“In trouble,” said Hercules.
“Why? What’d he do?”
“He read a book,” said Tom Sawyer. “All about that beanstalk fellow, Jack.”
“It was a good story,” said Hercules. “Action. Adventure. Glory.”
“I was glad to hear it,” added Pollyanna.
“And, verily,” said Robin Hood, “Walter did read that story straight through to its conclusion, whereupon the giant did tumble from the clouds.”
“Walter proved himself to be a most courageous giant slayer,” said Maid Marian proudly. “The most courageous I e’er did see.”
Billy was relieved. “Walter slayed the giant?”
“Aye,” said Maid Marian. “Quite handily.”
Billy had to grin. Walter had finally found something he was excellent at: slaying giants.
“Jack and his mother got them that goose what lays the golden eggs,” said Tom.
“And,” said Maid Marian, “that didst upset the leaping lizard mightily.”
Billy swallowed hard. “Was this lizard dressed all in silver?”
“Aye,” said Robin.
“By and by,” said Tom, “this here silvery lizard fellow comes hopping along, hissing and spitting mad.”
“He was upset about the eggs,” said Hercules. “Blamed Walter.”
“Swore each of those golden orbs to be worth one million points, whatever a ‘point’ might be,” added Robin Hood.
“So then what happened?” Billy asked.
“He captured Walter,” said Pollyanna.
“Put him in a pointy-tipped prison on stilts with smoke pouring out of its bottom,” added Hercules.
“I reckon it was a rocket ship,” said Tom. “I seen one once in a book by that feller Jules Verne.”
“We strove to free young Walter from the clutches of the beast,” said Maid Marian. “But alas, the demon didst pour forth from its weapon a stream of molten acid so fierce none of us dared cross it.”
“There was nothing any of us couldst do,” said Robin.
Billy couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The Space Lizard had captured Walter.
He had him locked up in the Galaxy Blaster.
Billy looked at the ground and finally realized what everybody had been staring at.
Walter’s bright red asthma inhaler.
“Walter won’t be able to breathe,” said Billy. “Not without his asthma medicine.”
“We ought to give him a proper funeral,” said Tom. “We could have Pollyanner read us a prayer. A good, generous one.”
“I know all sorts of good funeral things to say,” Pollyanna replied. “Of course, it’s awfully hard to play the glad game when someone dies.”
Billy slumped down on a log beside Maid Marian. “I never should’ve dragged Walter into this mess.”
Marian placed a gentle hand on Billy’s knee. “Aye, but thou didst. Wilt thou now abandon him to the loathsome lizard?”
Billy shook his head. “No. Of course not.”
Billy wasn’t going to do to Walter what his father was about to do to Billy.
But how could he defeat the Space Lizard? Even Hercules wasn’t strong enough to battle a monster with so many powerful weapons.
“Ho, lads and lassies!” said Robin Hood. “All is not lost! Look you, Sir William—I remember a time when Sir Guy of Gisbourne held me captive in his tower. Did my band of merry followers let a moat or castle walls stand in their way?”
“Nay!” said Marian. “Little John and I didst lead the charge. Oh, how the arrows did fly that day!”
“I’m not Little John,” Billy said quietly. “Or you, Maid Marian. I’m not a hero.” He looked down at the inhaler. “I’m just a kid who can’t even save his own family.”
“Nonsense,” said Maid Marian. “Each of us can choose who or what we shall be. We write our own stories, Sir William. We write them each and every day.”
“And,” added Hercules, “if you write it boldly enough, others will write about you, too.”
Billy stood up. “Where did the Space Lizard take Walter?”
“To his rocket ship,” said Tom. “It’s parked in the same spot where we had us that Sunday school picnic.”
Billy bent down to scoop up the red asthma inhaler. “He needs this.”
“By jingo,” said Tom, “we might could fling it to him.”
“I’m sure Walter would be glad to have it,” added Pollyanna.
“Aye!” said Robin Hood. “We could affix it to an arrow and send it sailing through the porthole of his pointy-tipped dungeon.”
