“Um, now that sounds interesting.”
“It will be,” he said.
Olive
Hakim got to my place a little after eleven. It was about damn time because my PID was kicking in like a motherfucker. If he hadn’t gotten there soon, I was likely to be tempted to go pick up some dick.
I had calmed down a lot from the old me. That shit I was engaged in with Drayton was just ridiculous. Hit-and-run fucks would have to suffice from now on; no matter how good the dick was.
I had ordered Italian food to be delivered. It arrived cold, so I heated up the lasagna and garlic bread for Hakim while he grabbed a quick shower. Afterward, I sat on his lap at the dining room table and fed him. He just loved that shit. So did I.
I enjoyed babying him. Hakim was such a breast man that I would often sit on the couch and breast-feed him for hours. Thank goodness my breasts were not sagging but I was prepared if they ever did. One of the many benefits of being a plastic surgeon was that I knew just the person to do the honors if it ever came down to pulling my tits back up into place. The good doctor and I went to medical school together.
After dinner, Hakim and I grabbed a couple of beers and sat down in front of my gas fireplace.
“Olive, I’ve been thinking.”
“About what, baby?”
“Us.”
I lifted his hand and kissed his palm. “I think about us all the time too.”
“Do you really?”
He glared at me through the firelight.
“You look so serious. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. In fact, everything’s right. Nothing has ever felt so right. At least, not for me. I just want to make sure you feel the same way.”
“I do.”
“Say that again.”
“Say what again?” I asked.
“What you just said.”
“I do?”
“Yeah, that. Sounds like a symphony.” He reached behind his back and pulled out a black velvet box. “Care to say it again, say, nine to twelve months from now?”
I gasped. I knew the day would come but I wasn’t expecting it right that second. “What did you do, Hakim?”
“Something I should have done a long time ago.” He placed the box in my hand. “Open it. Consider it an early Christmas present.”
I opened the box to discover a four-carat solitaire set in a platinum band. “Hakim, it’s exquisite.”
“Not as exquisite as you, Olive. From the first moment I saw you, I knew that I’d marry you one day. It was always just a matter of time.”
“I’m at a loss for words.”
“Allow me to help you out.” Hakim took the ring out of the box and placed it on my ring finger. “Try saying yes.”
The ring was heavy. It must have cost a mint. I just stared at it, running all types of scenarios through my mind.
“Well? Is it a yes or a no, Olive?”
“It’s a yes!”
We tongued each other down, then got naked in the middle of the floor and made love. Hakim had never before filled me with such passion. For a brief moment, I contemplated giving up APF. After all, I was about to become a married woman. Then I thought about all the freak nights, all the fun, all the camaraderie amongst the sorors. Fuck no! APF till the day I die!
25
Mary Ann
Aunt Venus and I were finishing up two plates of the country-fried steak special at the local diner called Spoons. We’d been quiet for most of the meal. I looked out the window, taking in the scenery. People were rushing up and down the main street in town, getting the last-minute things they needed for Christmas Day. Christmas Eve is hectic, even in small towns.
“I’m glad you decided to join me for lunch today,” she finally said.
“Are you kidding? I couldn’t sleep last night after what you said to me.”
She placed her napkin on the table and folded her hands in front of her. “I imagine you couldn’t. I guess I should explain.”
“That would be nice. How did you know I was talking about APF?”
“Now that should be obvious.”
“You’re a member.”
“I’m more than that.” She eyed the older couple at the table next to us. They were lost in their own conversation. “I’m a founding member of Alpha Phi Fuckem.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Do I look like I’m kidding?”
“Aunt Venus, this is unbelievable.”
She laughed. “Why is it unbelievable? I’m a sexually vibrant woman, just like the rest of the sorors. I have needs and desires that I choose to fulfill in an unusual way.”
“So how long have you been a member?”
“Since the very beginning, like I said. I was one of the people that originally came up with the idea and the name.”
I was confused. Aunt Venus had gone from South Dakota straight to Chicago. “But you never lived in D.C. I thought it was founded in D.C.”
“It was founded there, you’re right. And I never actually lived there. One of my best friends from the University of Chicago was from there. I used to go home with her for all the holidays instead of coming back to this piece of nowhere.”
I grew anxious to know everything. “This is crazy. Why did you decide to do it? How many of you started it? Does Daddy know?”
“Slow down with the questions. Hell no, your father doesn’t know. As far as I’m concerned, he never will. That’s the whole point. APF members are the only people that know the real deal.”
Our waiter came over. I had been staring at him during the entire lunch, thinking I may have gone to high school with him, but I didn’t recognize the name on his badge. “Can I get you ladies something else?”
“Just some more iced tea, please,” Aunt Venus said.
“I’ll take some also,” I said. There’s nothing like sweetened iced tea and it was practically nonexistent in the D.C. area.
He said, “Be right back.”
After he walked away, she continued. “It was the seventies and sisters were getting wild and freaky when it came to sex. But most of them were doing it without considering the consequences. They didn’t care who knew what they were doing and were open about their promiscuity. Not us. We decided early on that we had too much to lose.”
