“Wait! I need to tell my friend where I’m going!” I looked back at the keg for Dylan and it was as if he had vanished. I shrugged my shoulders and began following Aria on her female hunt.
* * *
“Look at that…” Aria said, the saliva basically dripping off her tongue as she stared at the backside of an exotic looking female.
The girl’s shape kept reminding me of Madalynne’s curves, but I pushed it to the back of my mind.
The girl was swaying back and forth unsteadily and a grungy-looking guy was putting his arms around her waist to steady her. There’s no way it was Madalynne. She would never drink without me…and she wouldn’t be dumb enough to fall for anything that guy might be selling. I let my heart race slow as I held onto those notions.
“Whoa…are you okay?” Aria’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m fine…why?”
“You were just fixated on that booty…it’s like you were hypnotized!” She cracked up at her own joke.
I cracked a smile but suddenly wiped it from my face when I saw who looked a hell of a lot to be Kendall walk through the crowd; the mystery girl had disappeared. I squinted my eyes to get a better look…but my feet already knew and were making their way to her.
“Kendall, what are you doing here? I thought you and Maddy were having a girl’s night?” Kendall whipped around, her long blond hair in tow; she looked like a deer in the headlights.
“Oh God.”
“You read my mind,” I replied sarcastically.
“Is Dylan here?”
“Yup.”
I could see panic flash across her eyes.
“Parker—who is this?” Aria showed up out of nowhere, eying Kendall up and down seductively.
“Not now Aria!” I shouted unintentionally.
She looked like she had been slapped across the face.
“I-I’m sorry,” I stammered, taking a step closer to her but she spun around and bolted in the opposite direction. My heart fell into the pit of my stomach. I had not wanted to be the asshole tonight and I had already accomplished it without even trying.
I turned my attention back to Kendall. “Where is she?”
“Parker…” Kendall began again softly.
“Where is she?” I growled, inching my face closer to hers.
She didn’t bother trying a third time, just began walking up the stairs and to the second story in the barn. There was loud music and Christmas lights. It was like a world of its own up there.
Upstairs I quickly caught sight of Maddy and the grungy guy from earlier dancing a little too close for comfort.
“Beat it,” I growled at him before ripping him away from her.
“Hey man, cool it!” He threw his arms in the air to signal that he wasn’t a threat.
“Get the hell out of here before I snap your neck,” I shot back. It was an empty threat, but I knew he was unaware of that.
Madalynne was swaying back and forth and could barely hold her head up. I rushed to her aide, giving her my shoulder to lean on and leading her to a haystack to sit down. “How much have you had to drink tonight Maddy?”
Her head was rolling side to side, her brown hair obscuring her view. I swept her hair out of her face then looked back at Kendall. “Get me some water!”
She nodded and ran off back down the stairs.
“Maddy.” I stroked her face gently. “I need you to stay with me.”
“Parker?” She managed to get out, before puking all over my pants and my shoes.
I sighed loudly. “You’re damn lucky I love you.”
Five – Stuck in a Drama of My Own Creation
Madalynne
They say grief gets easier with time. They say the pain lessens until one day you don’t even notice you are whole again. They were wrong.
It’s like I had that day playing on repeat in my head. April 23rd, 2013. The day I found out I was an only child. The day I lost one of my best friends.
I swear I had developed a case of unpredictability. It’s like nothing satisfied me anymore. One day I would spend wrapped up in Parker, envisioning the rest of our lives together and the next I couldn’t stand being anywhere near him. I wasn’t only being unfair to Parker—I was being unfair to myself.
Something was different. As much as I wanted to believe it was Parker, I knew deep down something was different inside of me. I was the cause to all of our current problems. I was pushing him away without much of a reason. But then again I wasn’t really worried about reasoning.
My junior year was going to be over in less than a week and I was going to be faced with a lot of free time and my thoughts. Getting a part-time job was becoming more appealing by the day. Especially if…
It was too hard to say. The reality of it could kill me.
I was skipping my math class again, which had unfortunately become my routine the past few weeks. I was sprawled out underneath the weeping willow behind our school’s baseball court. It was our schools notorious location for all things illegal…but lately had become my hang out. A place to clear my mind for a bit.
