In order to appease him, she bit into the bread and struggled to swallow it. She took the cup of broth he handed her and sipped on it. Her stomach growled in protest, but she took another bite of the bread before handing it back to him.
Standing, he looked down at her. “Things are going to be all right. Once you have time to think about things more clearly, you'll realize I'm right. You're safe now.”
“Safe,” she mumbled under her breath when she was alone.
As long as Edmund lived no one was safe.
* * *
Cara was overwhelmed, not only by the size of Muir, but also by the incredible beauty that surrounded it. Not even the city of Annul could claim such splendor.
The lush green hills that stretched for miles around acted as a natural defense. The city itself was fortified with two stone walls, one that surrounded the perimeter of the city, and another within that encircled the massive centralized fortress that housed Tahdaon's older brothers and their families, as well as the substantial infantry that had yet to head south towards Drumna.
“Cara,” a woman's voice echoed across the courtyard as Finn helped her out of the open carriage.
Cara looked up, recognizing her cousin's voice.
She held onto Finn's hands for a moment as her legs adjusted to the solid ground. Tahdaon had insisted that she be carried directly to her chambers when they arrived so that a physician could examine her, but she had refused. As her legs threatened to buckle under her, she wished she had listened to him.
Maeve ran to her, wrapping her slender arms around Cara in a firm embrace that had Cara's head spinning.
“You look wonderful,” Cara said honestly as she pulled back to study her cousin, whose bright red hair and green eyes seemed even more vibrant then before. Whatever damage Birkita had done to her was undiscernible now.
“I've been worried about you,” Maeve said, her pretty face pinched in concern as she studied Cara. “We've heard rumors about what Edmund and his father have done, but I didn't know what to believe. Is it true they took the Holy City?”
Cara nodded and saw Maeve pale.
“And my father? Is it true that Ballack had him executed?”
“I'm sorry,” Cara whispered, looking around for Finn. He had left her to help with the horses. She wasn't prepared to have this conversation. Not with Maeve, and not in the middle of a busy courtyard.
Cara swayed, and Maeve reached out to grasp her hands.
“Are you all right?” Maeve asked. “You're so thin. Are you ill? Forgive me for being so selfish. I should have seen that you are tired from your trip. Come, let's get you settled.”
Cara shrugged and bit her lip as the world spun around her. “I'm just tired.”
Maeve smiled sympathetically and squeezed her hands.
The courtyard was full of activity and Cara didn't see Reyn until he was standing beside her. In a quick fluid movement, he picked her up and twirled her around as he had done so many times when they were younger. He placed a loud brotherly kiss on her cheek before setting her back down.
“Reyn,” she stuttered, as she glanced up into his smiling brown eyes.
Callion's eyes. Eyes that haunted her every waking moment.
Cara stumbled backwards as if she had been slapped in the face.
Worried voices ricocheted around her. She reached out to steady herself, but her hands grasped air. Her vision tunnelled, and she felt herself being swept up, as if she were suddenly weightless.
She could hear the conversation around her, but her brain didn't register their words. She was so tired. Drained. All she wanted to do was sleep.
“Tell Keghan to send a physician to my chambers,” Tahdaon growled, shifting her in his arms, and cursing under his breath.
Cara could hear Finn talking to Reyn, heard Callion's name whispered, and the felt the mood change around them.
She moaned and pressed her face against Tahdaon's chest. Finn would tell Reyn that it hadn't been her fault, and that she hadn't had a choice, but she knew the truth. How could she ever look at him again, knowing what she had done?
Tahdaon carried her through the courtyard. She should have been mortified at being coddled like an infant in front of so many people, but it didn't seem to matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Everything had changed.
“Enough,” Tahdaon growled, as he placed her on a bed in the middle of a large room. His eyes were angry when he forced her to look at him. “No more. Do you hear me? You're killing yourself.”
“What do you care?” Cara muttered, pushing his hand away from her face.
Tahdaon grabbed her roughly by the shoulders. “After everything that's happened, how can you ask me that?”
Cara looked at him then, and saw the fear behind his anger. He was scared for her.
“I'm sorry,” she whispered, more guilt washing over her. What right did she have to be angry at anyone? None of this would have happened if she hadn't been so naive. “I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I was a fool to go to the stables alone.”
Tahdaon ground his teeth and growled, “Cara, I-”
A knock at the door interrupted him.
Tahdaon swore under his breath and pushed himself off the bed as Maeve walked into the room followed by a stout, elderly man wearing the garments of a healer.
“Frewin,” Tahdaon said in recognition.
The smaller man shook a stubby finger at Tahdaon, and gave him a smile that spoke of paternal affection. “I should have known you'd bring trouble with you. Never a dull moment when you're around.”
Tahdaon huffed at the man's response, but Cara saw him physically relax. It was obvious that he trusted the man, and his response made Cara more at ease.
“But a little thing like you doesn't look like she could be too much trouble,” he said, turning to Cara and giving her a nearly toothless grin. “This young lady said that you needed my assistance.”
Cara looked uncomfortably at Maeve who stood off to the corner, and then at back at the physician. “I'm fine. Really. But thank you for coming.”
