Something inside my chest grew tight. "Where do they go?"
Her eyes glittered dark and evil in the lantern light. "To our city. Fire and death and suffering. This place is a paradise in comparison. Why do you think we come here?"
I touched the handle of my knife. "Is it worse than the dark tower?"
She shuddered.
"That is where I am taking you tomorrow." I stood up. I had grown so weary of the games Mazikin played during these interrogations. I had grown weary of becoming a monster just to keep up. "Or shall we leave now?"
"We can," she said quickly, "but that means the woman whose soul occupied this body will never be free."
"What?" I said it so loudly that Jof flinched.
"You can free her." She ran her hand over her dark hair, over the deep brown skin of her stolen face and body. "This woman, she suffered in her life, and she suffered after she ended that life, and now, she suffers even more. No way to die, no way to escape—unless you kill this body here."
"You are lying."
She grimaced. "Then take me to the tower. Destroy this woman's chance to be free." She stared at me. "You could free her, Malachi. All you have to do is kill me."
"But then you will come back," I said.
"Maybe, maybe not. That is up to the Queen. But what is not up to her is the liberation of the woman's soul. That is in your hands."
My hand closed around the handle of my knife and I pulled it from the table. "If you come back, I'll hunt you down."
"We know." She bowed her head. "All of us know that. But if you put me in the tower, you are condemning her for eternity."
She sat very still while the longing grew inside me. When I was in a place of fire and death and suffering, how much would I have given to have someone release me? Hadn't I thrown myself on the fence in an effort to release myself in the only way I knew?
Jof might be lying, but what if she wasn't?
She breathed her last breath in that moment, right before I cut her throat. I spoke my prayer over her body, but it was not for her. It was for the woman she'd taken, the one she'd condemned. I imagined her face, smiling and free. I imagined her walking into the Countryside.
I washed the blood from my hands. I think I will sleep better tonight than I have in a long while.
Day 7170
Today I went to Takeshi and told him about what Jof said to me. I asked him to change the practice of taking Mazikin prisoners to the tower.
He refused. He stopped just short of calling me a fool. He said I’d let the Mazikin play with my mind.
I understand that all of that could be true. My mind is not muddled. The only way to guarantee that a Mazikin will never return is to imprison them forever in the tower.
My heart is a different matter entirely. If there is a chance, any chance at all, of freeing a soul, of ending its suffering, how can I live with myself if I don’t take it?
Day 11000
We have a new human Guard. Last night, Raphael appeared in the training room, where Takeshi and I were trading insults in the Mazikin language and doing our best to inflict deadly injury on each other. As soon as I saw the expression on Raphael’s plain face, I knew something had happened.
And then he told us: a woman named Ana bit and clawed and fought her way into the Sanctum, demanding to see the Judge. I listened to the story with a pit in my stomach, remembering the moments I spent punching and kicking and dodging the inhuman Guards within the Sanctum, certain that if I got to the front of the courtroom, that this Judge person would free me. Ana must have gotten the same idea, and now she will suffer the same punishment.
"A female Guard?" Takeshi asked.
Raphael’s eyebrow arched. “It’s happened many times before, Captain. Like with Malachi, you will be responsible for training her.”
Takeshi gave me a sidelong glance. “Is she willing?”
Raphael’s laughter shook the room. “She is as willing as Malachi was.” He looked thoughtful. “Perhaps a bit less.”
Takeshi groaned. “Do I need to go see her now?”
Raphael shook his head. “She is not ready. I will tell you when she is.”
He disappeared. Takeshi and I stared at each other. “Things are about to change, I suppose,” he said. I could only nod my agreement.
We completed our training session in silence.
Day 11001
I am writing this as I sit outside of Ana's room. There is a thick wooden door between her and me, and I am glad. I have not seen her yet, nor has Takeshi. Until a few minutes ago, he was sitting here with me.
We have been listening to her scream. She throws herself against the door every few seconds. By the sounds of it, she is also throwing her furniture. I'm a bit surprised the door hasn't yet splintered under the force of her rage. Raphael has gone to her several times to heal her of the injuries she's caused herself.
We do not understand what she is saying. Raphael told us she speaks Spanish, and that we will need to communicate with her. But I do not need a translation of the anguish in her voice. I understand it perfectly.
And though he has said little, Takeshi does too. The last time she threw herself against the door, he stood up quickly and pressed himself against it, his fists clenched. "You have to stop," he shouted. "You have to accept this."
I bowed my head. If she is strong enough to be a Guard, she will not accept anything easily and without fight. A moment later, Takeshi said something about going out on patrol and stomped off.
So now I am alone with Ana, my new colleague, listening to her fight the inevitable.
Day 11002
"Why won't she stop?" Takeshi asked.
We were sitting together in the Food Room. I was staring at my moldy bread. "Didn't I fight it at first? Didn't you?"
Takeshi chuckled. "Of course I did. Philip did as well. But I don't recall being this stubborn."
"I was."
He shrugged. "You were quieter about it."
Because Ana has not stopped screaming. Or throwing herself against the door. The only times she falls silent are when Raphael renders her unconscious so she can be healed of the broken bones and other injuries caused by her senseless fighting. But as soon as she wakes, she starts up again.
