“Why didn’t Giovanni kill him?” Jesse asks.
“Lucy asked him not to,” Sera tells him.
Jesse’s lips press together in a firm line. “Luce.”
“Yes,” I reply, knowing what he wants without having to say it out loud.
He kisses the top of my head and looks at Cage.
Cage walks over and kisses my cheek. “Consider it done.”
"Let's give them some time alone," Sera says, giving me a hug.
Xander squeezes me tightly and kisses my forehead. "One day you'll tell me the whole story."
I nod.
When they've all left the room, Jesse covers me with a blanket and starts rocking me.
"Tell me about it?"
I hiccup as I take a deep breath and nod. I trace the tattoos on Jesse's chest with my index finger. I never did get to all of them with my tongue, something I'm going to need to rectify.
"It was one of the times when he was escalating," I begin, then tell him all of it.
"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Luce. You did what you needed to do and fuck if I'm not glad I could help you through that even if I wasn't there." He squeezes me tighter and kisses the top of my head.
"I needed to come. He'd have known if I didn't and he'd have made it worse."
"Luce, you don't have to explain yourself to me."
"I know," I whisper. "I think I just need to say it so I know I had no choice.” When he nods I continue. "I always pictured you when I touched myself."
He chuckles.
"I'm not ashamed of that one bit. You are the stuff fantasies are made of."
"Cupcake, so are you," he tells me softly and I melt further into him.
"So I pictured you and every time I needed to go to that place, you took me there. You never once failed me," I tell him.
"And I never will."
"Why didn't you let your grandpa go after him?" he asks.
I shrug. "Guilt."
"Luce."
"I came with another man while I was in a relationship with him. That's not okay."
"It's not like you could help it. I've been on sets for music videos and got really hot so I understand, and if you had to keep doing the same scene over and over, being instructed not to stop when they cut for those few minutes, the build up would have to take you there. It's nothing to be ashamed of, Luce," he reassures me.
"How would you feel if you were Ian?" I ask.
Jesse stiffens. "No matter what, I would never hurt you like that."
"Oh Jesse, I know. I just meant how would you feel if we were together and that happened with Harm."
He blows out a breath. "Jealous, upset. But you have to know I'd understand and then I'd make love to you over and over and over, pleasuring your body in ways no one else can."
I grin. "I imagine you would."
"But here's the difference between you and Ian and you and me."
"What's that?"
"You love me. Your heart, your mind, your body, your soul all know mine as their mate and they would never betray you."
I look up, my breath halting. "What did you say?"
"Which part?" he asks.
"They'd never betray me? Is that what you said?" I ask, incredulously.
"Yeah, why?"
"My Aunt Lily said that. She taught both Sera and I to trust our hearts. She said they'd never betray us," I tell him softly, cupping his cheek in my hand.
"Wow. I don't know. That's just how I feel about it. I can't think of any other way to put it."
"Maybe she went to you one time and told you the same thing," I tell him with a smile.
"Maybe," he smirks.
"Will you make love to me, Jesse?" I ask.
"You never have to ask, but Luce, are you sure? After remembering—"
I cut him off with a press of my index finger to his lips. "My heart, my mind, my body, my soul all know yours as their mate, remember?"
He nods and swallows hard. "If you want to stop, just tell me."
"I promise."
He leans in and softly, so softly, brushes his lips across mine—just a whisper of a kiss, so sweet and so tender it melts my heart.
"I love you, Jesse."
"I love you more than anything, Luce."
I deepen the kiss, needing him to remind me where I am and who I'm with. My husband, my lover, my best friend. The man I'd trust with my life.
I reach up and thread my fingers through his hair and his hands slowly wander up over our babies, then up to my breasts where he stops and gently squeezes. He reaches down for the hem of my tank and lifts it over my head, his whiskey gaze never leaving mine.
Just watching him, looking at him, I can feel his love for me. And now, when he touches me again, his thumbs circling my nipples, I feel his need.
