Nicole slowly nodded her head. “Yes…I’d like to talk about her.”
“I want to take you home; my home.”
“Marty.” She shook her head. “I can’t keep taking from you. It’s not my way.”
“Nicole, I want to make love to you.”
“Oh.”
The drive to Marty’s house was silent but not uncomfortable. She thought about the look of pure dislike on Kendall’s face when they left together. Everybody looked at them. There was no more hiding what either of them was feeling, especially not after that argument. Marty’s office was private, but when you’re screaming at each other, that’s not so private.
Marty pulled up into the drive-way. Nicole looked at the familiar home. “I missed being here.”
Marty watched her. “I missed you being here.” They looked at each other and both got out of the car, Marty tossing her the keys while he wheeled her bike into the house.
Nicole slipped off her shoes and shrugged out of her jacket hanging it in the closet. It was like she had never left.
“Do you want something to drink?” He asked.
“No. I’m going to the restroom.” Marty left for the kitchen while Nicole went up the stairs.
Her face was tear streaked. She splashed herself with cold water and it helped her to feel better. She smoothed a few stray strands of hair back, then opened the bathroom door and was about to go downstairs when she heard Marty speak from his bedroom.
“Nicole. In here.”
She went into his bedroom. She had never been in there, though she’d passed it often. His room was very minimalist, but in a polished, very male way. He had a plush white rug over hardwood floors. The walls were painted a deep hunter’s green and he had maroon accents that drew from an oversized abstract painting over the bed. The only other piece of furniture besides the bed was an arm chair and a dresser. The bed wasn’t even very big, maybe just full sized. Marty was sitting on it, expression serious. “Come here.” He gestured for her to sit next to him and somehow the invitation wasn’t at all sexy. Something was wrong.
“What’s wrong, Baby?”
He closed his eyes and sighed. “That sounds so good. Say it again.”
Nicole smiled. “Baby…”
“God, do you know how much I’ve wanted you?”
“How much?”
He cradled her face and kissed her urgently, restlessly. He stroked her hair, her back, sent his fingers gliding down her neck. He sucked her lips, teased her tongue. It was as if he couldn’t get enough of her.
She couldn’t breathe and it wasn’t because he was there, it was because her heart was slamming in her chest and her limbs had grown weak.
She reached out and let her fingertips graze the length of him through his jeans. Marty moaned softly in the back of his throat. Then he stopped her hand.
“I have to tell you something.”
She let out a breath. “Now? Because-”
“It’s about my ex-wife. I have to tell you now before we go any further.” She watched him silently, expectantly, his anguish seeping into her. He stood up and moved away from her, stroking his goatee and seemingly in deep thought.
“When my wife left me I remember wanting to punish her for what she’d done to us. I swore that I would never forgive her. I divorced her quickly, destroying all of her belongings.” He paused becoming glazed eyed as he looked back to the past. “I got out of paying her alimony by threatening to smear her name. As for my partner, I sold my shares to our biggest competitor for half its worth.” He looked at Nicole again. “As if that wasn’t enough I went on a crusade to win her back so that I could dump her. I was consumed with hatred, all I could think of was ways in which I could hurt them; my ex-wife and my ex-best friend.”
“She was probably in her 6th month of pregnancy when she finally conceded to leaving her lover to be with me again. I painted a pretty picture…and when she got to the house…”Marty swallowed stiffly,” she had been roughed up by him.” Marty looked down. Nicole covered his hand with hers. “I was supposed to run over to his house all enraged and kick his ass…Instead, I looked down my nose at her and told her that it was all a set up…and that she disgusted me. Then I made her go back to him; the man that had just beaten her.” He looked at her then.
“It felt good Nicole. I didn’t have one bit of remorse. The woman that I had at one time loved with all my heart, I now hated furiously. And I didn’t regret a thing.” He looked into the distance again.
“Well, the next day I got a call from my ex-wife’s mother. My ex had been killed, beaten to death by…her lover; my best friend.”
Nicole gasped. “Oh my god, Marty.”
He looked at her again. “He was furious at my crusade to destroy them and he was furious at her. He…turned a gun on himself.”
Nicole blinked in disbelief. Marty’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears. She went to him but he turned away from her touch. Still she would not withdraw, placing her hand on his shoulder allowing him to know that she was still there. He shivered then turned back to look at her.
“I still loved her when I sent her away. God…” He shook his head. “If I hadn’t…I sent a pregnant woman back to her abuser…I hated her so much but yes, there was still love.”
“Love and hate are two sides of the same coin.” It was her turn to look into the distance. “We hurt the ones we love and it’s the strangers that get our best. When you saw me after the accident it opened up all those memories of your wife, didn’t it? Seeing me hurt?”
Marty stared at her, eyes still sparkling. He shook his head. “Seeing you hurt wasn’t some Knight in shining armor syndrome. I just knew that I didn’t want to turn my back on someone else that I cared for.”