“Nonsense,” Frewin responded before Tahdaon was able to interject. He sat boldly on the edge of her bed and began examining her.
Cara tried to protest again, but the man efficiently went about his business. She felt thoroughly inspected by the time he was done.
“You're clearly dehydrated and malnourished, but that's nothing that we can't resolve with a few good meals.”
“I was seasick on the way here.”
The man grunted and pressed his old wrinkly finger uncomfortably around her abdomen. When he was finished he cocked his head and looked at her. “And when was your last monthly bleeding?”
Cara went cold as she realized what he was implying. With everything that had happened with Edmund, she had forgotten that the possibility was there. She glanced over at Tahdaon, whose permanent frown became even more defined at the older man's question.
She tried to count back, but time seemed to blur. “I'm not sure. Three, maybe four months ago.”
“As I expected,” Frewin said, patting her hand reassuringly. “If my calculations are correct, the child should arrive sometime between the spring and summer solstice.”
Cara cringed as Tahdaon cursed loudly.
Something shattered as it hit the wall.
“Cara?” Maeve said tentatively from the far corner of the room, as Tahdaon continued to stalk the room angrily.
Cara shook her head. “Would you both mind leaving me for a moment?”
Maeve nodded, but looked at Tahdaon uncertainly before leaving.
Frewin sighed and eyed Tahdaon severely. “Watch your tone young man. She doesn't need any more stress, and I know your tongue could cause even Annul to weep.”
Tahdaon opened his mouth and then just as quickly shut it.
His face was bright red and the veins on the side of his neck and temple protruded. Cara knew he was trying to restrain his temper, and doing a very poor job at it.
Afte
r a few minutes of silence, he turned away from her and muttered, “Finn and Efy will be worried about you. I'll let them know where you are.”
Anger boiled in her as she watched him make his way towards the door. Would he ever stop running away from her?
“Don't even think about leaving,” she shouted, wishing she had something to throw at his head. There was no way she was letting him walk away from her again. She had made the mistake of not protecting herself, but that didn't give him the right to treat her with animosity. He was constantly looking for an excuse to run from her. “You're such a coward.”
He didn't respond. Not verbally. But his shoulders sagged, and when he turned, Cara winced at the self-loathing she saw in his eyes.
“I'm sorry Tahdaon,” she said more gently. “I made a mistake. I didn't mean for this to happen. Don't be angry with me.”
“Angry with you?” He choked on the words as he sat down hard on the end of her bed and placed his head in his hands. “How can you think that after what I told you at the lake?”
She frowned not understanding his meaning, but hearing the sincerity in his voice she asked, “Then don't push me away. I'm going to need you, now more than ever.”
Exhaling a shaky breath he straightened, and there were tears in his eyes when he looked at her. “I'm sorry I let him hurt you. When I realized what had happened, that Edmund had taken you, I tried to reach you before he could hurt you. When I entered the room and saw what he had done to you I nearly lost my mind.”
“It was my fault. I shouldn't have gone to the stables alone. You had warned me not to go anywhere without you. None of this would have happened if I would have listened to you.”
Tahdaon shook his head. “I'll kill him for what he did to you.”
Cara nodded, understanding his anger.
Clearing his throat, Tahdaon looked down at his hands and mumbled. “If you're wanting to rid yourself of the child, there are herbs that the midwives have-“
Cara flinched and pulled away from him.
“No,” she said sternly.
“You say that now, but what happens when the child is here? When you have to look upon its face every day, remembering where it came from. Who its father is. My mother loved me, but I know that there wasn't one day that passed that she didn't look at me and see Ballack's bastard. Are you prepared for that? To hold your child knowing Edmund's blood runs through its veins?”
Cara bit her lip as she realized the lie he had come to believe. “Edmund never touched me. At least not in the way you're implying. Even if he had, you heard what the physician said. I was with child before Wesley took me from Drumna. The child is yours Tahdaon, and I have every intention of keeping it.”
“Mine?”
“I had my suspicions, but with everything that happened-”
“Mine” he repeated.
“Are you angry?”
He shook his head, but she could tell he was still trying to process what she told him. He had believed that Edmund had done to her what Ballack had done to his own mother. She understood now why he had been so distraught. The fear that history had repeated itself, and that he was somehow responsible for it.
Moments passed before he finally spoke. “The child will never be recognized as legitimate.”
“No, but that doesn't mean it won't be loved.”
Tahdaon smiled sadly and took her hand, placing it against his lips. “Thank you.”
Wanting more than just his tender touch she smiled in resignation as he pulled away. Whatever the future held for them, the child she carried would forever bind them together. For that she was grateful.
Chapter 31
Finn exited the room where Cara lay sleeping and almost stumbled into Tahdaon.
“I was just coming to check on her,” Tahdaon said, shifting uneasily as he glanced over Finn's shoulder through the half open door.
“She's sleeping,” Finn said, shutting the door quietly behind him, barring Tahdaon from entering.
The nausea that had plagued her onboard the ship had dissipated and she had regained some of the weight that she had lost, but was still extremely fatigued.
