What do you do when your plans derail and everything's off track
Do you give up? Do you cry? Do you live? Do you try?
Jesse touches my shoulder when I pause, his grin infectious.
She broke my heart, smashed it into dust
It was love to me, to her it was all about lust
I wanted to give up. I wanted to cry. I didn't want to live or fuckin' try
Sera sits forward.
He won my heart, his love was true
He wanted marriage but no can do
I choose to live my way, to love my way, he gave up, he didn't stay.
Ben leans in.
She told me she loves me, I love her too
I asked her to be mine forever, she said always with you
We chose to live, we chose to try. We'll never give up til the day we die.
Xander nods his head.
When you know it's right, it's meant to be
Near or far, no matter where you are
You love. You live. You try. You give.
A new voice is heard by the door.
When it's love.
When it's love.
When it's love.
It's forever.
That's why it's love.
Silence descends. I know who she is but I had no clue her voice was as beautiful as she is.
"You must be Nicole," I say, standing up and walking toward her.
"Sorry," she murmurs. "I didn't mean to interrupt." She looks around at everyone staring at her.
"No, no," I reassure her. "That was really amazing. I didn't know you could sing like that."
She shrugs and shakes my hand when I offer. "Oh, to hell with this." I lean in and give her a hug. She stands stiffly for a moment before awkwardly patting my back in return.
"It's so nice to finally have you here."
She cocks her head. "Why am I here? I mean, not that I'm not grateful for you getting me out of that hellhole they call a 'system'. But what could you possibly want with me?"
Her attitude shouldn't be a surprise nor should her skepticism, but it catches me off guard. A hand goes to my chest and I take a deep breath. She's only seventeen and so very jaded.
"For the Blush Baby campaign, of course," I tell her.
"Right," she says, cracking her gum and hiking her bag higher up on her arm. "I'm here but the guy isn't, right?"
I nod. "That's right."
"Why?"
"I just wanted…" I'm not sure how to go on. I look around.
Cage steps forward. "Cage Nichols," he says by way of introduction then holds his hand out to her. Her breath catches and she shakes his hand. Yeah, he has that effect.
"We just wanted to take you along to do more promotion. We were going to take Jake, but his parents weren't on board with him not attending school even if we do have tutors in place," Cage tells her.
Xander snorts. "I think it was more along the lines of her not wanting us big bad rockstars corrupting her baby boy."
Nicole raises a brow.
"We really are a very unconventional group," I explain.
She looks around the room slowly. Jace walks in and sits down. Her gaze pauses on Ben, who is staring intently at her, and she cocks out a hip and rolls her eyes. "I can see that," she responds.
"So, Nicole. We have five buses. One is strictly road crew, two are lounge buses but also have some sleeping quarters, and the other two are standard tour buses with more room for sleeping than anything else," Cage explains.
She nods.
I lick my lips. Boy, she's a tough one but, really, who can blame her? "You choose where you sleep and stay. If you're comfortable here with all of us, that's great. If not, then you can find whichever suits you."
"M'kay." She snaps her gum again.
"Come on in and meet everyone," I invite.
She steps forward and stands next to me.
"We'll just go around. That's Kennedy, guitarist for Falling Down, and Ethan, bass guitarist for FD."
The guys tip their heads in a nod and she salutes with one finger.
"Next are Meggie and Trace, guitarist and drummer for Blush, respectively."
"Welcome," Meggie bounces and Trace just nods.
"Thanks," Nicole replies.
"You already met Cage who is the big boss man, owner of Nichols Records. And next to him is Sera, his wife and lead guitarist for Blush."
Sera waves and Nicole waves back.
"Now we've got Jace, bassist for Blush; Ben lead guitarist for FD; and Jesse, my husband and singer for FD."
Jace leans forward and shakes her hand. "Welcome."
Nicole nods and frowns in Ben's direction—Ben, who keeps staring at her. What the hell is his problem? She's nervous enough. She doesn't need him looking at her as if he doesn't approve. I give Jesse a silent stare and my eyes bounce to Ben and back. Jesse looks over, sees Ben staring, and elbows him in the side.