"Jesse," I whisper.
"What do you need?" he asks.
"You. Always you."
"Cupcake, I'll always be yours."
His mouth slants over mine, his tongue delving into my mouth, meeting mine and I sigh. He rains petal-soft kisses over my face and down to my neck while we undress one another. And when we're both naked, our bodies aligned, he gazes down at me and runs a fingertip down my cheek.
No words are needed. I cup his face in my hands and smile a teary smile.
He slides a hand between us and positions himself at my entrance. When he slips inside, it's gentle and without haste. It's with love and reverence and every ounce of desire within him.
He moves in and out of me, filling me so full of love, of him.
"You feel so fucking incredible, Luce. Always so ready and wet," he breathes into my ear.
I moan when he reaches down and tilts my hips.
"There you go, baby. Feel that?" he asks.
I know he means more than just his cock inside me. He means us.
"I always feel it," I whisper as a tear slides down my cheek.
We move together. His hips pushing forward as I lift mine. His tongue sliding against mine tenderly. His heartbeat matching mine. Everything about this moment is us.
"Jesse."
He groans and begins to quicken the pace, sweat glistening on our skin as we make love.
"Come for me, Luce," he tells me when I feel the tingling beginning. I don't fight it, I just let go, giving him all of me, trusting him with all of me. I whisper his name as waves of pleasure engulf me.
"I've got you, Lucy. You're so fucking beautiful when you come," Jesse groans. "You squeeze my cock so tight."
Jesse rolls us so I'm on top and I lean over him, licking his tattoos, tracing them with my tongue, as I raise and lower onto him.
I kiss down his chest to his nipples and lick around the rings then suck on them, wringing another groan of pleasure from him. When I look up at him through my eyelashes, he's watching me, his eyes dark with desire.
I take the nipple ring between my teeth and gently tug. Jesse hisses out a breath and his eyes roll back slightly.
"I fucking love when you do that," he tells me. I already know that. It's why I do it. I love bringing my husband as much pleasure as possible, so I tug again with my teeth, and tug the other with my fingers.
"Christ, Lucy, I'm going to come if you keep that up."
I wink. I have no problem with that. He laughs.
"Vixen. That's what you are," he teases and when I pull those silver rings again, I pull a little harder and his back arches off the bed. With a curse and a groan he starts to come. He holds my hips in place, as he pulses into me with every hard push of his hips.
Then he flips me onto my stomach and I don't even hesitate. There is no mistaking the hate that Ian gave me, for the all-encompassing love that Jesse brings to me every single second of every single day.
He pulls my hips up and slams into me. I push back against him, hard and fast, wanting more, needing everything.
"Jesse…"
"Luce?"
"Fuck me hard."
His hands tighten on my hips. "Fuck, Lu
cy. You're so sexy when you talk dirty."
"Want to hear about how my pussy needs to feel your cock so deep inside of me I can't breathe without feeling you?" I ask and he grunts, his hips pumping harder.
"Yeah, that. Jesus."
He reaches down, his hand sliding over my belly before reaching between my legs and over my clit.
I moan and grind against his hand.
"Such a greedy pussy, baby. I fucking love that about you."
It's a good thing he does because I'm already feeling the pleasure building.
"You're so fucking beautiful, Lucy. Your pussy takes all of me so perfectly, so snug and hot."
"Now you're going to make me come if you keep talking like that," I pant, sweat dripping from my brow.
"Come on, baby, push back and fuck me harder," he tells me, his fingers circling my clit.
"Oh yes, just like that," I moan.
"Hell yeah, just like that."
We fuck hard and fast, bringing each other to the brink, neither of us wanting to give in before the other.
"God damn it, Lucy, give it to me. All of it. Everything. I'll catch you," he growls.
"Jesse," I cry out and start to come, the pleasure stealing my breath.
Jesse groans, "Fuuuck," and starts coming with me.
