Saturday dawned bright and sunshiny. Saturday and Sundays were her long days where she worked ten hours each. Monday was the only day a week that she had off and it made it very difficult for her to get as close to a 40 hour work week as she could. Sometimes she didn’t make it and had to juggle everything but the essential—schooling, which always came first. Eating, electricity, heat came last.
After taking a long hot bath she examined herself critically. The bruising had faded considerably. The cuts and scrapes were for the most part gone. Her shoulder no longer hurt when she raised it and other then some bruising still visible on her legs and thighs Nicole felt pretty well onto good-as-new.
She slipped on a pair of black jeans that she hadn’t been able to fit into for months and then a sleeveless t-shirt. Even though it was fall you could count on it being hot in back.
She pulled on her bomber jacket and secured the helmet on her head. Then got on her bike and pedaled quickly to the restaurant. Her resolve was even stronger to put thoughts of her and Marty’s past week together out of her mind. It was quite possible that he would be starting something with Kendall and if that was the case she had to ignore it—at least until she found a better job.
‘Lord, just let me finish school. That’s all. Then this nightmare can end.’ She prayed. With one final thought she lowered her head before she pedaled off. ‘Lord, I think I’m in love with him…’
When Nicole got to work Kendall was already there and at Nicole’s station. Awkwardly she walked up to her.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Nicole asked in the way of a greeting.
Kendall gave her an up and down look before answering.
“Somebody needs to let me know where the hell I’m supposed to be working. The schedule had me on this station this weekend.”
Marty flipped a sheet of bacon on to the grill. “That’s not your station. That’s Nicole’s station. You’re filling in for her.”
With that said Nicole tied on an apron and moved on to check her stock. This wasn’t her fight.
“Well what do you want me to do, Marty?” Kendall asked with an attitude.
Obviously she had forgotten who she was giving attitude to; King of the bad attitudes. Marty turned to her slowly.
“Kendall.” Marty’s voice was even but his look was heated. “Do cold prep.” That’s your station, isn’t it?” Kendall huffed but retreated. Nicole just kept loading her station thinking the same thing that Marty was probably thinking; this is what happens when you screw your employees.
“How are you feeling?” He asked matter-of-factly. Well at least he was back to acknowledging her.
“Fine. Thanks.” She responded politely.
He hesitated. “It’s going to be a long day, Nicole. If you feel tired just let me know and you can go into the office and rest.” He took in the sight of her faded bruises but instead of commenting on how good she was looking he turned and went to the walk-in, which happened to be where Kendall was. Nicole dismissed her curiosity although she couldn’t completely rid her mind of an image of their previous refrigerator unit humping. She made herself an extra large coffee and hunkered down for a long day.
At six Marty sent her on break before the dinner rush. Unfortunately he sent Kendall on break as well.
Nicole didn’t have much of an appetite but she ladled up a small bowl of chili and a large glass of iced tea. She sat down at the bar to talk to the waitresses and get caught up on gossip, which politely didn’t include her.
Kendall suddenly appeared beside her with a plate of french fries. She sat down.
“Why didn’t you say you were fucking Marty?” She asked in a casual voice. The front line waitress gasped and then there was almost a stampede as the others rushed to witness, what they assumed would be an impending fight.
Nicole’s mouth dropped and she looked at Kendall in shock. “Kendall, are you out of your mind?!”
“Whatever.” Kendall placed a french fry nonchalantly into her mouth. “I came to you and told you exactly where I stood, and you could have said something at that time.”
She gave Kendall an amazed look. “Why would I tell your flighty ass anything significant about myself? Look at you; telling your business to the entire restaurant!”
Kendall’s green eyes took on an evil glint. “Just back off, because you don’t need to interfere with what we got going on.”
“You truly are psycho.” Nicole said as if she were seeing her for the first time. “This conversation is over. You do what you need to do, but keep me out of it because I haven’t done anything to interfere in your life.” Nicole stood up but Kendall wasn’t finished.
“Then stay out of the walk-in when you know we’re back there.” Kendall’s smile widened when Nicole’s footsteps faltered. “You never know what you might see next time.”
Nicole’s blood began a slow boil. “Don’t play those games with me, little girl. Instead of telling me, you need to be having this conversation with him!” Nicole knew that Kendall was trying to press her buttons, but despite this she could do nothing to stop herself from reacting.
Kendall smirked. “Oh I intend to tell him tonight when I see him after work.” Though she never showed it on her face, Nicole felt as if a knife was being plunged into her stomach. Marty’s home had been like her home for the past week and picturing the two of them snuggling on the oversized couch watching tv, kissing, touching…was sheer torture. I could kill this ho, she thought and that thought shook her.
“HEY!”
Everyone looked up. Marty was standing at the pass-through, a look of fury on his face. He had slammed his spatula onto the counter and now the entire restaurant was frozen.
