Seth wiped his mouth with his paper napkin. “Yeah, I get that.”
I took a bite and thought about it. “Part of me believes that if the circumstance is right, everything will be fine. Another part of me is afraid we’re doomed, but that part of me gets quieter every day.” I sighed and took a drink to wash the fear away. “Anyway, tell me what’s up with you. Find a roommate yet?”
Seth sat back in the booth with a sigh. “Not yet. It’s scary, man. As hard as I’ve worked to start a new life, it’s still new. I don’t know how to live ‘normal,’ whatever that is. Like, without partying. I mean, how is it that I don’t even drink anymore? How is that a thing?” He shook his head. “I don’t even get what people do for fun, otherwise.”
I knew how he felt. I was lucky I had Joel when I left Seth and the rest of our friends. He knew what I needed and helped me get clean. I tried to pass that on to Seth and failed. “You can always call me.”
He nodded, smiling his easy. “Thanks. I’ll probably take you up on that.” He picked up a fry and popped it into his mouth.
“Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about moving. I’m just ready to have my own space again.”
“Really?” he asked, the word thick with hope. “I figured since you and Rose were together, it wasn’t even a question.”
I shook my head. “I want to be with her every minute that I can, but …” I rubbed my face. “I don’t know, man. I don’t want to fuck it up. I don’t want to burn her out, and I need my own place. I can’t live with her yet — it’s too soon to put that kind of pressure on her, or us. And as much as I’d like to wait and see what happens with her, you need help now. It makes sense. I just need to talk to her first.”
“You didn’t mention it to her?”
“No. I didn’t know how she’d react, and I wasn’t even sure it was happening. So now I’ve just got to find a way to talk to her about it.”
“Well, I hope it works out.”
I smiled. “Me too.”
“And … thank you. I didn’t expect this, not after everything you’ve done for me and everything I’ve done to you. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Tricky.”
“I’m just glad I can help, man.”
With him sitting across from me in the diner, smiling like I’d saved him again, I was overcome by the rightness of it all. Like everything was finally falling into place.
Rose
I woke the next morning when Patrick did, ate with him before he left for work. He kissing me goodbye in my doorway, a long kiss, a hot kiss that promised me there was more where that came from.
The last week had been all I’d ever wanted.
I wasn’t afraid he’d leave. I wasn’t afraid it would end. I was just blissed out on him, taking every second for what it was.
We were together — so together that I knew this was it for us. The relief of having after wanting for so long was a tangible thing. I just wanted to be with him.
Every once in a while, the reminder that we hadn’t talked about anything, hadn’t defined anything, would send a rush of fear through me. I hoped we were strong enough to deal with it when we couldn’t avoid it anymore, but mostly I hoped we wouldn’t have to deal with it at all.
I glanced at the clock as I closed the door, noticing only then how early it was. I took a look around the apartment, wondering what to do with myself. Getting up early meant I had way more time on my hands, and I’d been getting up early with him more and more, going to sleep at normal hours when I could, just so I could fall asleep with him.
I caught myself smiling as I picked up my book, a re-read of one of my favorites — Outlander. It was the book that made me realize I had a thing for redheads in skirts, and I curled up on the couch. Valentino strutted out of Lily’s old room, tail flicking, and hopped up next to me, curling into my legs. Ellie had been at Max’s almost every night, and I think her cat was missing her. I scratched his head, and he looked at me like I’d do.
A couple of hours later, a knock rapped on the door once before it opened and Cooper peeked his head in, smiling when he saw me on the couch.
“Oh, good. You’re up.”
I quirked my head and closed my book. “Hey, Coop. What’s up?”
He stepped into the apartment and closed the door, somehow still looking rich as fuck in khaki shorts and a Henley, sleeves pushed up his forearms.
“Sorry to bug you on a Saturday.”
I shrugged and set my book down, standing to greet him. “Saturdays are like my Thursdays. What are you doing here? Patrick is at work … were you on your way to see West?”
“Gee, don’t act so happy to see me, Rosie.”
I rolled my eyes, smiling. “It’s not like that, asshole.”
He took off his bag and set it on the table, opening it to retrieve a portfolio. “I just wanted to talk about Wasted Words.”
“What?” I said with a disbelieving laugh.
He looked at me like I was a dum-dum as he took a seat at the table. “The bookstore?” he joked.
“Uh, yeah, I remember, but you can’t be serious about that.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” He opened the portfolio and looked up at me expectantly. When I didn’t move, he gestured to the chair across from him.
I took a seat reluctantly. “I don’t know, Cooper. Because it’s crazy?”
“How so? We have a mutual interest. I have the funds to back the business, and you have the means to run it. Do you have the want to run it?”
I leaned on the table with my mind spinning. “I … I don’t know. I hadn’t seriously considered it.”
Cooper smiled. “Well, now’s the time.” He began pulling papers out of the portfolio, pushing them across the table toward me. “I’ve talked to some of my real estate advisors, and it seems that the Upper West Side has a big market for this kind of thing, especially around the Columbia campus.” He pointed to the spots circled on the map. “I’ve found a handful of locations that would be great, larger, two story lofts. My favorite is this one.” He tapped one of the locations. “We’d have to buy two spaces and rip out the wall, but it would be perfect. We’re going to need to install the plumbing for the bar, but check this out.