Nicole looked him deep in the eyes. “You never let me know that you felt that way. I had no idea.”
“That was by design. Mean Marty was not letting anyone in.” Briefly his expression appeared amused. “It used to kill me when I’d see Fred and the guys hugging on you and calling you Baby Girl. I’d get so jealous.
She shook her head slowly. “Marty, I can’t believe this…” He really hid it well.
“You really didn’t know? I mean I couldn’t help it sometimes when I’d be staring at your ass and…I thought it was so obvious. Every time you bent to clean that fridge it would take all of my resolve not to…” he just shook his head.
Nicole looked at him amazed. “Frankly, I thought you were an asshole.” She scowled. “Remember the tomato incident?”
He half smiled. “Yeah. I remember there being two crates of tomatoes in the walk-in and you sent someone to the store to buy fifty dollars worth of puny hot houses. Did I ever tell you I hate hot houses? About as much as I hate canned soup.” She felt her cheeks warm. He put his arm around her shoulder. He was grinning.
“I’m sorry I was an asshole.” He kissed her lips lightly and her breath froze in her chest. She pulled back suddenly.
“Why did you curse out Fred that day? Was it because of me?”
“No.” He looked surprised. “I was pissed at him…or maybe just pissed in general. But it was because of Mrs. Carpenter, or rather, Sister Carpenter; that poor old nun. She lives at the convent and she told me once that the food there is horrible. She once said to me that her one sin is coming in to the restaurant to eat, but only when she can afford it. You know, the nuns that live at the convent make very little money. I’ve once seen her pay her bill with change, down to the pennies…I’ve tried giving her free meals but she won’t take, what she calls charity. Imagine a nun refusing to take charity.” He had a brief look of reflection on his face as he told the story. “But anyway, we kinda came up with a way to benefit both of us. I get to give her some good home cooking and she doesn’t take a hand out.” Marty looked at her. “So yeah, that’s what that was about. But I told him about it and we got it cleared up.”
Nicole didn’t know what to say. “Well, why did she call him a ‘boy?’”
&nbs
p; His brow went up. “She’s seventy. She calls me boy.” He chuckled and then seeing her serious expression he ran his thumb tenderly over her knuckles.
“Baby, Fred and I are good.”
“Ok.” She whispered, staring deeply into his grey eyes.
“Ok.” He repeated. “And you and Fred. How good are you two?”
Nicole reflected on how long she’d had to stew, contemplating the nature of the relationship between Marty and Kendall. Well she wouldn’t be mean and make him suffer as she had, but she did intended to give him a teeny bit of payback.
“Oh Fred is great. He’s probably my best friend.” Marty looked crushed. “I mean, when I need a friend sometimes he’s the only person I have to turn to.” Which wasn’t a lie. He was the only person that she could call ‘friend’.
Marty looked into her eyes so deeply that she could see his eyes tracking every movement of hers. Damn, she had never been looked at that hard. She decided to come clean.
“He is a great guy. I’m sure his boyfriend appreciates his friendship as much as I do.”
His eyes widened. “His what?” He suddenly smiled. “You’re evil.”
She laughed until she fell back on his bed and then she stuck out her tongue at him.
He just froze. “Damn that’s sexy…” He kissed her again, quicker, more passionately then he had before, his bare arms on either side of her, supporting his body above hers. She ran her hands up his body, not believing the hardness of his muscles beneath his loose fitting t-shirt. She could not believe that she was touching the body that she had admired for so long. He was perfect. He was hard and sculptured without being hulking. Nicole felt herself begin to throb erotically.
But there was something she had to do. Because he had been brave, she would be as well. So instead of enjoying his kiss, she placed her hands flat against his chest and gently pushed him away. Slipping from beneath him, she slowly walked across the room.
“What’s wrong? Am I moving too fast?”
“No, that’s not it.” She turned to him and there was a look of pain deep in her eyes. “Now it’s my turn to tell you something…and it’s not a pretty story.”
Marty stood, pulling her into his arms. “Baby, I told you the most horrible story about myself and you listened without judgment. You don’t have to do this now. There is nothing that you can tell me that will affect how I feel about you-”
“But I have to tell it for me.”
Reluctantly Marty released her. He sat back down on the bed. “If it’s that important to you, I’ll listen to whatever you need me to hear.”
Nicole stared at an invisible spot on the carpet. This wasn’t a story that she could tell and look Marty in the face with the telling of it.
“I grew up in the projects…I guess you’d call it the ghetto. My life…wasn’t good. My mother was single. She had five kids—that lived. We all had different fathers and my own Daddy had twelve kids—at last count. None of my brothers and sisters were close. We all had different Daddies and so, for the most part, a lot of my siblings would be off with other relatives that I didn’t even know. Actually, my youngest sister; I’ve only seen her a few times in my life. She lived with her Dad’s family, so really, my Mama was all I had. And I loved her; don’t get me wrong by what I’ve just said. I loved my Mama with every breath of my body.” She sighed. “I guess my world revolved around her. She was…God, as far as I was concerned.” She remembered something that she had heard from a movie once; to a child mother is the word closest to God….
