The ground sloped downwards. Shai could no longer see shadows or the rough outline of the moss-covered stones they’d been walking on. She put her left hand out and felt only cold air. The walls seemed to have fallen away. Silence descended upon her with a deafening roar. She stumbled. Remiel’s hand tightened.
“It’s okay, Shai. Just keep holding my hand. We’ll be there soon.”
“No…I can’t do this. Please!” Darkness ate her words. She couldn’t hear herself even though she’d spoken out loud.
I’m here. Remiel spoke inside her chest. She felt the warmth of his hand as he pulled her forward to take another step, but she resisted.
“No. I can’t.” She let go of his hand and was immediately plunged into a darkness so absolute it filled her mouth, nose and eyes. Pleas for help were ripped from her throat as soon as she opened her mouth. Her pleas became silent screams. The ground fell away, and she felt as though she were floating helplessly in the midst of nothing. Panic gripped her chest with icy claws, and the memory of her Hunter attack came flooding back.
“Remiel!” she screamed.
Trust me.
He was still there. Remiel was there even though she couldn’t feel him. The darkness felt stronger, the cold seeped into her bones deeper than the warmth Remiel’s hand had brought.
“What’s…happening…Rem! Where…are you?”
Suddenly a bright white light filled her vision. The darkness slowly released her and she found herself standing in a white room. The floors and walls were completely white. She turned in a slow circle. Someone stood behind her. She felt him before she saw him. Remiel’s hazy face slowly came into focus.
Just as she reached for Remiel, a firm hand gripped her shoulder and turned her back around. Another man stood directly in front of her, his bright blue eyes identical to Remiel’s. His full mouth turned up at the corners in a welcoming smile. Warmth emanated from him. He wasn’t particularly tall, but he wasn’t short either. His white hair stood out around his head like a gleaming halo. The bright light seemed to come from him. She lifted a hand to her face and glimpsed the seldom-seen face of Remiel and Aliah’s father.
“Elchai.” She breathed and dropped her eyes. One didn’t just stare at the old man. His penetrating gaze seemed to look right through her. His presence loomed. He seemed to wrap himself around her in a protective way without even touching her. If he wasn’t so kind, he’d be intimidating.
“Child, you’re safe now. Welcome home.” Elchai stepped back and Shai could see the room they were in wasn’t white at all but more of a silver. The walls seemed to ripple the way Lael looked when it rained. Shimmery and hazy at once. Like a curtain of water stood between her field of vision and the room itself. Elchai was dressed head to toe in white except for his bare feet and a heavy gold chain around his neck that disappeared into the collar of his shirt.
“This isn’t Thunder Manor.”
The old man’s laughter glinted off the walls, off the tall silver ceiling, and radiated off the floors. “Oh, but it is. It’s as I intended it to be. Before the war.”
“You repaired it? The last time I was here it wasn’t…I mean…it was old and dark and…” She shivered at the memory of being locked up and stabbing Zev with a nail so she could escape.
“No, I didn’t repair it. It’s always been this way. You just couldn’t see it. You saw it as you perceived it. Your eyes were used to darkness and sadness and loss. So when you came to Thunder Manor, that’s what you saw.”
“Were you here when Aliah kidnapped me? When he locked me up?”
Elchai nodded. “Of course. I’m always here. You just couldn’t see me.”
“But why didn’t you help me? Didn’t you see what your son did to me?”
Elchai clasped his hands in front of him. The glimmer in his eyes never left. “You never asked for my help.”
Shai crossed her arms. “If I had known you were here, I would’ve asked! But you knew I was here and you didn’t help me!”
“You’re a smart and resourceful girl, Shai. I knew you were safe. I’ve been watching over you.”
She blew an exasperated breath out just as Remiel stepped up behind her.
“Father, Shai, we don’t have much time. Kent is the only sector the Hunters haven’t touched yet.” Remiel’s voice sounded strained.
Uneasiness pushed its way back into Shai’s chest. “If Kent is the only sector left, then Conley…”
“It’s gone.”