I reeled in my seat as he placed some photos on the table.
“This is the interior. I’m thinking in the loft we can have some party rooms for book clubs or meetings. On this side, we can have all the comics and graphic novels, even rare finds, maybe even an untranslated Manga section” His eyes sparkled. “Like, a dream comic shop, all stops pulled. The other side would be the fiction. Equal in size, whatever proportion of genres you’d like. Think about it. We can line up bookshelves like this,” he said as he traced lines on one of the photos, “then put couches and coffee tables between. Oh, I also had the thought that one side of the bar could be a coffee bar, and the other side liquor.”
“You’re serious.” Disbelief. That was all I could muster.
“Dead serious. This could work, Rosie. I can’t help run it, but I can help you plan and I can give you all the cash you need to make it work. I already spoke to my financial advisor, and she’s worked up some numbers on cost and profits. I have advisors, accountants, bookkeepers, all ready to work on this. All I ask is to help pick out the stock for the comic side. Past that, you have free reign.”
I stared at all the papers spread out on my kitchen table. “I don’t know what to say to this, Coop.”
“Say you’re in. Honestly, if I didn’t have a job I loved that required all of my energy, I’d do it myself and hire you to manage it. But I just can’t, not now. You should do this with me. I built into the budget your first year of pay.”
He pushed another piece of paper toward me with a bunch of numbers. My salary was highlighted.
I took a deep breath and held it until my lungs burned. Then I pushed the paper back at him.
“I can’t accept that.”
“Sure, you can. You just say, ‘Wow, that looks great, Coop. Let’s do
this.’ It’s simple, really.”
“That’s more than I make in like two years, Cooper.”
“Good. Then it should be an easy choice. And that salary will stick for the duration of your tenure — more once we get out of the red and into the black.”
But I shook my head. “I can’t take your money.”
“You’re not. This is a business offer. Trust me, that money isn’t going to seem like all that much when you see how much work it’s going to be to get off the ground. But that’s what I’m here for. I’ve got the means to make this happen, and I want to do it. You’re smart — you know how to run a bar, and you know how to handle people. Once you’ve hired people, you’ll be able to choose a manager to run all the day to day grind. You’ll have freedom. I want you to accept my proposal, Rose. Let’s be business partners.”
I chewed my lip, thinking it over, but I couldn’t form a coherent thought. “Can I think it over?”
“Of course. Keep all of this stuff,” he said as he collected the papers and stacked them up, slipping them back in the portfolio. “Everything we’ve talked about in terms of our roles will be outlined in the contract. Really, I just want to be a part of something like this. A passion project. An investment. And it gives you something to pour yourself into, something you’re passionate about. Something you’d be good at — I believe that. I believe in you, Rose. So, think it over. If it’s something you want to do, let’s make it happen. We can start as soon as you’re ready.”
My throat was tight, and I swallowed, feeling overwhelmed. “Thank you, Cooper. Thank you for asking me to be a part of this and for your faith and trust in me. I just need some time to process all of this as an actual possibility.”
His smile was crooked and easy. “Take all the time you need — there’s no pressure from me. The offer stands indefinitely.” He leaned back in his chair. “What are you up to today?”
“Staring at these papers until I have to go to work tonight. Are you guys coming in?”
“We’ll be there.” He pushed back from the table and stood. “I’m heading over to West’s for a bit, if you want to hang out. Otherwise, I’ll leave you to it.”
I stood too and stepped over to give him a hug. “Thanks, Coop. Really.”
He gave me a squeeze. “You got it, Rosie. I’ll catch you later,” he said before leaving me alone with my thoughts.
My own bookstore. My own bar. I sat back down at the table and pulled out the papers again, touching them all, imagining what it would be like. Could I do it? Could I really do it and run it well? I knew a lot from working at Habits, enough that I could handle the bar easily. If Cooper had advisors that could help with the rest … did I want to do it?
In a perfect world, the answer was hell yes. In our imperfect world, the question was could I do it.
The answer to that was, of course, that I wouldn’t know until I tried. I just had to be brave enough to take the leap.
25
ASS BUST
Rose
IT WAS LATE THAT AFTERNOON when Patrick and I walked through the park, holding hands with longboards under our arms for his first lesson. I was giddy, so giddy I could barely even play it cool, and not just because he’d finally agreed to let me teach him how to skate.
“So, Cooper came by today,” I started.
He glanced over at me, smirking. “Oh?”
“Mmhmm.” I took a breath. “He really wants to do Wasted Words. Like, he had a portfolio and charts and spreadsheets and …” I took another breath to stop my rambling. “He really wants to do it, Patrick. And he wants me run it.”
“That’s … that’s amazing.” His face was soft, full of wonder, and his fingers squeezed mine. “So, are you going to do it?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I really want to, but I also think it’s crazy and ridiculous. I mean, I don’t know the first thing about running a business, but Coop has people lined up to advise me on it. I just … I don’t know. What do you think about it? Do you think I should do it? Or am I just insane for thinking it could maybe work?”