“Um,” said Billy. “What if you missed?”
“Miss? Ah-ha-ha-ha!”
Billy crept through the underbrush with Robin Hood, Maid Marian, Hercules, and Tom Sawyer.
Pollyanna had to go home, because her Aunt Polly was “ever so worried” about her.
Soon they were in the meadow. Billy could make out the silhouette of the Space Lizard’s Galaxy Blaster—an old-fashioned-looking rocket ship shaped like a football propped on a four-legged stand. Yellow light glowed from the single round window in the center of the craft.
“Looky there,” said Tom. “That window’s cracked open a mite but there ain’t nary a three-inch gap betwixt its rim and the sides of the ship.”
“Ha!” laughed Robin. “Three inches is more than I require. Make haste. Prepareth the projectile.”
Tom quickly lashed the asthma inhaler to the shaft of Robin Hood’s arrow with some twine he kept balled up in the back pocket of his blue jeans.
Robin nocked the arrow. After adjusting his aim, he let go of the string. The arrow sliced through the air and slipped through the slender crack beside the circular window. Billy heard the arrowhead THUNK as it hit the metal walls inside the Galaxy Blaster.
“Bull’s-eye!” said Tom.
“Huzzah!” cried Robin and Marian.
“Thanks, you guys!” shouted Walter from somewhere inside the spaceship. “I needed that.”
“Use it right away, Walter,” said Billy.
Walter’s face popped up at the porthole. “Billy? Is that you?”
“Yeah. Hey—way to go taking care of Jack and the giant.”
“It was actually pretty easy.…”
“Are you okay?”
“Well, I was until you guys started shooting arrows and shouting ‘huzzah’ and stuff. Now the Space Lizard is sort of eyeballing me.”
“Has he hurt you?”
“No. He’s too busy eating dinner. Freeze-dried scrambled bugs. It’s in a toothpaste tube like astronauts eat out of.”
“So you’re safe?”
“Yeah. But, Billy, can you go back to Dr. Libris’s study and find a book to bust me out of here? Maybe something where somebody escapes from a prison?”
“Sssilenccce!” hissed a hideous voice.
Walter stepped away from the round window just as a slimy tongue slithered along its edge, sizzling the rubber seal with bubbling acid.
“Be gone from this placccce. All of you!”
The Space Lizard’s voice sounded like sandpaper on shattered glass.
Billy stood his ground.
“Look, Mr. Lizard—if you want another shot at grabbing those golden eggs, you better not hurt my friend Walter.”
“Really? Why not?”
Billy needed to make up another story. Fast.
“Because tomorrow, if you don’t hurt him, Walter can bring it all back. He just has to read that Jack and the Beanstalk book out loud again. If he’s dead, he can’t do that.”
Billy didn’t really know if Walter could read the giant back to life. He only knew he needed to buy his friend more time.
“Can’t sssomeone elsssse do thisss reading?”
“Nope. Walter’s the magic reader. He reads the book, Jack comes back. The beanstalk comes back. The castle in the clouds and the goose and all the golden eggs come back, too.”
“Why can’t he do thisss for me now?”
“Beca
use, uh, the story starts in the morning. Right, Walter?”
“Yes! It does! It says, ‘One morning Milky White’—that’s the cow—‘Milky White gave no milk.’ ”
“So Jack takes the cow to the market,” said Billy, “in the morning. He trades the cow for the magic beans in the morning. His mom flings the beans out the window in the morning. If you really want your golden eggs, just wait till tomorrow. In the morning!”
There was a long pause.
Finally, the Space Lizard hissed, “I ssshall do as you ssssuggessst. But if thisss boy doesss not give me my eggsss firssst thing tomorrow—”
“Don’t worry,” said Billy. “He will. Walter’s very talented.”
“Um, Billy?” peeped Walter.
“Yeah?”
“Slight problem.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Well, I don’t know if anybody told you about the acid bath Mr. Lizard spewed all over the place when he kidnapped me, but some of it splashed on the Jack book. Burnt a big hole straight through the cover and all the pages.”