Shai’s heart dropped to her knees. “Arlie? And Nurse?”
Remiel shook his head.
Shai swallowed the bitter taste of bile. She couldn’t imagine sweet-faced Arlie being taken by the Hunters. Her own experience with the evil wraiths had nearly killed her. Even though Kael’s little brother was a fighter, he wouldn’t have survived a Hunter attack. She remembered how he’d badly wounded Aliah in a hand-to-hand combat the night Aliah and the other Watchers had raided Conley. And Nurse: the old woman who’d so carefully tended to Shai during her short stay in Sector Three. Gone. Hunters were a Darkness so deep they penetrated every living soul they came into contact with. Hunters fed on fear and poured themselves into their host until they’d consumed it. People who were possessed no longer had control over their own bodies or minds. Hunters could easily wipe out the entire human race in a matter of months by sucking their souls from their bodies and taking them captive to Gershom. She’d heard the cries of those lost souls in Gershom when she was there.
She shivered and pushed the memories away. Instead, shame and regret twisted Shai’s insides. If she hadn’t been so busy grieving, maybe she could’ve done something.
Her mind exploded with the next thought. “What about Kael?”
“He’ll be returning to Conley soon. He already knew what could happen in his sector when he came here. He made his choice. Now he’ll go back to Ava and follow her to the Outerlands.”
“Oh no.”
Elchai spoke again. “Whether he knows it or not, Kael’s linked to our plan. Ever since he read the Book, he became tied to it. His obsession with it will ensure its protection from Ava. Kael will find the Book in the Outerlands and protect it, of that I’m sure.”
Her shoulders slumped. Of course he’d follow the Book. She’d seen how much it meant to him when she’d helped him looked for it after the raid in Conley.
Shame pinked her cheeks when she realized he’d come to her the other night to say good-bye and she’d pushed him away. She hoped she’d have another chance to talk to him before he left.
“What if…” she began, then stopped. Those two familiar words gripped Shai with pain. She used to play the “What If” game with both Elyon brothers. They’d ask her a question and her answer would expose a truth hidden in their hearts. Truths that were often too difficult for her to hear if they were to tell her, so they made up a game in which to hide truth in.
The last time she’d played the game was just before she’d watched Remiel beaten to death, hours after his brother had died. The game had forced her to look at truth plainly, to not run from it.
“What if I can’t do it? What if I get there and I can’t…kill her?”
Elchai pointed to a small cot pushed against the wall on the far side of the room. A series of wires and tubes protruded from it. “This is what I wanted to explain to you. This machine will put you into a deep sleep in order to prepare you for the Outerlands.”
Shai’s hands went clammy. “So, those tubes…you stick them into me?”
Elchai smiled a slow smile that resembled his son’s. “The wires connect to your brain. They collect and store all your memories during the first part of the procedure.”
Shai tore her eyes away from the horrifying tangle of wires surrounding the small bed and looked at the old man. “And then what?”
“The second part of the procedure will be when you receive a new identity. A new name and a new past.” Remiel’s voice sounded rough. Hesitant.
Shai looked
from Remiel to Elchai. “I won’t be me anymore?”
Elchai scratched his head. “You’ll still be you, but a new you.”
“So I’ll wake up and won’t remember anything?”
“You’ll remember a whole new life. You’ll remember having a mother, a father and friends. Everything.”
“But none of it will be real.” Shai bit her lower lip and glanced again at the menacing contraption. “Will I remember Aliah?”
Elchai glanced at Remiel before answering. Shai felt Remiel stiffen beside her, but he said nothing.
“No. It’s better that way. He likely won’t remember you either.”
Shai rubbed her arms briskly. “So, I find Ava. Kill her. Then what? What about Samael?”
Remiel’s face was somber. “He’s not the focus at the moment.”
“Will you help us?” The question came from Elchai.
Shai didn’t answer for a few moments. The room became thick with expectancy. “If I don’t?”
Remiel spoke first. “Lael will be gone.”