My eyes were closed and I was enjoying the warm breeze tickling my cheeks and nose.
“Hey,” I heard a deep, unfamiliar voice say.
I opened my eyes to see the same guy from the bathroom and the barn party. “Oh hey.”
“You don’t remember me do you?” He laughed awkwardly and then took a seat beside me on the grass.
“Oh no, I remember you. I may not remember your name though.” I scrunched up my face apologetically.
He chuckled. “You were pretty sloshed…” He extended out his hand for me to shake. “Darren.”
“Madalynne. You can call me Maddy.”
He nodded and then reached his hand into a pocket on the front of his shirt, pulling out the familiar package of cigarettes he had loaned me one from the first time we met.
Turkish silvers.
He lit one up for himself and took a puff off of it. I found myself fixated on his lips as he inhaled and then exhaled the smoke.
“Want one?” He offered up the package.
No. Yes. Not really. Maybe.
“Just take one.” He shook the package in my face, tempting me even more.
I reached for one, taking it out. After putting the cigarette in my mouth, I looked expectantly at Darren.
He handed me the lighter but was curiously laughing while he did.
“What?” I asked, frustrated.
“I’ll give you the lighter when you have the correct side in your mouth.”
My jaw dropped open, my eyes growing wide with the accusation only making him laugh harder. I quickly grabbed the stick out of my mouth spitting out tiny bits of tobacco that had fallen on my tongue upon the removal.
After lighting it and inhaling, my first thought was that it wasn’t as grand as it looked. The taste was actually making me feel kind of sick but I continued the motions not wanting to waste it.
He showed up out of nowhere. I wasn’t even sure how he knew I was there. I had never told him about where I spent my days when I mysteriously disappeared from school. “Parker?”
I hadn’t seen him since the night I puked on him. That was a week ago.
“What are you doing Maddy?” He asked with a disappointed tone. It hurt to hear.
“I’m doing whatever I want,” I shot back.
“Is this really what you want? Really? I know you better than that. Why are you doing this? None of this is who you are…you are better than this.” He pointed at the burning cigarette between my fingers.
“You don’t even know who I am.”
Parker’s face stayed still. “What do you mean? Of course I do.”
“Really?” I stood up from the grass and dropped my cigarette, stomping it out. “Did you know I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you? I worshipped the ground you walked on. I would have done anything for you. You were blind. You didn’t even consider being with me until the threat
of someone else came into play.”
Parker’s shoulders stiffened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“His name was Porter—ring a bell?”
Parker looked angrier by the second. “What are you getting at?”
“Look guys, this is worse than a soap opera…I’m out of here,” Darren stated out of nowhere. I had completely forgotten he was there.
After he made his quick exit I resumed our conversation. “You wanted nothing to do with me until you heard a rumor I was going on a group date with none other than Porter Thomas.”
“That’s not true,” Parker replied through gritted teeth.
“Well then it was one hell of a coincidence,” I shot back. “The first guy I genuinely liked after you—and you couldn’t handle it.”
“God, what has gotten into you?” Parker was shaking his head in a disappointed fashion. “You’ve changed.”
“Of course I’ve changed!” I found myself screaming at him. “My brother died for God’s sake! I think that warrants change.”
“Not in a good way,” he whispered.
“Fuck you,” I hissed.
“Excuse me?” He looked shocked by my candor.
“If I’m such a bad person now, why do you even bother with me?” He should have been understanding. My boyfriend of all people should have been understanding.
“I love you Maddy, I do. I love you more than anything or anyone in this world—but I don’t know how much longer I can sit by and watch you live your life without me.” He paused to take a deep breath. “You have to make a choice—give us another chance or cut me loose. I’m giving you until Friday.”
“That’s the last day of school,” I muttered.
“Yep.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “It’s better that way. If you decide to let me go, it will be a cleaner break.”
I couldn’t believe he was doing this to me. I couldn’t believe he was being so nonchalant about everything. Like our history meant nothing to him. I could feel the anger rising up inside me; swirling around in my gut.