“Both of you, BACKLINE!” He bellowed. If they hadn’t had the attention of the customer’s before—they had it now. The waitresses scattered and pretended to find something to occupy them. Kendall got up and headed to the back. Nicole watched her. As far as she was concerned she could just turn right around and walk right the hell out of the restaurant. And maybe she would even just tell the both of them to kiss her black ass! When her feet finally moved, she wasn’t sure if it was going to lead her out the front door or not. In the end she followed behind the cocky young girl.
Marty was standing at the entrance of his office as the two women marched past him. She had never seen him so angry in her life. His face was past red and his eyes looked dark and dangerous. Even Kendall hesitated. He gestured for them to go inside. Nicole’s head began to pound in suppressed rage. Neither would sit. Kendall crossed her arms and tapped her foot nervously. Nicole leaned against the wall and stared at the floor in front of her. She hadn’t done anything wrong and had no intentions of being apologetic in order to appease his anger.
Marty closed the door and sat on the edge of his desk. He was quiet for what seemed like a long time before speaking. And then his voice didn’t match the way his face looked.
“I’m sorry, both of you. I’m just going to say this.” He sighed. “Nicole. I should have never led you on. I take full responsibility.”
Still staring at the ground, Nicole did not see Kendall’s grin. Her stomach plunged to the floor. This was really more then she had signed on for. It was one thing to have a secret crush on someone but for his new lover to flaunt over it was just much much more then she could bare.
Marty looked at Kendall next.
“And Kendall. I NEVER led you on.”
Kendall’s smile faded. Nicole glanced at her in time to see that happen. But she only felt coldness. She didn’t want to hear this. Whether Marty had feelings for the girl or not, she didn’t want to listen to it, because he had already confirmed that he didn’t have any for her…
“In that freezer, when you grabbed my dick, I told you that a man will only treat you like a whore for acting like that. But that was not my lesson to teach you. For that I apologize, Kendall.” His face began to redden. It certainly hadn’t had the desired effect. When he shoved her up against the wall and as
ked her if all she wanted was to be some man’s slut and then he had roughly pinched her tits and pushed up on her, she had acted like that is exactly what she wanted.
“It’s not even about being a slut or a whore.” Kendall said. And for once her voice wasn’t whiny, or faux sexy, or wannabe black girl. She just sounded like a 25 year old girl that wanted something that she couldn’t have. “Why shouldn’t I ask for what I want? If you want it too, then it’s not wrong-”
“Because I told you that I didn’t feel the same about you. You are a beautiful, smart girl that doesn’t need to be some man’s quick lay. What I did to you wasn’t desire, it was anger. But you don’t get that…Still, I shouldn’t have touched you and for that I’ll deal with the consequences-”
Kendall rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Marty. Like you said, I grabbed your dick. So am I fired, or what?”
“Do you want to continue working here?”
She looked at him surprised. “Yeah.”
“Then we can continue with my original plan. I’d like you to take over the cold bar during the days and you can work opposite Fred. I’ll be working mainly nights working opposite Nicole.”
Kendall squealed and jumped up and down clapping her hands happily.
“Thank you, Marty!” Nicole had not made a move or spoken once. Marty had cut back some of her hours but it was the only way that he could see it working. It would definitely keep the two women apart and it would keep her out of his way. And maybe it would give Fred something to occupy his attention so that he could stop trying to be the center of Nicole’s.
“That comes with a raise, right, Marty?” She asked sweetly, as if she hadn’t been completely scandalous just a few minutes before.
“Yes.” He said blandly. He glanced at Nicole. “Kendall, go back out on the floor. Starting Monday you’ll take over Fred’s old schedule.” Nicole turned to follow Kendall out.
“Nicole, wait.”
She wouldn’t look at him she was so mad and hurt that tears had sprouted in her eyes. “My breaks over. I need to get back on the floor-”
“I wanted to apologize to you-”
“I don’t need an apology!” She said sharply. “Then I have to thank you again for taking mercy on me? Look, I already thanked you, what more do you want?” She glared at him, rage building in her with surprising speed, causing her to tremble.
Marty frowned, surprised. He was struck speechless by her reaction. What had he said to cause her to become so upset? He’d taken Kendall out of the picture…was it Fred? He’d taken Fred out of her equation as well.
An angry tear fell down her face and she swiped it away quickly. “It made you feel good to help me and I needed the help so we’re even. And for the record, you didn’t lead me on. Because I never thought you wanted anything from me-” she raised a cold brow, “maybe something freaky but the opportunity you missed with me you took with her, so…whatever.” She turned to leave.
Swiftly Marty grabbed her arm and swung her toward him. He had a strong grip on her sore arm and although it hurt she didn’t show it.