“Lael? But I thought you were trying to protect the Division.”
Elchai rubbed his chin. The long sleeves of his tunic slipped down his arm, revealing surprisingly muscular arms for such an old man.
“The Division is…expendable. Its only purpose was to form a wall of protection around Lael. Lael’s children are the last of the human race. Shai, you were assigned to protect them.”
“What do you mean?”
“Shai, my father created you to protect humanity. You grew up like a normal child in the Old World. When you got older, you were to learn your true identity. Then you’d enter into a time of training. But Samael changed that when he nearly succeeded in turning people against Elchai during the War Between Worlds. Humanity was almost wiped out, and my father had to start again in order to protect the last of the human race. He created a new world after the Old World was destroyed.”
A jolt of anger rushed through Shai, making her knees weak. “What new world did you create?”
Elchai reached a hand out to her. “The Division of Edan. I hid Lael in the middle of it and put you there. You’re the protector of humanity. The guardian of Lael.”
Shai choked back a sob. Suddenly being in that tiny room was too much. She whirled around and looked Remiel in the eye. “But how can I be…what you say…when I remember living in the Old World. I had a life! A real one! With a mother, Eliana; a grandfather with blue eyes; and a father—”
“LiShai—” Elchai began, but Shai whirled around, her face hot.
“Don’t call me that! You have no right to call me that! Why can’t I just be like everyone else? I didn’t ask for this!”
Elchai reached for her, and the look on his face, the sadness and pain, hit her.
“You…you’re…” She hiccupped. “I know you! I remember!” A chill swept through her, bringing the burn of bile to the back of her throat. “You’re him! You tricked me! I called you Daddy. We used to walk in the garden. You taught me about planting seeds.” She wiped her face on her sleeve. “You’re not really my father, are you?”
The old man’s weathered face wore a look of grief, his blue eyes filled with the strength of his emotion she’d seen a thousand times in her memories of the Old World.
Suddenly it all came back to her. “I remember the fires. I remember now what you said to me when you took me to Lael. When we got there, you let go of my hand. I was crying, begging you not to leave me. You said you had to. That we were going to start over. You told me everyone had turned evil. That they belonged to Samael now, and you were going to start over with Lael. You told me the fire meant we could start over.” She was crying so hard Remiel and Elchai blurred together. She felt Remiel reaching for her and Elchai’s pain at her learning the truth.
“Did you…did you start the fire?” Her eyes searched Elchai’s. “Did you?”
Elchai cupped his chest with both hands, like his heart would break and bleed all over the floor. “Yes.”
She took a step back from both men. “You killed them! You killed everybody! You monster! Murderer!”
The room stilled. Silence so tangible she could taste it. Bitter. Metallic. It tasted like blood. Death.
“I had to, LiShai. I did it to save the innocent ones. The children. I created you to protect them. To grow up with them. You need to understand.” His eyes were sad. Part of her was glad he was in pain.
“Then when Samael sought revenge on me, he planned to kill my sons. Lael seemed the perfect place to hide them in. They became your best friends. The three of you were inseparable. I named the three of you the Coalition. Everything was going according to plan. A long time ago I wrote the Book. About your fate and the fate of the world. How you and the Coalition would protect humanity’s innocence.”
“But you never expected me to fall in love, did you? I loved both your sons and it nearly destroyed everything! Aliah was jealous and he tried to kill his brother. And Remiel…” She couldn’t look at him. “Remiel gave his life as part of the deal to destroy the pendants’ curse caused by Aliah’s guilt. And you’re telling me you not only knew about all of it, but you’d written it in the Book too? You knew it, yet you still let it all happen?” She was shouting now, and she didn’t care.
No one answered. She was aware of Remiel’s eyes on her.
“What about Eliana? Is she not my mother?” she demanded.
“Not in the way you mean.” Elchai seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “But she’s cared for you since the beginning. She loves you.”
Since her beginning. Not since birth. Miya swallowed her anger. She couldn’t allow it to control her. She had too many questions she needed answers to.