“The ball is in your court,” Parker spoke to fill the unbearable silence and then he darted off back towards the school.
Parker
I couldn’t believe I had been so blind. I couldn’t believe I had this incredible girl standing in front of me for years upon years and I simply looked right past her. Taking her for granted. It was my fault I had taken advantage of our relationship. It was foolish of me to think I could live my life without the one person who made it worth waking up each day.
I was thankful for the time I had to grieve Bo’s absence in my life…but it had only been detrimental in my future with Madalynne. It took me so long, in fact, to pull myself together, that I almost lost her for good. I had been pushing Maddy away for months, but in one night I realized I had to make it right.
I had heard a rumor that Madalynne was out on some group date with a few peers from our school. The thought left knots in the pit of my stomach, worried I may have lost my chance. Worried she might find an instant connection with someone else.
I came upon the group at Wallrey’s, a popular pizzeria in our hometown. Madalynne’s eyes grew wide when I walked up; definitely not a sight she expected to see.
“Parker, what are you doing here?” she asked when I pulled her aside from the group.
“I need to talk to you,” I replied.
“Okay, but now really isn’t the best time,” she pointed out, peering around me to look back at her group.
“I know, but it can’t wait any longer.” My eyes pleaded with her to hear me out. She sighed lightly, allowing me the in I needed.
“First of all, I want to apologize for being an asshole lately,” I began. “Losing Bo was…” I trailed off, getting choked up. “It was hard on me, you know that.”
She was watching me intently now, a worried expression taking over her face.
“I’m going to be okay…and I really only have one person to thank for that, and that’s you. It was your text messages and your voicemails, even the surprise letters in my mailbox from you.” I paused, taking both of her hands in mine. “I’ve been careless, thoughtless, and downright stupid this past summer. I’m sorry it took me so long to understand and realize this.”
Her eyes hadn’t left my face for an instant. “Parker, I’m not sure I’m following…”
“You never gave up on me. You loved me when I left you no reason in the world to continue doing so. You’re such a good person—I can’t believe it took me so long to realize.” She was still staring blankly back at me.
“Don’t you get it dummy? I’m trying to tell you that I want to be with you. Don’t go on this group date.”
“How did you know about that?” she asked.
“It doesn’t matter. Be my girlfriend. I want to be with you and I know you want to be with me too.”
“Parker, I have to go.” She glanced back nervously at the group she had arrived with.
“No,” it was all I said before grabbing her arm and pulling her into a kiss. I knew it was her first kiss, or at least I was banking on the possibility of it. The minute my lips closed on hers she melted into me. Electricity was racing throughout my entire body, my heart racing faster with each part of our lips. I didn’t care who was watching, I knew one thing for certain: Madalynne Johnson was going to be mine.
Six – A Picture Perfect Intervention
Madalynne
Friday wasted no time showing up. No matter how many times I tried to freeze time with my mind…in the end I lost. The problem was I still wasn’t sure what I wanted. I knew I wanted Parker—that much was a no brainer. But I also needed space¸ space that he wasn’t willing to give me. I was angry at him for giving me such a life-changing ultimatum.
My last class bell rang and my legs felt like they were dead weights. I felt like I was walking in quicksand.
After quite the struggle, I realized just where my body was taking me – to Parker. I was fighting against the current to get to him…but it only made me realize even more that I didn’t know how to live without him, how to survive.
I startled him. I hadn’t meant to, but he was reaching in his locker when I walked up behind him. He spun around suddenly almost knocking me over. He caught me in his arms then and it was like the end of a good romance movie.
“Madalynne?” He sounded surprised.
“Were you expecting someone else?” I asked, as he held me suspended halfway off the ground.
“No…so this means you made your decision?” he asked, his eyes full of sadness.
“Can you help me stand?” I asked, a little frazzled.
Instantly I was upright. “Thanks,” I said and then smiled. “It’s you and me babe. It’s always been you and me.”
My words brought an instant smile to Parker’s lips. One that would remain on his lips for the rest of the night. I wished I could feel the same kind of enthusiasm but nothing was exciting anymore.