With each thrust he grunts and I moan, each of us wringing every last ounce of pleasure from the other before we collapse on our sides, his cock still inside me.
We lay side-by-side, trying to catch our breath, and I realize my husband gets me like no one else. He knew I needed him to take me this way to erase that negative image from my mind.
He brushes my hair off my neck and kisses me.
"I'll always catch you, Lucy."
I turn to meet his gaze. "I know you will. I really, really know," I reassure him.
His eyes glisten with unshed tears and he buries his face in my neck. I look down to where his hands are wrapped around our babies and try so hard to hold back my tears when I feel his fall. I fail miserably. This man. He's my everything. Him grieving over what happened to me isn't something I wanted but I realize now it's something he, too, needed. He hugs me tight and I lift a hand to stroke his hair.
"Love isn't enough to tell you how I feel about you," I whisper.
He nods against my neck.
"Thank you."
"You never have to thank me, baby. Anything you need. Always," he tells me.
Just then I feel a flutter in my belly and I gasp.
"What is it?" Jesse asks, worry evident in his voice.
My breath hitches as my chest aches even more in this moment. The lives we created have made their presence known.
"The babies moved."
"Really?" Jesse asks, sitting up.
I nod. "It's just a flutter like the doctor said it would be. I wish you could feel it."
"What does it feel like?"
"Like… a fluttering of butterfly wings inside."
"That's fucking awesome," he tells me, his smile so wide and so genuine I can't help but match it.
"God, I fucking love you, Cupcake."
"I love you too, babe. So very much."
He kisses me softly and when he pulls back I meet his gaze.
"You do realize you're going to have to cut back on the ‘F’ word when the babies are here," I mention, tongue in cheek.
He blows out a breath. "Fuck, I know."
I lift a brow.
"Damn it."
I snicker and he smiles that half smile that had me falling in love with him when I was twelve.
This man. He awes and inspires me.
"I love them already," he tells me.
"Me too," I reply.
Jesse shakes his head and gets out of bed, pulling his boxers on. He returns with a wet rag and cleans between my thighs.
"How did I get so lucky?" I ask aloud.
He shakes his head again. "I'm the lucky one."
"It's all about chance meetings."
Jesse looks at me. "It's all about being willing to roll the dice and see what comes up on the other end. With you, it was never a gamble. I just had to get you to see what I already knew."
"What's that?"
"Me and you? It was always more than chance. It was meant to be."
"Fate," I whisper.
"More like your Nana Russo's mojo," Jesse says with a snort.
"You better be thankful she likes you," I tell him, pulling my pajamas back on.
"Why's that?" Jesse asks.
"Because at the wedding she told me to be grateful there are only three."
Jesse pales and I laugh.
"That's just fucking mean. Your Nana Russo is scary." Jesse shudders.
"She is, but she loves you."
"Thank fuck."
I raise a brow.
He curses. "Damn it!" and I snicker.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lucy
"Xander Mackenzie, pick your dirty socks up off the floor, damn it," I curse. Ugh, I swear, these men are just boys in grown up bodies.
"Luce my goose," Xander murmurs, trying to placate me.
I point at him. "Don’t even try being cute. It's not working. We've got new people coming on board today and I refuse to let them see what pigs you are."
"Hey!" Kennedy replies, sounding offended.
"Hey what?" I ask, cocking a hip, the effect ruined by my maternity top and baby belly.
"I'm not a pig," Kennedy tells me.
Sera snorts.
"Exactly! With Xander, it's his socks. With Ben, it's his boxers—and might I add—Gah!" This gets a snicker from Meggie. "With you it's your guitar picks."
He opens his mouth to retort but stops when I lift my fisted hand, turn it over, and open it palm up, revealing at least ten of said picks.
Kennedy at least looks sheepish when he murmurs, "Guilty as charged. Sorry, Luce."
I lean down and kiss his cheek. "Just keep trying."
