Emma must have sensed his presence, as she opened her eyes and looked directly into his. With only a moment’s hesitation to shake off the vestiges of a light sleep, her smile spread and her eyes sparkled. “Hi,” she said in a dreamy, sleepy voice.
She pushed up into a sitting position and he joined her on the sofa. He settled her against him, her head resting against his chest, and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “How was your day?”
“Productive—for the most part. I completed another assignment for Arlene. Then I hit a wall and here I am sleeping the evening away. How was your day?”
“Busy. I had several unscheduled visits, including a delivery. A healthy litter of seven German shepherd pups.” Lowering his head so they were cheek-to-cheek, he inquired, “You wouldn’t be interested in another dog, would you?”
She laughed. “Not likely. Don’t you think I have enough with a total combined canine weight well over two hundred pounds, and their joint mission to eat me out of house and home?”
“Point taken. All right. I’ll tell Mrs. Shaw to look elsewhere.”
He turned her slightly and tipped her chin up with a finger so that he could see her face.
“Wait a minute!” She scrambled up and looked at him, her eyes glowing. She’d moved so quickly, she’d startled the dogs. “Just since I’ve known you, you’ve delivered three litters that I know of, and somehow have taken it upon yourself to find the pups good homes. Have you ever considered getting some of those pups into the service-and-therapy dog program, so they can help disabled people? Maybe even former military personnel specifically?”
He arched a brow. “What made you think of that?”
“Meeting Samuel Reading at Private Laurence’s funeral. I’ve been thinking about it on and off. How wonderful it is that he has Sailor, and how important and special those dogs are. I did some research on it. I looked up the organization that trained Sailor.”
“It’s a great thought. Labs and German shepherds are especially well-suited for that type of work...”
She nudged his knee. “I can see the but written all over your face.”
“As I said, it’s a terrific idea, but someone has to train the dogs, and it takes a lot of time and commitment.”
Her eyes lit up again. “I’ll do it! I’ll take one of the pups and train him or her! I’m sure someone at the Operation Pawsitive Change Foundation could teach me how.”
Josh chuckled. “Yeah, I expect they could.” But he was still skeptical.
“Look, Josh...” She turned serious and the sparkle in her eyes dimmed. “I doubt I’m going to get any more assignments from Pinnacle Communications, at least not in the foreseeable future. Yes, I’ve taken a couple of assignments from Arlene, but I don’t know how long that’ll last.”
He was about to respond to her last statement but she rushed on.
“I know I’ll have to find a job, probably sooner rather than later, but in the meantime, this would give me something to do that I believe in. A way for me to make a difference...” she said, the words trailing off.
Yeah, maybe it was what she needed. Another step in her healing process, Josh thought. If she wanted to do it, he’d support her. “Go for it, if it’s what you want to do.”
And what a remarkable woman she was to think of it.
Although he’d known his feelings for her had been growing and there was no question he was falling in love with her, watching her now—relaxed and unguarded—he realized the fall was complete and he’d fallen hard.
He loved Emma.
* * *
EMMA WAS EXCITED. Why hadn’t she thought of training service-and-therapy dogs before? She could do it! She had the time, at least for now. And Josh was willing to stand by her again in this, as he had been with just about anything she’d done since she’d arrived in Sanctuary Cove.
She looked up at him and was about to thank him...
But in Josh’s eyes, Emma saw what was in his heart.
Her own heart skipped a beat at the discovery, in the dreamy glow of candlelight and swirling fragrance. But the memory of Richard intruded. Suddenly, what she saw terrified her.
Of course she had feelings for Josh. She knew and understood that he had feelings for her, too. But she was afraid he would say the words. Those three words that she didn’t think she could trust and believe in. She didn’t want their relationship to change. He’d come to mean so much to her, and she didn’t want to lose him. But if he said those words, it would shift everything to a different level.
She could almost see the words forming on his lips so she blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “What would you like for dinner? Never mind. I’ll take care of it. All you have to do is select the wine and uncork it.”
He ran his finger gently along the side of her face. “Emma...”
“After dinner I’d like to take the dogs for a long walk and watch the sun set from the granite rock. How does that sound to you?” she continued, in near desperation.
“Emma...” he began again.
She knew she was jabbering on, but couldn’t seem to control it. “If I’m going to make dinner, I should get started.”
“Emma, listen to me—”
She was ready to interrupt again, but he forestalled her by closing his mouth over hers in a long and achingly tender kiss. The kiss drew her back into the dreamy world she’d inhabited before it had been overshadowed by the fear of what she’d seen in his eyes.
When he sat back, her breathing was uneven and she couldn’t manage a smile.
He cupped her chin in his palm, keeping her from turning away. She placed her hand on his chest to keep him at a distance, but he continued to gaze steadily at her, his feelings evident in his eyes.
“Emma, you’re caring, intelligent and beautiful. I’m fortunate to have found you. You make me feel happier than I’ve ever been.” He brushed his lips over hers, gently. “Emma... I love you.”
She could feel her heart thunder, could almost measure time passing by counting the beats.
