made me feel safe and happy when no one else could. Being around her had given me the same comfortable peace that Erik gave me. Now I knew why.
How could I have been so stupid? How could I’ve trusted her? Every time I’d even thought about reading her mind, I’d instantly dismissed the idea – it was too intrusive, and she was supposed to be my friend. Why hadn’t I ever wondered why she was the only person who never projected even a single thought in my direction? No one was that good at blocking me.
“Don’t you dare!” I shrieked at my supposed best friend. “Don’t you dare use my abilities against me!”
Penny shrank back, wilting like a flower in mid-summer heat. Understanding sparked in her bright eyes.
“How could you?” I hissed.
“Tal, please,” she begged. “You don’t understand. You weren’t supposed to get hurt. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way, I swear. Just calm down and let me explain.”
Tears illuminated her lime-colored eyes and began falling down her deathly pale face, landing in fat splotches on the tiled floor. If it had been anyone else, I would’ve attacked right then. But she wasn’t just anyone; Penny was my best friend, my confidante. She is also a traitor, I had to remind myself. She was the reason that I was sick. She was the reason that I’d nearly died at the hands of my parents’ killer.
Pain and rage swirled inside of me, and I flashed to a similar scene between myself and Donavon – windows shattering, shards of glass flying. Then Mac’s words played in my head: Sometimes, the people closest to us are the best at deceiving us. You of all people should know that.
“Tal, let me explain. You have to let me explain,” Penny wailed.
The glass breaking wasn’t only in my memory. The wall next to us exploded, bits of hard plastic spewing across the room. Computer monitors splintered, and electrical fire sparked from the screens. Penny covered her head, screaming.
“Explain what?” I spat. “How you sold me out to Ian Crane? How you set me up to be tortured and killed? How you betrayed the person who was supposed to be your best friend?”
“No, no,” she sobbed. “He wasn’t going to kill you. He just wanted to talk to you. He wanted you to understand what Toxic is really about – what they do to people, what they’ve done to you.”
Her words seemed to hurtle through the air and assault my ears. They were similar to the ones that Crane himself had spoken in Nevada – words that sliced through skin and bone to hit a nerve. As my fury dimmed, spasms shot through my arms and legs, nearly crippling me. I briefly entertained the notion that I’d been struck by one of the sparks from the monitors. Then I realized that it was a seizure. No, no, no, I thought. I need to stay conscious. I grasped for my fury from just moments before. It was the only thing holding me together. It wasn’t hard to catch. The mental and physical anguish that I’d experienced over the past couple of months were fresh in my mind.
My temper flared as Penny’s tears continued to fall. They were like gasoline fueling the fire until it blazed like an inferno.
I bared my teeth. The sharp points of my canines pricked my lower lip, and I tasted blood. I wanted Penny’s blood. I wanted her to hurt to pay for all that she’d cost me. My fingers curled into claws, the nail b
eds seeming to elongate. The transformation sent a trickle of fear through me, but the brief flare of panic was quickly doused by my escalating rage.
Alarm bells screeched overhead, and I knew that Erik and Mac would be here shortly.
“Toxic gives special children a place to feel normal,” I hissed, making my way forward. My voice came out in a growl that was unrecognizable to me. It sounded primal, ferocious.
“No, they don’t,” Penny moaned as I closed in on her. “And I think that deep down, you know that.”
“What I know is that you are a traitor. You cheated on your placement exams. You befriended me. You made sure that the intel about Crane’s visit to Nevada would be intercepted. You knew that Mac would send me there for my solo mission because of my past with Crane. You knew that he’d need a Manipulator to get onto the compound. Then, under the pretense of being my friend, you helped me gather intel so that you would know exactly what I was planning to do once I got there. Crane knew who I was that night in the pub because you told him what I look like. You told him that I’d be there.” I stopped my rant when I felt a tug on my psyche. “Stay out of my head!”
“I’m n-n-not in your head,” Penny stammered. “Please, listen to me. You need to get away from here. You need to find Ian. You aren’t safe. He did know who you were that night in the pub, but not because I told him.”
“Tals, are you okay? We’re coming.” It was Erik forcing his way into my head. He was somewhere close by. I could feel him.
Heavy footsteps thundered overhead, cutting through the wailing alarm as they trampled down the corridor to the destroyed room. Penny and I now stood inches apart. I was close enough to hit her, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.
Penny didn’t take her focus off of me. I wasn’t sure if it was because she couldn’t hear the approaching men over the alarm, or because she just didn’t care.
“What did Crane inject me with?” I hissed.
“I don’t know,” she cried, reaching tentatively for me. I snatched my arm away from her grasping fingers. Now that we were so close, I didn’t want to touch her. I didn’t even want to be in the same room with her anymore. I might have left then – Erik and Mac were nearly there –but I needed to know one more thing.