Nicole cleared her throat as she recounted the events of her life. She didn’t see the carpet that she was looking at, but the linoleum floor of their townhouse home; the one that she’d had to get down on her hands and knees once a week in order to scrub the old wax off before another sibling put the new wax on.
“We were on welfare so I never had much.” She turned to look at him reluctantly. “Welfare was all I knew. I figured I’d grow up, have kids and be on welfare, too. Then there was school, which I was horrible in. I got held back in 9th grade twice, then I just quit.” Marty looked at her surprised. “Once I dropped out I just hung out with friends, smoked dope…nothing too hard. James, my boyfriend got me a little job at the stadium. He was much older than me; actually he was a grown man. I was just 16.
“The Stadium was the best thing that ever happened to me. It wasn’t the ghetto and I got to see the other side--life outside of the projects.” She was finally brave enough to meet his eyes.
“I guess seeing different people with nice things made me decide that I wanted more, so I joined the Job Corps. I got my GED high school equivalency and then went to trade school. I received certification in accounting, childcare and computers. I was there for two years but I couldn’t seem to learn enough. I was like a sponge and I wanted to know more. I also liked the structure so I decided to join the Army.”
When Marty raised a surprised brow, Nicole just nodded and smiled briefly. “I fulfilled my two years and stayed for another two. I probably would have been a lifer. I have a bachelor’s in communications and was just a few months shy of my masters in computer programming when I received news that my Mother had died.”
“Ho vissuto in un piccolo appartamento fuori di Napoli.” She said in fluent Italian. “That means; I lived in a small apartment in Napoli…and that’s about all the Italian I can remember.” She smiled briefly and Marty did too, knowing that he could never have figured out this side of this amazing woman on his own. He just knew that he admired her even more than ever that she’d been able to pull herself out off the hell she’d been living.
“In Italy I made real friends for the first time in my life. I lived in this little apartment owned by this chubby little Italian woman who wanted to marry me off to one of her sons.” She had a reflective smile on her face. “Tomas was the youngest and he was unlike anyone I’d ever met before. He thought I was a goddess.” She chuckled.
Marty knew that he should probably be jealous of this Tomas, but he also knew that she needed someone to see the beauty in her and therefore he was happy that he had been there to show her.
“But then I got the call about my mother.” She had promised them that she’d return, but had never even called. “When I got home I saw that nothing had changed there. I had. But everything there was just the same, even that fucking linoleum floor that I’d had to scrub once a week since I was nine years old. You have to understand, Marty. My Mother was my life in the projects. I mean, she was hard on us. You could call it abusive. But I loved her. Being back there without her made me feel isolated; alone. It made me want to seek out my family connections again…which, in my case, had been the streets.
“I discharged from the Army and got an apartment and a decent job in an office. But I was back to hanging out with my friends on the street, smoking dope…and now I could afford the harder stuff.” Nicole closed her eyes and when she opened them again she stared into the distance. “I started using heroin, and coke. James; my old boyfriend, and I got back together. Before I knew it I was pregnant.
“For a hot second I got some sense and kicked James to the curb and stopped doing dope.” She shook her head angrily. “But then my job let me go because I was pregnant.”
“What? But that’s illegal.”
“Yes, but they did it in a way that made it appear that they were just downsizing. I was last hired so I was first fired.
“It killed me to do it, but I couldn’t find another job so late in my pregnancy. So…I had to get on welfare.” Nicole swallowed. “I really worked hard so that I would never have to resort to that life. But with all of my training in the workforce, still a pregnant 25 year old black woman was no big catch.” Marty looked at his feet silently.
“I was alone so…back came James. But I didn’t use, not while I was pregnant; never when I was pregnant.” Marty didn’t look up. Nicole took a deep breath and despite her resolve, felt her eyes sting. “Alicia was born and…she was so beautiful. She
looked like a little Angel. Everybody told me to get her into modeling or movies. I just…” Nicole paused. “I found myself a little job when she was a couple months old…but there was no way, Marty, no way that I could afford a place out of the projects, daycare and a baby on that salary. So I let James back in my life with dreams that we’d get married and be a family. Together we could make it…well… he didn’t share my vision.
“So there I was. Two degrees and living in the fucking projects on fucking welfare! What people don’t always realize is that you can be on assistance and still work. You can get vouchers for your child for food, medical, even daycare. And obviously it’s reduced the higher paying job you have. So someone like me that finds a good job, but has to work their way up, can’t afford all-day daycare for a newborn baby, an apartment, and food…one of those things has to go. Hell I’m not even talking about phone, bus fare, cable, I’m talking the essentials.” She sighed again. She was here to tell the story, not to apologize, not to appear like a villain or a hero. She continued. “I went back to hanging out with my old friends and getting high.” Tears dropped from her eyes but her voice never changed and Marty never looked up.