She was certain Josh was waiting for her to say something, but she had no words.
Her emotions were muddled and conflicting. A part of her was stunned and elated that Josh loved her.
But mostly she was terrified.
Her wounds from the relationship with Richard were—apparently—still raw.
How could she trust in love again? How could she trust her own judgment when she had erred so fundamentally before?
She closed her eyes for a moment and felt Josh’s heartbeat, strong and steady, under her hand. Intellectually, she knew Josh wasn’t Richard. She knew he was so much more, but her heart trembled. She was hurting Josh—she could see it in his eyes—and was very sorry for it. He didn’t deserve it. The flaw was in her, not him, but she wasn’t sure what she could do about it.
A voice inside her urged her to back away from Josh, yet she felt so right—so protected—in his arms, sheltered by him, the feel of his heartbeat solid and true. She squeezed her eyes closed again, forcing back the tears.
She dropped her head to rest her forehead on his chest “Oh, Josh...” Even to her own ears, the two words sounded regretful, not pleased.
* * *
JOSH LET HIS head fall back against the sofa and tried to make sense out of what just happened. He’d never said those three words to another woman outside of his family before. Emma might not like it, he thought. But there it was.
I love her. It’s how I feel and she’s just going to have to accept it and deal with it.
If she didn’t or couldn’t, he wondered if he could.
He knew she had been badly hurt and her confidence had been shaken, but he’d hoped she wouldn’t allow her past to rule her present forever. He’d hoped that over the months they’d known each other, h
e’d earned her trust.
They spent a quiet evening together. Neither one of them broached the matter that loomed between them, driving them apart.
Josh left shortly after dinner. Although on the surface all seemed well, the undercurrents from earlier in the evening remained.
* * *
THE PASSAGE OF days hadn’t helped to resolve matters between Emma and Josh, and Emma was as conflicted as ever about her emotions, which she knew were at the root of it.
She bundled up in a heavy sweater and jacket, and headed outside. For once, she left the dogs inside. She craved solitude. It felt as if her world was falling apart again, just when she’d thought she was on level ground.
She wasn’t surprised to find herself walking toward the large outcropping of granite on the elevated tract of land roughly midway between the cottage and the forest line. She settled down with her knees drawn up, forearms resting on them. The light breeze blew her hair away from her face. She inhaled deeply, enjoying the clean, crisp air.
From her vantage point, Emma could see the forest, the gardens, the lake and the cottage. The trees were denuded and the perennials in the gardens cut back. The surface of the lake was a deep, unrelieved midnight blue. Yet even with the late fall starkness of the landscape, it held a tremendous appeal for Emma. It calmed her, just sitting there.
She cared about Josh a great deal. He treated her wonderfully, with consideration. He made her happy. She should be elated to have him want her and love her. But instead, she’d felt fear when he’d told her. She knew her reaction was irrational and entirely due to what had happened with Richard. But knowing it didn’t help to dispel it. She didn’t think she could handle being hurt like that again. She let out a long breath, and dropped her chin on top of her arms.
Instead, she’d hurt Josh. She hated that it had happened. She had no answers by the time she rose to walk back to the cottage.
As the days passed, the distance grew between her and Josh. Regret meant nothing, if she wasn’t prepared to do anything about it. She missed Josh, and she finally acknowledged she’d have to be the one to take that step to try to make things right again.
Emma walked into the clinic shortly before closing. Sherri was behind the counter organizing files. She glanced up when she heard the door open and smiled warmly at Emma.
“Am I ever glad it’s you!”
“Bad day?”
“Oh, yeah. When I heard the door open, I realized I’d neglected to flip the sign over to Closed. All we needed was another emergency!”
Emma turned the sign over herself and locked the door.
“Thanks.” At the sound of a mournful whimper, Sherri glanced toward the examination room. “If Josh was expecting you, I’m afraid he’s going to keep you waiting for a while.”
With concern furrowing her brow, Emma asked, “Problem?”
Sherri smiled and rolled her eyes. “Not really. Unless you’re concerned about the canine population exploding. The Hansons’ dog is having puppies again. Every time she does, we try to convince them to have her spayed, and every time they say they’ll think about it. Yet here we are again.”
“Oh, no. More pups to find homes for?” It reminded her of her idea of training a service dog, something else that had fallen by the wayside, as the distance had grown between her and Josh.
“Don’t worry about them. The Hansons always find loving homes for the pups, and there’s no question they take good care of both Mom and the litter.”
“That’s good.” Emma wondered if she could take one of those pups for training, if there was one that seemed like a good candidate. She’d have to do some more research on training service dogs, she decided. “Will Josh be long?”
“He’ll be a while yet.”
“Oh, well. Could you let him know I stopped by and he can give me a call when he gets a chance?”
“Why don’t you stay? I’m sure he’d love to unwind with you after the day we’ve had.” Sherri nudged a file. “These can wait. If you want to go into the kitchen and give me a moment, I’ll join you for a cup of coffee.”
“Are you sure it’s no trouble?”