We came to a stop on one of the less crowded, flatter paths, and Patrick turned to me, letting my hand go so he could cup my cheek. “I don’t think you’re insane or crazy or ridiculous.” He stepped closer, until our bodies touched, looking down at me with eyes full of adoration. “I think you can do anything, Rose. I think you should do it.”
I smiled, overwhelmed, and he kissed me, thumb stroking my cheek, lips giving me all the confidence I’d ever need.
When he broke away, I leaned into him, not wanting the kiss to end. His lips brushed my temple, and he stepped back to set down his board. I set mine down too and looked around. Golden sunshine poured through the trees as the sun began its descent, though we probably had a couple more hours before it would be gone for good. It was days like this that reminded me of home. My favorite kinds of days.
“All right, this looks good. Are you ready for this?” I found myself grinning like a teenager as I watched him put my spare board on the path and scratch the line of his jaw.
“I think so.”
“I can’t believe you’re finally going to let me teach you how to skate.”
He smirked. “Just promise you won’t judge me too hard when I look like a clown.”
“Okay, well, keep in mind that people falling happens to be one of my weaknesses, so I can’t make any guarantees. I will promise that I’ll feel really bad about laughing, if that helps?”
He laughed. “I guess I’ll take what I can get.”
“Probably wise.”
He was still smirking at me, and when he put one foot on the board and stuffed his hands into the pocket of his dark jeans, my heart did a flip flop in my chest.
I jumped into my teaching role, because if I kept standing there staring, I’d end up kissing him, which would lead to him kissing me, which would lead to me dragging him home so I could rip his clothes off.
I cleared my throat. “All right. So the good thing about longboards is that they’re easier to learn on and cruise, so you shouldn’t fall as much.”
“As much?” he asked as a brow climbed.
“Yeah, because you’re going to fall. Just get ready for that.”
He chuckled.
I shoved him hard in the shoulders, and he took a step back to catch himself, giving me a look.
But I smiled. “You’ll probably ride regular, since you caught yourself with your left foot.”
“There’s no other test for that?”
“There are, but that one was the most fun. For me, at least.” I put my right foot on the board near the back. “So your dominant leg will stay on the board closer to the back, and you’ll balance over your left leg. Rest it closer to the front, a little farther than shoulder width from your back foot, between the trucks.”
“The wheels?”
“The axles, yeah, where the bolts are on the deck,” I said as I pointed at the board. “Okay, go ahead and get on.”
“Where should I put my feet?” he asked.
“Don’t worry about it besides putting your right foot in the back.”
He got on, feet perpendicular to the board and looked to me for instruction as I got on mine, facing him. “All right. Now just get the feel for it. Crouch down and stand back up to feel where your balance is. Bounce a little so you can feel the give.”
He did as he was told, then shifted his hips, moving the board back and forth under him.
I smiled. “Good. Okay, now try moving your feet up and down the board a little without stepping off.”
He looked a little stiff as he tried to move around the board without falling.
“Bend your knees a little more, that’ll help. Think about which way you’re leaning and try to be aware of it. I used to lean back when I first started.
He bent a little. “Oh, yeah. That’s easier.”
“How’s it feel?”
He nodded. “Good.”
“Okay, so now, you
push.” I took the stance. “Put your weight on your left foot, and push with your right. Just do one for now.” I pushed and cruised as he watched on.
He nodded and pushed once, looking pretty solid. I smiled wider as he cruised toward me.
“Think about where your center of balance is. The lower you are, the more comfortable you’ll be, so if shit gets real, get low to try to regain control of your balance, but watch out — you’ll go faster too.”
“Get low. Got it.”
“Push a couple of times this time and then cruise.”
He did, and I kept up with him, cruising beside him, riding goofy so I could face him. “What do you think?”
He smiled at me. “I like it.”
My heart fluttered again, like a skipping idiot in my chest, and I looked ahead of us as we pushed again. “Okay, so see that little slope coming up? Don’t push again, just coast down it and bend your knees as you pick up speed.”
He looked determined. “All right.”
I watched as he handled the slope like a boss, smirking at me once he’d slowed down.
“So, stopping?” he asked.
“That’s a little harder. We shouldn’t be going fast enough today for you to need anything more than foot braking. Basically, just drag your foot on the ground to slow you down. Or you could just ride out the speed. But if you lose control, just point yourself toward the grass and bail.”
“Like, jump off?”
“Tuck and roll, Tricky. Tuck and roll.”
He chuckled.
“Just kidding. Usually you just hit the ground running, but if you’re going faster than you can run, definitely roll. You can slide to stop too, but that takes practice. Okay, come on. Let’s cruise again.” I kicked, and we got a good easy speed going. “So to turn, you carve — lean in whatever direction you go. That’ll also slow you down.”
He stared down at his Converse as he cruised.
“Try to keep your eyes up. Your feet know what to do, even though it feels weird.”
He nodded and looked up.