"What the fuck?" Ben growls.
Xander hoots. "That's a quarter in the jar, sucker!"
"Whatever." Ben digs into his pocket and pulls out a quarter and tosses it into the half-full jar.
"That," I say pointing, "is Xander, drummer for FD."
"Who is playing my guitar," Ben seethes.
Xander flips Ben off.
"What's up," Xander says by way of greeting and Nicole snorts. Xander's eyes narrow.
Misty comes walking in from outside and pauses. "Oh."
"Misty, this is Nicole. The Blush Baby."
"It's so nice to have you here," Misty greets.
"Nice to meetcha," Nicole replies, then she cracks that damn gum.
"Can I get you anything to eat or drink?" Misty offers her as I lead Nicole to sit down.
"Sure. A Coke would be great, thanks."
"I'll get that for you," Misty says with a smile.
"So," Xander says.
"So?" Nicole asks.
"How was your drive in?" he asks, strumming absent-mindedly.
Nicole snorts again (she's really going to get along with Sera). "It was just freaking great. My social worker brought me here in her beat up minivan. The three-hour drive was fantastic. Listening to her go on and on about how this is my chance." She snorts again. "Whatever. But the best part of the trip? The best part was the fact that we're in the middle of summer in California and her air conditioner doesn't work—and, God forbid we open the windows and mess up our hair. We wouldn't want the big fancy rockstars to see our hair out of place. Yep, my drive in was fan-freaking-tastic."
Xander stops playing halfway through Nicole's response and sits there dumbstruck.
"What the fuck?" Xander asks when she's done.
Nicole shrugs. "I think you owe a quarter."
Chapter Twenty-Tree
Nicole
How was your drive in? Is he kidding me? How the fuck does he think my drive in was? It sucked. It sucked hard. Everything about my life sucks. What the hell kind of question is that? I mean, seriously. The dude sits there playing a guitar that is worth more than everything I own in the world—tripled—and he asks me how my drive in was.
"Oh, it was great. Jeeves opened the door to the stretch limo and made sure I had everything I needed before he set off to Rockstar-Land," I think to myself. Is he serious right now?
"What just happened?" Meggie asks.
Yeah, Lucy didn't need to introduce me to the band members. I know who they all are. I follow them and love their music. It's how I knew about the Blush Baby campaign.
They think I don't know why they chose me, but I'm not stupid. They picked me out of pity. Poor sick girl in foster care. Boo hoo. I knew they'd eat that up and I played it for all it was worth. I mean, why not? It was my one shot to get the hell out of the group home. Sure, I could've waited out the six months until I turned eighteen, but then what? I'm broke as a joke.
So, it might be shitty of me but, yeah, I played on their sympathies in hopes to land this gig. With the money I'll be making, I'll only have to wo
rk part-time while I go to college to get my degree. Everything paid in full. No debt when I graduate and a really great chance of landing a high-paying position right after graduation. Computer programming and IT shit is where the money is, and an added bonus is I love computers and puzzles. I'll sit there all night until I figure out just what the hell is wrong and when I finally do, I find the solution and implement it. I may be a foster kid but I'm no dummy. Something these people will likely learn for themselves.
"What just happened," Ben says with a frown, "is Xander asked a stupid question."
"It wasn't stupid," Xander defends. "Hell, I was just trying to make polite conversation."
"Dude," Kennedy says. "You forget what it's like."
"Mostly because you didn't live it," Ethan adds.
"What the ever-loving fuck? How is my asking how her drive in was, a bad thing? I was being courteous," Xander bites out.
Cage nods. "Sure, and that'd be good with someone who wasn't shuffled around like a piece of mail. But someone who grew up in the system? Brought here by her case worker? You can bet that case worker has zero money and is scraping by in life." He looks at me. "I'm sorry, Nicole. We should have sent a car for you. I just knew your case worker had to be here when you arrived. I didn't think past that."