“Wait a minute!” He growled. “Didn’t you hear what I said to Kendall? I wasn’t trying for her. I’m ashamed of what I did to her but I wasn’t trying for her! And as far as freaky? Nicole, I missed a lot of opportunities with you because I didn’t want that!” She tried to yank away but he held on to her tightly. “Furthermore, I do owe you an apology-”
“Will you let me go?” She asked in a chilly voice.
He didn’t speak but his eyes grew equally as chilly. “No. Because I’m not done and you’ll just run out of here.”
“Just let me go and I’ll listen.”
He released his hold on her. “I’m sorry.”
Nicole spun away and quickly pulled open the door. Marty reached past her and slammed it shut.
“This is crazy Nicole.” His voice had lost its anger. She kept her back to him. “I really fucked this up. Nicole, please forgive me for everything that’s happened. I honestly didn’t mean for it to go this way.” He stepped away from the door, allowing her the opportunity to retreat or to stay.
Nicole turned and looked at him curiously. “You fucked what up? What is this?”
Marty stared into her eyes. “I think I fucked it up between you and me.” Despite her resolve to feel nothing, something leaped in her heart. Nonetheless she kept her face cool.
“Marty, what are you really trying to tell me? I’m not going to guess.”
He had been trying to keep things between them on a friendly basis. The invisible line that he had set was supposed to protect his heart. But he was in denial; so much so, that even when she saw him kissing Kendall, he had tried to fool himself into believing that it would be for the best. He couldn’t live with another heartbreak and he knew that he could be difficult. Why would anyone in their right mind want to deal with that? But one day without her was all that he needed to confirm what he was too stubborn to admit; he was in love with her and life was not worth living if he couldn’t laugh with her, and talk to her, or just watch her when she didn’t know she was being watched. This woman made him want to do better. And that meant that he could no longer go back to that empty life he’d had before she had become a part of it.
“Nicole, I want you to be in my life. I want to be with you. And,” he shook his head. “…I’m not talking about sex I’m talking about loving you--all of you.” She crossed her arms over her chest and felt her eyes grow moist. She blinked back the stinging tears and continued to watch him with the same angry expression. “Nicole, from the moment you walked into this restaurant I saw something in you that stood out from everyone else and it drew me. It continues to draw me. You continue to draw me.”
Nicole’s brow rose in surprise. From the moment she had walked into the restaurant? When he barely looked at her, or when he blurted out commands?
He tried to read her expression. “I know the face I show to you and the rest of the world. I didn’t think I could ever want anybody close to me again. Today I can see how much of a prick I’ve been to the people I care about. I’m going to change that, Baby Girl.” He whispered. “Even if you don’t like me, I’m still going to make it up to you.”
Another tear rolled down her cheek. And because of it she could no longer hold onto her anger.
Marty moved tentatively to her and she didn’t retreat. Hesitantly he pulled her into his arms. Nicole sighed, relaxing the tension from her body. Marty sighed, feeling his fears fall behind him. They had both reached out in the only way they could, and despite how hard it had been to take that first step, they held on to each other now.
“I can’t stand to see you in pain. Nicole, it just makes me crazy. I…” Those tears in her eyes crushed him.
“Don’t feel sorry for me-” she looked at him sharply.
His lips pressed against hers cutting off that statement as if he wanted to wipe it out of existence. Her body began to shake and she sighed against his lips. He opened his mouth and accepted it. Tentatively she touched her tongue to his and felt him shiver; a shiver that ran down to his toes. He closed his lips gently on her tongue capturing it and letting his lips glide sensually over it as he slowly pulled away. He had dreamed of his lips on hers for so long…how those beautiful full lips would feel. And now he knew; it was like heaven.
Damn…was all she could think. That hadn’t been a kiss. That had been a landslide…
Marty’s eyes remained closed as he inhaled a deep breath. Then he looked at her carefully contemplating something. “I know this is not the right time to ask this but Nicole, I need to know something.”
Nicole’s eyes were dazed from the brief kiss. “Okay. What?” She replied perplexed at his serious tone.
“Where’s your daughter? Alicia?” The question stunned her.
“How do you know about Alicia?” Her surprise cleared her head. Did child welfare contact him, or the court…the judge…?
“In the hospital you called for her. And your wal
let had pictures of her...” She had to be hers. She was beautiful just like Nicole.
Nicole closed her eyes.
“My daughter is dead.”
And before that very second she had never said those words out loud.
Marty groaned then stroked her arm tenderly. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”
She waited for the familiar breaking of her heart. But this time it didn’t happen, just the lingering regret.
He gave her a solemn look. “I’d like to hear about her one day. Will you tell me?”
Then she felt something too long locked inside slip away; much like a weight on her chest. She could suddenly breathe. For the first time in two years, Nicole could breathe. She’d never talked about her baby to anyone. She realized that she had been hoarding Alicia’s memory—but also the pain; she had never released the pain.