“So you started APF?”
“Yes. It took us about a year to plan the entire thing. There were nine of us. Two of us have passed on but the remaining seven are still members. One of the founding members is a senator.”
“Get out of town!”
“I’m serious. You’ll meet her, if you become a member. I assume from the way you were talking last night that you’re undecided.”
“Yes, I am.” The waiter returned with a pitcher of tea and refreshed our glasses. I waited until he was out of earshot. “I feel guilty.”
Aunt Venus shook her head. “Guilty about what? The man you’re seeing?”
“Not really. I feel guiltier about Mommy and Daddy. What would they ever think?”
“They’ll never know.” Aunt Venus reached across the table and took my hand. “I have to say this. Unless you’re absolutely sure that this is what you want, you shouldn’t join APF. Walk away.”
I lowered my eyes to the table in shame. “Aunt Venus, since I’ve been in D.C., I’ve done some things. Things I never thought I would do in a million years. I even attended a freak night.”
“And how did it feel?”
“Different. Good.” She tightened her grip on my hand. I looked at her and grinned. “Great!”
She snickered and took a large sip of her tea. “I’m curious. How did you get mixed up with APF in the first place?”
I hesitated for a few seconds but then realized that founding members probably knew more about the sorority, including the membership, than anybody. “My resident monitor is a member. She introduced me to the head of the D.C. chapter and then the two of them asked me to join.”
“Aw, so you know Olive. Is she
still using that ridiculous Olive Cox name when she is avoiding people?”
We both giggled.
“Yes. I wasn’t buying that name from the beginning. Who in their right mind would name a child that?”
Aunt Venus let go of my hand but leaned in closer. “Olive is a wild girl but she’s also very smart. I know her well. She wouldn’t have asked you to join unless she felt you could handle it.”
I thought about what happened with Drayton and at Heaven. “Looking back at it, I realize she put me through a series of tests.”
“What kind of tests?” Aunt Venus asked. Then waved her hand and said, “Never mind. I can imagine.”
Suddenly there was a banging on the window. Clarence was standing there with fire in his eyes. “Hey, bitch!” he spewed at me. Some of his saliva hit the pane.
He stomped off down the street.
“Who on earth was that?” Aunt Venus asked.
I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling. “That would be Clarence. He’s really bitter toward me right now.”
“I can see that. He better be glad he ran away so fast or I would have gone out there and crammed my foot up his ass.”
I laughed. “Aunt Venus, you are a mess.” I spotted Clarence walking across the street at the corner. He wasn’t looking and almost got hit by a milk truck. Stupid fool. I couldn’t imagine what I’d ever seen in his sorry ass.
“Mary Ann, search your soul for the answer. I wouldn’t have done this for all these years unless I felt it was right for me. Only you can decide what’s right for you.”
“But is it fair for me to be in a relationship, possibly even a marriage, and still participate in APF?”
“We’ve all done it, baby. What a person doesn’t know can’t hurt them.” Aunt Venus finished up her tea and I took a few sips of mine. That country-fried steak had filled me up and I was afraid to drink too much more. “The fact is there are good men who are perfect in every way except for one. A lot of men simply don’t know how to treat a woman right sexually and a lot of the ones who do are seriously lacking in other departments.”
I nodded in agreement. “That’s the problem with Trevor, but you can’t tell him that he’s not the ultimate in the bedroom.”
“Then it’s up to you to make him the man you want him to be. Only if he’s worth the aggravation.”
That was a deep statement. Was Trevor worth it? I’d have to face him when I returned to D.C., and from the way he was talking it was either all or nothing. There was no in between.
“Is he?” she asked.
“Good question.” I glanced at my watch. “We better get back before people start worrying.”
“I hope this conversation has helped you.” Aunt Venus laid two twenties on the table and got up to follow me out of the restaurant. “Just promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“If you decide to join APF, let me know immediately. I’d like to attend your ceremony.”
I was stunned. “Ceremony?”
“Yes, every soror is officially inducted into APF with a ritual. It’s quite exciting too.”
“Well, I’ll be sure to let you know.”
26
Patricia
The second of January and I was still recovering from my New Year’s Eve hangover. Alejandro and I had really lived it up at the Baja Club in Baltimore. I must have had at least a dozen glasses of champagne and several gin and tonics to boot. I had a migraine that wouldn’t quit and I felt like my head was about to explode, especially when somebody started banging on my door.
“Patricia!” she screamed. “Patricia! Open up! It’s me, Mary Ann!”
“Now what are the fucking odds of me not knowing your voice!” I screamed back at her, pulling the pillow over my head.
“Patricia, I need to talk to you!”
“Shit!” I managed to get up and stumble across the floor. “What is the damn emergency?” I asked as I flung the door open.
Mary Ann was standing there in all her glory, grinning like a schoolgirl. “Aren’t you glad to see me? I just got back.”
She barged her way into the room and sat down in my desk chair.