I shrug. "It's cool." I look away, down, anywhere but at those gorgeous blue eyes assessing me. Ben Kingston. I take a breath. He's more beautiful in person than he is on the pages of the magazines. And, holy Hannah, he's staring at me in a way I've never been looked at before—in a way that makes me tingle all over—in a way that makes me want to tear both of our clothes off and get horizontal.
Wow. This, from the girl who's barely been felt up. I've touched myself but no one else has, and never did I ever imagine I'd want to be touched in the way I'm thinking right now—by anyone. Ever. I saw what sex and love do to people. It destroys them and I'm smarter than that.
I squeeze my thighs together. I may be smarter than that but my hormones aren't.
"Are you all right?" Meggie asks. "You're looking a bit flushed."
I just bet I am. Blame it on that tall hunk of a man over there, I think to myself.
"Just a little warm is all," I reply, pulling my thin sweater off. I'm just folding the sweater and setting it by my bag when he bellows.
"What the fuck?" Ben shouts.
I jump and look around.
"What's going on?" Sera asks.
Ben points at me, at my bare arms and the bruises covering them. Ah.
"It's part of the illness. I bruise easily. I can bump into a cotton ball and get a bruise."
He scoffs. "That is completely unacceptable."
I lift a brow. "Pardon?"
"There has to be something they can do for that. I mean, a pill or something," Ben motions with his hands.
I shrug. "Not that I'm aware of and I've been getting pretty good treatment."
Ben stands up. "Pretty good isn't good enough."
"Then it's a good thing we've got our own doctor now, isn't it?" Sera asks.
What's his deal? Why does he care if I have a few bruises. It's not new. I've lived with this affliction for as long as I can remember. It's just part of my everyday life now.
"You owe a quarter," I tell him, hoping to change the subject.
"What?" Ben asks, confused.
"You owe a quarter. You said the F word."
He mumbles under his breath but he puts the quarter in the jar.
"That sucker's filling up fast," Meggie says with a bounce. She's so beautiful and perky—way too perky.
"What do you plan to do with the, uh, 'donations'?" I ask.
"We'll give them to one of the homeless shelters we sponsor," Lucy tells me.
"That's cool." Maybe they aren't the rich snobs I imagined them to be. Only time will tell.
“Who is that guy?” Jesse asks, looking out the bus window.
Lucy shifts nervously in her seat. “Um, that’s Dr. Donovan.”
He pauses, looking down at their joined hands resting between them.
He looks up. “And who is Dr. Donovan?”
“I told you, baby. He was my doctor in the ER the night I broke my hand.” I watch as she holds her breath. I don't get why she's nervous. Sure the doc is hot, but anyone can see no one can hold a candle to her husband.
“Did you steal another employee from someone?” he asks her with a smirk as he twists the wedding rings on her finger.
She raises a brow and lifts her chin. “I might have.”
Cage walks up. “I’m just really glad it wasn’t another one of mine.”
"Oh," Sera breathes, "the hot doctor with the sexified voice."
"What the hell?" Jesse mutters and frowns, then stands and looks out the window again.
Xander looks out the window and whistles. "Yep that's him, all right."
Jesse looks at Lucy, who fidgets.
Xander snickers. "Looks like Lucy's got some 'splaining to do."
I can't help it, as much as this guy rubs me the wrong way, that shit was funny. I laugh and don't bother trying to hide it.
Jesse crosses his arms. "She sure does, doesn't she?"
"Oh get over yourself," Sera mutters and pushes Jesse to the side. "Mmm, mmm, mmm. That is one fine looking Irishman. Holy smokes! Is that his brother?"
Cage gives her a bland look but nods.
"Let me see," Meggie shouts, shoving Sera to the side. "Oh yeah, baby. He is all kinds of fine."
"Wait til you hear the voice," Sera mutters with a sigh.
"What do you mean?" Meggie asks her and Lucy snorts.
"The brogue. He's got this gorgeous lilt and… yeah. It's hot," she tells her.