“None whatsoever. It’ll give me a well-deserved break.” She flashed another grin at Emma. “Help yourself to a cup of coffee—it’s reasonably fresh, at least by our standards.”
Emma was sitting at the small kitchen table, her hands wrapped around a mug, when Sherri strode in a few minutes later. Pouring coffee for herself, she sat down opposite Emma and toed off her shoes with a sigh of relief. “Gosh, that feels good. I envy you, working at home and being able to stay in sweats and bare feet all day if you want. So, how’re things going?”
“I’ve hit a rough patch.” She frowned as she thought about it. She hadn’t really gotten into the swing of things since the day she and Josh had... Had what? She couldn’t call it a fight. If anything, they’d been painfully polite with each other since.
“Is that what’s causing the problem between the two of you?”
Emma looked up, wanting to deny that she and Josh were having problems, but if Sherri could read her so easily, there was no point. “Is it that obvious?”
“Only to someone who knows you and cares about you both.”
Emma remained silent, staring into her coffee mug, considering.
Sherri touched her hand in encouragement. “C’mon, Emma. What is it?”
Emma pressed a hand over her stomach in an effort to quell the churning and raised her eyes to meet Sherri’s. “I’m terrified,” she admitted in a barely audible voice.
“Of what?”
“Of being hurt.”
“By Josh?”
“Yes.” The word was a whisper.
“Of course you’ll be hurt,” Sherri said cheerfully. At Emma’s shocked look, Sherri patted her hand. “I don’t mean he’ll do it intentionally. It’s just the nature of the beast. If you care about him, at some point you’ll hurt.” She said it matter-of-factly. “But that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying what the two of you have.”
Emma lowered her gaze again. She knew what Sherri meant. That was not what she was afraid of at all. It was the type of hurt she already had to endure once with Richard that scared her. That slice-you-right-down-to-the-bone hurt.
Sherri smiled in reassurance. “Josh’s a great guy. He’s one of the most decent, loyal, even-tempered, positive people I know. I like you, Emma, and you’re good for him. He cares about you. Not like other women he’s dated. I can see it because I’ve known him practically forever. There is something deeper there for him with you.”
Emma blushed a little and took a sip of her cooling coffee. “I, ah, I care about him, too.”
“So, problem solved?”
Emma could see that Sherri was confused. She wasn’t used to sharing her feelings, her most personal thoughts, with anyone. It astonished her that she felt compelled to do so with Sherri. She sensed a genuine concern and interest. Maybe talking about what had been weighing so heavily on her mind for days might help. “Oh, Sherri, he said he loves me,” she admitted softly.
“That’s wonderful! What’s wrong with that?”
“There shouldn’t be anything wrong.” Trying to ward off the ache that was forming behind her brow, she rubbed her forehead with her thumb and forefinger.
“Do you love him?” Sherri asked.
“I have feelings for him...but I don’t know.” Emma hesitated. Was she being honest, if not with Sherri, with herself? “Well, yes. I think I do.”
“Okay, I’m trying to understand the issue here, so I can figure out how to help. If you ask me, you two belong together.” Propping her elbows on the table, Sherri leaned forward. “What’s the real problem?”
“It’s me...”
Sherri cocked her head to the side. “How so?”
Emma watched the coffee in her cup form little eddies as she swirled it. “My last relationship—engagement, in fact—didn’t go so well. Oh, I know it’s foolish making comparisons. Josh isn’t Richard—my ex. I understand that. But I’m not sure I could handle being hurt like that again.” With a sardonic smile, she added, “I suppose you could say I have trust issues.”
Sherri squeezed Emma’s hand reassuringly. “I’m sorry for whatever went on with your ex, Emma. I expect whatever happened, you didn’t deserve it. But let me say this again about Josh. He is a great guy. He has a heart of gold and a deep-rooted core of decency. In all the years I’ve known him, he has never hurt anyone, at least not knowingly.” She paused. “You can trust him. You’re a lucky woman to have his affection and not just his attention.”
Emma knew it was true and appreciated Sherri’s affirmation. It was her bruised and battered heart that she needed to convince.
“Emma, I hope you consider me a friend. If you ever want some company or to talk, give me a call.”
“I appreciate it, Sherri. I will.”
They were finishing their second cup of coffee when Josh walked into the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel. He raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Am I interrupting?”
When Emma and Sherri glanced at each other, but neither of them said anything, he continued, “Should I leave?”
Sherri checked her watch. “Oh, my gosh. I didn’t realize it was so late.” Rising, she took the two empty mugs. She shot a brief, conspiratorial glance at Emma. “I better get going.” She turned her attention to Josh as she placed the mugs into the dishwasher. “How did the delivery go?”
“Mother and pups—all nine of them—are doing well.”
“Oh, my lord! Nine more pups?”
“Yes. And the Hansons have assured me yet again they’ll get Misty spayed.”
Sherri let out an unladylike snort. “That’ll be the day. Bye, Emma.” As she walked by Josh, she gave his cheek a friendly pat. “See you tomorrow, Doc.”