“What about Mara? Is she really Remiel and Aliah’s mother?”
Elchai nodded and pain coursed through her again. She was a guardian. A nonhuman. A foreigner.
“I can’t do this.” She licked dry lips and turned her head away, but Remiel cupped her chin in his hand, forcing her to look up at him.
“You may not have flesh and blood parents like everyone else, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t loved. You’re valuable, Shai. You were created for a purpose. That has to mean something to you. I hope it means something to you.” He released her chin, but kept his eyes on hers.
Both Remiel’s and his father’s eyes were on Shai.
“You were made for this. You’ve always been part of my plan. But I won’t force you to do anything. The choice is yours,” Elchai told her.
CHAPTER 37
Shai
She looked hard at the man she’d called Daddy as a little girl. His blue eyes were soft and full of compassion. Remiel was right. Elchai loved her. She couldn’t deny that.
She bit her lip. “I’ll do it. On one condition.”
Elchai raised his eyebrows like he’d already anticipated her saying that.
“Tell me why you created a medical facility in the Outerlands. Are you planning on starting over again? Are you going to burn the Division like you did the Old World?” The words fell from her lips like lead stones and hung in the air.
Elchai shook his head. “No. I never intended on starting over again. I built the Outerlands as a safe house. A place for Lael to hide from Samael. If Samael wants the Division, let him have it. But he can’t touch the children. He won’t destroy the innocence of humanity again. The Camp in the Outerlands will preserve Lael forever.”
“Forever,” she whispered. It seemed Elchai’s only interest was in preserving a perfect human race. “And you both planned on me going there, didn’t you?” She indicated the bed and the contraption.
Elchai pursed his lips but said nothing. Remiel looked away.
“Rem? Answer me.”
When he finally spoke, his voice was soft. “Yes, of course we hoped you’d agree to go.”
She sucked in a breath so deep it hurt her lungs. “You weren’t just going to force me?”
Elchai sighed. “No, child. I wou
ld never force you to do anything you didn’t want to. In spite of what you may think of me, I’m not a monster. Or a puppet master.”
“Where will you be?” She looked at Remiel.
“We’ll both be here. Watching you.”
“Watching over me as I watch over Lael,” she mumbled.
Remiel’s eyes glistened. “Does this mean you’re going?”
She walked over to Elchai. “Maybe it’s true, you did love me. But I see now that you’ve always loved Lael more. You created me to protect what’s most important to you. I can’t say I understand, but I’ll go. For Lael.”
“Thank you.” Elchai’s voice was soft.
Remiel nodded and took Shai’s hands in his. “You’re sure you’re okay with this?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” She put her hand on his chest where she knew his mark was. She remembered when Kael had pointed out the difference between a brand and a mark. The pale scar of three interlocking circles she shared with the Elyon brothers was a brand. Made by a hot iron that Elchai had used when they were too little to remember. The difference between a mark and brand hadn’t mattered until now, in this moment, when she realized the scar on her chest proved she belonged somewhere. She belonged with Remiel and Elchai, just like she’d once belonged with Aliah.
Remiel’s heart pounded its strength into her palm. He placed his hand over hers. His fingers were warm, firm and reassuring.
“Just one last thing before we do this. If Ava used her key at any time, there’s a chance she and Kael aren’t the only ones there. You’ll need to be on the lookout for any Hunters who snuck through the portal with her.”
“Great,” she mumbled, then thought of something. “Is there a chance I’ll start remembering my old life while I’m there?” She looked directly at Elchai.
He smiled. “There’s always a risk associated with anything worth doing. But that risk is minimal. The memory wipe will be complete once we’ve gathered all your memories. Then your new identity will be inserted. When you wake up, you won’t know any of this has happened.”
She nodded. “Right. And how will I know what to do? I mean…once I wake up, how will I know—”
“Your subconscious will know. Don’t worry, the plan will be hardwired into your brain.”
“And, Shai?” Remiel touched her cheek. “You’ll have a failsafe. If you’re in danger, for any reason, you’ll be able to get out.”