Meggie bounces some more. "Bitches better get in line."
"Um, aren't you with Trace?" I ask.
She winks at me then looks over at the heavily muscled drummer. She shrugs and I swear steam comes out of his ears. She turns and winks at me again. Holy Hannah. She's playing with fire.
"Woman, do I need to remind you who you're with?" Trace asks, walking up to Meggie.
"Huh?" she asks, playing stupid.
He growls. Yep, growls. Wow. Then he bends down at his waist and lifts her into a fireman's carry before heading down the stairs of the bus.
He smacks her ass. "Woman, let me enlighten you," he says, heading for another bus.
I sit there, mouth hanging open and everyone else just smirks. Well then.
"Is, uh, this kind of thing normal around here?" I ask.
Kennedy looks up from where he's strumming. "You ain't seen nothing yet, sweets."
Holy Hannah. The next few months are going to be interesting.
The End.
Be sure to catch Ben's story in
Ballad (Rockstar #5) coming September 2015
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Huge thanks goes out to Janelle Schindler, my amazing PA. Without her I would be lost. No lie.
Many thanks to my amazing editor, Nicole Bailey. You are entirely too good to me.
To the readers- Thank you for taking a chance on me. Every day I'm thankful for you.
To the bloggers – Thank you for EVERYTHING you do… it doesn't go unnoticed by me. I appreciate you more than words can say for your selflessness.
To my street team – Janelle Schindler, Mandi Wathey, Cindy Carlson, Melissa Steps, KarriLynn Le Blanc, Dawn Stanton, Kelly Emery, Tera Chastain, Lisa Sylva, Heather Wish, and Heather Brimeyer – Without you I couldn't function. You are my helpers and my promoters and my strongest supporters. I love you guys.
To Sara Eirew – Photographer and cover designer extraordinaire – You are amazing. Thank you for putting up with my quirkiness and pickiness. Thank you, too, for keeping me happy with David pictures.
To Cassy Roop – Thank you for taking the time to squeeze in my stuff last minute and give me such beautiful documents.
To Milo Ventimiglia for always being so gracious and kind. I will never forget our meeting. You're an incredib
le person.
To M. Shadows and Avenged Sevenfold – Thank you for sharing your gifts with the world. Your music inspires and motivates me and for that I'll always be grateful because without you, there would be no Rockstar series.
Interlude – The Past – Playlist
Spotify
Bark at the Moon - Ozzy Osbourne
Burning for You - Blue Oyster Cult
Epic - Faith No More
Where The River Flows - Collective Soul
Zombie - The Cranberries
Shake Me - Cinderella
Modern Day Cowboy - Tesla
You’re In Love - Ratt
Mental Health (Bang Your Head) - Quiet Riot
Dr. Feelgood - Mötley Crüe
Still Of The Night - Whitesnake
No One Like You - Scorpions
Back In the Saddle - Aerosmith
Enter Sandman - Metallica
Angry Again - Megadeth
Walk - Pantera
Welcome To The Family - Avenged Sevenfold
Love-Hate-Sex-Pain - Godsmack
Bodies - Drowning Pool
Down With The Sickness - Disturbed
Breakdown - Seether
Superstar - Saliva
Last Resort - Papa Roach
This Means War - Avenged Sevenfold
When Worlds Collide - Powerman 5000
Rollin’ (Air Raid Vehicle) - Limp Bizkit
Rebel Yell - Dope
Thunder Kiss ’65 - White Zombie
Blue Monday - Orgy
The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson
Shock The Monkey - Coal Chamber
Boom – 2006 Remastered Version - P.O.D.
Killing In The Name - Remastered - Rage Against The Machine
Shepherd of Fire - Avenged Sevenfold
Lovelist Thing - Jaymes Reunion
Snuff - Slipknot
Through Glass - Stone Sour
Panic Switch - Silversun Pickups
Ex’s and Oh’s - Atreyu
Happy? - Mudvayne
Roswell’s Spell - Chevelle
Still Counting - Volbeat