Tahdaon sighed and asked, “How is she?”
Finn's throat tightened as he saw the concern in Tahdaon's eyes. Despite Cara's requests to see him, Finn knew Tahdaon had only visited her a handful of times since they had arrived in Muir. Finn didn't know what kept the man away, but he knew that it wasn't because he didn't care for her.
“Stronger every day. She has something to live for now.” His voice was stonier then he meant it to be as he made reference to her condition.
Finn didn't blame either one of them, but the child complicated an already difficult situation. It would also be a constant reminder of what Cara and Tahdaon shared together, and he couldn't help but feel resentful that the child wasn't his.
Obviously uncomfortable, Tahdaon looked down at the floor and scratched the back of his neck.
An awkward silence followed.
It was clear to Finn that something had changed between Cara and Tahdaon during their time alone together. There was a bond between them now that went beyond the fact that she carried his child, and Finn struggled with the jealousy that sprouted from that knowledge. He had always known they had a connection, but it had never bothered him the way it did now.
Without speaking, Finn and Tahdaon made their way through the maze of hallways towards the great hall where Tahdaon's oldest brother Keghan sat arguing with one of his military chiefs.
Nearly two months before, in answer to his brother-in-law's request for troops, Keghan had sent three thousand men, representing nearly two-thirds of his army south towards Drumna. By land, the trek south was arduous and gruelling, but Keghan didn't have enough ships to send that many men by sea.
Led by Tahdaon's other brother Cahal, the cavalry were still a good month journey from reaching the walled city, and Keghan worried that his brother-in-law wouldn't be able to withstand an assault from Ballack's army for much longer. Osker needed assistance now.
“The waterways are still open,” the war chief argued. “I can have five hundred men at the gates of Drumna within two weeks. Muir is protected. Drumna needs the troops more than we do.”
Keghan rubbed his forehead as he thought about it.
“He's right brother,” Tahdaon said, as he and Finn entered the room. “Muir is fortified and well out of Ballack's reach. He doesn't have the ships to carry his troops this far north, and with winter approaching, he wouldn't dare press forward by land. Send the remaining men south.”
“What will five hundred men do against an army of thousands?” Keghan sighed.
“It will give Osker the chance to get Tia and mother out of the city. They can return on one of the ships.”
“I agree that they would be better off here, but Osker will never let Tia leave, not this soon after giving birth,” Keghan remarked.
“He would if he knew I was with them,” Tahdaon insisted. “Let me go with the men. I'll make sure the women and children are safe.”
All three of the men turned and gaped at him.
Finn cursed silently and shook his head as he realized Tahdaon's meaning.
Keghan gave Tahdaon a hard look. “You're sure you want to go? If the winter winds come early you could be stuck in Drumna until spring.”
“I'll take that chance.”
Finn tensed at the calculation and secrecy he saw in the man's eyes. There was more to this then Tahdaon had led on. Finn was sure of it.
Keghan nodded his approval and began discussing plans with the war chief who looked elated to finally be joining the battle.
Finn clenched his teeth and growled low in Tahdaon's ear so that the others couldn't hear, “You should have discussed this with Cara first.”
Tahdaon cut a warning glance to him and sighed irritably. “I won't be gone long. Cara's free from harm as long as she is in Muir, but my mother and sister aren't. I need to do this.”
Fi
nn frowned. “You're place is here. You forget your vows. Let your brother send someone else.”
Tahdaon narrowed his gaze, his eyes hard as he growled, “I forget nothing. Cara is safe, which is more than you could say when you left her to visit your father and brothers.”
Finn opened his mouth to retaliate and then shut it. There was no point arguing with the man, and if Finn was honest with himself, he knew Tahdaon was right. He had been a fool to leave Cara to go south. He had lost more than just a few months with her, and he had placed her life at risk, an error that had cost them all.
Finn shrugged and sat back in his chair. If Tahdaon wanted to leave her the same way he had, Finn wouldn't argue with him. It would give him the time alone with her he needed to reconnect, and to help her heal.
She was carrying Tahdaon's child, but she also carried Finn's heart. He would make her remember what they shared, how much he loved her. No matter what it took.
* * *
Tahdaon watched Cara's expression, expecting her to protest, but instead she merely sighed and bowed her head.
“If you think it's safe for them to make the trip back, then you should go and bring them here.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, he relaxed as he realized she wouldn't try to stop him. He had feared that he would have to go behind her back and leave without her knowledge.
“When do you leave?”
“Tomorrow.”
Cara's eyes widened. “That soon?”
“Once the snow begins to fall, it isn't safe to sail north. If I am to return before spring then I need to leave as soon as possible.” Hesitantly, Tahdaon cupped her cheek and drew her towards him. “Thank you for understanding.”
He heard Cara's breath hitch in her throat as he brought his lips to hers and gently kissed her. It was the first time since Drumna that he had touched her, and his body trembled as he ran his hands down the length of her back.
“Stay with me tonight,” Cara whispered against his mouth.
“I don't want to hurt you.”
Cara froze, her dark eyes narrowing on him. “Is that why you haven't come to me?”