"I'm going to talk to her," he announced suddenly, standing up.
"Raphael told us she wasn't ready."
"But I am," he said. "And perhaps being alone in that room is the last thing she needs."
I shrugged and let him go, wondering why my Captain, who is somehow unmoved by the screams of the Mazikin he interrogates, is unable to tolerate the shrieks of one girl locked alone in a room.
Day 11003
I visited Takeshi in his quarters this morning. He is recovering from his visit with Ana. I asked him what happened.
He stared at the wall. "She got quiet when I entered the room. I spoke to her. Raphael taught me a few words to say. I offered her some bread."
"So you got her to stop screaming," I said. "I am impressed."
"Yes, it was impressive. I handed her the bread, and she stabbed me in the throat with the splintered leg of her cot." He pointed to a new scar on the side of his neck. "I have to say, I wasn't expecting that."
My eyebrows shot up. "Did she escape?"
He shook his head. "I hit her over the head with the tray. She dropped like a stone."
"So you are already coming to an understanding," I said, trying not to laugh. "I am guessing you won't be visiting her again?"
"Oh, no," he said with a fierce, defiant look in his eye. "I'm going back this evening."
Day 11005
I saw Ana for the first time today. Takeshi said I needed to go visit her, that she should become accustomed to my presence. He talks about her as if she is a wild animal he is trying to tame. Judging by the new scars he bears, I think his assessment is accurate.
I did not carry weapons, because she seems likely to try to use them against me. I did not wear armor, because Takeshi said it wo
uld scare her. I took bread, because he told me she is always hungry. I picked the flecks of mold off it first.
Takeshi stood in the corridor, looking more nervous than I’ve ever seen him. He grabbed my arm as I reached for the door handle. “If she attacks, defend yourself, but do not hurt her. I’ll be right out here.”
I slowly pulled the door open, then quickly stepped inside. Takeshi yanked the door shut behind me. He is worried she will try to escape.
My first thought was that Ana is not very big, especially for being able to do such damage. She has brown skin and long, black hair that tangles over her face. She was crouched in the corner, peering at me from between the locks.
I cleared my throat and said the few Spanish phrases Raphael had taught me. I promised not to hurt her. I offered her the bread, holding it out. When she did not move, I took a step toward her.
That proved to be a mistake. She had been hiding a tray behind her back, and as I moved, she swung it around and slammed me in the side of the head. My vision sparking, I managed to block her second attempt to shatter my skull and stripped the tray from her hands. I used it as a shield against her teeth and fingernails as Takeshi wrenched open the door and pulled me from the room by the collar.
"What did you do?" he shouted.
"I offered her bread." I sank to the floor, my ears ringing.
"Do you need Raphael?" he asked, poking at the lump on the side of my head.
I waved his fingers away. “No. I’ll be fine.”
He grinned. “I think we’re making progress.”
Day 11010
Ana is doing so much better. She hasn’t attacked me or Takeshi in the last two days, and so we decided to take her to the Food Room for a meal. Takeshi thought it might be good for her.
She really is a beautiful woman. Now that she has pulled her hair away from her face and is not attempting to stab us, it is hard not to notice. It is also hard to miss the way Takeshi stares at her. He actually tripped over his own feet as we entered the Food Room, which made my day considerably brighter.
We are teaching her words in English, because that is the language we speak among ourselves even though Philip has long since moved on. She seems willing enough to learn, especially because Takeshi seems particularly eager to learn Spanish as well. She smiled a few times as we ate and talked. It was a lovely, fragile thing to witness.
All went well until we cleared our plates. That was when Amid, one of our inhuman Guards who acts before he thinks, made the mistake of trying to touch Ana. Takeshi barked for him to unhand her, but it was too late.
Ana swiped her fork from her tray and slammed it into Amid’s belly. She ducked between his legs as he stumbled forward, sliding across the floor and grabbing a knife from Rais’s tray. Then she threw herself on Amid’s back. If I hadn’t grabbed her, she would have plunged that knife into his neck.
As it was, she managed to hurl it at him as I yanked her backward. He dropped to his hands and knees with the handle protruding from his back.
Raphael has healed him, but I doubt Amid will attempt to touch Ana again.
"That was a catastrophe," I said to Takeshi as he emerged from her room after spending an hour calming her down.
"Not at all," he said. "Tomorrow we will start her training." He grinned. "We’ll start with the knives."
Day 11034
Although she was supposed to start her training days ago, today was the first day Ana joined us. After Amid touched her in the food room, she had a bit of a setback—one that involved her refusing to eat or come out of her room and assaulting anyone who attempted to enter.
She really has very good aim.
Every time Takeshi exits her room with a new gash or contusion, I ask myself whether Ana is truly able to be a Guard. I might have been rebellious and angry at first, but she—she is wild. Feral, almost. Sometimes, at least. At other times, she shows flashes of humor and cleverness and calm, but those have been few and far between.
Takeshi is unwilling to give up on her. The way he looks at me when I suggest that we leave her to herself… Ana is the first new Guard since he became the Captain, though, so perhaps he is simply focused on his job.