“So you need another copy?”
“Yeah. Dr. Libris probably has one in his bookcase. Jack and the Beanstalk is a classic.”
“You best run fetch it,” said Tom.
“Do not worry about Walter,” said Robin.
“We four shall stand guard here all night,” added Hercules. “I’d go into that tin can right now and clobber the beast, but …”
“He hath that brutal weapon,” said Maid Marian. “Just make certain thou returneth before dawn’s first light, Sir William. And”—she lowered her voice—“also make certain thou bringeth us a sound battle plan for defeating yon lizard.”
Billy nodded. “You’re sure you guys can keep Walter safe tonight?”
“I will lay down my life for him if any hint of true harm should come his way,” said Hercules. “It is what we heroes do.”
“Flee, Sir William!” cried Robin. “Bring us back the magic book!”
When Billy snuck back into the cabin, he could hear his dad in the living room, snoring on the couch.
He tiptoed into Dr. Libris’s study.
He scanned the bookcase and found a slim antique book titled Jack and the Beanstalk and Other Stories.
Billy thought about taking the Jack book right back out to the island.
But he’d made up that whole story about everything happening “in the morning.” If he went to rescue Walter in the middle of the night, the Space Lizard might become suspicious and start spewing acid all over the place again.
Besides, while rowing home across the lake, he had come up with a real “battle plan.”
First, tomorrow Walter would conjure up Jack again and send him running off to Tom Sawyer’s cave. In search of the eggs, the Space Lizard would chase after Jack. Hercules, Robin Hood, and Maid Marian would protect Jack until he was safely hidden. Meanwhile, Billy would read up the sharkodile. The two monsters would battle it out on the cliff. The sharkodile would surely win. It would be just like rock, paper, scissors. A sharkodile had to beat a Space Lizard. While all that was going on, Billy could rescue Walter.
Billy set an alarm on his iPhone. He’d wake up an hour before sunrise and be back on the island with the two books before dawn.
He made his way up the steps to his bedroom. He knew he should get some sleep, even though he also knew he probably couldn’t. Not with Walter imprisoned by a hideous comic book beast from a video game rated “M” for “Mature” because it contained “intense violence, blood, and gore.”
“Sorry, Walter,” he mumbled aloud.
Then he sat down at the little desk under the open window, where he figured he’d find a better signal for his new iPhone. He needed to kill some time. Maybe download a new game.
Or read a comic book.
One where the Space Lizard lost to the good guys.
Billy fired up his favorite comics reader app and found an issue titled The Space Lizard Meets His Match.
How’d they do it? Billy wondered. How’d they defeat the Space Lizard?
If the comic had a better idea, Billy would borrow it.
Finally, on the second-to-last page of panels, he found his answer.
The Space Lizard “met his match” when a lizard called the Intergalactic Gecko Girl slithered past his rocket ship. The two of them fell in love, got married, and rocketed off to “boldly destroy” new planets and civilizations together for the rest of their lives.
It was totally lame.
Billy flopped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling.
There was one knot in the pine planks that sort of looked like an angry ogre’s face.
Or maybe a witch with bumpy warts.
Then again, it could be Abraham Lincoln.
He must’ve dozed off, because he woke up with a jolt when something tapped against the outside wall.
Billy ignored it. He needed to sleep. If he was going back to face the Space Lizard in the morning, he needed to be rested and ready to rumble. He tried to fluff up his lumpy pillow.
A couple of seconds later, he heard another clunk.
Then a pebble flew through the open window and into the room.
“Whoops, sorry,” he heard a familiar voice whisper down in the yard. “I’m still not very good at chucking rocks.”
Billy went to the window. “Walter?”
Walter was waving up at him.
“Awesome escape plan, Billy!”
“What?”