“Um, I’ll be glad to see you tomorrow. Right now, my head is freakin’ killing me.”
“Too much to drink?” she asked.
I climbed back in the bed and put the pillow over my head, mumbling, “You’re such a genius, Mary Ann.”
“Patricia, there’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just blurt it out. I came to a decision about APF.”
Now that got my attention. “You did?” I asked, sitting straight up. “What is it?”
“I really want to tell you and Olive at the same time. You think she’s around?”
“She should be. I’m sure I can conjure her ass up.”
“Then do that.” Mary Ann got up and headed to the door. “I haven’t even unpacked yet so give me thirty minutes to get settled, grab a shower, and get dressed.”
Olive
I was at the office lining up my first twenty or so patients for the year when my receptionist told me Patricia was on the phone. I picked it up and started going off on her before she could even say hello. “Patricia, you know good and damn well this is one of my biggest days of the year. A bunch of the hoes have already been flying in here all morning, happy as shit that their men have agreed to pay for them to ‘get beautiful’ for their Christmas gifts. I bet mad pussy was exchanged this holiday season.”
“Olive, shut the hell up and listen,” she snarled.
“Girl, you better slow your roll. I may be happy but I’m not the one to talk to like that. Not today, not ever.”
“Whatever, slut! Mary Ann and I need to see you.”
“Today?”
“In a little bit.”
“But I’m busy,” I declared. “I can hook up with you all later tonight. Bet?”
“Bet nothing. Mary Ann said she made up her mind about APF, but she won’t tell me without telling you so we’re on our way over there.”
That changed things for me. I was dying to know what the country bumpkin had decided. “How soon can you be here?”
“See you within the hour.”
Patricia hung up and I sat back in my chair and grinned. “I have faith in my girl. She’s going to join.”
Like clockwork, the three of us were standing together exactly an hour later. I chose examination room four to talk because it was at the end of the hall and more private than my office.
“Well, don’t keep us in suspense any longer,” I said.
“Okay,” Mary Ann replied. “This was not an easy decision.”
“It seldom is,” Patricia said. “Alpha Phi Fuckem is a very serious matter and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly.”
Mary Ann nodded. “I agree. A very wise person schooled me on APF while I was in South Dakota.”
Patricia and I glared at each other. “South Dakota!” I exclaimed. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Calm down.” Mary Ann giggled. “I have something shocking to tell you.”
“Which is?”
“Olive, do you happen to know someone named Venus?”
It couldn’t be! “Yeah, I know a Venus. The question is how do you know her?”
“My Aunt Venus.”
“Your what?” Patricia inquired. “Let me get this straight. The Venus in question, which could only be the same Venus, is your aunt?”
“My father’s twin sister, to be exact. She was home visiting from Chicago. We had lunch on Christmas Eve and one thing led to another.”
“Who brought up APF?” I asked suspiciously.
“Does it matter?” Mary Ann replied. “All that matters is that Aunt Venus connected the dots. Then she explained the history of APF to me, what it’s really all about, and what I could realistically hope to gain from it.”
Patricia walked around the table and placed her hand on top of Mary Ann’s. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying, Mary Ann?” br />
She grinned. “Mary Ann. Who’s that? I’m Soror Ride Dick!”
Patricia hugged Mary Ann while I shook my head and said, “I knew you had it in you. It’s strange how some things come about. But, everything happens for a reason. Old Venus. Damn! I never would have seen this one coming. Are you telling me that Venus is originally a country bumpkin from South Dakota like your ass?”
Mary Ann laughed. “Amazing, isn’t it? You’d never be able to tell from the way she is now.”
“Fucking tell me about it!” I exclaimed. “Venus is one of the most sophisticated sisters I’ve ever met in my entire life.”
“Me too,” Patricia agreed.
“So, what’s next?” Mary Ann asked.
I went over to her and kissed her once on each cheek. “Next comes your official induction. Let’s pick a date.”
“Wow, I feel like I’m getting married,” Mary Ann said jokingly.
I slapped myself on the forehead. “I almost forgot. I am getting married. Hakim proposed.” I flashed my ring.
“Damn!” Patricia said. “I’m surprised we weren’t both blinded when we walked in the room.”
I giggled. “You’re fucking silly!”
“Congrats, Olive!” Mary Ann said.
Patricia embraced me. “Yes, congrats, soror! And you better have my ass in your wedding!”
“I plan to have both of you in my wedding!”
Mary Ann giggled and said, “Then that means we have two dates to pick.”
27
Mary Ann
It was time for me to lay down the law. My decision to join APF finalized some things in my mind. Mainly, I wasn’t going to just settle for anything when it came to sex. Not even with Trevor.
When we left Olive’s office, I asked Patricia to drop me off at Trevor’s house. He hadn’t gone home to Indiana for the holidays and his car was in his spot when we pulled up. I thought to myself that if FeFe or some other bitch was in there sucking his dick, I was going to have to hurt somebody.
Trevor answered the door as soon as I rang the bell. He had on a wool overcoat and gloves.