But the look on his face when he offered her the practice knives for the first time, as if he was giving her the most wonderful gift… it seemed like more. I might have dismissed that thought, but when he caught me watching him, his gentle smile hardened into an evil grin.
"Ana," he said softly, his dark eyes on me. "How would you like to practice hitting a moving target?"
I am very glad the knives were dull. As I said, Ana has brilliant aim.
Day 11179
"It’s been over a hundred days," I said to Takeshi. "When do you think she’ll learn some control?"
I’d had enough. Ana broke my wrist yesterday for the crime of walking within the radius of her staff.
"You startled her," he said.
I have never met anyone more easily startled or more unpredictable when provoked. And yesterday, it was very tempting to break her neck out of sheer aggravation and pain. “Why do you tolerate it?”
Takeshi looked down at his arms, covered in scratches and bruises that he hasn’t bothered to ask Raphael to heal. But then again, he’s needed Raphael nearly two dozen times since Ana first arrived. “We all have to go through this. She will come around,” he said. The faintest of smiles appeared on his face. “And then, no one will be able to stop her.”
Day 11498
Tonight I am in the tower above the station, the place where my thoughts are clearest. If I stare long enough, I can see stars. If I pretend, I can feel a pleasant breeze.
Takeshi has just left. He rarely comes to find me up here, but tonight he climbed all the way up, then crouched by the trapdoor, looking shaken and unsteady.
"Has something happened?" I asked.
He nodded, then sat against the wall and wrapped his arms around his knees. "We all have our own terrible reasons for being here…" He paused, as if searching for words. Then his eyes met mine. "Ana told me hers."
My stomach tightened. Ana has been with us for hundreds of days, but she still startles and attacks when she senses a threat. She is devastatingly effective, but her control is still lacking. I think she is progressing, but Takeshi has refused to consider taking her on patrols. He's afraid it will overwhelm her. And now this. "By the look of you, I'm guessing it is terrible."
He grimaced. "I don't know how to hold this feeling inside me. I stayed with her as long as I could, but then I had to leave. I felt like I was going to explode. I still feel that way."
I stared at my Captain, who is a hard man, one who rarely lets things touch him. In fact, in recent years, I can think of only one thing that has. One person, really. "You are hurting for her."
He covered his eyes with the palms of his hands. "I need to stop. This has to stop."
We sat there in the quiet, Takeshi willing himself to stop feeling for Ana—and me understanding full well that he cannot.
Day 11501
A bad day all around. I left last night to patrol the area just south of downtown because some of the Guards reported Mazikin activity there. Takeshi had already departed on a patrol to the southeast of the station, so I went alone.
As I was exiting an apartment building, I spotted two people dragging another into an alley and pursued. When I entered the alley, no less than six Mazikin were waiting. I dispatched them all, but it was a long and bloody fight, and one of them managed to stab me in the shoulder with a broken glass bottle.
It took me hours to get back to the station. Before Raphael came to heal me, Takeshi arrived at my quarters. I asked him if Ana could start patrolling soon, because we need more Guards on the street.
"She is nowhere near ready," he said.
She has been with us for FIVE HUNDRED DAYS. “I think she’s ready,” I said as I tried to staunch the bleeding. “And we need her help.”
Takeshi’s cheeks darkened. “She will patrol whe
n I say she’s ready, and not a day earlier.” He walked to the door. “Heal fast.”
I would have argued more, but I had lost a little too much blood and blacked out.
Day 11672
Ana joined me in the training room this morning. Like always, she stood in the doorway and watched for a long time, wary and still. I ignored her and continued my drills with the wire dummies.
"Takeshi has left to patrol in the Southern Quarter," she said when she finally ventured into the room.
"He should be back in a day or two," I replied. "Do you need something?" I hoped she would say "no." She is merely a guest here. She is not truly a Guard, because she never patrols. I have been so frustrated with Takeshi’s preferential treatment of her that I’ve been avoiding both of them.
She shrugged. “Can I train with you?”
"If you like." I couldn’t see the point of it, but I didn’t want to be rude.
She must have seen the annoyance on my face. Her fists clenched. “I can fight,” she said in a low voice.
"Believe me, I know." I tossed a knife at her and she caught it easily, then whipped it past me. It ended up buried square in the middle of a dummy’s face—about six inches from my shoulder.
She stalked forward and struck at me. I blocked her. She wasn’t holding back. We should have been sparring, pulling our punches, but my own anger got the better of me. I knocked her aside with an elbow strike, and she went sprawling. She came up rubbing her jaw. “It’ll take more than that,” she snapped.
So I did it again. And again. And again. I rammed my knee into her ribs. I locked her in a stranglehold.
She started to go limp, and I came back to myself and loosened my grip.
Then she elbowed me in the groin.
Truly, there are few things like that kind of pain. I doubled over and she scrambled away from me, diving for a knife. Before I could straighten up, she had it at my neck. It wasn’t a sharp blade, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t do damage with it. She was panting as she pressed the dull blade to my skin. Her eyes were bright with tears. “Why won’t he let me patrol?” she whispered. “Why won’t he let me fight?”