“Okay, I’m in the rocket ship. You pretend like you’re heading home to grab a fresh copy of Jack and the Beanstalk and—BOOM! Less than an hour later, the Space Lizard gets this crazy, googly-eyed look on his face. He shouts, ‘I love you, Gecko Girl!’ Then he shoves open the hatch, leaps down to the ground, and grabs this even uglier lizard’s hand. They started making goo-goo eyes at each other, which, by the way, is an extremely gross thing to see lizards do, because their eyeballs are so huge on the sides of their heads. Anyway, while they were doing all that, I ran away.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope. You’re a genius.”
“Hang on,” Billy said. “I’m coming down.”
He dashed down the stairs and out into the yard, gently shutting the back door so he wouldn’t wake his dad.
“My hero!” said Walter, slapping him a high five. “You’ve still got it, Billy!”
“But I’m telling you, I didn’t do anything.”
“You didn’t read up a girlfriend for the Space Lizard?”
“Not on purpose. I mean, I read a stupid comic book on my iPhone where that kind of happened, but …”
“Nice! You’re so good you’ve gone digital! Hey, do you guys have any potato chips or marshmallows left over from your cookout? I’m starving. The Space Lizard didn’t serve me any supper. Then I had to sprint through the woods and paddle home. By the way—I’m getting much better at canoeing now.”
Billy smiled. “There’s some food in the kitchen. I’ll grab it. Try to keep quiet out here. My mom is working and my dad is asleep already.”
“Seriously? Wow. I’m so pumped I may never sleep again!”
Billy crept back into the cabin and raided the kitchen.
While he gathered up the potato chips, a whole blueberry pie his dad must’ve bought at the Red Barn, some potato salad, and an almost full bag of marshmallows, he started thinking.
Maybe Walter was right.
Maybe he still had “it”—whatever “it” might be.
Maybe Maid Marian was right, too.
Maybe Billy could write his own story and have it turn out the way he wanted it.
Billy cradled all the food against his chest, except the blueberry pie, which he balanced in his hand.
It was the pie that was giving Billy an idea about how he might be able to save his parents’ marriage.
Walter was waiting for him at the picnic table in the backyard.
“I brought you some chips, potato salad, and marshmall
ows,” Billy said.
“Sweet.” Walter dug in.
After he’d wolfed down half a bag of chips, scooped up a gob of potato salad, and stuffed a ball of six wadded-up marshmallows into his mouth, Billy figured it was time for the two of them to go to work.
“You still have your Magical Battical cards, right?”
Walter nodded. His mouth was too full of marsh-mallow mush for him to speak.
“Good. We’re going to need them.”
“No problem,” said Walter, smacking his lips. “Can I have some of that pie?”
“Not right now. We’re going to need it, too.”
“Hey, Billy? Do you think the Space Lizard is gone for good?”
Billy shook his head. “No. He’ll be back. And he might bring his new girlfriend with him. But first things first. Go grab the cards. We also need H. G. Wells’s The Time Machine.”
Walter laughed. “We’re gonna mess with the space-time continuum?”
“Yup. But first we have to head over to Nick Farkas’s house.”
Walter stopped laughing. “But it’s, you know—late. Farkas might punch us or something.”
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
“Really? Why?”
“Because Nick Farkas might be the only kid around here who knows how to totally annihilate the Space Lizard.”
“I should punch you in the face, Weedpole. You too, Waldo.”
Nick Farkas stood on the other side of the screen door. He was holding a huge bowl of chocolate chip ice cream smothered with whipped cream.
Over Farkas’s shoulder, Billy saw a freeze-frame of the Space Lizard clutching his throat. His eyes were popping out of the scaly slits on both sides of his head like blood-shot bowling balls.
“I’m right in the middle of slaying the Lizard,” said Farkas. “Again.”
“Wow,” said Billy, acting even more impressed than he really was. “You slayed him?”
“It’s easy. Once you figure out how.”
“How?” asked Walter, his voice cracking on the “ow.”
“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”
“He’s right,” said Billy. “We can’t expect Nick to tell us all his secrets just so we can go back to the island and win the prize.”