"Why does everyone have to come on this bus?" Xander asks.
I lift a brow. "Are you whining?"
He shrugs.
"I can go on another bus with everyone else but that would mean my having to move all of my things and with the triplets, that's not going to be so easy," I tell him with a look.
"I don't want you to move, but man. There's already a lot of people on here."
"There are. But not everyone coming today is going to stay on this bus. They'll find where they're comfortable but I really would like to keep Nicole close." I worry about her. I hope she's okay with the arrangement. It's not like she had much of a choice, but seeing as she's seventeen, if she's unhappy, she won't have to endure this for long. Plus, this will give her a healthy nest egg for when she is on her own.
I frown. She hasn't even gotten here yet and it makes me sad to think of her leaving.
"Xan, was it you who put that sad look on my wife's face? If you did, I'm going to have to hurt you," Jesse says, coming up behind me and hugging me close.
"Nah. She was pissed about my socks but not sad," Xander answers.
"Pick up your shit, dude. How fucking hard is it?" Jesse asks.
"About as hard as you not saying 'fuck'," Xander teases.
Jesse opens his mouth but stops himself and just flips Xander off.
"There you go, bro. Teach the kids to swear in sign language as well as English," Ben scoffs.
"Suck it," Jesse tells him and I laugh.
"Better. Not great, but better," I tell him, rewarding him with a kiss for his attempt to not use the F bomb.
"I might as well just put a roll of quarters in the swear jar the minute I wake up."
I turn to hug Jesse. "Aww, babe. You're doing much better."
He shakes his head. "Don't bullshit me, Cupcake. It's only been two days and the jar's almost full."
I look at the jar—the very large jar. He's right.
I pat his cheek. "What matters is you're trying."
"I'm gonna suck as a dad."
&n
bsp; My breath catches. "What?"
He nods. "It's true. They're gonna learn all the wrong words, learn about my past and think it's okay to treat women the way I did, and what if we have girls? They're going to think I'm an asshole or, fu--, hell, they might even think it's okay to be treated that way."
"Jesse Kingston! I don't ever want to hear you talk like this again," I scold him. "You are going to be an incredible father. You're going to teach them all the right things because you learned them the hard way. You're going to love them and protect them and let them know they are cherished. Your children would never think you're an asshole—well, maybe when you're not letting them go on dates or taking their cell phone for getting in trouble or something."
One side of his mouth kicks up in a smirk.
"They're gonna be hellions," Xander laughs.
"And then some," Ben agrees.
I look at Kennedy, waiting for his remark, and panic starts to set in at the thought of troublemaking triplets. He just grins.
Ethan walks in. "They're gonna raise holy hell and we're going to be there to make sure they don't raise too much."
Ethan puts a hand on my back. "Breathe little mama. We got this."
I let out a breath of relief and nod. "We totally do."
"How is it Ethan doesn't get yelled at for leaving his shit laying around?" Xander asks, tapping his drumsticks on the table.
"That'd be because he doesn't leave any of his shit laying around," I tell him with a pointed look. "He even rinses his dishes."
"Kiss ass," Kennedy murmurs.
"He's not a kiss ass," Ben states. "It's his OCD. He can't stand his shit being out of place."
"True that," Xander agrees. "Remember the time I put his guitar on the wrong stand?"
"Dude," Kennedy says with a shake of his head.
Ethan's eye twitches and his hands clench and unclench in fists. "We agreed to never talk about that again."
Xander's eyes widen. "Shit. Sorry man."
Ethan nods and walks over to where his guitars are lined up along the wall. He picks one and sits down next to Kennedy. They start strumming, making up a melody, harmonizing, playing off one another, and I sit down to watch. Xan taps his sticks in time. Sera, Cage, Meggie, and Trace join us, taking a seat.
I close my eyes and let the beat flow through me. It's bluesy and just a little sad.
What do you do when the one you want doesn't want you back